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August 25, 2005

Working Stiff Blues Game

Game Rules: Take a popular song and change the lyrics to reflect your working-class misery. A few examples:

To New York, New York

Don't pick up the phone
Don't answer that mail
Just say I'm on the other line: I'll call back soon
I'm sick of my job
I'm longing to stray
To where Martini lunches start
At half-past nooooooon....
I want to dump my Inbox on that new guy in 10B
And find a warm place in the sun
Down by the sea

These cubicle blues
Are fading away...
I've got an icebox full of rum
And ice to spare...
And I can drink them here
You know, I just don't care!
Just take a note: I'll call back sooooooon!

To " Midnight Train to Georgia":

Whoa Whoa Whoa, the Beltway
Proved too much for my van [spoken] (it couldn't take it!),
It's the hottest day of summer
And I'm about to overheat.
'Cause I've got the AC cranking
As I inch along in traffic;
I've been out here for an hour
And I ain't gone a hundred feet.

Nothing's moooovin'
From Wis-consin out to Georgia.
Yeah the Inner Loop is gridlock,
As it is most every day.

Brendan Beary, Great Mills

"Roxanne":

Glennnnn-mont,
You're now at the end of the Red Line.
My commute got shorter,
Don't have to drive that Pontiac of mine.

Glennnnn-mont,
I don't have to get no parking fine,
Ride the Metro to D.C.,
I don't care what it says on the street sign...

But I'm determined to make the best of my inertia;
I just suck in those exhaust fumes and pretend I'm in L.A.

Russell Beland, Springfield

To "Bridge Over Troubled Water":

When you're teary, when you're 'bout to bawl,
When traffic's at a crawl
And you've hit a wall;
I'm up ahead
When things get rough
And detours can't beeeeee found,
I'm that bridge named for Woodrow Wil-son,
I will slow you down...
I'm that bridge named for Woodrow Wil-son,
I will slow you down...

Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo

Posted by Cassandra at August 25, 2005 03:04 PM

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Tracked on August 26, 2005 04:13 PM

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Highway to Hell

Waking up early, find number three
Yellow school bus on a one-way ride
The kids are screaming, you’d best believe
My first day back I’m thinking suicide
Forgot my bottle, forgot my pills
Here come a spitball from a booger mill
What’s that that hit me? P B and J?
Somebody isn’t gonna make third grade

I’m on the highway to school
I’m on the highway to school
I’m on the highway to school
I’m on the highway to school

Posted by: spd rdr at August 25, 2005 05:56 PM

To Sinatra's The Lady Is A Tramp

MY INTERN IS A DITZ

She'll never manage to show up promptly at eight
She takes constant smoke breaks
But still comes back late
To get her attention is not worth the wait
That’s why my Intern is a Ditz.

Doesn’t like spreadsheets, or typing reports
Won’t take dictation, she's always out of sorts.
Won’t take directions, can't remember a thing.
That’s why my Intern is a ditz

I'd - like - to - fire - her - in the worst way...
What can I say?
*His* niece...
What a piece!
I *hate* her, I tell ya, she's drivin' me nuts
That’s why my Intern is a ditz!

Doesn’t do voice mail, messages too
Won’t sort my Inbox, like the admin gals do
Can't seem to master a single thing that I do!
That’s why my Intern ...
That’s why my Intern ...
THAT'S WHY MY INTERN IS A DITZ!

Posted by: Cassandra at August 25, 2005 06:05 PM

That's pretty funny spd :)

I don't know why, I've got Sinatra on the brain today. That's two today. It's like an earworm. Maybe it's because my head hurts so badly.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 25, 2005 06:09 PM

With A Little Help From My Friends

What would you think if I typed out a post
Would you comment and trackback to me?
Lend me your eyes and I'll prattle away
And I'll try not to hit the wrong keys

Oh, I get by with a little help from spell check
Mm, I can type with a little help from spell check
Mm, I’ll get it right with a little help from spell check

What do I do when my post is a dud
Does it worry you to be a alone?
How do I feel when my stats are the pits
Are you sad because you're are a “’crobe”

