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January 17, 2007

Marriage and the Times

More American women are living without a husband than with one, according to what many experts call an extraordinary analysis of census results by the New York Times.

The dissection by the Times (which has been repeated in more places than you can whip a pencil at) concluded that in 2005, 51 percent of women said they were living without a spouse, up from 35 percent in 1950 and 49 percent in 2000.

“This is yet another of the inexorable signs that there is no going back to a world where we can assume that marriage is the main institution that organizes people’s lives,” said Prof. Stephanie Coontz, director of public education for the Council on Contemporary Families, a nonprofit research group. “Most of these women will marry, or have married. But on average, Americans now spend half their adult lives outside marriage.

Emily Zubiks, a totally adult woman and band member who does volunteer work at her local secondary school, said she was not surprised by the trend. “A lot of my friends are not married and stuff. I don’t even know anyone who is like married or anything.” Ms. Zubiks who has gone steady a couple of times told us “marriage is just not where I am at right now.”

Brenda Parths, an editor of a free publication that covers issues important to students who has never in her whole entire life been married, said, “I like boys, I mean, like, they’re okay, I guess, I like to pass correspondence with them in the hall, but like, marriage is totally gay mister.”

Posted by presidential candidate Pile On®, who by the way, has his own exploratory committee!!

Posted by Pile On® at January 17, 2007 02:15 PM

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Ohyeahfershure. I mean, that is so icky to have like some guy there when you get out of the shower. That is so totally gross! And like, to
have to wake up and what if he sees me without makeup? But we love our baby.

Posted by: Britney Simpson at January 17, 2007 03:08 PM

I wonder if stats for men are the same. Why are women the focus of the story?

Posted by: actus at January 17, 2007 03:10 PM

'Cause actus, they like totally own all the Little Red Corvettes. Like duh!

And before all you womyn types jump me again, I didn't write the dam* song! You can blame The Artist Formerly Known As Prince or whatever he calls himself nowadays!

This is satire right Pile? If not then I know what the marriage problem is! :-o

Posted by: JHD at January 17, 2007 03:21 PM

I was married once, but I'm *so* over it now.

Posted by: There's Something About Married at January 17, 2007 03:22 PM

Why does everyone always ask about me whenever Pile posts?

Posted by: Sad Tire at January 17, 2007 03:23 PM

I was married once, but I'm *so* over it now.

Well Hon, if you keep exiting limos with no panties on I doubt highly if you'll have to worry too much about it!

Faye: Was she a good kisser?
Guy: Yeah.
Faye: Yeah?
Guy: It would be ungentlemanly of me to elaborate.

Posted by: Star? Gazer at January 17, 2007 03:42 PM

*Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!*

[pulling my tail back and retreating to my lodge in high dudgeon]

Hey! Get your mind out of the gutter! What did you think I meant???

Posted by: Britney Spears' Beaver at January 17, 2007 03:54 PM

Actus, I suppose that would depend on whether you lower the age of men to fifteen and count those that are out of town on business and have gone to war as not being married. If not the number just might not add up.

Posted by: Pile On® at January 17, 2007 03:57 PM

Man! I had to delete myself TWICE! ;-)

Mind out of the gutter?

Yeah, like that's gonna' happen! :-o

Posted by: Trapper Jacques at January 17, 2007 04:23 PM



Posted by: Ze Brazilian Whacks at January 17, 2007 04:26 PM

I'd get married, but men are just too intimidated by the intoxicating aura of my Feminine Power.

Posted by: Mo Dowd at January 17, 2007 04:34 PM


Me too. I'd have gotten married, except for that whole Marriage is legalized rape thing.

Plus I'm dead. That's always a huge drawback on the first date.

Posted by: Andrea Dworkin at January 17, 2007 04:36 PM

Well shooooot sugar! You know I'd get married in a HEARTBEAT! But those Red State meanies just won't hear of it!

Go figure!

Posted by: Richard Simmons at January 17, 2007 04:41 PM

Plus I'm dead. That's always a huge drawback on the first date.

Not necessarily!

Posted by: Cadaver Casanova at January 17, 2007 04:41 PM


Sure. By the way, how old did you say your Daddy was when he died....

