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August 02, 2006

The Princess Reads This Stuff So You Don't Have To...

Bark like a dog, baby....

No, really. I mean it. It turns me on.

In other news, the half vast editorial staff noted with some interest a rather snarky question posed in a trashy women's mag we somewhat shamefacedly purchased in some shabby airport kiosk as an antidote to Foreign Affairs and the WSJ. Apparently a recent study looked at whether hubbies who balanced work and home responsibilities or workaholic spouses made better lovers.

What say you, gentle readers?

And in still other news, people just don't appreciate Great Art these days. (via MensNewsDaily)

Of course, if Art isn't your bag, you can always occupy your frontal lobe with truly pressing legal issues, like whether Congress should pass more legislation to protect Joe SixPack from the pernicious effects of kiss-and-tell blogging in the workplace. Clearly this is the kind of tragic social problem that warrants immediate government intervention at the federal level. We must stop this sort of abuse in our lifetime.

Do it now. For the children.

Posted by Cassandra at August 2, 2006 08:41 AM


I appreciate the effort, but you provided links and I read the crap anyway.

Posted by: Pile OnĀ® at August 2, 2006 12:03 PM

You know, many moons ago, I seem to remember a certain someone musing about whether he was losing his Snarky Edge ...

Heh. You never change, my friend. Still the same old Pile.

Posted by: Val Plame at August 2, 2006 12:17 PM

That article about pitch was really interesting. It's got me trying to think about recent interactions between males that I've seen.

The scientist in me can't wait for the next time I volunteer at the USO--it'll be interestingt to watch the male-male interactions and see if anything is obvious to me...

Yeah, I 'm a dork. You gonna do something about it? ;)

Posted by: FbL at August 2, 2006 02:03 PM

pant pant pant

Me loves sunburned womyn!

The mystery of male dog dominance is solved. It involves sniffing!

Posted by: Leg Humper at August 2, 2006 02:58 PM

FbL, I found this interesting too. I am an alto, and while my low-pitched speaking voice isn't as nearly as husky as Lauren Bacall's by any means, I've always wondered if that has anything to do with the fact that I rarely get any static out of men, because I'm not exactly the most assertive person on the face of the earth.

Posted by: John Lennon at August 2, 2006 03:02 PM

I'd also be interested to see if there's been studies on women's voices and their effect on men (and vice-versa).

We talk about the "bedroom voice" as being attractive, but what about a woman's "everyday voice?" I mean, if a man hears a woman interacting with someone in a professional or asexual way, does pitch have anything to do with levels of attraction?

Posted by: FbL at August 2, 2006 03:11 PM

And "LH," just send your wife to the beach without her sunscreen. :P

Posted by: FbL at August 2, 2006 03:12 PM

Nothin's sexier than a dominating professional womyn giving direction in the heat of a stressed out work day combined with PMS.


Posted by: Barry White at August 2, 2006 03:22 PM

Science is amazing! Has anyone listened to Mike Tyson's voice?

Posted by: Mark at August 2, 2006 03:26 PM

Where's Cassandra when we need a referee? ;)

Posted by: FbL at August 2, 2006 03:31 PM

Cassie? Firing from her snark cannon under anonymous non de plumes! :-o

Mike Tyson's an ear eater so he doesn't count in regard to male Humanity stuff! The key is that one has to be Human first! ;-)

Posted by: Tiny Tim at August 2, 2006 03:39 PM

I dunno FbL, but there was this one guy once...

I was at work with my back turned to him typing at my keyboard and he said something to me and my knees literally got weak.

I don't think that has ever happened to me before - I didn't even know who he was at the time. I think that was the worst case of sheer, senseless physical attraction I've ever suffered. Thank God that's over.

Posted by: Pennies from Heaven at August 2, 2006 03:43 PM

So, tell us: what made his voice so wonderful? *settling in for the story*

Posted by: FbL at August 2, 2006 03:49 PM

Aha. The outcome of my military career is revealed.

Those squeaky-voiced, pencil-necked, sunken-chested, geek marathon runners senior to me didn't like the fact that my voice rumbles and I don't run. I stand and fight.


Good to know.

Posted by: John of Argghhh! at August 2, 2006 03:52 PM

Hard to describe. A hint of a Southern drawl, but not too pronounced. Very low - a bit raspy but kind of like molasses. Very masculine. It just sounded warm, like caramel or honey, but he didn't actually talk a whole lot which kind of made it even more interesting to listen to when he did say something.

Posted by: Pennies from Heaven at August 2, 2006 04:02 PM


I think I've heard a voice like that before. A man who can caress you with his voice when all he's doing is talking shop...

Posted by: FbL at August 2, 2006 04:08 PM

"Studies have shown that women favor men with low, masculine voices during periods in their menstrual cycle when they're likely to get pregnant, and also that they prefer men with lower voices for short-term sexual flings."

I feel a stirring in The Force.

Posted by: Darth Vader at August 2, 2006 05:04 PM

"in a trashy women's mag we somewhat shamefacedly purchased in some shabby airport kiosk"

Avoid embarassment. Next time you need the magazine contact me. I'll buy it for you. You can pick it up in the privacy of my room in some shabby airport hotel.

