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December 16, 2004

Sex, Porn, & Misogyny, Anyone?

Well I'm sick to death of politics so I suppose it was inevitable. But I can't say I'm too happy about it...

There I was, reading Robert Prather, just minding my own business when suddenly I was sucked into a Vortex of Sex, Porn, and Misogyny, much like the dreaded Vortex of Crap found by The Unit on his travels through the hallowed halls of the Pentagon.

Once I recovered from my shock at the depths to which my former blogging idol had sunk, it was hard to know where to start. I decided to take the proffered linkage in order:

Without knowing Steve better, it's hard to know how many of his observations were serious. If they were in earnest, I have a few comments:

1. He needs to work on his taste in women. All women are not alike - like men, we represent a broad spectrum of personality types and moral codes. Generalizations are fine if you're kidding, but serious people don't take them... well, seriously.

2. Don't ever lend money to friends or relatives unless you're willing to kiss it goodbye. Any assumption, other than that you'll never see the money again, will ultimately ruin the relationship. Never confuse business with pleasure.

I used to work for a bank. Complaining about having co-signed a loan is as common as dirt, and about as intelligent. YOU COMMITTED TO PAY ON DEFAULT WHEN YOU SIGNED ON THE DOTTED LINE: HENCE THE TERM "GUARANTOR". The lamentable fact that your co-signor is no longer providing sexual services is (I think we can all agree) of little concern to the bank. You made a bad deal - learn from it and move on.

3. Women forgive men for innumerable things: otherwise there would be no children. We just don't let you forget :) There's a difference.

4. I enjoy sex far more (and far more often) now that I'm married, and I've been married 25 years. As far as I'm concerned, there aren't enough hours in the day. See item #1.

5. There is nothing I hate more in life than being told what to do. Ask my husband - you'll get an earful. Or my parents: my first complete sentence was "I can do it myself".

6. I have never understood the male need to give women stuff - it's nice, but I don't need it, expect it, or want it. But inasmuch as it's a visible sign that my husband is thinking of me, I welcome it. But frankly, a kiss or a hug (or even something more, shall we say, interesting) is just as nice.

7. Men always think women are blaming them because they're far more sensitive and vulnerable than they let on. Most guys want their woman to think they're ten feet tall and get hurt if they suspect she is thinking critical thoughts about them. Women are often puzzled by male behavior - what you see as critical is often just us trying to figure out something you did that hurt us (and being hurtful in response). News flash: we're not perfect either.

8. Ironically, I agree with his #9 and 10: most women I've known have a greater need for intimacy than men, and I've known women to get themselves pregnant, although not always intentionally and not to the degree he implies.

I actually didn't have much of a problem with this post. In general, I can't say that I know too many women who are into porn. I do disagree with his contention that women don't like (or think about) sex much, but even there I suspect I'm somewhat atypical, based on a lifetime of conversations with female friends.

FWIW, I don't much care for porn. At best, anything other than very softcore pornography leaves me cold, at worst I either find it comical, or it profoundly depresses me and turns me off. I don't want or need it, but I certainly don't have time to worry whether other people are looking at it - it's none of my business. That's why we have bedroom doors. End of discussion.

Michele, well... reacts :D

And just a thought for all the guys out there who think women don't like sex anymore after marriage.

I hate to be ugly, but take a long, hard look in the mirror.

Sex is a team sport. And unlike men, most women have to feel emotionally right about you in order to enjoy it. If she's angry or resentful, that will kill off any desire she might feel. Take care of the relationship, and then be a careful and considerate lover, and you'll probably have more attention than you can handle.

Time is more important than gifts, words and little gestures are tremendously important to many women. If you keep the pilot light lit, most women will churn out all the heat any man could ever want.

You might even find yourself begging for mercy.

Posted by Cassandra at December 16, 2004 09:30 AM

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What am I doing here?

If I haven't learned anything else reading the Bible, and I haven't, it is that women can make men do anything.

Posted by: KJ at December 16, 2004 11:46 AM

The reason men might think women don't forgive for anything is because we are well aware they don't forget because old transgressions always get brought up everytime there is a fight.

Of course me and the lovely bride really don't fight, I learned a lot about being a good husband the first time around.

