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April 03, 2007

Everybody Sing Along....

With Carrie, who seems to be having the same kind of day the blog princess is having....

**************

Sorry for the lame blogging of late. Between home and things to do at work, the Blog Princess is drowning. If it weren't for the occasionally laughs in our Inbox... [Ed. note: Yikes... yes, Engrish is our native language, thank-you-berry-much]

*sigh*

Deb, from Marine Corps Moms, sends:

Are you a Democrat Family? Republican family? Marine Corps Family? Here's a little test that will help you to decide :

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock 40-caliber, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Democrat Response:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor? Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? Should I just ignore him and hope for the best? What does my wife think? What would my French cousin think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? What do the European courts say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? What would the United Nations do in this case? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few a days and try to come to a consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Republican Response:

BANG!
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marine Response:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
click..... (sounds of reloading). BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click


Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"

Son: "Can I shoot the next one?"

Wife: "You aren't taking that one to the Taxidermist!"

Later this morning, we got another email from one of the Denizens of Castle Argghhh. This one contained clever Redneck riffs on famous movie lines, such as:

"Luke, I am your father... and your uncle... and your first and
second cousin, your nephew...",
or

"You want a tooth?! You can't HANDLE a tooth!!"

Hmmmm.... we thought. There has to be a movie game in here somewhere.
So we thought, what if you took original lines from movies and made versions as spoken by Dumbocrats and Rethuglicans?

Hey. I'm not having a good week. Don't mess with me.

Example:

Original quote: "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!"

Democrat version: "You want the truth? What is this so-called "truth" anyway but an inherently oppressive construct of the male-dominated heteronormative power structure? The very fact that you ask this question indicates that you are nothing more than a tool of the patriarchy."

Republican version: "You want the truth? Dear Lord, Martha . Get me a drink..."


100 greatest movie quotes (with clips!)

400 nominees

Posted by Cassandra at April 3, 2007 03:24 PM

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Comments

Girrrrlllll,
I am *THIS* close...

Posted by: Carrie at April 3, 2007 03:42 PM

Heh...

Posted by: Princess Leia in a Cheese Danish Bikini at April 3, 2007 03:47 PM

Well, ladies, I hope your day gets better. You've made mine better, by posting the link to those movie quotes. Some of the movies I've never seen, but the quotes are still familiar to me!

Posted by: JannyMae at April 3, 2007 04:10 PM

This Democrat's response: "BANG!" (in other words, f**k 'em whether or not they can take a joke"). It took only one time on the wrong end of a robber's gun for me to decide that if it's a question as whether it's "him" or me that's a goin' to meet my maker, it sure as hel* isn't gonna be me.

Posted by: Mark In Irvine at April 3, 2007 05:12 PM

An armed Dem? Darned if I'm gonna me you at the bridge at 3:30!

Posted by: bthun at April 3, 2007 05:15 PM

I was so shook up the meet came out as me... please perform word substitution as appropriate.

Posted by: bthun at April 3, 2007 05:16 PM

"An armed Dem? Darned if I'm gonna me you at the bridge at 3:30!"

I come in peace, but don't f*** with me, and we'll be just fine, mkay?

Posted by: Mark In Irvine at April 3, 2007 05:24 PM

I come in peace... How I go is up to you!


Heh.

I've actually never understood how "L"iberals who see fascists, oppressors, and evil warmongers running the government want the government to be the only ones who had guns.

I've actually never understood how "l"iberals who believe that the weak (petite female) shouldn't be at the mercy of the strong (hulk rapist) would be against the greatest leveler of the playing field.

As the motto goes: armed gays don't get bashed.

Posted by: Masked Menace at April 3, 2007 05:55 PM

You and Carrie had me worked up for a little while but "Nice grouping, Daddy!" and a couple of other things have made my day.

And yes, I'm still up.

Posted by: MaryAnn at April 3, 2007 06:29 PM

"I come in peace, but don't f*** with me, and we'll be just fine, mkay?"