I think Tyrone Power had the perfect male voice. Watch for "The Sun Also Rises" (DVD not out yet) Bonus - a young Robert Evans as a toredor, he doesn't say much, and doesn't have to.

That movie had several superb voices: Mel Ferrer, Errol Flynn, Eddie Albert, Ava Gardner.

Posted by: K at August 2, 2006 05:06 PM

I feel a stirring in The Force.

Now Darth honey... I thought I told you we don't play with our light sabers in polite company.

Posted by: Princess Leia in a Cheese Danish Bikini at August 2, 2006 05:23 PM


Y'all got that Viagara in yor inhaler?

Posted by: Another Yahoo heard from at August 2, 2006 05:24 PM

You want to watch that, Yahoo.

When old Darth starts smiting people with that Thing, events tend to get a tad interesting 'round these here parts....

Posted by: Princess Leia in a Cheese Danish Bikini at August 2, 2006 05:28 PM

After the day the cast slipped that Viagra into Darth's mask, the set of Star Wars was never quite the same....

Suddenly the camera crew and extras were convulsed with laughter at inappropriate moments in the dialogue. Return of the Jedi was the worst:

10. "Hey, point that thing someplace else."

9. "I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master."

8. "I never knew I had it in me."

7. "There is good in him, I've felt it."

6. "Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping -- hold on. Grab it, almost... you almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me Chewie."

5. "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one."

4. "Back door, huh? Good idea!"

3. "She's gonna blow!"

2. "I think you'll fit in nicely."

1. "Rise, my friend."

Posted by: Princess Leia in a Cheese Danish Bikini at August 2, 2006 06:24 PM

Avoid embarassment. Next time you need the magazine contact me. I'll buy it for you.


Seriously, I will go YEARS without buying any kind of women's magazine because they are so inanely dumb. But they are such a guilty pleasure, so then I will give in and literally wallow in them in a disgusting orgy of trashiness say... once every few years.

Stupid. But so fun. And I really hate to even be seen buying something with a byline like "THE EROTIC NEW TREND (EVERYONE'S TRYING IT...)" and I'm going to be reading this on an AIRPLANE with Tuna Sandwhich Man looking over my shoulder while I'm literally dislocating my neck trying to see between the cracks of the seat in front of me so I can diagnose my butt shape from the trashy grrrrl-mag the chick in seat 9b is reading.

WHY oh WHY didn't I buy COSMO???? What does butt-shape even MEAN by the time you get to be my age? and if you have to turn around in the hotel mirror to try and figure out what shape your buns are, does that distort your true butt-shape?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Bonus question: if your husband walks into the bathroom as you are standing, naked as the day you were born, biting your lip and gazing intently over your left shoulder at your buns in the hotel mirror in a fervent effort to divine your true butt-shape whilst desperately trying to summon up the array of remembered butt-shapes from a too-long delayed flight, AND he manages somehow manfully to stifle the hysterical laughter that would arise in any NORMAL human being, how badly am I going to owe this man?

Posted by: Princess Leia in a Cheese Danish Bikini at August 2, 2006 07:57 PM

Thanks for the bonus laugh.

Posted by: Unkawill at August 3, 2006 12:18 PM

A stupid question deserves an appropriate answer....

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my privates and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

Posted by: Leg Humper at August 3, 2006 01:29 PM

Yeah, well if you can laugh at yourself Unkawill, you will never laugh for entertainment.

At least, if you are me.

Or Leg Humper up there, who is about to get smacked. I told my son I wasn't sure I was going to introduce him to you, big guy - the thought of the two of you loose in Georgia scares the pee-wadden out of me. And now with Grim down there... Lord help the South, because I surely cannot.

At least I know they have good cops down there now. They will need them.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 3, 2006 02:10 PM

And if you really want to hear something sad, I *still* do not know what the erotic new trend is.

I have not read that article yet.

I have no idea how I have managed to contain my rabid lack of curiosity on that fascinating subject, but somehow I seriously doubt that Marie-Claire is going to teach this old dog any new tricks. Maybe I'll get around to it after I clear this mound of work off my desk.


Posted by: Cassandra at August 3, 2006 02:14 PM

I don't think the police will be needed to restrain me. No one is in any danger from me who doesn't deserve to be.

Posted by: Grim at August 3, 2006 06:51 PM

Timothy Dalton and Jeremy Irons.
Their voices are truly awesome...


Or the basso profundo who did the voice of God in "The Ten Commandments." He sang, too. I wonder if those who sing are able to speak musically...they certainly seem to sound better.

Posted by: Cricket at August 3, 2006 07:46 PM

LH, you made me laugh so hard I nearly peed my pants!

Posted by: FbL at August 3, 2006 10:38 PM

Where did you get that joke, JHD? I was visiting last night, and my father started to tell me the same story. He got as far as the bit about eating the kibble to stave off hunger when my mother walked in.

"I'll finish this story later, son," he said, and that was the last I heard of it. I've been waiting on the punchline ever since. :)

Posted by: Grim at August 3, 2006 10:43 PM

Grim, I'm just teasing you and I suspect you know it.

Posted by: Val Plame at August 4, 2006 09:37 AM

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