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June 07, 2007
1st Annual Ed Driscoll Day
Apparently, today is going to be Ed Driscoll day here at VC. The man is en fuego.
The truth is that if you're not reading Ed Driscoll... well, you're not reading Ed Driscoll. We'll say no more. Yesterday (when for some inexplicable reason - very likely work related - the Editorial Staff was Not Reading Ed Driscoll) the man linked to this hilarious list of Journalism Rules:
The rules, in order:1. Afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted; then, after the afflicted become comfortable, afflict them again. This should provide an endless supply of news stories.
2. Be balanced. No matter what anybody says, find somebody to say the opposite. If a scientist claims to have a cure for cancer, find somebody who says cancer does not exist. If a man says "My name is Fred," make sure you find somebody who says "No, your name is Diane." Etc.
3. When deciding which tragedies deserve the most prominent coverage, use this simple math: 10,000 foreigners = one cute white American chick.
4. If the President of the United States is accused of violating the law on the same day that an African country erupts into civil war and an especially gloomy economic report is released, and you must decide which one is your lead story, ask yourself this: Did the local sports team just win a big game?
5. Internet, Schminternet. It will be gone in five years. People will always love reading a newspaper -- and so will you, our intrepid reporter, once you accept our buyout offer.
6. When working at the New York Post, make sure your story includes all six W's: Who, What, When, Where, Why and With What Kind of Lubricant.
7. When appearing on television, insinuate that all newspaper reporters are biased. When writing for a newspaper, imply that all television people are boobs with no credibility. When at the bar afterward, complain that nobody trusts journalists anymore.
Click through to read the rest, and feel free to add your own in the comments section. A stuffed marmoset will go out by pony express to the lucky reader who provides the best entry.
Posted by Cassandra at June 7, 2007 07:19 AM
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Comments
If you are assigned to a war torn country, make up all your stats so you never have to leave your comfort zone.
Embed with the enemy; after all, balanced reporting is what the public needs to hear.
And ignore bloggers who dare to call you on the facts. What do they know of human suffering?
Posted by: Cricket at June 7, 2007 09:17 AM
Don't write things down. That way you can always say you don't recall.
Don't take no from an inconsolable wife in her moment of grief. Press her on allegations that her husband was sleeping around until you get the answer you want.
The comics are a great place to come up with ideas for human interest stories.
Always run a picture of a politician with his mouth open.
Never run a picture of Hillary that shows anything below her navel. She'll have you killed and dumped in a Washington park.
Posted by: spd rdr at June 7, 2007 09:51 AM
Remember, everything you do is 'for the children'. And world peace.
Do remember to be objective,....when it suits you. Otherwise, use all kinds of perjorative adjectives to describe someone you don't like when writing your "news" article.
Wear a Che Guevara t-shirt when you are out in a war zone, especially if you are 'embedded' with the US Army or the US Marines. This eliminates all doubt as to your true beliefs.
Never wear pajamas when you are working at home; if you do, you will be confused with those 'bloggers'.
Posted by: Don Brouhaha at June 7, 2007 10:13 AM
If you get something that is questionable, or that others could see through in a New York minute, push the lie for all it is worth. After
all, truth is 99% perception and you have an obligation to feed the perception, not tell the truth.
Posted by: Cricket at June 7, 2007 10:58 AM
Report the story how you want, and truth be damned. If you get caught in a lie, print a correction in the most obscure spot in your paper.
Posted by: MikeD at June 7, 2007 11:31 AM
"... print a correction in the most obscure spot in your paper."
Or not at all.
Posted by: Sly2017 at June 7, 2007 01:29 PM
Remember! Ordinary citizens are only entitled to the opinions of OP-ed writers and Hollywood celebrities! The more, "intellectual," the columnist, the more buxom the bosum, the more handsome the actor, or the louder the mouth, the more credibility your source has!
Posted by: JannyMae at June 7, 2007 08:15 PM
Always remember a celebrity who has PLAYED the part has more expertise than a dozen scientists. Hence the need for timely tomes on pop philosophy to constantly be referred to as Truthiness For Our Times.
Posted by: Cricket at June 8, 2007 02:48 PM
Always remember that one leaking dinghy is a far more efficient means of rescue than 20 helicopters, assuming said leaking dinghy contains Someone Of Note.
Posted by: The Other JD at June 11, 2007 07:41 PM