Villainous Company

...then I had her bend over, and I spanked her.

"Rest assured. Phrance is safe, protected. If those gauche Americains set one foot inside Montmartre or Ile de Phrance, their stomachs will roast in hell."

Big hands. Big feet. Big Dick!

Mon Dieu! Would you look at her derriere! So round! So... parfait!

Je t'aime big butts and I cannot lie
All you other Phrenchies can't deny
When a jeune fille traipses that teensy waist
And that derriere in my face
I say, "Hon! Hon! Hon!"

Makes me want to join the United Nations
Foster international re-la-shuns
Negotiate the balance of payments
Oh yeah, Kofi ain't got nothin' on me
When it comes to scandal
I'm too hot to handle!
Bebe, try ole Mssr. Chirac
Once you go Phrench, you never go back

You hold the woman down with your right hand.

You cover her mouth like this with your left, so that she does not comment on the fact that you last had a bath in December.

No way is zat of ze slightest funniness, you American buffoon!

Always you are jealous of ze manliness, ze suavite, ze.... how does one say it en anglais... ah! ze... je ne sais quois of ze Phrenchman. With zis, you cannot hope to compete! HAH!

You see!

Eet ees zat arrogant cowboy of a President... he swaps ze prepositions from your under your very fingers as you type!

Such troubles most annoying would not assail you if you were to live in France! Eet is 4:44 pm: with ze 36-hour workweek, everyone would already have gone home for ze day. I, myself would not be around to steal your lousy prepositions!

HA!

Zee common people? Premiere, you must steal from zem with zees hand, zen you slap zem with zees hand . . .

(and Brava! on the Sir Mix-a-Lot parody . . . brilliant!)

Ah...Monsieur. To be Phrench, eet ees synonomous with ze brilliance, n'est pas? We men of nuance, we do not need to speak of zese things. Zey are, how do you say... understood?

Just as eet was with yours truly and M. Jean-Fraud. We were ze men of nuance. He... he found it... shall we say convenient to blame your cowboy President for not gaining ze military assistance of ze mighty Phrench army in Irak. And I... well, let us say zat I found it amusing to play along with zis silly charade?

Of course, being men of ze world, we both knew Phrance had no intention of sending troops to Irak. But it discomfited ze swaggering Chimp, and ze enemy of my enemy is my friend... for now.

The whiff of sleaze, the manly man's cologne.

Alors! Who is now claiming moi to be who is not moi? Shame for, Monsieur L'imposteur! Knows oneevery the McCoy real, c'est moi, Jacques!

Mon dieu, again must I things explain to stupid americains! You lack simply le propeur "nuance" and "sophistication" to understand l'haute culture francais: a complete and totale lack of morals!

When you no morals have, life is tres bien! Everything ok is! Like famous book "Okay am I, okay are you"! Who to say is what right is and wrong is? Pedophilia and incest simply "personal lifestyle choices are". Not is it for you to your stupid americain morality impose on La Patrie!

Told you I last month, frenchman would gladly beloved Mammon sell for few francs. Here is proof! Children and grandchildren "rented out" for a few francs or cigarettes. Bon! L'economie francaise needs all help it get can, and le prostitution legal is in Europe. These french entrepeneurs are!

Truly, frenchman c'est tres magnifique! First steal we food from mouths of hungry Iraqi children to own pockets with sweet, sweet, lucre line, then have we sex with them have! Ha ha! Dominique! Go up start le Jaquesmobile! Go we to cruise le kindergarten for young boys hot! Dance we now : "Too sexy for my shirt am I, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy hurt it does....."

-- Jacques Chirac

Ah... Cherie!

At last returned to my side you have! Leave those little boys with their undoubted charms for a real woman!

So fatigued I am with these sorry American men with their testosterone. They give to me l'ennui... always it is the bouncing of the mattress-springs... what do zey know of love? Of ze agreement prenuptuelle zat guarantees me ze existence zat I plan to become accustomed to? Of fine fromage? Of ze spending of ze excessive sums of money on ze pointeless trinket zat I demand for no apparent raison?

Zis... ZIS is TRUE LOVE!

Avec! As ze lectern says, Monsieur le Presidente du Conseil Europeen c'est moi!

Whenever I must take a Euro peen, I get ziss look on my visage....Excuse moi...Apres moi l'deluge!

[No fair! afe has the Chirac shtick/mojo down pat, in l'opinion du une Americain stupide....]

Yeah, I agree with you - he's far and away the best, Santini.