Rest easy my immutable new acquaintance in Irvine, I must admit that I would not know how to even begin to do such a thing with you. heheh

MM, I can't say that I've ever heard that motto, but I have led a sheltered life. Well in the last 20 years anyway. But your questions have always given me pause, or gas, well both.

Oh yes, Milady Cassandra. I must say that in spite of the fiscal frugality of the conservative sphere of influence, we are well versed in the functional elegance and efficiency of the double-tap. Along with the intuitive lather, rinse, repeat as necessary… That being so, I might offer that the Republican entry could be more accurately described as


*BANG* *BANG* Quick, call my attorney.


Posted by: bthun at April 3, 2007 06:45 PM

Democratic Holy Grail:


CART-MASTER: Bring out your dead!
REPUBLICAN: Here's one.
CART-MASTER: Ninepence.
CONSTITUTION: I'm not dead!
CART-MASTER: What?
REPUBLICAN: Nothing. Here's your ninepence.
CONSTITUTION: I'm not dead!
CART-MASTER: 'Ere. He says he's not dead!
REPUBLICAN: Yes he is.
CONSTITUTION: I'm not!
CART-MASTER: He isn't?
REPUBLICAN: Well, he will be soon. He's very ill.
CONSTITUTION: I'm getting better!
REPUBLICAN: No you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.
CART-MASTER: Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
CONSTITUTION: I don't want to go on the cart!
REPUBLICAN: Oh, don't be such a baby.
CART-MASTER: I can't take him.
CONSTITUTION: I feel fine!
REPUBLICAN: Well, do us a favor.
CART-MASTER: I can't.
REPUBLICAN: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
CART-MASTER: No, I've got to go to the Robinson's. They've lost nine today.
REPUBLICAN: Well, when's your next round?
CART-MASTER: Thursday.
CONSTITUTION: I think I'll go for a walk.
REPUBLICAN: You're not fooling anyone you know. Look, isn't there something
you can do?
CONSTITUTION: [singing] I feel happy... I feel happy.
[whop]
REPUBLICAN: Ah, thanks very much.
CART-MASTER: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
REPUBLICAN: Right. All right.

Posted by: Masked Menace at April 3, 2007 06:53 PM

BLAZING SADDLES is an equal-opportunity offender--there is a line in the movie for every social occasion:

ORIGINAL VERSION: "Damn, Mr. Lamar, if you don't use your tongue better'n a twenty dollar whore!"

REPUBLICAN VERSION: (the line preceeding the above) "My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives."

DEMOCRAT VERSION: "Damn, Monica, if you don't use......."

ORIGINAL VERSION: Hedley Lamarr: "I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists."

REPUBLICAN VERSION: "Help wanted. References required. Must be success oriented. An equal opportunity employer."

DEMOCRAT VERSION: "We have a 'big tent' philosophy. We want people that LOOK LIKE US!"

ORIGINAL VERSION: Reverend Johnson: "Now I don't have to tell you good folks what's been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I'm leaving. "

DEMOCRAT VERSION: "Now, I don't have to tell you good folks what the New York Times has to say about Iraq. Saddam murdered, refineries burned, stores looted, and rape rooms. The time has come to act, and act fast. WE'RE LEAVING!

REPUBLICAN VERSION: (another line from BLAZING SADDLES) Sheriff Bart--"I'm the Sheriff in this here town, and you're a big, fat, 'ferret'.

Posted by: frequent flier at April 3, 2007 06:54 PM

"I would not know how to even begin to do such a thing with you"

It's just a figure of speech.

Posted by: Mark In Irvine at April 3, 2007 08:58 PM

heheh

Posted by: bthun at April 3, 2007 09:59 PM

HARRY CALLAHAN (Clint Eastwood): "Go ahead, make my day."
SUDDEN IMPACT, Warner Bros., 1983


Republican: Go ahead, make my taxes shrink.

