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August 22, 2005

CBWSTGJR, Seizing The Moral High Ground!

Robertsbanana3.jpgCBWSTGJR is beginning to feel positively *smug* about having announced our support for Judge Roberts early (whether or not that big handsome lug is gay). I mean... talk about having seized the moral high ground! "Judging" by the number of sharp-edged quips that seem to have rolled off our boy's pen... Well! he's positively bitchy!

Over the weekend, Roberts' hilarious lawyer joke landed him in hot water with notoriously-humorless women's groups:

"Some might question whether encouraging homemakers to become lawyers contributes to the common good, but I suppose that is for the judges to decide.

Oddly, the female administration official to whom the quip was addressed wasn't offended. Like most conservative females, we can only conclude the joke must have gone over her head...

But those to-die-for red gloves really came off when it came to pop-singer Michael Jackson:


"...sashaying around in garish sequined costumes, hair dripping with pomade, body shot full of female hormones ...mono-gloved... a shallow effort by the President to share in the constant publicity surrounding Jackson. . . . The whole episode would, in my view, be demeaning to the President."

But our boy wasn't done yet:

"Cognoscenti will recognize the allusion to a character in one of Mr. Jackson's popular ballads, a young lass who claims -- falsely, according to the oft-repeated refrain of the singer -- that the singer is the father of her illegitimate child. This may be someone's idea of presidential humor, but it certainly is not mine."

Me-ouch! And the judicial snark wasn't reserved for tacky pop-tarts with bad plastic surgery. You should have seen Robbie lay into the Presidential China Pattern! Fave liberal blogger and CBWSTGJR member Wonkette totally scooped us on this one:

An alert Wonkette operative draws our attention to Judge John Roberts' gay-tastic-ness: He was a total snob about china patterns. Confusingly, both the moonbatty NPR's Nina Totenberg and the wingnuttier Washington Times picked up the story. Apparently, Roberts -- in his capacity as guardian of the Reagan legacy against pasty-faced moonwalking freaks (he doth protest too much?) and tacky Branson-bound collector's items -- advised the president's counsel to withhold the endorsement of "a new china pattern that the Boehm Porcelain Co. was selling." Wrote Roberts, "This would not only contravene established White House policy concerning endorsement of commercial products, but also, given this particular pattern, call into serious question the president's taste in dinner service."

Roberts then flounced into the President's residence and started throwing out wire hangers. "Don't get me started on the shoulder pads, girlfriend!" he screamed, before making a flying tackle to wipe the rouge off of Nancy's cheeks.

To complete our conservative humiliation, Wonkette points us to this masterful compendium of John Roberts Gaydophobia, which we were greatly saddened to see tragically snubbed Conservative Bloggers Who Support The Gay Judge Roberts. Apparently whilst we were drinking ourselves into a stupor over the weekend, the rest of the world was busily compiling yet more evidence that our beloved Justice Roberts may (or may not) be Gay.

While we had seen many of these hateful slurs before, there were a few that were New to Us, among them one which we will not mention because we thought it a Rather Low Blow. But some others which Tickled Our Fancy:

- (b) While Judge Roberts was at Harvard, his pre-law advisor was William LaPiana, a law professor at New York Law School and an openly gay man.

Oooh. Gayness by association! Does it rub off? We never knew.

- c) One UTR reader commented that "Roberts has had at least one gay (male) clerk while sitting on the D.C. Cir. I suspect at least one other clerk as well."

Hiring The Gay - another dead giveaway. Because you just know they have those darling little Labels.

But by far our favorite was this gem:

Conservatives were like the queers on campus," said Eric Rofes, a classmate of Judge Roberts who later became an organizer on gay issues. "People made fun of them. They mocked them and saw them as jokers or losers. I don't think in the moment many people realized this was the start of an ascending movement. People felt it was like the last cry of the 1950's."

Now this is a keeper...

We wonder if he ever played Smear the Queer when he was a kid. Because personally, we would consider that conclusive proof.

Cross-posted at Conservative Bloggers Who Support The Gay Judge Roberts

Posted by Cassandra at August 22, 2005 06:53 PM

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VC like thoroughness we've come to expect.

Nice post.

Posted by: KJ at August 22, 2005 09:00 PM

I'd read about Roberts' comments on "Jacko", etc.; I think it was at the Federalist Patriot.

I'm glad to see you're still at it, liebchen!
(I'm overdue for a new post, m'self...)

Posted by: camojack at August 22, 2005 09:41 PM

I love it!

Yeah, Camojack, my inbox awaits notice of your latest gem! Get to it!

Posted by: JannyMae at August 22, 2005 11:19 PM

Holy cow! I just clicked the link to, "CBWSTGJR!"

You've been busy! Funny stuff!

Posted by: JannyMae at August 22, 2005 11:22 PM

Yeah, Camojack, my inbox awaits notice of your latest gem! Get to it!
Posted by: JannyMae at August 22, 2005 11:19 PM

It's in da woiks; coming soon to an inbox near you...

Posted by: camojack at August 23, 2005 03:36 AM

Janny, it's mostly KJ - he's been quite the busy little Lawyerette. I'm just his cheerleading squad.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 23, 2005 07:25 AM

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