Someone let me know when this thread degenerates into snark, I don't want to be the one to start it (I don't want to get spanked again) but I will certainly Pile On.

I also expect with the title of this post to see the site meter start spinning like the national debt thingamajigger in Times Square.

Posted by: Pile On® at December 16, 2004 11:57 AM

snark away Pile - I fully expect it :)

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 12:01 PM

Adam eating the forbidden fruit, the Song of Solomon, the dance of Salome...the list goes on and on of everything we women just manipulate men into doing.

Cass, I have decided to get into the intimate edible stuff. I have a can of sweetened condensed milk ready to send to you at a moment's notice.

Posted by: Cricket at December 16, 2004 12:02 PM

Oh, and nice job on Steve the Sensitive Misongynist.

I usually stay away from the guy/gal conflict, because, well, I like fraternizing with dh.


Other than that, he garuanteed the loan, cough up.
Doesn't he have a lung or blood?

The rest of his screed had me banging my head against the wall.

Posted by: Cricket at December 16, 2004 12:09 PM

Well, I for one am all for it!
Sex that is. The rest of it sounds like people need to think about sex more and other stuff less.
Thank you.

Posted by: spd rdr at December 16, 2004 12:26 PM

I've had sex four times in my life and I'm paying severely for it! Two times I was even allowed to participate! :-o

Posted by: JarheadDad at December 16, 2004 12:33 PM

I have a can of sweetened condensed milk ready to send to you at a moment's notice.

Arrrggh! [running away, screaming...]

Cricket, you wicked wench....

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 12:49 PM

As the Unit would say, I've just been mind-f**ked.

I feel so violated.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 12:50 PM

But have you ever been mind-f**ked with ice cream. If you haven't, I heartily recommend it.

Posted by: Masked Menace© at December 16, 2004 12:55 PM

No, but now I'm laughing helplessly...

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 12:58 PM

anything...ANYTHING...as long as it's not sweetened, condensed MILK.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 12:59 PM

Two times I was even allowed to participate!

Now c'mon JHD. I've seen your Missus. Are you telling me that sweet little thing tied you UP? What a BRUTE! Who knew? :)

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 01:01 PM

Well, I am trying out some ganache type body paint.
My flavors so far are Chambord, Amaretto, Grand Marnier, Creme de Menthe and Kahlua. (sp)

Bittersweet and semi sweet chocolate with a hint of milk chocolate.

Then there is mango butter.

Whaddya all think? (grinning madly). I will share recipes.

Posted by: Cricket at December 16, 2004 01:42 PM

Ixnay on the mango butter.

The Creme de Menthe and Kahlua might be fun, possibly the Chambord if it's tart and not too sweet.

By the way gentlemen, if you're looking for a nice last-minute stocking stuffer for your lady, The Body Shop makes this stuff called Body Butter.

It's essentially just scented shea butter (a moisturizer) that comes in a tin. They have a million scents - a lot of them are too fruity for me.

But it is the best moisturizer I've even tried.

You put it on in the morning and it lasts all day - it makes your skin feel just like satin. I don't like moisturizers because they can feel greasy, but this is just lovely. Scent is an individual thing, but I liked the Olive - it sounds disgusting, but you're not reading the label. It's kind of a light fresh herbal scent, which is what I like anyway. Not overpowering, but just kind of natural, like being outdoors.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 01:59 PM

Mango? MANGO?

You have your choice of booze and you go for mango? I can understand chocolate over booze, but fruit?

Just like a woman, taking something fun and trying to make it healthy. Like fat free cheesecake, it's just wrong, wrong I tell you. :-)

Posted by: Masked Menace© at December 16, 2004 02:01 PM

Go ahead and share the recipes Cricket.

I'd like to see the look on someone's face :)

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 02:01 PM

I could see it if it were FRESH fruit, Menace.

Have you no imagination?

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 02:02 PM

Ice cream, indeed...

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 02:03 PM

Well, the ganache is really for truffles, but it would work for other things.

However, the basic recipe is something I will share and you add the cocktail sized bottle flaveur of choice, as it measures out to exactly 1/4 of a cup.

I have to get it so it is thick enough to spread without being runny.

Since I was a bartender in a long ago former life,
I am aware of liquers being as good a flavoring as what you get in the store, with the added advantage of the alcohol evaporating if you don't use it and just leaving the flavor.

