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January 28, 2005

LiveBlogging The Friday From Hell...

Well, Pile is WAS liveblogging his day, but he decided to go to work instead damn his guts and livers. Gosh darnitall, I wish he hadn't done that.

ANYWAY... I am having a Friday Straight from Hell, so I have decided to liveblog my day in spite of his half-assed liveblogging NOT that I'm bitter or anything. And isn't that just like a man? They are never around when you need them.

3:30: Locate coffee pot, gulp 2 cups coffee, make husband sandwich, fumble for reading glasses... Goose sleeping dog on sofa by mistake.

3:45: Start merging databases for my boss. Get snarky error message...


3:59 Spousal Unit kisses me goodbye. I mumble something incomprehensible.

4:50: Pound head on keyboard in frustration.

4:55: merging....merging....

4:58 Make fresh pot of coffee. Bypassing mug, inject black coffee directly into veins in left arm. Hide trackmarks with CoverGirl undereye concealer so spousal unit will not detect them.

5:23: Another message:


6:35: Review suicide clause in company policy. No go. Calculate distance off rear deck. Make morning rounds...visit other people's blogs, insult proprietors... leave snarky, long-winded comments....

7:10, 9:09, 9:10, 9:12: More messages:

From:MR.ERIC JOHN. Tel :( 225)07-23-40-07 Abidjan Cote D'Ivoire.

Dearest one,

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship
with you .

I am MR.ERIC JOHN, The only son of late Mr and Mrs WILLIIAM JOHN My father was a very wealthy GOLD and COCOA merchant who based in ACCRA GHANA and ABIDJAN respectively, The economic capital of cote D?Ivoire. He was poisoned to death by his business associate on one of their business outings. When my mother died on the 21ST October 1994 , My father took me so special because I was motherless. [huh????]

Before the death of my father on the 29th November 2000 in a private hospital here in Abidjan ,He sincerely called me on his bed side and told me that he had a sum of 17,500,000 US DOLLARS (SEVENTEEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND USA DOLLARS)kept in a security company here in Abidjan. He also said that the security company does not know the content of the safe Box. He also used my name to Deposit the money as his first Son for next of kin. He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth that he was poisoned by his business associates,That I should seek for a foreign partner in a country of my choice where I will Transfer this money and use it for investment purposes, I want you to assist me in clearing this fund into your account overseas as a beneficiary of the fund, and also use it for an investment purpose, such as real estate management.My interested areas of investm
ent are;


9:03: Voice mail message: Fitzgerald auto: your car is ready for pickup, message from 'favorite client' (the Yellow Peril): "...urgent, I must have 5-decimal precision in percentage field..., respond immediately", Delete.

9:14: Email message from Tom Inman entitled "Nice Breasts: Take Your Pick". Delete....

10:11 Lapse into coma.


10:30: Email message: your Chicago conference has been scheduled for April. Wunderbar.. it should be just tropical by then.

10:35: None of the developers can reproduce the strange error messages I'm getting when I merge the dbases. They think I'm on drugs. I'm inclined to prove them right.

12:47: Gosh... had a thorny installation question to answer. Technically I should not have answered it since today is my "projects" day and I'm supposed to be doing "strategic thinking". But I'm the only one who knows the answer. Major adrenaline rush -- I'm an Army of One. What to do...what to do??? I made a command decision. This is why I get paid the big bucks.


1:15 Against my better judgement, I decide to open the merged file in Access and look at the VID's. As I suspected, the overflow errors I saw at 3 am mean there are hundreds of negative VID's in my custom metrics. I no longer care. Delete. "Are you sure?" "Of course I'm sure, you &^%&%$##!&%$... why do you think I hit the "delete" key, JUST DO IT!

1:17 ...open fridge, get beer out... open fridge, put unopened beer back... bang head against refridgerator door.

1:26 Engage in 'strategic thinking' session on sofa for 5 minutes. Eat breakfast. Download 8 'fixed' databases and find they don't work, either.

Build new queries and extract separate sets to send to developers so THEY can merge 16 enormous pairs of databases that I apparently am the only one who cannot merge. Wonder absently if the "fixed, fixed" versions will work with the version my boss is running....

Haven't touched the other 3 projects I was supposed to work on today. This was ultra, ultra important.

Job security is a many-splendored thing.

Posted by Cassandra at January 28, 2005 04:39 PM

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Okay ya snarky voyeur, I will continue to share.

Posted by: Pile On® at January 28, 2005 04:54 PM

This post looks an awful lot like the timesheets I wrote back when I was but a wee associate at Latham & Watkins.

Posted by: Jack at January 28, 2005 05:30 PM

Heh. TThanks for reminding me that timesheets are due next Tuesday, Jack. Now I can dream about them ('cause that's where the work descriptions come from).

Honestly, today's timesheets will include the following(in no particular order): a Governor, an Attorney General, an Agency Chief, the Commerce Clause, the Due Process and Equal Protection Clauses, the Civil Rights Act, the Free Exercise and Establishment Clauses, misfeasance, malfeasance, and ebezzlement, plus an assortment of highly colorful characters. Thank the lord it ain't all in the same case.

