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July 12, 2005
Judith Miller Subjected To Sexual Torture, Bombshell Memo Reveals
L'Affaire Plame has rapidly become the sizzling story of Washington's long, hot summer, keeping the Capitol Hill elite abuzz with rumors, innuendo, and the kind of talk that makes Caged Heat look like last week's episode of the Teletubbies.
Tuesday morning brought yet another indictment of an administration increasingly viewed as under siege. A shocking document - the now infamous 14th Street Memo - surfaced thanks to the ground-breaking investigative work of Matt Cooper, one of two reporters threatened with jail in the Plame affair. And there were more revelations to come:
In an attempt to learn the identity of her source, jailed NY Times reporter Judith Miller testified that federal prosecutor Patrick J. Fitzgerald had tried to break her by subjecting her to unspeakable sexual tortures. Ironically, a sympathetic jailer smuggled her desperate plea for help to the outside world in a desecrated copy of the New York Times. This incident is now under separate investigation.
The release of Miller's cri-de-coeur prompted a secret Bush administration source to call Cooper and offer him the 14th Street Memo: a retyped copy of a copy of a destroyed original memo of a top-secret administration meeting.
According to the memo, "D" talked to "E" (another unnamed source), who sort of remembers talking to "F" (yet another unnamed source) at a DC-area barbecue over Mai Tais. They were joshing around about how funny it would be if a certain pudgy administration mastermind dressed up in drag and broke into a women's prison. According to "E", "F" thought "W" would be "down with the whole plan - he 'would love it'". And so, in the words that will come to haunt the Bush administration because we will keep them on Page One for at least six weeks, "plans were made around their policy".
Ostensibly, the administration's hatchet-man was none other than Karl Rove., because just a few weeks later a tearful Miller said a scantily-clad Rove appeared in her cell just before midnight, rubbing himself up against her while shaking his groove thing to a torrid Latino-influenced backbeat. Rumors were circulating that it was a Christina Aguilera CD, but even some hardened critics of the administration were reluctant to believe DOJ would go that far.
Wearing only a bustier, thong underwear, and silk stockings, Rove pouted sexily at Miller, pulled down one strap of the bustier, exposing a creamy shoulder, ran his fingers through the few hairs on his shiny pate, then sat on Miller's lap, whispering in her shell-like ear that he'd always wanted to "improve relations with the media".
Ms. Miller appeared extremely traumatized by the incident. Psychologists say the attack on Ms. Miller could cause lasting damage to her psyche, as most reporters consider social contact with Republicans to be taboo. Congressional leaders appeared outraged by the report, calling for an immediate investigation and the resignation of the embattled Presidential advisor. Brandishing the memo on national TV, Senator Dick Durbin was close to tears:
If I read this to you and did not tell you that it was an FBI agent describing what Americans had done to prisoners in their control, you would most certainly believe this must have been done by Nazis, Soviets in their gulags, or some mad regime - Pol Pot or others - that had no concern for human beings. Sadly, that is not the case.
My fellow Americans, this is a sad, sad day. It would appear that Cameron Diaz was right.
Posted by Cassandra at July 12, 2005 06:59 AM
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Comments
You know, I need to read this without drinking my morning herbal tisane. It ended up all over the monitor.
What a devious mind, to be sure. Teasing her like that! I am sure, no doubt, that Lysystrada-like
she took a vow of celibacy when she went to jail,
and it shows how desparate she was for a good romp that she nearly broke.
You see, it is unspeakable when it becomes temptation beyond endurance.
She must have a thing for him. I think the shrinks felt that she was on the verge of sliding into Stockholm Syndrome.
Hussy.
Posted by: Cricket at July 12, 2005 11:28 AM
Brilliant! Fantastic! I love this stuff.
Posted by: Grumpy at July 12, 2005 11:34 AM
Dear God, it is all starting to make sense now.
spd rdr is Karl Rove!!
Posted by: Pile On at July 12, 2005 02:32 PM
Well Pile, it the thong fits....
Posted by: portia at July 12, 2005 03:10 PM
Hysterical and brilliant! Love the photo!
Posted by: Janette at July 12, 2005 04:13 PM
You're too kind Janette - I think this was just lack of sleep and two nights in a row in the guest bedroom.
Posted by: Cassandra at July 12, 2005 04:36 PM
Okay, why were you in the guest bedroom?
Were you 'debriefing' someone?
*running away*
Posted by: Cricket at July 12, 2005 10:23 PM
I guess that did sound funny, didn't it?
No, I was just working late and didn't think it would be very considerate to wake the Unit up by climbing into bed in the middle of the morning when he has to get up at 4 am. So I slept in the other room so I wouldn't disturb him.
Posted by: Cassandra at July 13, 2005 10:53 AM
Oh I figured as much. I know you work hard and sometimes work through the night...but every now and then a good snark is irresistable.
Especially when it was tied to this story.
I do have one question: Have you ever been able to get a lock on what causes your migraines?
Posted by: Cricket at July 13, 2005 11:29 AM
They run in my family, Cricket.
I know hormones (the female kind) are a big part. I had a bout of extremely bad headaches when I was 11 when I first 'blossomed' or whatever the heck you call it, but I didn't know they were migraines. They lasted about a year and I had to be on Darvon.
Then I really didn't have any more (except sporadically) till I was about 30, and I've had them ever since.
I know part of it is that I tend to burn the candle at both ends. What changed in my life around 30 was that I went back to school and was still volunteering and sometimes working part-time and doing everything else I'd always done.
But if I just sit around, I'm miserable and bored. And I had a whole year when I was working 40 hours and going to school at night until almost 11 when I had almost no headaches, but I was totally stressed. But I was also lifting weights and running 6 miles a day - I had to, to keep that schedule without tanking at my age.
Posted by: Cassandra at July 13, 2005 11:43 AM
Well, Cassandra I used to get, "menstrual," migraine. I didn't recognize them as such, until I went on birth control pills. Every month when I went off of the pills for the week, I got killer headaches, accompanied by numbness in my face, my mouth, and fingers, spots in front of my eyes. I didn't stay on birth control pills very long! The menstrual migraines were much more manageable than those HORRIBLE headaches.
The good news is, now that I'm, "peri-menopausal," I seldom get the migraines, and I usually recognize them early and get relief with plain acetaminophen (tylenol). Perhaps there is hope!
Posted by: JannyMae at July 13, 2005 03:03 PM
Okay...I have had only four, and only one where I had to go to the hospital for the dhea45 shot in benadryl IV.
But I was wondering as I approach the Juicy Crone age.
Posted by: Cricket at July 13, 2005 04:32 PM
Well, from one juicy crone to another, I'm afraid I can't tell you what to expect, Cricket. But I suuuuurrre don't miss those damn headaches!
Posted by: JannyMae at July 14, 2005 12:43 AM