Posted by: Anna Nicole Smith at January 17, 2007 04:43 PM

One look at your endowments would require a stiff penalty so the point(s) is moot!

Posted by: Estate Tax Man at January 17, 2007 04:49 PM

With all due modesty, I will take credit for a couple of those women seeing life as better in spinsterhood.

Posted by: RIslander at January 17, 2007 04:51 PM

I'd get married, but men are just too intimidated by the intoxicating aura of my Feminine Power.

Yeah, smells like fish!


Posted by: Sand Flea at January 17, 2007 04:57 PM

With all due modesty, I will take credit for a couple of those women seeing life as better in spinsterhood.

"Did you hear that? A powerful disturbance in the Force...it was...as though a million tiny droplets of coffee suddenly splattered against a monitor with incredible force... and then were silenced."


Posted by: Obi Ven Cappuccino at January 17, 2007 05:03 PM

Ah, finally a use for a coffee that semirequires the extention of the little finger while drinking.

Posted by: RIslander at January 17, 2007 05:15 PM

Not every single woman wants to be that away. Didn't I always hear that there were more women in the world (or at least the country) than men?? I always thought that was a bit unfair...

Posted by: Miss Ladybug at January 17, 2007 05:33 PM

Of course not Miss Ladybug. Most people want to be in a good relationship. The article is a pack of lies, they twist facts and distort the truth right on the front page and it has been picked up by media outlets all over the world.

The question is why?

Why are they willing to jeopardize their reputation in an attack on the institution of marriage?

Posted by: Pile On® at January 17, 2007 05:47 PM

Maybe they want eveyone to think we have finally reached some kind of Feminist Nirvana??

Posted by: Miss Ladybug at January 17, 2007 05:53 PM

Maybe they want eveyone to think we have finally reached some kind of Feminist Nirvana??

Uh................. never mind! :-o

Posted by: Energizer Bunny at January 17, 2007 05:59 PM

Or maybe the agenda is gay marriage.

Posted by: Pile On® at January 17, 2007 06:00 PM

oh, and duh, women live longer than men so yes, they tend to outlive their husbands, if not just life expectancy, than they tend to take less risks. My husband's grandmother would still be married if her husband hadn't fallen off a roof 30 years ago.

Posted by: baberuth at January 17, 2007 07:12 PM

I might have been inclined to give marriage another try, but then I remembered that I'm tired of losing half of my stuff when princess determines she needs to "find" herself.

I forgot who said it, but I think it was some celebrity on his 5th marriage or so: "Next time I think about getting married, I'll just find an angry woman and buy her a house".

Posted by: a former european at January 17, 2007 10:32 PM

I'm sorry, but I barely managed to wade through the first page of the article, before beginning to nod off.

It's one thing to quote a bunch of statistics, it's quite another to (mis)interpret the meaning of those statistics. The conclusions reached are amazingly stupid.


Posted by: JannyMae at January 17, 2007 10:39 PM

Marriage is the gift that we give our children.


Okay, how about marriage is the gift we give ourselves.

*double cough*

Marriage is the gift we give our partner.

*triple cough double hack seizure*

Um...marriage is what we mean...regardless.


"Honey, would you pick up the dry cleaning on your way home?"
"Sure, baby."


And there's the pair.

Posted by: spd rdr at January 17, 2007 11:01 PM

My grandmother has been unmarried for 21 years... she was married early twenties... so that makes 45 or so years... so she's been living alone for half her life, more so if you add the time that Grandpa was fighting in The War.

My mom married at 26, been married 25 years, so next year she'll be a 50/50.

So, when I get married some time over a year from now, I'll be on the side of "less than half her life with a husband" for a quarter of a century.

Posted by: Sailorette at January 17, 2007 11:45 PM

That would be the late, great Lewis Grizzard, afe.

Posted by: Grim at January 18, 2007 09:57 AM

It was Lewis, but the actual quote was "...an ugly woman..."

Posted by: SDN at January 20, 2007 09:43 AM

Sometimes marriage can be a long, hard slawg, but you have to stay the course or the terrorists win.

Posted by: George W. Bush at January 20, 2007 10:14 AM

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