« Friends Don't Let Friends... | Main

ATC-around the world mp3

February 07, 2005

Dispatch From The Front Lines

If you’re reading this then I’m probably dead and the dastardly right-wing minions of that bumbling idiot in the White House, the Chimperor-in-Chief have won...

This is my Last Will and Testament. I write to tell you of a conspiracy so vile, so loathsome it will consume your immortal soul. You may have heard of the American sniper teams deployed to such great effect against the glorious freedom fighters insurgents in Iraq and Afghanistan. You may even have been urged to "adopt a sniper". Well let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen, due to the investigative brilliance of the noble Brotherhood of Journalists, the scales of ignorance are about to fall from your eyes!

A short while ago I traveled to Davos, Switzerland to take my last, quixotic stand against the dark forces of the ChimpReich:

At the World Economic Forum (described as the “foremost global community of business, political, intellectual and other leaders of society committed to improving the state of the world") I, Eason Jordan, CNN executive and journalist, made the stunning accusation that American troops had targeted and killed journalists. These statements were made while on a discussion panel with journalist David Gergen, Congressman Barney Frank and Senator Christopher Dodd.

Leaving the forum, I checked my rear view mirror compulsively, the legacy of years in the field. I was astounded at my good luck in escaping (so far) the fate of other brave dissidents like Tim Robbins... Sue Sarandon... Cameron Diaz: victims of that Chill Wind sweeping down from Pennsylvania Avenue. Brave souls, all suddenly whisked from from the face of the earth, never to be heard from again. Their voices cry for vengeance from beyond the grave.

They will not be silenced. And now it seems that my voice, too, will be added to the haunting chorus of martyrs.

Let me unravel for you my tale of horror. Apparently those sniper teams were not sent over to Iraq and Afghanistan to "target" the ENEMY -- oh no! They were dispatched by none other than Karl Rove with a very different mission in mind: to find and eliminate the list of embedded journalists submitted to Head neo-con and Secretary-of-Torture Donald Rumsfeld!

A smarter man than I would have thought of himself and kept his head down. Au contraire, mon frere.... Because at CNN, news is our huckleberry – it’s in our blood. And we’ve had our eye on the military for some time now.

Yes, we know a news story when we see it, and when we sink our teeth in, we don't let go.

Well, we've got the goods on them, but they'll never find it. Why should we give them the satisfaction of proof? Let them stew in their own juices.

There's not much time now... I can feel them closing in on me. This time my luck has run out. I think I've finally pissed off the wrong people.