However, since I don't drink, I get to use grenadine syrup. It really does make a difference in the sweetness level, but chambord is the lovely black raspberry flavor that puts grenadine in the hall of shame.

So, I will list the best flavors to go with chocolate and you can have fun. heh.

Posted by: Cricket at December 16, 2004 02:15 PM

The thread degerenates.

I'll leave it up to you to determine if the last word in the preceding sentence is a noun or a verb.

Posted by: KJ at December 16, 2004 02:19 PM

I would think you men would be happy that the little women are talking about cooking.

Isn't that what you guys always want us to do anyway? We're just trying to live up to expectations.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 02:27 PM

Next topic: tying a a crewel knot that will really hold.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 02:28 PM

How do you get a man in the mood?

1) Show up naked
2) Bring food

If you can incorporate the two...WOOHOO.

Posted by: Masked Menace© at December 16, 2004 02:31 PM

Menace, based on many years of experience (27 with the same man), most of your requirements are, strictly speaking, unnecessary.

Let me suggest the following streamlined method:

How do you get a man in the mood?

1) Show up

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 02:36 PM

Actually, the man is already in the mood. He is just limited to less desireable options until the female shows up.

Posted by: KJ at December 16, 2004 03:11 PM

Notice how Cassandra threw in the gratuitous "indeed".

Yes, she is headed for blog greatness.

Posted by: Pile On® at December 16, 2004 03:42 PM

What... are you already paying me back for my snarky comment at the Institute?

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 03:43 PM

This whole thread needs a place in the comment thread hall of fame. I can't decide whether it's funniest how quickly foodstuffs got incorporated into the discussion or--no, the whole thing is hilarious. I'm in tears, but in a good way.

On the post itself, #6 gets a big "hear, hear" from me. I think it was in, uh, that book no woman is supposed to admit to reading, The Rules, that they point out that women should appreciate gifts for what they are: Signs of respect and consideration. So I've never understood why the monetary value should factor into them. I'm just as thrilled with a cheap rose picked up on impulse from 7-11 as I am with jewelry--more, really, because I'm a space cadet and I will worry that I will lose the jewelry. At least there's no real harm I can do the rose.

It's such a cliche, but it really is the thought that counts.

Not that I've never had friends who were gold-diggers. They certainly exist. But as you said, Cassandra, there are all types of women. Most of my guy friends who've been victimized by gold-diggers . . . I don't want to say they deserved it, because no one deserves that, but there sure was no shortage of friends lining up to warn them off the woman, male and female friends, self included. They just didn't listen until it was too late.

Great posts. Great comments. Love it, love it, love it.

Posted by: Ilyka [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 16, 2004 03:45 PM

No Cass, that would be beneath me. I think you just jumped to conclusions, I had a perfectly good reason to post that picture and it didn't have anything to do with whoever the woman in the picture is.

Posted by: Pile On® at December 16, 2004 03:52 PM

Ah, we're into flavoring now! Oh goodie!!!

I like watermelon myself! ;-)

Not into that bondage stuff Cass. That little powerhouse I married would kill me. Just for fun! ;-)

I'm more of a deserted beach in the Tropics kinda' guy myself. Nothing like dropping a hook and going for a little swim onto a pristine beach with Lady Love. With no one within a hundred nautical miles! Schweet! :-)

I know where ALL of them are too!

Top it all off with a little wine after a delightful supper of whatever was caught during the day to get the blood flowing. Snuggled up on a foredeck watching the Southern Cross rise on the horizon. Man! I get, er..., chills just thinkin' about it!

Ever wonder why the kids are all 18 months apart? heh! :-o

Posted by: JarheadDad at December 16, 2004 03:55 PM

Looks like I missed lunch!

Posted by: spd rdr at December 16, 2004 04:05 PM

Pile, you lie... :)

JHD, I was just messing with ya. Skinny dipping... boy does that bring back memories... I miss our pool in Yucca Valley. There is nothing like slipping out of your bedroom on a hot summer night and going for a swim under the stars.

Sheer heaven.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 04:12 PM

Yes but it is okay to lie and make things up if you are trying to be humorous.

As far as mixing food with pleasure goes, nothing beats pork rinds and tobasco sauce.