I think the rest of us are stuck with captions. Nice one, by the way.

(Shhh...I only do it to bait him into doing Chiraq for us :)

Please,don't get me started..... ;)

Oh c'mon... you know you want to!

Give in to your inner demons!

Jacque Chirac, seen here in a moment of hysterical handwaving, attempts to get people to notice that his country is still relevant.

Unfortunately, he has just been told the news that Andorra is more relevant than France.

-----

Jacque Chirac, seen here in a moment of hysterical handwaving, attemps to fan away the stench of the big juicy passing of gas he has just emitted from his nether regions, before anyone notices.

Amazingly no one does.

-----

2 entries.

Mais non, madame! Zat whiff ees not sleaze, eet but indicates ze location of ze nearest pissoir!

Jacques Chirac makes a futile attempt to explain the genius of Jerry Lewis to those unsophisticated Americans.

M. Chiraq tries clumsily to mimic Rumsfeld's Mirror Swan Palm maneuver, but alas, the Secretary of Defense had already transistioned to the Lullaby Wing stance.

And zen, apres, when oui ver about to se-rendre, you know? Zen my skeeeeeeeeeny leeeeeeettle spaghetti sized, how you say les bras? Mes armes, yess, my arms ver so tired, I slowly had to let zem down.

And zen ze big scary Tahitien man menacing me vis a coconut said to me:

E hoa a'era farani uri ne'one'o. Fa'aeatu. E inu ana'e au i te'ie pape ha'ari. Aue.

Weeech meeeeens "stupid stinking froggy, I vaz only going to dreeeeeeeeeenk zeeees coconut vater".

Nice MathMom... the Unit made a wisecrack about that the other day at work and they looked at him like he was nuts. I don't think they had any idea what he was talking about :)

That's what you get for hanging around with bloggers...

Rummy is such a force to be reckoned with, after seeing those pics of the ol' *"Senior Citizen Sex Symbol Studude"*, poor ol Chirac is left vying hard for any attention. He's left eating his dust on this thread. heh!

If the two of them--even not known by others present--- walked in a room together, who's presence do you think would be most commanding?

Great link, Mathmom. Those pics are priceless. Surely someone has shown him that *collage*.

Like his politics or not, I bet the guy is a hoot in social settings.

Sacre Bleu! C'est Monsieur Rumsfeld, my secrete nemesis-arch! His Kung Fu tres supreme is! Apres l'guerre Iraq, tried I to ambush him with famous french Stinky Surrender Monkey style. Aaaiiieee! Such a pimp-slapping he gave me like I have not had since our Allemagne Overlords last goose-stepped down the Champs-Elysee!

Learned lesson valuable did I! Deceit and ambush not enough are to overcome Rumsfeld Flying Fists Of Death! So got I mon frere weasels from Spain, Belgium, and Germany to upgang on him. Our Backstabbing Weasel style looked like work it would, till Rumsfeld unleashed patented Mighty Eagle of Doom and crushed us for insulting his Sensei, Cowboy Bush.

Now I do what frenchmen best do: hide! Timeone at UN could I not hide from Rumsfeld fast enough (all good spots hiding were already taken by l'autre weasels), so just groveled I and wet my culottes! Rumsfeld just little smile gave.

Naturalement, I was simply merciful being. I did not in front of his peeps diss him want. Am cool, non? Have I much "boulevard cred"! Perhaps can I be on stupide americain "show realitie" like Flava Flav? Will see if survive one week with l'autre celebrities can, before they all to strangle me decide will!

-- Jacques Chirac

Okay, here's my caption: Asked to entertain the delegates again, Chirac busts out his ever-popular mime routine of "Scooby Doo startled by a ghost". Zoinks!

French president Jacques Chirac seen here demonstrating the classic French military maneuver 'Raise hands and surrender'.

You see zis? Zis iz se pile of how big money I not get from Saddam coz ze Imperialzt Cowboy Boosh zteal it from me wit hiz war mongrelling!

"CLOUSEAU?!?!?!"

A tense meeting of the European Union was lightened a bit when some prankster put a whoopee cushion on President Jacques Chirac’s seat.

I love JLo's ass. It is so perfect and round. I could stand behind it like this and slap it with the left hand. Ben Affleck told me he did it that way.

A stunned pan-European television audience watched as President Chirac provided clear proof that his left hand does not know what his right hand is doing [and vice versa].

As a Frenchman in France, and a surrender junkie at that, it seemed - well, just a tad recherche - to enquire as to who had "cut the cheese"......