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June 22, 2005

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

It is probably a sign of encroaching mental illness that I find this incredibly funny:

Good sex really is mind-blowing for women

And just how much government grant money did we spend to reach this earth-shattering conclusion?

Women may fool their sexual partners by faking orgasm, but their brains cannot lie. Reaching a proper sexual climax is, for women at least, a mind-blowing event. Large parts of their brains that deal with emotion and fear appear to shut down so that they can enjoy the thrill.
The tests involved 13 women and 11 men aged 19 to 39. Women told the researchers when they faked orgasm, but the truth was there on the scans anyway.

Double entendres aside, there's another bombshell...

Apparently if we fake it, there's a difference (hence the word 'fake')... Will some kind soul please alert the media? But wait! There's more of this ground-breaking research:

To reach true climax, women needed to ensure that fear and stress did not get in the way. "The deactivation of these very important parts of the brain might be the most important thing necessary to have an orgasm. If you are in a high level of anxiety it is very hard to have sex."

Good God. Who knew?

Men were studied in the same way, but because it typically took only 20 seconds to reach ejaculation...

The HVES is speechless.

The volunteers, all heterosexual and right handed, were recruited through Dutch magazines.

What the???

Finally, we have a challenger for the Quote of the Day:

"Alcohol brings down fear levels. Everyone knows if you give alcohol to women it is easier," he said.

Indeed. Until this moment, I'd thought Jonah Goldberg had it nailed with this gem:

"To assert that the dog was raped suggests that under other circumstances -- a nice ham bone, some chablis -- amorous relations might have been consensual."

I await your pronouncements with the usual breathless anticipation.

And I'm not faking it, either.

UPDATE: What is it about this story that generates quotes of almost breathtaking idiocy? Via KJ:

"The fact that there is no deactivation in faked orgasms means a basic part of a real orgasm is letting go. Women can imitate orgasm quite well, as we know, but there is nothing really happening in the brain," said neuroscientist Gert Holstege...

No... you think?

Posted by Cassandra at June 22, 2005 07:04 AM

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I have a comment, but I don't want to share it too soon. I want to make it last.

Posted by: Pile On at June 22, 2005 08:11 AM

Pile, by my count you've been holding back for at least twenty minutes. What are you, a porn star?

Posted by: TigerHawk [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 22, 2005 08:32 AM

...and they said it would never last.

Posted by: Cassandra at June 22, 2005 08:38 AM

There is a large part of my brain that has shut down so I can enjoy this ride, five or six times...

Posted by: Crckt [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 22, 2005 09:46 AM

TH, I think "Funky Town" may be the secret of his success.

Posted by: Cassandra at June 22, 2005 10:13 AM

Only 20 seconds?

This is the peril of not having baseball in your country. Men in the US and central america can always last longer than that just thinking about the execution of a good hit and run play.

Posted by: KJ at June 22, 2005 10:15 AM

re: Only 20 seconds?...Men in the US and central america can always last longer than that just thinking about the execution of a good hit and run play.

More importantly, it suggests a major flaw in the study.

Those women's brains weren't shutting down because...well, you know. They were probably in shock because it was the first time they'd achieved Shangri-la in recent memory...

Posted by: Cassandra at June 22, 2005 10:31 AM

and what the helk difference does it make if they are straight and right handed? Or that they got cold feet? I got cold feet on my wedding day, but I can assure you they weren't cold for long!

Posted by: Cricket at June 22, 2005 10:48 AM

You mean, I have to relax in order to...oh, never mind!

You mean, "faking it," is actually...FAKE?

Is this anything like the study that concluded that children are better off when they are raised by a mother and father?
Or the survey of journalists that showed they overwhelmingly vote Democrat?
Oops! I forgot, "The sun rose and set yesterday!"

Nope, no real, "news," here!

Posted by: JannyMae [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 22, 2005 04:41 PM

You mean, I have to relax in order to...oh, never mind!

You mean, "faking it," is actually...FAKE?

Stunning, isn't it. What I can't figure out is why they're studying what happens when women fake it??? That's such an idiotic thing to do - I would think it would be fairly obvious to the guy anyway. Maybe not - what do I know? Kind of hard to do with a straight face - I think I'd burst out laughing.

If you can't, you can't. It's usually not the guy's fault anyway - get over it.

Posted by: Cassandra at June 22, 2005 05:31 PM

As far as the uniformity of gender preference and handedness, there are reasons to believe that the brains of lesbians and southpaws may differ from the more common varieties enough to confuse the results. The important thing was to eliminate that potential source of data noise, and hetero/right is just the easiest combination to find enough of.

Posted by: J Andrew Lipscomb [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 22, 2005 08:07 PM

Yes, yes. The tendencies of the hoi polloi is misguidedly hornswaggled into the presumption that ambidexterity is the key to enjoyment, while the verisimilitude of forthrightness invariably leads to the delectation of true indemnification.

Posted by: Webster Staples at June 22, 2005 11:04 PM

In my independent study, I've concluded that great sex is pretty mind-blowing for men too. This study included one right-handed Caucasian of generic Anglo-Scots-Irish ancestry plus a female of similar extraction. No government funding was involved, unless you count our tax rebate which went to French lingerie. No alcohol either.

Posted by: Old Testament Liberal at June 23, 2005 01:31 AM

the brains of lesbians and southpaws...

Hmm. Well I'm a southpaw but most definitely not a lesbian - interesting point.

Posted by: Cassandra at June 23, 2005 04:54 AM

Just wondering...Are you sure your, "I have attained Shangri-La," post title, doesn't belong with THIS thread??

Posted by: JannyMae at June 23, 2005 11:10 PM

Wait, there are men who can last for 20 seconds?


Posted by: Fred Schoeneman at June 24, 2005 01:51 AM

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