Posted by: Pile On® at December 16, 2004 04:18 PM

Ilyka: I'm exactly the same way with jewelry. I actually prefer costume jewelry because I'm like a big kid - not always as careful as I should be with things and hate having to worry about them.

The spousal unit recently returned from the ME laden with all kinds of presents - among which was a lovely set of Mallorca pearls, which he delivered with a half-apologetic "they're only Mallorca - they're not real.

I smacked him. I have always wanted pearls, but the kind I like cost a mint - he's offered to buy them for me before, but it's not worth it to me.

I was thrilled to death - and more than a little concerned at why he thought he had to bring me all this stuff. But men and women are different (thank God) and I love them, and if he enjoys buying things for me, then so be it. I try not to overthink life, so I just tried to show my appreciation. I like it just as much when he comes home from work with a bottle of wine or a handful of carnations. Just knowing he thought of me is what turns me on.

On the gold-digger thing, some women go after guys for their money, but that's just the flip side of guys who marry a woman because she has big boobs and a perfect face and he likes to show her off.

The down side is a lot of women like that work so hard on the exterior that they never develop their personality, so you get a scheming harridan who withholds sex to get what she wants - she's just trading on what he married her for. And she might as well - it's not going to last forever, sad to say. A lot of those guys start cheating as soon as the bloom's off the rose and all they have left is his money. That's the trade they made. I've seen guys fall for that kind of woman over and over again and get divorced over and over again.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 04:18 PM

In any serious sense, the problem in the gender war is that there is so much misinformation or well intentioned bad information out there.

Given my very large and statistically valid sample of 1 male :-), I don't think men by and large feel a "need" to buy women things. They feel like they are expected to. But a lot of women don't really care for gifts, they value those things that gifts represent instead: time, thoughtfullness, consideration, etc. But Kay jewlers has an interest in making it seem that the gifts themselves are important.

Since guys tend to be physical-centric beings we see the gift given and the woman respond in a positive manner, we see gift = positive response, not thoughtfullness = positive response. We then tell our male friends, "If you want to make a girl happy, buy her stuff". It's wrong but it's well intentioned.

There are differences between the sexes. Whether it is nature or nuture I have no idea, and is probably irrelevent. Women tend (but not all) to be emotionally centered while men tend (but not all) to be physically centered. We each need to learn more than a little about how the other prefers to be loved. We men need to do better about "keeping the pilot light lit" as Cass put it, and women need to learn that being jumped as soon as you walk through the door isn't such a bad thing. Waiting for the other one to go first isn't helping anyone.

When we bother to take the time to find out how the other prefers to give and receive love it makes relationships a lot easier.

Which reminds me, I need to call the LG.

Posted by: Masked Menace© at December 16, 2004 05:29 PM

Menace, you are a very wise man...

Years ago I learned that if you tell the man in your life that you don't mind in the least giving him a no-guilt quickie when he wants one, he is more than happy to reciprocate by paying lots of attention to you.

I don't think every single encounter has to be a barn burner, 20-hour marathon - in fact I rather enjoy variety. Besides, if you're together more often, you can't help but come out ahead in the end.

On the gift thing, I think there may be two things going on. One may well be that men are trying to substitute a gift for attention. But the other (I think) is that he may well take pleasure in his ability to provide for his mate, which I think is rather sweet.

The unit knows (because I tell him constantly) that I don't expect gifts. I can't think of a single time I've ever asked him for anything in 25 years. But he says he likes to shop for me. He likes to watch me open presents - he's like a big kid.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 05:46 PM

Well, this thread didn't turn out like I thought it would. Thank goodness we can have a meaningful discussion about relationships without being overrun by snarking oinkers.


Posted by: Pile On® at December 16, 2004 06:01 PM

Well darn Pile... if I'd know you wanted that, I'd have posted pictures.

Oh! But I'm sure if you google, you could probably find a blog with some eye candy somewhere and a few congenial oinkers :)

If you're fair, you'll recall I gave you carte blanche to snark away at... oh... 1 minute after noon today. You've had 6 hours and 8 minutes. I've heard there are medications that can help you if your having a problem maintaining your snark...

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 06:10 PM

Besides, Cricket and I started talking about sex right away and all we heard from you guys was ...