Oh, I get by with a little help from spell check
Mm, I can type with a little help from spell check
Mm, I’ll get it right with a little help from spell check

Do you need punctuation?
I need somebody to type
How about trying dictation?
I want somebody to type

Would you believe that “allow” has two L’s?
Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time
What do you see when you type “personell?”
I can't tell you but I know it's fine

Oh, I get by with a little help from spell check
Mm, I can type with a little help from spell check
Mm, I’ll get it right with a little help from spell check

Do you need any grammar?
I like the passive voice
Could it be verb confusion?
I just can’t handle the choice

Oh, I get by with a little help from spell check
Mm, I can type with a little help from spell check
Mm, I’ll get it right with a little help from spell check

Yes I get by with a little help from Bill Gates
With a little help from Bill Gaaaaaaaaaaaaates
Frooom.

Posted by: spd rdr at August 25, 2005 07:28 PM

You dork :)

You may not be able to type worth a damn, but you're a fricking genius.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 25, 2005 07:41 PM

More Than A Feeling (Boston)

I looked out this morning and my boat was gone
Tuned into Squawkbox to start my day
I lost myself in a familiar fog
I closed my eyes and I slipped on soybeans

It’s more than a paycheck,
when I hear that old Dow Jones
(more than a paycheck)
And I begin dreaming
(more than a paycheck)
as I see my retirement drift away
I see my retirement drifting away

So many employees have come and gone
Their faces fade as the years go by
Yet I still recall as I pander on
Marvin stole my stapler, that crummy guy!

It’s more than a paycheck,
when I hear that old Dow Jones
(more than a paycheck)
I begin dreaming
(more than a paycheck)
as I see retirement drift away
I see my retirement drifting away

When I’m loaded and thinking old
I hide in my basement, forget the bills
And dream of a boat I used to own
One missed payment and she slipped away
She slipped awaaaaaay.
She slipped aaaaaaaaway.

[Insert Mega Air-Guitar Solo Here]

It’s more than a paycheck,
when I hear that old Dow Jones
(more than a paycheck)
I begin dreaming
(more than a paycheck)
as I see retirement drift away
I see my retirement drifting away

Posted by: spd rdr at August 25, 2005 08:26 PM

Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and you think I'd steal a stapler?

You call that job satisfaction, 'cos I don't.

Posted by: Marvin at August 25, 2005 11:41 PM

To "I Heard It Through The Grapevine"


Ooooo, I bet you're wond'ring how I do
All of those special effects?
C’mon! Ya know it’s true!
Why not admit that your face, it was a-turnin’ green
When you saw alla my slides
Flash up there on that screen
It took ya by surprise, I must say
When you found out yesterday…


Oh yeah, I heard it through the grapevine
Corner office lookin’ mighty, mighty fine
Oooooh, I heard it through the grapevine
Big promotion’s gonna be mine
Honey, honey yeah

Don’t you know a man ain't supposed to cry?
Now it’s time for you to step aside –
All my animation really knocked ‘em dead
(Did you hear what the Vice President said?)
You should have taken my advice
Ya know opportunity doesn’t knock twice

Oh yeah, I heard it through the grapevine
Corner office lookin’ mighty, mighty fine
Oooooh, I heard it through the grapevine
Your position's gonna be mine
Honey, honey yeah

People say "PowerPoint is just a tool”,
Guess they can’t help bein’ fools
It ain’t always *what* you got to say
That gets you what you want,
That puts you on the way
I hear they plan to let you go
For the other guy who knows Ppt. IV….

Posted by: Cassandra at August 26, 2005 07:06 AM

I must say, I'm extremely impressed with all of these.

If I weren't doing all my blogging this week from a bench in front of the Tupper Lake, New York public library between 6:30 and 8:30 in the morning, I might actually offer up my own effort. It would suck, though, because I have no working class consciousness.

