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August 07, 2006

If I Were King... Caption Contest

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Unjudged caption contests. Unjudged games. Unfinished stories.

I don't really want to hear it. I am really sorry folks, but if you are waiting for me to catch up with all the undone things in my undone life, I will probably quit blogging again, and we've already been there, done that, and gotten the wet T-shirt. Let's just skip it.

I am bored from working too much and I don't know when I'll get time to catch up. Probably this week. In the mean time, have some fun and add to my ever-expanding backlog:


Why yes. This was brazenly ripped off from Professor Chomstein without so much as a by your leave.

How good of you to notice.

Posted by Cassandra at August 7, 2006 04:55 PM


John Kerry introduces the rosebush to the to the Iowa City Garden Club.

Posted by: Beth at August 7, 2006 05:20 PM

John Foregainst Kerry unveils his phased withdrawal Plan to redeploy Coalition forces to a sane, secure, over-the-horizon position that will return the Strong Strength of Strongness to America's endangered hedgerows.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 7, 2006 05:55 PM

It's a nice day to start again
It's a nice day for a white wedding
It's a nice day to start again.

Posted by: Masked Menace at August 7, 2006 06:10 PM

Under my proposed environmental policies, this shrubery would have produced many more blooms.

Once again, Kerry's stage presence is outdone by the personality of a bush.


Sunlight is the best disinfectant.


With this hand, ladies and gentlemen, I will bitch slap Al-Queda until they come to the negotiating table to achieve the Kerry Peace Plan.


The crowd began to get uneasy as Senator Kerry continued to refer to his "running mate John Edwards, standing here next to me."

Posted by: KJ at August 7, 2006 07:53 PM

once again appropriate......

"We want.... A SHRUBBERY!!!!"

Posted by: ChatterBox at August 7, 2006 08:26 PM

Thought balloon........

"I think that I shall never see
A rose as beautiful as me.

Is that OK with you,Theresa?"

Posted by: WildBlueYonder at August 7, 2006 08:59 PM

John Forbes Kerry (D, Viet Nam) prepares to raize yet another Shrub in a fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 7, 2006 09:30 PM

(Doin' the Rappin' Granny)
"A Hip, A Hop, A Hibbit to hibbity hip hop rockin' to the bang bang boogie...Hey...you guys paid to see Al Gore's nonsense...what's the difference?"

Posted by: LongTabSigO at August 7, 2006 10:30 PM

"Y'know, this reminds me of my (few! -Jack) days (daze?) in Vietnam..."

Posted by: camojack at August 8, 2006 05:10 AM

If I was President this hedge would not have remained untrimmed.

Posted by: handy at August 8, 2006 09:16 AM

John F-n Kerry speaking to one of the world's few remaining "life forms" who didn't know he was a decorated war hero in Vietnam.

John (the man who would be King) Kerry really voted to SAVE all the roses... before he picked... the very... last... one.

JFK at a "search party" looking for one of his lost war medals thrown over the hedge.

(Song) He went to a garden party;
They all knew his name.
He droned on 'bout Viet nam,
Said the crowd, "Here we go again."

Posted by: Ziobuck at August 8, 2006 09:26 AM

"If I were president, this rose wouldn't have thorns"

Posted by: AC at August 8, 2006 11:46 AM

“They told the stories at times they had personally pruned, cut off petals, cut off branches, taped wires to sticks to make them stand straight, cut off buds, pulled off leaves, randomly smelled as walking by, sprayed pesticides in fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan, watered and played in the water for fun, poisoned insects, and generally hedged the countryside’s roses in addition to the normal hedging of gardens, and the normal and very particular hedging which is done by the landscaping services”

Posted by: AC at August 8, 2006 11:56 AM

With the pangs of the SEE (significant emotional event) etched on his countenance, JFK-TWO (importuned by admiring catsup fans at a garden party he just crashed) recalled the experience of a life time...