**crickets chirping **

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 06:11 PM

First, I like pictures, they add visual interest that can't be accomplished with text alone, and this post is screaming for a picture.

Second, I think you misunderstood my last statement and you misunderestimate my sensitive side.

Third, thanks for the tip, but my snark is rock hard.

Posted by: Pile On® at December 16, 2004 06:19 PM

What kind of picture would you like to see, Mr. On?

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 06:23 PM

Thats a good question Cass. Let me start by saying, I think the reason I didn't come up with any snark about this is because all the links were from angry men who have issues with women. I have issues but not with women. You see I have learned how to get along with women, and I love women, in all their sizes and shapes.

So since the post is about men ranting about women I think a picture of a man in a wife beater t-shirt would have been appropriate.

And also a picture of a porn star.

Posted by: Pile On® at December 16, 2004 06:29 PM

There can be giving without love, but there can be no love without giving.

Love ultimately is about giving, whether it's giving trinkets, time, or a hug, everyone enjoys giving to someone we love. And as you said, even Marines turn into little kids for the right person

Posted by: Masked Menace© at December 16, 2004 06:30 PM

But I don't know any porn stars Pile. Male or female (I don't even know why I'm asking that question).

I don't think I've seen too many good-looking porn stars, by the way. Although my experience is hardly extensive.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 06:31 PM

I go off and write something sentimental, and you guys go off and talk about pr0n. Why the helk wasn't I informed? :-)

Posted by: Masked Menace© at December 16, 2004 06:36 PM

Female of course, the men are hairy ogres, and you don't have to know them, (I didn't expect you had any photos on you digital camera) just do a google image search. :)

Posted by: Pile On® at December 16, 2004 06:36 PM

I think I just got lucky, way beyond what I deserve, Menace. The man's nuts.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 06:38 PM

Shouldn't be too hard to find. After all, pr0n was the only reason for geeks to create the internet in the first place.

Posted by: Masked Menace© at December 16, 2004 06:38 PM

You know darn good and well I'm not putting female porn stars on my blog, Pile. I don't need to listen to you all drool all over your keyboards... I'm out of Pepto-Bismol and the thought is enough to make me want to finish off that bottle of Kahlua in the bar.

Anyway, you all get enough of that sort of thing at the Institute - I feel no duty to pander to it here. I don't put up photos for the female oinkage.

Sorry, no sale. Google up your own private party and oink away at your leisure. I'll be in the bar.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 06:43 PM

...pr0n was the only reason for geeks to create the internet in the first place.

[THUD!] Blog Princess suddenly realizes she has missed the entire point and kills herself...

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 06:46 PM

HEY!! I only post pictures that are tasteful, timely and topical. And I worked hard to figure out a way to include a picture of Mel Gibson for the female readership. I will never put up a picture of a pr0n star, unless it is newsworthy and tasteful.

BTW, I have gotten a few hits from people doing searches for Hilary Swank posing for Calvin Klein. Sickos.

Posted by: Pile On® at December 16, 2004 07:00 PM

Well, The Unit liked the picture of Ms. Swank, even if some of your readers were less than impressed with her. He said it reminded him of a young girl he dated in high school. I don't know who he was talking about.

The picture of Mel Gibson had an awful lot of superfluous clothing on, compared to the pictures you post for the male readership, Mr. On.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 07:11 PM

There weren't a lot of scantily clad Mel Gibson photos out there Cass, and I don't know how appropriate it would have been since it was in reference to his movie The Passion of the Christ.

But I will keep your concerns in mind with future posts.

Posted by: Pile On® at December 16, 2004 07:31 PM

Looks like it was good I stayed away from this post while at work. After some of this discussion I had to find this quote.

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal

Posted by: Rodney Dill at December 16, 2004 07:48 PM

Mrs Raider and I have a very unique system.

We Ask, We Tell.

No hints, no nuances, no suggestions.

It's worked for 25 years come january 26.