Democrat: Go ahead, make my daughter have an abortion.
=======================================
DOROTHY GALE (Judy Garland): "Toto, I've (got) a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."
THE WIZARD OF OZ, MGM, 1939

Democrat: I've got a feeling we aren't in a homosexual S&M club anymore.
Republican: I've got a feeling we aren't at the Promise Keepers Country Club anymore.
===================================
OLIVER BARRETT IV (Ryan O'Neal): "Love means never having to say you're sorry."
LOVE STORY, Paramount, 1970

Democrat: Love means whatever two consenting adults or mature children, especially if already pregnant,say it means.

Republican: Love means whatever my pastor says Jesus said it means.
==============================
ROD TIDWELL (Cuba Gooding, Jr.): "Show me the money!" (also said by character Tom Cruise (Jerry Maguire))
JERRY MAGUIRE, TriStar, 1996

Democrat: Show me your money. I want to spend it on my priorities. Screw your priorities.

Republican: Show me your money (but a little less of it). I want to spend it on my priorities. Screw your priorities.

Posted by: Mrs. Tingle at April 5, 2007 09:51 AM

Nada: I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum.
"They Live" 1988

U.S Marine (any): I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum.


Oh....wait....were they supposed to be different?

huh....

Posted by: Sly2017 at April 6, 2007 04:40 PM

Again, from Blazing Saddles

ORIGINAL--TAGGERT: "What in the Wide, Wide World of Sports is a'goin' on here? I hired you fellers t' git some track laid, not dance around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots!

DEMOCRAT VERSION--"What in the world of non-confrontational, no score kept athletic events is happening? I've engaged this diverse group to construct the people's railroad, assuming that the proper permits are in place, the indiginous peoples agree, Greenpeace finishes their environmental assessment to be sure there are no Blanding's Turtles in the area, that prevailing wages are paid, and all ethnic and minority-owned business's are given precedence in the contract, not to exhibit terpsichorian interpretations by the gay, bisexual, transgendered community."

REPUBLICAN VERSION: "I hired you fellers t' git some track laid, not dance around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots! Ah, Hell, no I'm gonna' have ta run off ta REHAB!

Posted by: frequent flier at April 6, 2007 07:26 PM

That movie is the gift that just keeps on giving.

I can't tell you how many dates I went on to that movie. What a hoot - it was a great first date movie - you always came out laughing.

Posted by: Cassandra at April 6, 2007 07:28 PM

ROSEMARY WOODHOUSE (Mia Farrow): "This isn't a dream! This is really happening!"
ROSEMARY'S BABY, Paramount, 1968

Democrat: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”
Republican: “I am not a crook”

JIM LOVELL (Tom Hanks): "Houston, we have a problem." # 50
APOLLO 13, Universal, 1995

Democrat: “Hillary, we have a problem”
Republican: “Karl, we have a problem”

Posted by: Mark In Irvine at April 7, 2007 02:36 AM

From Blazing Saddles:

ORIGINAL: (from Gov. LePetomaine) "Gentlemen, rest your sphincters!"

DEMOCRAT VERSION: (Clinton to State Troopers) "Invite that woman up to my suite!"

REPUBLICAN VERSION: "Nancy, sit down and quit trying to make foreign policy".
=================================================

ORIGINAL: "What's a dazzling urbanite doing in a rustic setting like this?"

DEMOCRAT VERSION: (To Pres. Bush) "What's a hick like you doing in an urban setting like this?"

REPUBLICAN VERSION: (Pres. Bush) "I want justice, and there's an old poster out West… I recall, that said, 'Wanted, Dead or Alive.'"

================================================

ORIGINAL: Plan for Iraq

DEMOCRAT VERSION: Murtha--"We should "redeploy" to somewhere else, like Okinawa (5000 miles away).

REPUBLICAN VERSION: Gabby Johnson articulates Bush's "Stay the course": "I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it, I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin bushwackin, hornswaglin, cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter! RARY!"

Mayor: "Now, who can argue with logic like that?"

Posted by: frequent flier at April 7, 2007 04:05 PM

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