« Friends Don't Let Friends... | Main | Even In Defeat, Kerry Amazes, Inspires... »
February 07, 2005
Dispatch From The Front Lines
If you’re reading this then I’m probably dead and the dastardly right-wing minions of that bumbling idiot in the White House, the Chimperor-in-Chief have won...
This is my Last Will and Testament. I write to tell you of a conspiracy so vile, so loathsome it will consume your immortal soul. On my honor, I cannot tell a lie: I stake my entire journalistic integrity on this. You may have heard of the American sniper teams deployed to such great effect against the glorious freedom fighters insurgents in Iraq and Afghanistan. You may even have been urged to "adopt a sniper". Well let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen, due to the investigative brilliance of the noble Brotherhood of Journalists, the scales of ignorance are about to fall from your eyes!
A short while ago I traveled to Davos, Switzerland to take my last, quixotic stand against the dark forces of the ChimpReich:
At the World Economic Forum (described as the “foremost global community of business, political, intellectual and other leaders of society committed to improving the state of the world") I, Eason Jordan, CNN executive and journalist, made the stunning accusation that American troops had targeted and killed journalists. These statements were made while on a discussion panel with journalist David Gergen, Congressman Barney Frank and Senator Christopher Dodd.
Leaving the forum, I checked my rear view mirror compulsively, the legacy of years in the field. I was astounded at my good luck in escaping (so far) the fate of other brave dissidents like Tim Robbins... Sue Sarandon... Cameron Diaz: victims of that Chill Wind sweeping down from Pennsylvania Avenue. Brave souls, all suddenly whisked from from the face of the earth, never to be heard from again. Their voices cry for vengeance from beyond the grave.
They will not be silenced. And now it seems that my voice, too, will be added to the haunting chorus of martyrs.
Let me unravel for you my tale of horror. Apparently those sniper teams were not sent over to Iraq and Afghanistan to "target" the ENEMY -- oh no! They were dispatched by none other than Karl Rove with a very different mission in mind: to find and eliminate the list of embedded journalists submitted to Head neo-con and Secretary-of-Torture Donald Rumsfeld!
A smarter man than I would have thought of himself and kept his head down. Au contraire, mon frere.... Because at CNN, news is our huckleberry – it’s in our blood. And we’ve had our eye on the military for some time now.
Yes, we know a news story when we see it and when we sink our teeth in, we don't let go.
Well, we've got the goods on them, but they'll never find it. Why should we give them the satisfaction of proof? Let them stew in their own juices.
There's not much time now... I can feel them closing in on me. This time my luck has run out. I think I've finally pissed off the wrong people.
Make sure they bury me with my Blackberry... I'll send you an update from Hell.
Eason Jordan
Journalist
Posted by Cassandra at February 7, 2005 04:44 AM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.villainouscompany.com/mt/mt-tb.cgi/306
Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Dispatch From The Front Lines:
» EJR III: Media Blackout from La Shawn Barber's Corner
Note (2/6 @ 9:45 a.m.): Thank you, Lucianne. It's good to finally get some high-profile credit for all this tracking and linking I'm doing. I'll see you all when I return from church! ;)
Note II: HaloScan users, to trackback to this post, use Sim... [Read More]
Tracked on February 7, 2005 09:18 AM
» Breaking: Eason Jordan Shot: Pentagon Hit Confirmed from Carnivorous Conservative
I feel terrible scooping great bloggers like Villainous Company, Ace, Powerline, Wizbang, Malkin, Captain's Quarters and Bill Roggio and Co. at Easongate ... and I'm not trying to rub it in their faces by linking them, as all of the [Read More]
Tracked on February 7, 2005 11:22 PM
Comments
I especially like that last line.
Posted by: Grumpy at February 7, 2005 08:09 AM
Obviously, the training our snipers receive is not up to the task at hand. And for that I blame Bush!
Posted by: spd rdr at February 7, 2005 08:14 AM
Okay, if Reuters says that their journalists were not 'working with terrorists' (notice how their pucker factor switches when they are confronted with the facts?)then why does the latest edition of 'News week' have black masked insurgents all over the cover?
Am reading this slowly and may have another comment or two as I progress through my day.
But well, Eason, can't think of a better place for you, you lying scum.
Posted by: Cricket at February 7, 2005 08:33 AM
Oh yeah, and one more snark for the road:
If journalists weren't targeted, well, they are now!
We have Jayson Blair, Rathergate, Easongate, and
others. Is this a lying in support of Jayson?
Or is it to take the wind out of his very thin
ice allegations of racism at the NYT?
Posted by: Cricket at February 7, 2005 08:41 AM
Mr. Eason should actually find Hell quite comfy; he's already capering in the footsteps of the Father of Lies.
Posted by: cw4billt at February 7, 2005 10:19 AM
My goodness but you do have a way with words. Keep the snark coming.
Posted by: Toni at February 7, 2005 10:46 PM
Thanks Toni :)
Posted by: Cassandra at February 8, 2005 05:42 AM