Posted by: Purple Raider at December 16, 2004 08:04 PM

Mr. On, I did not say I wanted - or needed t see - fewer clothes on Mr. Gibson. I just noted the rather startling clothing disparity. It is December and I have yet to see a seasonally-attired female.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 08:06 PM

The gift thing; I've got a theory about the gift thing.
Men work all day (or night or whatever) to make ends meet, earn a living, sustain their ego, WHATEVER.
But, to symbolize the time they spend away from their mates, they exchange the coin earned at work with a trophy (jewelry), which is as much about the man bestowing a symbol on his mate as about honoring his mate with something of beauty.
I know, whenever I travel a long way from home, I always feel I have to compensate for my absence with some significant gift.
My wife, wiser than I, sees through all this and repeatedly tells me I don't HAVE to do this and it's not expected.
So there.
This prOn star thing though, don't understand that at all :).

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at December 16, 2004 08:24 PM

Heck, I still haven't figured out what the helk a pr0n star is supposed to be... I just hope I never meet one in a dark alley.

Don, that's very similar to my theory :) That's why I get a bit worried sometimes when the Unit comes through the door laden with trinkets. I think also since I work (frankly) and I'm making a very nice salary now, when he comes home and showers me with little presents it's more like it used to be when I was a homemaker.

And I'm totally OK with that. We wouldn't have 9/10 of what we have today if it weren't for him. I contributed too, because I managed what he made intelligently and it went much farther than it would have if I hadn't made a lot of the choices I did. But I had to have something to manage in the first place - and he is the one who provided that.

I'm proud of him and what he has achieved. And to be fair, now that I'm earning good money, he's proud of me, too.

But I know there's a part of him that would like to go back to the way things used to be sometimes. It's been a BIG adjustment for him, and it hasn't been easy, and I give him a lot of credit for being flexible enough to change.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2004 09:04 PM

I am very sorry to have missed this thread all day. I was in endless budget meetings from which there was no escape. Damn.

Posted by: Jack at December 16, 2004 10:48 PM

Jack, if you can explain the mystery of the prOn star, you can justify your absence.
Even the esteemed John Locke chair of the Ebb and Flow Institute is unable to comedically put this one in the right frame of reference. The Menace had stumped us all, temporarily at least.

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at December 16, 2004 11:22 PM

Some things aren't meant to be understood, they just is.

Posted by: Pile On® at December 17, 2004 07:56 AM

Don, one word.


Now go google.

Posted by: purple raider at December 17, 2004 08:49 AM

Purple, you're living in the past :)

We all know about PORN stars, we just want to know about prOn stars (?) and what it all means.

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at December 17, 2004 09:22 AM

Porn = Pr0n

It's part of the l33t 5p34k (elite speak) of script kiddies and crackers (degenerates of the hacker/computer world). It started as shorthand in text messages but evolved into a badge of honor for basement dwellers and a term of derision for everyone else.

Pr0n is an unintentional misspelling that caught on and stayed.

Posted by: |\/|∆§|<€Ð |\/|€|\|∆©€ at December 17, 2004 10:01 AM

You know, I have to admit something that Pile said as being basically chivalrous, which is nearly a lost virtue. He loves women. And I know exactly what he meant by that. It was such a nuanced post.

My dh is an excellent provider as well, and I am just so blessed because he is truly a wonderful man.
We have been married nearly 20 years and he STILL gets me all googly eyed and weak in the knees.
I like it.

Recipe will be posted later on tonight. It truly is a truffle recipe, and well, you will see.

Posted by: Cricket at December 17, 2004 10:40 AM

It is gratifying that I am not misunderstood by everyone.

Posted by: Pile On® at December 17, 2004 10:55 AM

...term of derision from everyone else.

Posted by: Masked Menace© at December 17, 2004 11:11 AM

It is gratifying that I am not misunderstood by everyone....


Posted by: Cassandra at December 17, 2004 11:38 AM

Are you mocking me?

Posted by: Pile On® at December 17, 2004 12:26 PM


Mocking vous???

Perish the thought, Mr. On....

And I think I understand you very well, by the way :)

Posted by: Cassandra at December 17, 2004 12:35 PM

Dang, what a comment thread!

Well, I'm single, always have been, probably always will be. I love jewelery -- rings and watches -- so I save my pennies and buy them myself. When I was a little girl, I wanted a sapphire engagment ring. Not sure why, but I did. So last year, I got myself the ring, because I'm firmly set in reality :)

I work mostly with men, and they all seem to genuinely love giving their wives nice things. It makes them happy, and they put a lot of thought into their choices. It's very sweet actually. Hey, I may be an old spinster, but I can still be sappy when called for.

