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October 06, 2006
A Lack Of Clarity, III
Last night the half vast editorial staff just zipped down the Capital Beltway, at times achieving breathtaking speeds of up to 2 miles per hour. As we dove in and out of traffic like a deranged harpy on crack we idly weighed the benefits of ending it all right then and there. Is it, we pondered snidely, even possible to commit suicide by rapidly inhaling the decidedly eco-unfriendly fumes emitted by the BMW in the lane ahead?
The problem, we found, lies in holding one's breath without laughing whilst perusing the truly impressive assortment of bumper stickers of the outraged persuasion adorning the nether regions of said conveyance. Who in the holy hell puts bumper stickers on a new BMW?
Reluctantly, we concluded that no entirely sane human being was proof against the irony of an outraged Beamer owner using a vehicle which belches noxious fumes into the atmosphere to fulminate about impeaching the Chimp for refusing to ratify Kyoto. Of course the One Unavoidable Truth in all of this is that if George Bush really Cared about the Trees, he would order Congress to subsidize mobile Jiffy Lube stations for the masses. This is the kind of forward thinking we could have expected from a KedWards administration, who very likely had a 15 Point Plan for even this. Doubtless our BMW owner would be far happier if the government would just force him to take the time to get a tune up, but in the mean time all that concern for social justice and our Friends the Trees will just have to be demonstrated in the form of bumper stickers.
LOTS of bumper stickers.
As we drove - or more accurately, sat - the voice of Mr. Miyagi echoed inside our pea-sized brain, but instead of "Wax on... wax off..." he seemed to be saying "crutch in... crutch out". In due time the regrettable combination of four cups of coffee, no sleep, and an unremarkable mid-flight Bloody Mary with our usual head banging, adrenaline pumping choice of rush hour music pouring from the stereo caused our left knee to begin to twitch and sent us scurrying for the relative quiet of NPR to have our consciousness raised by those with more elevated sensibilities.
First, or more accurately, frist up on NPR was more visible evidence that, as the HVES staff strongly suspected in November of 2004, winning the election was the worst thing that has happened to the Republican Party in decades. It's like a train wreck - we haven't (mostly out of self-defense, but also because we've been insanely busy) read a paper in several days, but we often wonder if some of the Party Faithful have been taking their Lithium?
It is always something of a shock to find the Senate Majority Leader openly campaigning for the Taliban, but when we find ourselves on the same side of an issue with the Junior Senator from North Vietnam we start eyeing the liquor cabinet. Apparently Senator Frist has decided the war is lost and we might as well hand Afghanistan back over to the Taliban. Frist claimed the Taliban had the "support" of Afghanis, and were thus entitled to representation in the new government.
It would seem, first of all, that in an emerging democracy this would be a matter for the Afghanis to decide and not for outsiders to impose. And in a constitutional republic the participation of even democratically elected representatives assumes a willingness to respect the rule of law. For this reason, we do not allow felons to vote: they have violated the social contract and forfeited some of the rights conferred upon them by the polity they offended when they refused to respect the law; rights that were preconditioned on a mutual bargain to give up some freedom of action in return for security.
The entire point of democracy is that government exists by the consent of the governed. Those who refuse to recognize the legitimacy of government have no reasonable expectation of either participating in it or reaping the full privileges and benefits thereunto appertaining, if the readership gets our drift. This point, sadly, seems to be lost on Herr Frist, who seems to have succumbed to this nation's flirtation with attention deficit disorder.
All of which leaves us wondering, if we're going to do away with the First Amendment and start suppressing speech we don't like, can we at least start with some reasonable criteria? Personally, if we're going to allow only certain kinds of speech (all in the name of freedom, mind you) the HVES is all in favor of marginalizing the DimWits frist - let's establish some rational criteria for who should and should not be allowed complete and unfettered freedom of speech under the Frist Amendment. Then we can all break for lunch and bring in the Taliban for that all-important international perspective on what the Framers failed to foresee, when protecting our basic rights to do things that haven't changed in any fundamental way in over two centuries.
