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January 22, 2006

KerryWatch: Blog Against The Machine

Suffering the unfortunate aftereffects of one too many celebratory libations to the Gods, the half-vast editorial staff woke this morning in need of something to distract us from the alarming sensations emanating from our prefrontal lobe. Accordingly, we donned our favorite red bathrobe and bunny slippers, grabbed a cup of Joe, and set off to poke around a few old haunts. Of course, one can't expect things to remain quite same as they were of old. With the advent of TimesSelect, our trusty elephant gun has been gathering dust in an unused corner of the office and at any rate, with great shaggy beasts like MoDope, Bob Herbert, and Paul Krugman walled off behind a one-way forcefield the contest is hardly equal anymore, is it? So it was with no special premonition of disaster that we set off on our morning rounds.

_pathetic_hip_hop_pandering.Par.0002 Sadly, that false sense of confidence lasted only as long as it took us to reach The Corner, where we were suddenly confronted with a sight so horrifying that it froze the very marrow in our bones:

John Forbes Kerry: Blogger

On second thought, we have no idea why this should have surprised us. The Junior Senator from Vietnam with the fresh-def perspective on urban culture has always kept his finger on the pulse of the Me Generation. Senator Kerry seems to be particularly well tuned into the concept of Rage:

"I'm fascinated by rap and by hip-hop. I think there's a lot of poetry in it. There's a lot of anger, a lot of social energy in it. And I think you'd better listen to it pretty carefully, 'cause it's important."

Now that we think of it, every time Kerry opens his mouth he seems pissed off about something. During his campaign he kept telling voters, "I'll fight for you!". Of course Kerry's particular brand of pugilism is the tidal kind, in that it seems to ebb and flow with every fluctuation in the news cycle. The good Senator doesn't want to fight Saddam, bin Laden, or the kind of nutjobs who run around Ginsu-ing the heads off civilian contractors because that would involve reckless, arrogant unilateralism of a kind he's not prepared to endorse without the prior approval of Germany and France.

No, with his unerring instinct for nailing the crux of an issue in hindsight, Kerry has identified the real enemy, as he pompously informed America's youth on MTV:

I mean, there are countless numbers of things that we could be doing to enhance the world's view of us and to minimize the kind of anger and ... almost recruitment that has taken place in terrorist organizations as a result of the way the administration has behaved.
And that’s the second money quote, right there. We stopped pretending we would ratify Kyoto. We only spent $15 billion on AIDS in Africa. We did not take dictation from Paris. If we had done these things, it would minimize the world’s anger.

Is the world angry at Russia, which spends nothing on AIDS and rebuffed Kyoto? Is the world angry at China, which got a pass on Kyoto and spends nothing on AIDS for other countries?

Is the world angry at North Korea for killing its people? Angry at Iran for smothering that vibrant nation with corrupt and thuggish mullocracy? Angry at Syria for occupying Lebanon? Angry at Saudi Arabia for its denial of women’s rights? Angry at Russia for corrupt elections? Is the world angry at China for threatening Taiwan, or angry at France for joining the Chinese in joint military exercises that threatened the island on the eve of an election? Is the world angry at Zimbabwe for stealing land and starving people? Is the world angry at Pakistan for selling nuclear secrets? Is the world angry at Libya for having an NBC program?

Is the world angry at the thugs of Fallujah?

Is the world angry at anyone besides America and Israel?

But even if you admit that the world is angry at America - so angry that the poorest of them can’t wait to come here and stake a claim – you have to stand in awe at the sheer political idiocy of Kerry’s conclusion.

kerry_harley.jpg What makes John Kerry angry? Not things like genocide in Darfur or Saddam Hussein burying hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqis in mass graves or the incredibly harsh repression in North Korea. He wasn't even angry enough about Iraq's invasion of Kuwait in 1990 to support US intervention.

No, Senator Kerry can live with the little mishaps of life like genocide and torture. Who among us has not had a little intentional mass murder in their past? No, it's mistakes that cannot be excused. The idea that our government, over four years ago, with a limited number of troops, could fail to find one man in remote mountainous terrain during wartime just infuriates the good Senator.

He wants answers, dammit, and he's willing to play Hardball to get them. Even if it means joining forces with someone who said this about him:

But what makes me angry was Kerry and his gang's inability to take advantage of the situation. I may regret saying this later, but f*ck it -- they should be lined up and shot. There's no reason they should've lost [...] A Kerry presidency would've been an unmitigated disaster, with a hostile congress, budget woes, the mess in Iraq, etc. Not a good time to be in charge."

Because we all know that if that one man were dead, the GWOT would end, and butterflies and teddy bears would dance for joy in the streets of Baghdad and Kabul.

Word.

Posted by Cassandra at January 22, 2006 07:42 AM

Comments

My money is on Kerry to be the Demorat nominee in 2008, because the base thinks exactly like you have shown kerry thinks.

As far as Times Select, now that you have to pay to read Mo and Krugs on line, they are virtually ignored. No one fisking their editorials, no one mentions them. The last time anyone mentioned Mo was when her book came out. Krugs? Nada. Not on RW sites, not at LW sites. No mentions at the DU or Kos.

Oh, and the Times stock is dropping. Bwahahahaha!

Posted by: William Teach [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 22, 2006 09:17 AM

I think Kerry's a joke, honestly. I think Gore is angling to fight him for the nomination, and I think Gore will beat him for it. Gore's got the advantage of not having to occassionally adopt reasonable positions (like voting for the war); because he has no actual authority, he can be unreasonable all the time. That means he can be "consistent," and not a waffler, which the base will interpret as "Electability!"

The problem is that he's consistently insane, these days. But they won't sort that out until he's carrying their standard out to the voters.

The Democratic Party seems to have decided to avoid any sort of sensible platform reform until after 2008. They're still hanging on "national security is less important than other things," and "abortion is the end-all of judicial politics." It's like they think that this electoral thing is just a tide that will, of course, have to turn sooner or later... really, it will... I mean, no tide keeps going forever, so...

It's really depressing to watch.

Posted by: Grim [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 22, 2006 05:09 PM

The problem is that he's consistently insane, these days. But they won't sort that out until he's carrying their standard out to the voters.

Heh... sad, but all too true. What scares me is that the man comes out with one of his rants and people actually point to it approvingly.

It's getting to the point where I'm actually rooting for the Dems to nominate Hillary, just so they'll have a credible candidate. Politics is getting so surreal these days though, that I'm not even certain it matters anymore.

Posted by: Cassandra [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 22, 2006 06:13 PM

I think a Teddy Bare pique-nique in Boston would be scary. And Kerry blogging? Good helk. The world finally came to an end.

Posted by: Crckt [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 23, 2006 09:57 AM

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