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August 09, 2006

Thankfully, The Octopus Was Unhurt...

As long suffering time readers of VC are no doubt aware, the HVES strives with the utmost imaginable fervor to keep the readership abreast of Items of Interest such as Gay Penguin Alerts and major cultural events like New York City's Underwear Day. It is through deeply sensitive offerings like this that we hope to gain your trust. In time, perhaps you will come to think of this humble little site as your Cultural Gateway to the Multiverse.

Naturellment therefore, this This Red-Hot Penguin Related Item set off alarm bells in our pretty little head:

Motorists dodged penguins on an East Texas highway today after a truck carrying the flightless birds overturned.

The rig was hauling penguins, exotic fish and one octopus to the Galveston Zoo when the accident happened on U.S. Highway 59, eight miles north of Marshall.

The Department of Public Safety says four penguins and some of the fish died. Another penguin suffered a broken wing.

lohan.jpg We need hardly point out depradations of the Bush administration's disastrous environmental policies on the biosphere. After just five years, the Texas penguin population has been decimated. Nor need we stress the glaringly obvious tie-in with this news story:

Everyone knows Al Gore stars in the global warming documentary "An Inconvenient Truth." But who created "Al Gore's Penguin Army," a two-minute video now playing on YouTube.com?

In the video, Mr. Gore appears as a sinister figure who brainwashes penguins and bores movie audiences by blaming the Mideast crisis and starlet Lindsay Lohan's shrinking waist size on global warming. Like other videos on the popular YouTube site, it has a home-made, humorous quality. The video's maker is listed as "Toutsmith," a 29-year-old who identifies himself as being from Beverly Hills in an Internet profile.

In an email exchange with The Wall Street Journal, Toutsmith didn't answer when asked who he was or why he made the video, which has just over 59,000 views on YouTube. However, computer routing information contained in an email sent from Toutsmith's Yahoo account indicate it didn't come from an amateur working out of his basement.

Instead, the email originated from a computer registered to DCI Group, a Washington, D.C., public relations and lobbying firm whose clients include oil company Exxon Mobil Corp.

But isn't this just more of the same for an administration that has had its sights on Hollywood from the outset? I think we all remember this vicious attack on the gay community, no doubt sponsored by more Republican proxies hoping to gain traction for their so-called "family values" agenda. Thankfully, informed Americans realize the First Amendment requires all speech to be officially registered with the federal government so it can be monitored and traced to its point of origin by the press - thus are our precious freedoms ensured.

The last thing we want is for paid political hacks to waste their money on amateurish videos ostensibly created by 29 year-olds in their basements.

These people must be protected from themselves.

More importantly, potential viewers of such videos aren't nearly sophisticated enough to evaluate content for themselves unless they know who paid for the video:

Mr. Wertheimer thinks videos like the Gore spoof, whose sponsorhip is vague, can be disingenuous. "They're coming in under false pretenses -- under the guise of being a clever video you might be interested in," he says.

How can anyone know whether they might be interested in something simply by listening to it? Whereas if you knew ahead of time who paid for the video, you could make the decision ahead of time not even to bother watching it. Or more importantly, you might watch it and think to yourself, "What a bunch of asshats - my teenaged son could have done a better job."

Though we suppose you could come to that conclusion without knowing who paid for the video at all, as we did last week when we watched about 1/3 of it before closing the little browser window in disgust. Boy howdy - that was ninety seconds of our life that we will never get back.

If only there had been some Federal Legislation protecting us against that massive waste of time.

All of which just goes to show you that what we need most in this country is more laws regulating speech. Only then will we be truly free to exercise our First Amendment rights without unnecessary and intrusive government interference.

Posted by Cassandra at August 9, 2006 05:16 PM


Bush lied 4 penguins died.

Posted by: PTPFP at August 9, 2006 06:13 PM

Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot, call your office.


Posted by: Longtabsigo at August 9, 2006 08:58 PM

I wonder if they will vacate the "oct-upied" territories?

Posted by: LongTabSigO at August 9, 2006 09:00 PM

To me sponsors are irrelevant. I make silly videos all the time for a giggle and for various political groups around the country. I have never been paid by Exxon...as a matter of fact I paid them $3.48 for Supreme unleaded today. Nevertheless - I still can't resist placing that fat blowhard Ted Kennedy in every bar scene west of the Mason Dixon line. Hmmm.. time to Google for that CEO who runs Exxon......


Posted by: Dr. Harden Stuhl at August 10, 2006 02:18 AM

You are shameless, Harden... heh.

Posted by: Princess Leia in a Cheese Danish Bikini at August 10, 2006 10:18 AM

You mock Al Gore, but can you can you answer this question: if it isn't global warming then why Lindsey Lohan has lost so much weight???

I thought not! In the absence of any evidence otherwise, it has to be global warming.

Posted by: Frodo at August 10, 2006 05:13 PM

Lindsey Lohan believes in routine purges after every meal. No exceptions.

Posted by: UN Doctor at August 11, 2006 08:44 AM

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