"I remember Christmas of 1968 sitting on a gunboat in Cambodia (day dreaming of hedgehogs back home). I remember what it was like (trimming the hedges back home)to be shot(a glance) at by (disbelieving) Vietnamese and Khmer Rouge and Cambodians (this guy's obsessed with BUSHes!), and have the president of the United States telling the American people that I was not there (exactly. You were in the T-Zone); the troops (bushes/hedges?) were not in Cambodia. I have that memory which is seared – seared – in me."

Posted by: ziobuck at August 8, 2006 01:23 PM

Unlike this bush, I have a plan.

Posted by: John Forgainst Kerry at August 8, 2006 01:39 PM

bwa ha ha ha ha!!!!

Posted by: Cassandra at August 8, 2006 01:46 PM

"And then, by moving your pinky up and down, the shadow looks like a dog barking." Thought baloon: God I hate being the warm up act for Hillary.

Posted by: New Daddy To Baby at August 8, 2006 01:50 PM

Jean Fraude Kerry wonders why he was never promised a Rose Garden.

Posted by: Cricket at August 8, 2006 03:32 PM

AC, that was hilarious -- "personally pruned." Thanks so much for a chuckle.

Posted by: Mark A at August 8, 2006 04:30 PM

"So I said to the VC... pull not one finger... but THREE fingers! And that's how I saved my swiftboat crew."

Posted by: Kevin L at August 8, 2006 05:56 PM

What should we do about this shrubbery? I'll tell you. We should cut . . . and run.

Posted by: KJ at August 8, 2006 05:57 PM

It's a bird... Its a plane... no its Superflous man, espousing gold digging, Massachussets politics, and the Kennedyesque way.

Posted by: rodney dill at August 8, 2006 10:51 PM

"Did I mention that Dick Cheney's daughter is a Rhododendron?"

and Cassandra, you oughtta know better. It's PROFESSYM Chomstein. For the sake of any of your readers who haven't chosen a gender identity yet and don't want to be swayed one way or the other, let's try to use more gender neutral terms.

Posted by: Liberal Larry at August 9, 2006 12:19 AM

I'm confused. I thought liberals now insisted that gender identity wasn't chosen. Rather, you born with it, even though sometimes the plumbing didn't match the identity.

Which is it, professym?

Posted by: KJ at August 9, 2006 09:58 AM

Gender and sexuality are genetic traits, but gender identity is something forced upon you by your parents. Thus you can be born a gay boy, but choose to become a straight woman. If parents would stop forcing their children to adhere to gender sterotypes and treated them as androgynous zygotes until they chose their own gender identity, their sexual awakening would be less psychologically traumatizing.

Posted by: Liberal Larry at August 9, 2006 01:47 PM

I apologyze. I realize now, only belatedly, that I have been brainwashed by decades of unearned race and gender privileges, not to mention the unspeakable brutaliation I've been forced to endure in the name of this so-called "marriage", which as we all know is just another form of legalized rape similar to what this nation has been forced to endure at the hands of the Bush AdMENistration.

Posted by: Princess Leia in a Cheese Danish Bikini at August 9, 2006 02:49 PM

And dammitall.

Now the Shrub stole the "z" in "brutilization".

Is there no decency left in the world? In light of this, I think the only course left to us is immediate and unconditional surrender to that Musab al-Zarqawi feller.

Oh. He's dead?

Nevermind then.

Posted by: Princess Leia in a Cheese Danish Bikini at August 9, 2006 02:51 PM

I can't wait to see the brutalization that cheese danish does, Princess.

Posted by: KJ at August 10, 2006 09:34 AM

"And if you'll look very close, you can see the bandaid mark from my second Purple Heart, on this finger. If I hadn't worn my lucky hat, it might have required one of those large bandaids, and perhaps some iodine or merthiolate or something...

Posted by: Beerme at August 12, 2006 08:42 PM

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