Posted by: spd rdr at January 28, 2005 06:03 PM

If I had to fill out timesheets I think I would launch myself off the deck.

Posted by: Cassandra at January 28, 2005 06:27 PM

6:27 pm: I'm stil hung over. I'm so glad it's Friday.

Posted by: Cassandra at January 28, 2005 06:28 PM

Proof that it does not have to be Monday to be a Monday.

Posted by: MrsPurpleRaider at January 28, 2005 06:28 PM

I wonder what Cass is doing right now?

Cass, why did you delete that breast e-mail, forward those to me.

Posted by: Pile On® at January 28, 2005 06:44 PM

Cass is exhausted.

Posted by: Cassandra at January 28, 2005 06:46 PM

How about now? What are you doing now?

As far as I can tell you haven't done a damn thing since 1:26.

Posted by: Pile On® at January 28, 2005 07:17 PM

8:06PM Having failed to go to the gym despite having had NOTHING scheduled today, decide to pour glass of red wine & hang it up.

Posted by: beautifulatrocities [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 28, 2005 11:07 PM

You know, sometimes bad days just work themselves out.

We had a great dinner tonight with close friends, martinis and wine, antipasto with creamy pickled anchovies, some Chesapeake oysters and Prince Edward Island mussels that melted in your mouth, more wine, rockfish and scallops and salmon and bloody strip steak, and wine, and creme brulee and chocolate torte with capacino and cognac. And talk. Always talk. Adult talk.

I'm full. What a way to end the day.

G'night all.

Posted by: spd rdr at January 29, 2005 12:05 AM

ALCON: Shhhhh. Not so loud--she's had a rough day trying to be coherent. She'll be good as new after her sixth cup of coffee tomorrow, though...

Posted by: cw4billt at January 29, 2005 12:38 AM

How about now? What are you doing now?

Sorry Pile... one glass of wine, a hot bath, and a few candles and the rest of the work day is just a bad memory.

Posted by: Cassandra at January 29, 2005 05:29 AM

Hot diggety! It is cold, and a light dusting of
snow is here in my neck of Georgia! YES!

This calls for romping outside with the Child Labor
Units for hours and hours, then chowdah and curling
up by the fire with the lights off and storytelling.

Maybe Italian s'mores by the fire for dessert...need to make biscotti and almond flavored chocolate sauce
to go over the toasted marshmallows...


Posted by: Cricket at January 29, 2005 08:47 AM

Yay--She Who Will Flounce is awake (or a reasonable facsimile thereof)!

Did some research on your trivet and discovered the colors actually do have a meaning and aren't just there to annoy the foe.

Flounce in panic for a while--I'll let ya know later... =]

Posted by: cw4billt at January 29, 2005 01:22 PM

True story about lawyers and timesheets...........

Young lawyer dies and goes to heaven (hey, it could happen!).
St.Peter says to him..."You look pretty good for a man 137 years old"
Lawyer replies, "But I'm only 41!"
St. Peter says, "Not according to your billing"


Posted by: Greg at January 29, 2005 01:32 PM

Truer story about lawyers and timesheets:

"I know I was at work for 74 hours this week, not counting the time I talked to my self about the cases in the car, the shower, and to the wife in my sleep, so howcome I only billed 47?"

Posted by: spd rdr at January 29, 2005 02:17 PM

Dang, spd rdr. Lot's of diversity in those timesheets. I started making my list and realized I could make it sound more exciting than it really is.

It sounds like you need computer based time entry though.

Posted by: KJ at January 29, 2005 02:19 PM

Being the former entire payroll departement for a company of approximately 200 employees, I do NOT EVER want to hear the word timesheet again!!!!!

Posted by: MrsPurpleRaider at January 29, 2005 07:35 PM

Bill, Bill, Bill... threats pale next to the prospect of a really first-rate flouncing.

And I've been practicing...

Posted by: Cassandra at January 29, 2005 09:10 PM

Cass - Might'a known you weren't just snoozing all those hours. Howsomever, as promised--The Colors.

Now, you might expect me to go all snarky and report that
Purple = vinibibulosity, specifically with regards to MD 20-20,
Green = bodily coloration after consumption of two quarts of the above,
Gold = a dufflebag full of maxed out credit cards and
Shape = spinning in place.

Will I do that?

NAY! Snarketh not *I*! regarding the escutcheon of She Who Will Fearlessly Flounce, Mistress of the Site; she of the gleaming samite petticoats and shapely ankles!

Purple = Justice, both the ideal and the belief in same,
Green = Faith (no extrapolation required),
Gold = Power (I got the impression it referred to both spiritual and temporal, but my Ogham is rusty) and
Shape = Oneness, completion.

How'd I do, kiddo?

Oh, yeah--googlefight Corpulent Cannon Collector and Aged Aviator and see what you get...heh.

Posted by: cw4billt at January 30, 2005 12:41 AM

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