Posted by: Ith at December 17, 2004 12:57 PM

I think there's a lot to be said for both being single and being married, Ith.

I love being married, but I've often thought that if anything happened to my husband, I probably wouldn't marry again. Not because I'm not very happy, but just because I'm independent and don't know if I could make all those adjustments again or not.

Of course I say that now, but then I don't think I've ever not had a steady relationship in my life since I was about 13 or 14. But I've also spent a lot of time alone, so it's not as though I don't know what that's like :)

Posted by: Cassandra at December 17, 2004 01:03 PM

When I was younger, I never dreamed I'd be single. I always assumed I'd get married and have children. I guess fate had other plans.

Such is life :)

Posted by: Ith at December 17, 2004 02:33 PM

Duh. prOn = porn.

Feeling dumb isn't just a sometimes thing, it's a way of life for me.

To your last point, Cass (and Ith), my mother spent the first third of her life growing up and working, the second third being married, and the last third, widowed (she's +80 yrs old now). I don't think she ever thought about re-marrying, but she is very independent and still very busy living her life, to this day.
I think that the middle-third was the happiest part of her life (not that she is a miserable person now or before), but being alone is hard in ways that people that are mated just don't always understand.
As the years of marriage wear on, it's not just the sex and pleasure, but it's the quiet joy and constancy of the lasting companionship that fills your heart (or makes you crazy! you choose!). Eroticism can rouse the embers of vitality and life, but alone it is not enough to sustain the spirit.

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at December 17, 2004 02:55 PM

Don, you hit it exactly as to why I would never remarry if anything happened to dh.

It isn't the adjustments, it is the level of intimacy that goes beyond conjugal bliss.
We have a history, and it is a good one. And, while I know I could be happy again with someone else he is my soul mate, and I wouldn't want someone to think he suffered by comparison just because he is different!

Men are lovely and one of the nicest of God's creations.

Posted by: Cricket at December 17, 2004 05:53 PM

Sorry about posting this late:

Truffle ganache recipe:

1 cup of whipping cream
12 ounces of bittersweet chocolate very finely chopped (Ghirardelli has a decent chocolate, if you don't have french or belgian chocolate)
5 tablespoons unsalted butter room temperature
1/4 cup liquid (coffe, liquer, syrup)

Scald cream. If using syrup like grenadine or other fruity type syrup, scald together.

Remove from heat and add finely chopped chocolate.
Stir it in quickly until completely melted.

Cool five minutes and add butter and liquid if NOT using syrup. (Liquer or coffee)

At this point, you can make honest to gosh truffles by refrigerating the ganache for one hour and forming them, then returning them to the freezer to firm up befor dipping in the covering of your choice, or you can add a bit MORE cream (like 1/4 cup) for something more like a sauce.

Have fun.


Recipe from Pamella Z Asquith's "Truffles and Other Chocolate Confections" The addition of the extra cream is my own.

Heh heh.

Here are the flavors (if you don't drink or like the taste of alcohol) that I have used:

Maple (not a favorite)
And you can find these with the maple syrup in your grocery store.

Liquer based flavors:
Peppermint Schnapps
Grand Marnier
Creme de menthe

Posted by: Cricket at December 18, 2004 01:10 PM

Thanks, Cricket

I may have to rediscover the joys of cooking for this one :)

Posted by: Cassandra at December 18, 2004 07:57 PM

Well, the ganache is a nuanced sort of critter.
Thin it down enough, it becomes a sauce or a topping, or a layer of explosive flavor in a sacher
torte, or topping a completely cooked killer cheesecake. Or the best truffles you ever ate.

I quit buying truffles after I bought this book.
They have been part of our Christmas, holiday and chocolate-as-rituals ever since.

Posted by: Cricket at December 19, 2004 01:54 PM

I have a wonderful chocolate Myer's rum torte I haven't made for a while - thin layers of chocolate cake alternated with chocolate whipped creme. It's light as a feather - really good after a standing rib roast because it's light and the rum cleans the palate. I may have to make it for Christmas dinner this year if I can stand it.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 19, 2004 05:43 PM

Little gesture? A little gesture like, maybe, a big gift? Chock this up with looks don't count.

Posted by: RIslander [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 12, 2005 05:45 PM

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