Villainous Company

This piece amused me, too. "Who unloads the dishwasher?" indeed. The answer is that every family sorts out its own division of labor, according to the desires of the immediate participants. It's no one's business who unloads the dishwasher, excepting those people in that particular household.

As it happens, in my household, I do the dishes -- my wife hates dishwashing worse than any other chore. And I don't even have a dishwasher -- I do every dish by hand, using hot water, soap, bleach, and a scouring pad. You don't hear me griping about it; I could buy a dishwasher if I wanted one, or I could hire someone to do it (maybe -- that's harder out on the edge of the Wild than it is in Cleveland Park). Or, I could offer to pick up some other set of chores such as would balance out for my wife having to do the dishes.

As it is, I choose to do the dishes; and in turn, she does a number of things I don't like to do. I imagine our authoress has a number of benefits in return for the horrid chore of 'unloading the dishwasher,' which she doesn't choose to explain to us because it would undermine her argument-from-oppression.

It reminds me of that piece from last autumn, in which the authoress was arguing in favor of divorce and against marriage on the grounds that -- if you were living a comfortable life -- the question of who picked up the dry cleaning would become the most important thing in your life. If your husband wouldn't do it, why should you live with him?

Good gracious.

Well, when I stayed at home FT, my husband really did not do much of anything around the house.

But on the other hand, you didn't see me going in to his office and typing away on his computer or going to the field in zero degree weather either! I took care of the home front and he brought home the bacon. If I wanted extra money I went out and earned it but that was my decision, not something he ever asked me to do.

As a matter of fact he would have preferred I not do it. But I didn't ask him and he didn't tell me what to do, just as I don't try to tell him how to spend his work day -- that's his business :)

I trust him to take care of his responsibilities unless and until he gives me reason not to. He has always extended me the same courtesy.

People are so spoiled. No wonder everyone is getting divorced these days.

AHquitcherbichin.Don't we buy you gals flowers every February 14th? Whaaya what. Blood?

Oh my, a chance to rant . . . .

This silly little bag had better be skilled in some of the more esoteric erotic arts, because she ain't be gwan' to have no man for long, unless he's a perfectly emasculated squirrel.

I may not have been the best husband at all times, but I always did my share of the household chores, including diaper changes, baths and whatnot. I worked hard to get to the point where I could support our family on my salary so she could be home full-time, which is what she wanted to do.

I gave her the freedom and support to get a part-time job later, on her own terms, and then to begin learning a skill that she had always wanted to master.

Then the bitch left me.

Well, congratulations, Chris!
Sometimes the bitch never leaves.

My goodness... did someone sit in you guys' cornflakes this morning?

Chris, I am sorry. Divorce is really tough. I hope you find someone who appreciates you someday :)

Or, like a boomerang, she just comes back. (!)

Here, pass me that sandwich.

Heigh-ho, neighbor!

It's Cap'n Crunch, and no one sat in it that I saw. Maybe the cat, but I was watching very closely.

I just get tired of people complaining about their horrid lives when they haven't got a clue how good they have it. It's the ingratitude that gets my goat.

Imagine a whiney liberal like that as a single parent. Thank God my kids have a troglodyte like me.

It could be worse, she could be her child. That must suck.

Cat sat in your Cap'n Crunch?

I will have to have a talk with that woman - she is getting out of control... heh.

Pile, I imagine her kids are quite spoiled. That's what tends to go with this whiny sort of nonsense: an inability to set limits. That happens to be my pet peeve about women in general.

We have a tendency, because we genuinely love our husbands and children, to want to give and give and give until there is nothing left. We would do anything to make them happy, so sometimes we forget to draw the line firmly between the "needs" of others and our own needs. The result, if we're not honest with ourselves, is resentment.

Other people can suck you dry if you let them and there is a fine line between giving freely and giving with an expectation (whether conscious or unconscious) of reciprocal treatment, which in the case of husbands and children is a BIG mistake. I find that a lot of women make themselves "indispensible" to their loved ones, doing all sorts of things for them that they are perfectly capable of doing for themselves, then sit and stew because NOTHING their loved ones can ever do will equal that amount of devotion and they find their families rightly chafing under the load of yet another guilt trip.

Men often act purposely obtuse when they notice this but secretly feel bad, which only whacks their wives off b/c they think the big lug didn't notice (he did, but he ain't about to let on).

Kind of like the Cycle of Violence, but much worse :)

And Don, you're a punk.

The Penile Hegemony. Does this mean they stand united?

Proudly, ramrod straight.

Err... I'm findin myself oddly turned on by that last comment. I need to go now.

*ducking out for a cold shower*

(I’m leaving child-minding out of this; in a happily balanced life, it doesn’t feel like a chore.)

And there the harridan has killed her argument.

I have a happily balanced life. I do those dreadful chores and work to teach the children we have the meaning of 'responsibility.' If I don't, who will?
The government nannies she seeks for all working women? The domestic help that has to be hired?
I think not.

Yesterday, we had a major event to deal with and thanks to spd, I still had that vision in brain.
Anyhoo, we went from that to being parents. Yes, the kitchen looked as if grated cheese gesploded all over the floor.

The brownies that I had baked earlier that morning
in my then sparkling kitchen were lurking in the microwave, and used as bribes.

The kitchen was cleaned, the living room cleared of toys, vacuumed and dusted. Food was prepared and we sat down with our offspring (aka Child Labor Units) to discuss their day.

Later on, bedrooms were tidied, clothes sorted for the laundry next day, the familiar and much welcomed routine of bedtime was the focus. It was prayers, devotions and bedtime stories for the two youngest.

I would not trade that for anything. I have real power here. Not the power of the world, but the real power of love and respect.

The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world :)

Seriously, there is much to be said for just being there at the end of the day when your husband is tired. Something I all too often forget when my own work day has been long and hectic.

Last night he got home very late and I could tell he was just drained. I don't normally do this, but I took a moment to turn down the bed, fluff up his pillow and the down comforter, set his book on the cover and turn the lamp on so all would be ready for him when he finally climbed under the covers. It wasn't much.

This morning when I got up at 4 am, on my keyboard was a Valentine's day card. Where on earth did he find the time? He's been so busy lately.

He found the time because he wanted to. Love is a verb and both partners act on it. It is knowing the little things that mean something to your partner and taking the time to do them...remind them that we care and want to show it.

I took a moment to turn down the bed, fluff up his pillow and the down comforter, set his book on the cover and turn the lamp on so all would be ready for him when he finally climbed under the covers.

THAT is what I call a good marriage--when you do the little things for each other because you're thinking of each other, trying to make the other's day just a little sweeter. That kind of thing I never, EVER saw, not even once--not even close--with my ex. I know the resentment you talk about, and it comes not from someone never ever ever just stepping in to handle the dishes; it's because it would never even occur to someone (like my ex) to do anything of the kind. I think I would have dropped dead from shock if my ex had ever done anything like you described. I must have been drunk when I married the son of a bitch.

You know, I've always felt really lucky Beth (and I think considering how young I got married, I know I truly *was* lucky). Like most couples, we've had our struggles, but I've always known he was trying and he's always known I was trying so we've managed to work a few things out over 27 years.

But I've also been shocked at how easily we can hurt each other, even with all that going for us. I can only begin to imagine how awful it would be to be in a destructive relationship, and that's bad enough. I hope you find someone who makes you really happy :) They do exist.