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October 03, 2005
Jihadis On The Move (The Swarming)
Several months ago our esteemed colleagues at The Institute presented their seminal work on jihadi sub-carnivora (commonly known as the Wild Jihadi). The half-vast editorial staff were pleased to follow up with a small treatise on the mating dance of the male jihadi as he seeks to attract the fickle and flighty hen. As we saw, in the world of explosive-mediated biodiversity the course of true love ne'er does run smooth:
[narrator] "And here we see the Male Jihadist, strutting back and forth, preening himself and polishing his explosives in a vain attempt to attract the notice of the female. But eet ees all in vain...She ees lovingly stroking her hand grenades, caressing them in a flirtatious manner that drives thee male into a sexual frenzy... now he ees ripping off hees C-4 vest and throwing eet to thee... [BOOM!!!] "
Thus far, indigenous populations of jihadi sub-carnivora have been confined primarily to the vicinity of Mesopotamia with sporadic sightings in London, Madrid, and Bali. Researchers have theorized that the well-known aversion of jihadi subcarnivora to swimming has, with the exception of one brilliant adaptation in which the species briefly sprouted wings, kept them from migrating to North America and establishing breeding grounds here. Reckless, unilateral military action in violation of international law seemed, up until this point, to have forestalled any further attempts by jihadi sub-carnivora along those lines.
It now appears, however, that our optimism may have been premature.
We learn from the smart folks at Grim's Hall (via Southern Appeal) that jihadi sub-carnivora may have established breeding grounds on this continent:
If this report is right, the United States has just suffered its first suicide bombing. No details beyond these seem to be available.
The half-vast editorial staff tasked the itinerant Eskimo typing staff with the procurement of additional detail on this developing story. As luck would have it the Caribou are not running this time of year, so the half-vast staff did not disappoint:
A University of Oklahoma student was identified Sunday as the person who was killed in an explosion near a packed football stadium, authorities said Sunday.The body is believed to be that of Joel Henry Hinrichs III, 21, according to a news release from Salvador Hernandez, special agent in charge of the FBI in Oklahoma. A student telephone book lists Hinrichs with a permanent address in Colorado Springs, Colo.
As is so often the case in such matters, early reports are conflicting. Some local observers heard five other people may have been injured, (via Malkin) while news reports say there were no other injuries. One unverified source (via Power Line) reports that Islamic jihad materials were found in Hinrichs' apartment by law enforcement officials. Other sources say that he was merely a disturbed engineering student who became despondent and took his own life.
Becoming an HED* in public seems a very angry - and particularly aggressive - way to end one's own life if that was the only intent. One cannot help but grieve for his family and for the black despair of the soul that would drive a promising young man to such a desperate act.
One cannot also help hoping that if jihadi sub-carnivora has, indeed, migrated at long last to North America, that the ineptness of this attack is a sign that the premature explosion problem the HVES so delicately hinted at in our prior post continues to afflict the male jihadi. One hates to joke about such a tragic affair. Suicide bombing is no laughing matter.
But sometimes we think that if we could not manage a wry grin or two at the twists of fate, we would spend eternity in tears.
*human explosive device
Posted by Cassandra at October 3, 2005 06:06 AM
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Joel Henry Hinrichs III was the student who committed suicide near Oklahoma Memorial Stadium during the Oklahoma/Kansas football game. My heart goes out to his family. May he rest in peace. It’s quite a sad story, because Joel could h... [Read More]
Tracked on October 3, 2005 10:57 AM
Comments
I am going to have to check with my professional naturalist, Marty Stouffer, and see if he has any info on this. I don't want to jump to any conclusions but it sounds like it could be some sort of mutation.
Posted by: Pile On at October 3, 2005 06:44 PM
Gateway now reporting that he had a pakistani roommate and attended mosque down the street. Sounds like a replay of the London bombers. I expect the government is not saying anything because they cannot find the pakistani roommate and are probably searching for other contacts in the area. No need to make the bad guys try to run or blow anything else up until they have the goods on them. Further, in the interest of being able to investigate, publicizing that he was a Muslim Convert and had a pakistani roommate and jihadi materials will cause considerable unrest in redneckland and backlash against the Muslim community would not only be publically a disaster, but would cause the Muslim community to close up like an oyster, amking the investigation that much more difficult.
However, I'll be very disappointed if all of the information is not put out very soon. Then again, we are at war, so maybe we shouldn't telegraph what we know?
Posted by: kat-missouri at October 5, 2005 05:14 PM