Posted by: TigerHawk [TypeKey Profile Page] at August 26, 2005 07:12 AM

Well thanks TH, but spd is kicking my butt as usual. I keep my hand in just to egg him on because I enjoy seeing what he comes up with :)

The Ppt thing needs work, but I've had a whopper of a migraine for 3 days now and my eyes have just about crossed in the back of my head. If I had half a brain I'd take the day off from work and put a bag of ice on my head - I don't think I can take 2 more days of this, much less 3 more days without a drink :D

Maybe I will.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 26, 2005 07:20 AM

Take a Walk on the Wild Side

Holly came from AccountTemps USA
Told everyone she was a CPA
She hooked up with the CFO
Cooked the books and then she beat retreat

She said, hey babe, take the fall for your girlfriend
Said, hey honey, take the fall for your girlfriend

Carly came from somewhere out in the desert
In the boardroom she was everybody’s expert
But she never lost a dime
Tho’ Chap 11 came before its time

She says, hey board, take the fall for your girlfriend
Said, hey Wall Street, take the fall for your girlfriend

And the traders go

Doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh
Doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh
Doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh
Doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh
(doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh)
(doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh)
(doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh)
(doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh)
(doh)

Posted by: spd rdr at August 26, 2005 08:06 AM

STILL THE ONE (Orleans)
We've worked together since way back when
It sucks everyday just to see you again
And I want you to know, after all these years
You're still the Boss and its bringing me to tears

You're still the Boss
And I hate your guts
Still the Boss
No ifs ands or buts
We’re all at a loss, cause you're still the Boss

You call dumb meetings every day
I never understand just what you have to say
Hours will pass, and you on you drone
Blackberry buzzing helps me hang on

You're still the Boss
And that makes me laugh
Still the Boss
I’m better by half
We’re all at a loss, cause you're still the Boss

Quitting my job
Is not the way
I’m too old to start fresh
Anyway

You're still the Boss
And that chaps my butt
Still the Boss
And I’ll tell you what
We’re all at a loss, cause you're still the Boss

You're still the Boss
And you ain’t got no class
You're still the Boss
you can kiss my a$$
We’re all at a loss, cause you're still the Boss

Posted by: spd rdr at August 26, 2005 09:06 AM

I hate you :)

I really hate you - you realize that, don't you??? I can't stop laughing, you twit.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 26, 2005 09:14 AM

*facing spd rdr*
*kneeling, hands extended, bowing hands to air then to ground in worshiping motion*

Posted by: KJ at August 26, 2005 09:30 AM

Desperado - The Eagles

Desperate Worker, why don't you take a vacation?
Head buried in damned reports for so long now.
It's been a bad month, Boss still on maternity leave
these extra job functions now: a pain in the ass.
Don't go to the beach in August, boy,
there's hurricanes a'come-in,
you know that Katrina will always hunt you down.
Now it seems to me the mountains
you won't worry about the weather,
but you only want the ocean with it's waves.


Desperate Worker, oh, you got four guys to hire,
What interviewer skills? Never done this before.
And SAS®, oh, SAS®, well, just seems that no one got trainin'
your prison is searchin' through Monster® all alone.
Don't you bang your head on the desk sometime?
The work won't slow and your salaried,
you haven't seen the sun in three days.
You're losin' all of your last nerves.
Ain't no 'cane gonna be scarin' you away?


Desperate Worker, why don't you take a vacation?
Just a few more hours, leave straight from work.
It may be 'canein', but it can't be worse than the office.
You better get some relaxation, (get some relaxation)
you better get some relaxation
before it's too late.

Posted by: Masked Menace© at August 26, 2005 10:13 AM

Damn spd!

Just to let you know, I had to email that out to the whole family. It does have the attribution, but don't be surprised if it starts making the email rounds.

Posted by: Masked Menace© at August 26, 2005 10:28 AM

Menace, that is awesome :)

I think you captured my entire month.

Reports? check.
Hiring? check.
Maternity leave??? well... no. But I just spent way too long researching salaries on Dice.