You see, we're sure your average Talibani has some downright enlightened ideas about freedom, and when we shut off the exchange of information between cultures, well frankly we're all diminished by that in some incalculable way that the average person is far too stupid to work out on our own, but that the Fourth Estate will be only too happy to explain to us at nauseating length. All of which, we are to understand, is NOT - we repeat NOT - fear mongering, because that sort of below the belt tactic is only engaged in by conservatives. It is, for example, never fear mongering to suggest that any limit at all on our freedom will send us all careening down the Otter Slide to Hell and an airless cell at Gitmo. After all, only a Neandrathal would dare to suggest that somehow the vastly more Enlightened States of the EU (you know, the ones we are constantly urged to emulate and establish a dialogue with so we can benefit from their wisdom?) have managed to exist for some time now without a First Amendment, an Establishment Clause, or many of the protections against what we consider unreasonable search and seizure on this side of the Pond. Of course they don't have an ACLU either to tell them how un-Free they are, which no doubt explains their indecent refusal to wallow in anomie over the fact that their governments are, in our eyes, excessively entangled with religion.
Speaking of informing the debate, Mr. Frist should have listened to NPR last night. He might have heard a young Afghani woman who doesn't like Rethugs much explaining that the Talibani don't have the support of your average Afghan. In fact, she says most of the Talibani and the insurgents in Afghanistan aren't even Afghans - they're pouring over the borders from Chechnaya and Pakistan. But Pakistani and Chechnayan terrorists are people too. Don't they deserve representation in the Afghani Congress? Never fear: in the kindler, gentler Afghanistan envisioned by Bill Frist, the lion shall lie down with the lamb and after dinner whoever is left can adjourn for a vente cappucino with a twist of lemon at the nearest Starbucks.
Why, we wonder, is everyone in such a hurry to resolve Iraq and Afghanistan?
The unbearable lightmindedness of American political discourse is embarrassing and discomfiting. As a nation, we seem unable to focus for very long on anything. We are awash in news but we seem incapable of synthesizing anything meaningful from the enormous bulk of what we see and hear each day.
Well guys, I guess you're going to get to watch my empty little brain work in real time - a scary prospect if I ever heard one.
I keep getting interrupted, so I'll post updates to this as I can get to it.
Posted by Cassandra at October 6, 2006 07:31 AM
Comments
A selection of my "window/bumper" stickers (I refuse to put them on the paint of my vehicle, all that glue when I try to remove them tends to really mess up the trade-in value):
"My two rules to success:
1. Never tell all you know"
"I know I'm not perfect, but I'm so close it's scary."
"Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over."
"I don't suffer from insanity....I enjoy every minute of it."
"It's better to be crazy and know it than to be sane and doubt it."
"You're just jealous because the voices talk only to ME"
and finally
"Eliminate Traffic Congestion - Legalize Vehicular Weaponry" (for you Cass)
Posted by: Sly2017 at October 6, 2006 11:15 AM
Arguably my favorite bumper sticker is:
"If you don't like the way I'm driving, get the Hell off of the sidewalk".
Heh.
Posted by: Cassandra at October 6, 2006 11:18 AM
I've always liked that one, too. This is a first, for me anyway. By the time I finished typing a response to the bumper stickers (which was where the post originally left off when I started typing) you had already updated and my post was, well, less than relevant is the first phrase that comes to mind.
Oh well...... >;-)
Posted by: Sly2017 at October 6, 2006 11:25 AM
Was this a rant, or just a stream of consciouness essay?
It could be an Alanis Morrisette lyric, if we could come up with a snappy tune to set it to. :D
Posted by: Don Brouhaha at October 6, 2006 11:37 AM
Sorry Don.
My phone keeps ringing. Hard to concentrate. It is probably going to be both at this rate.
Posted by: Cassandra at October 6, 2006 11:50 AM
nice post. you're a new must read for me.
Posted by: Lola at October 6, 2006 12:34 PM
A very well done decal in a Jeep window, last week:
State of Texas
Terrorist Hunting Permit
I couldn't see if there was a bag limit.
Posted by: tomg at October 6, 2006 01:03 PM