Villainous Company

"Ah Sweet Mystery of Life could I but find thee!"

"So YOU'RE the phantom of the opera!"

"Nancy...."

"Yes, John???"

"I have a plan for tonite..."

"Do I get a purple heart for this?"

or how about

"No tongues unless you have half a billion, up front, lady."

"Look into my eyes...deeper...deeper...."

"Herman"
"Lily"

"Your breath smells like tunafish."
"Like it?"
"Like it? I love tunafish."

And this, John, is called an Eskimo kiss. Oh course, in my looney district, I'd better call it an Inuit Kiss or there will be a protest outside my office.

[Pelosi]

"That Wonkette had better be right about his 'other attributes' because he's the stiffest SOB I've ever seen in my life..."

Pelosi

"Let me console you . . . dinner at six?"

Kerry

"Uhhh . . . let me check with wifey first!"

John, after that speech, our agenda is doomed. I need a hug.

"Shall we dance?"
"Why sure. But neither of us knows how to lead."

Conservative Life is having one. I had a server outage this morning. It is an interesting one to say the least. This is what I get for having a liberal run my caption contest :)

www.conservativelife.com/blog/

"John, I may not have 57 Varieties to offer, but when it comes to flippin n floppin I sure as heck know more than 57 positions we could take together....."

(obligatory 'happy to see me' caption)

"Are you happy to see me or is that just a stack of Ohio ballots in your pocket."

(almost works both ways)

John, listen to me carefully. You still don't have a chance of winning. Quit smiling like your expecting a miracle to happen.

Kerry performs the Hemlock maneuver on Pelosi, secretly hoping the invisible word 'loser' on his forehead will magically transfer.

"John, these..uhm...papers in my hand? They're from my [estranged] husband. Win the election, pitch the b!tch, and they're as good as signed. Oh make me 1st lady, Nancy-boy!"

"Nancy, why don't you close your eyes when we kiss?"

"John, love, I can't even close them when I sleep. That %*$%&#%*& Canadian Botox."

"Did you bring the Cialis?"

I can feel the relevance leaving my body...hold me...let my politcal career die in your arms...*gurgle*

Good one Menace!

"Your nuance, or mine?"

Pelosi speaking fwactured German:(think Madelin Kahn)

"Tell me Senator Kewwy, is it twue vat dey zay about you being made of vood?"

"Oh it's twue its twue"

"See? Even When your this close I still don't blink."

John Kerry finally finds a rich, Botoxed™ woman who is not repulsed his advances.

"The broom closet off the rotunda, in 10 minutes.....You know losers melt my panties"

Greg

Actually, that quote would work for both of 'em.

Greg

The Lurch exhibit at the Ted Cassidy Museum.

Ah Cherie! Did you know I am french? How you make my blood race with ze passion! Come to Jean-Claude Kerrie, and let us freak crazy.

"This thing is bigger than both of us."
"Darling, EVERYTHING's bigger than both of us."

"We'll always have Paris."
"Who needs Paris? I want the White House! Waaaaaah!"

An awkward moment ensues when, during the hug, they simultaneously discover that NEITHER has a spine.Merely layers of duct tape holding them erect.

Greg

This is going to be another tough one to judge.

This is going to be another tough one to judge.
Which makes a pretty fair caption itself.

[An annoying song by an annoying couple parodied in behalf of yet another annoying *couple*]

Dem’crat Nancy, Dem’crat John
Admirin’ each others botox, with the cameras on
[John] “Will she kiss me?”
[Nancy] “Oooo, I love me some sissy”

Dem’crat Nancy, Dem’crat John
Mourning that the Red States weren’t fallin’ for their con
As they wonder: “What happened to our thunder?”

On the outside it looks like a “tango”
Inside, fears of careers like chads dangle
Without Red States & help from above

They've just got.... Dem’crat loooove….

Dang! shoulda been "fears FOR careers". *sigh*

Nancy, Please! STOP! That's not what I meant when I said I have a real hard on for Bush!

Dip.

"John! You're wearing the garter belt I bought you as a--a *tie*?!?"

Alternate:

"Nancy--you *know* what those little flecks of spinach do to me--grrrr-OOOWWWW-rrrrr!"

"Ow--not so tight...my...war...wounds..."
"Don't *push* it, Nancy!"

-or-

"Nancy--your eyes...your eyes *sparkle* like--like the *tracers* that danced around me...that night...Christmas Eve...five miles inside Cambodia...[we pause, now, so Cassandra can duck-tape her head]...with nothing between me and *sudden death*...but my magic hat..."

-or-

"Our precious moments are seared--*SEARED*--into my memory, darling!"
"I just told you--don't *PUSH* it, Pelosi!"

Thought balloon over Jean's head...............

"Dammitalltohell,Bush gets to kiss Lieberman, and I get THIS colostomy bag".

Greg

"Oh John, can I ask you a question?"
"What's that Nancy?"
"It's an interogative statement, used to test knowledge....but that's not important right now"

Greg

[Music/song caption for photo; tune: "Cherish", performed by The Association]

♪ ♪ ♪
"Garish" is the word I use to descri-i-i-be...
Nip and Tuck™ embracing Lurch before a Botox™ed lip-lock under klieg li-i-i-ights...

In his shorts a can of heavy-duty Bondo™,
(Oo-oo-OO-oo-oo)
Nip and Tuck™ wishing he were Jean-Paul Belmondo,
(Oo-oo-OO-oo-oo)
Lurch, encoiled by Smiling Mamba, desperate for his Georgetown condo--
All expenses paid by sexpot "T"!
♪ ♪ ♪

"Nancy, you're not as crazy as Teresa , are you?"

[Announcer]

"In this episode of 'Desperate Political Ho'swives', Nebulous Nancy, the Nip and Tuck™ Nadderer, wants to mind-meld with Jean Fraude, SwiftBoatSwiftie, but is crushed to discover their deep-dark secret--Mutual Mindlessness Syndrome! Don't miss it! Produced and directed by Michael Moore, Mindless Mastodon!"

"Oh Jean, is that a SF180 in your pocket??Or are you just happy to see me?".

Greg

Frankly Senator, I don't give a damn.

You're hung like my "wife"...
JAB my JIB!

Are you sure Teresa's not watching? Oooh sh*t, I'm caught in your zipper, quit moving b*tch!!!!