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May 01, 2006
Kerry-Rumsfeld Death Match
In our idler moments, the half-vast editorial staff have been known to wonder what would happen if the Xtreme Candidate from Massachusetts were put in a room alone with one of his political opponents.
A cleverly-hidden camera recently caught this clash of the titans. We will leave it up to you to caption their epic battle:
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Posted by Cassandra at May 1, 2006 08:48 AM
Comments
I might well have some witty remarks were I not locked in my cellar with a rifle and weeks worth of canned goods, fresh water and batteries waiting for the inevitable apocalypse that will occur because illegal immigrants are boycotting work today. Be afraid.
Posted by: Frodo at May 1, 2006 01:29 PM
"Mom (Teresa), he's mimicking me!"
Posted by: Cricket at May 1, 2006 03:02 PM
#3
Rumsfeld's Cow of Doom Stance was just a hare too slow to evade Kerry's blistering Bunny Rabbit of Death attack.
Posted by: Cassandra at May 1, 2006 04:08 PM
#8
With sweeping gestures, the Senator stated his hope that good, old fashioned Massachusetts family values would soon spread to the military community.
Posted by: Cassandra at May 1, 2006 04:11 PM
Dammit. I've got a brief to write!
#1.
Kerry: "Watch me launch this into orbit, boys!"
Rumsfeld: "...and I know that you'll join me in a silent prayer for the families of the reporters injured as a result of this pointedly partisan exercise."
#2
Rumsfeld: "..and then I put the muzzel right into his eye and I said "Are you feeling lucky, Osama? Well are you?"
Kerry: "See that scar? That's where the b-b hit me on Christmas morning."
#3
Kerry: "I can make "peace" with just one hand."
Rumsfeld: "Alright. We'll do it again for the slow learners. Once upon a time there were these twin towers...."
#4
Rumsfeld: "Rise! Rise from your deathly slumber! HE LIVES!"
Kerry: "Grrouwwwrr, Master."
#5
Kerry: "I prefer the left hand, that way I can hold the cell phone and listen."
Rumsfeld: "Yeah, it's this big. You wanna see?"
Posted by: spd rdr at May 1, 2006 04:46 PM
Dammit. I've got a brief to write!
You lawyers and your briefs - can't you write about anything other than your underwear???
Anyway, this is more fun :)
Posted by: Cassandra at May 1, 2006 06:39 PM
6. Rumsfeld:
"And so, this is how the Shao-lin masters showed me how to do it..."
Kerry:
"Doh!"
7. Kerry:
"And while there is already and 'I' in Heinz, when I am president, there will be an 'I' in ketchup!"
Rumsfeld:
"Karate..Chop!"
8. Kerry:
"Mwa, Mwa, mwa; I love all you silly savages out there!"
Rumsfeld:
"No, this is how you place your hand for the Mind Meld."
Posted by: Don Brouhaha at May 2, 2006 08:48 AM
Oh, that sounds like a sonnet:
To a Brief Deposed.
#4
Rumsfeld: "And this is how the sh*t hit the fan."
Kerry: "Grappling in a manner reminiscent of Jinjis Con, I did a tiger mouth."
Posted by: Cricket at May 2, 2006 05:52 PM