And if I'm not Keys-bound in September... I have to figure out a way to get back. At least for the weekend. Better start polishing up my tan so I don't get burned.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 26, 2005 12:27 PM

Yeah, my boss goes out on maternity leave just as we get 4 new positions approved leaving me to handle all 4 hires by myself on top of be the contact person for our group for the gov't auditors who are here until, well, until.

Now I've helped interview candidates before, but always as a technical evaluator. Testing for programming, statistical, and problem solving skills. I do a good job of assistant interviewer, but I suck at the other side of it.

Not to mention I really don't feel comfortable hiring people without input from her. I couldn't imagine being gone for 6 weeks and coming back to 4 new employees I've never met or talked to (in a department of only 7 people to start with). Everyone we talk to either wants more money than we will spend or they can't speak passable English.

Posted by: Masked Menace© at August 26, 2005 12:50 PM

Well luckily I only had to find someone to work for me :) No particular pressure there - I think I can live with a mistake.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 26, 2005 12:53 PM

I'm actually OK with the people side of things. It's more the money/business end that freaks me out. What do I know about that sort of thing?

Oh well. I muddled through - everyone seemed happy with what I came up with.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 26, 2005 12:55 PM

MM,
Don't run yourself down, man! You've been a leader on the field in a team sport (baseball). Believe me, you intuitively have what it takes to hire people. Relax and trust your own good judgement.
And spd, you're cracking me up. I sorta had an idea for a song based on "Message in a Bottle" (Police) about watching PBS, but I'm too dull to flesh it out.

Posted by: David at August 26, 2005 01:59 PM

David, think it over, and finish it when you get home from work, if you still feel like it later :) Either way, we'll wait.

I've noticed that Menace has a lot of insight - I think his boss left the decision up to him because she trusts him.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 26, 2005 02:42 PM

I know she trusts me, I just think it's rude. :-)

The day did just get a hell of a lot better, though.

Posted by: Masked Menace - VP Statistical Portfolio Analysis at August 26, 2005 02:53 PM

My Girl (Temptations)

I've got bunions, on a rainy day.
When it's cold outside, in my bed I must stay.
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
Sick days (sick days, sick days)
Talkin' 'bout sick days (sick days!).

I've got soooooo much work that you’ll have to do.
And that Baxter project baby, well its due by two.
I guess you'd say
Where the hell am I today?
Sick days (sick days, sick days)
Talkin' 'bout sick days (sick days!).

Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Ooooh.

I don't need no doctor, no bosses or phones
I've got Ophra on the TV, while I’m painting my toes.
Paid time off that I can pick,
I ain’t gonna wait till I get sick
Sick days (sick days, sick days)
Talkin' 'bout sick days (sick days!)..

I've got bunions on a rainy day
with sick days.
I always pick the month of May
for sick days (fade)


Posted by: spd rdr at August 26, 2005 03:00 PM

Woo-hoo!!!!

Drinks on Menace!!!!!!

Posted by: Cassandra at August 26, 2005 03:00 PM

Now there's a word I have not heard in a very, very long time... bunions !

I'm not even sure I know what a bunion looks like?

Posted by: Cassandra at August 26, 2005 03:03 PM

Feeling very stupid right now...can't think of A Single Thing to add to this. I'd better leave before I stink up the place.

::eek::

Posted by: Beth at August 26, 2005 05:25 PM

Posted by: spd rdr at August 26, 2005 05:31 PM

Ouch. That looks painful.

For some reason I thought it was something you got on your toes.

Thanks.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 26, 2005 06:39 PM

This REALLY was my day----

RADAR LOVE---Golden Earring

Been flying this hop
My hands numb on the stick.
There's a storm up ahead
And it's getting thick.

It's my GIB (Guy in back) sayin'
"Look at that cell!"
A look at the screen--
The radar's gone to hell.

When I go NORDO
And the silence is too much.
I need returns coming back
From the front.

We ain't got no doppler at all!!!

We got a thing
It's called Radar Fault!
We got a thing in the sky------

RADAR FAULT.

Greg

Posted by: Greg at August 26, 2005 08:15 PM

Nice, Greg :)

Posted by: Cassandra at August 26, 2005 10:34 PM

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