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August 21, 2007
The Horror of Goat Trauma
This morning as Hurricane Dean savaged the helpless people of Azatlan in retribution for the Shrub's inexcusable refusal to sign Kyoto, the Princess woke from a troubled sleep, wondering how she could Be Part of the Solution, rather than Part of the Problem? Lately it just seemed as though Amerikka was being held hostage by the BusHitler and his minions. "It's like a bad dream...", she thought to herself:
What ever happened to civil discourse in this country? What ever happened to discussing our political differences like rational, reasonable adults? Instead of engaging in histrionics and ad hominem attacks, the drunken, coke-snorting Chimp should be reaching out to Democrats in the spirit of bipartisanship. Rather than obstructing them at every turn, he should encourage democrats in their relentless pursuit for the facts about all his crimes, conspiracies, and mistakes; real or imagined.A true leader who cares about the American People would be just as anxious to learn the truth as democrats are. He’d want to know exactly how he falsified intelligence in order to justify an illegal war for oil, and how his failed policies led to the hopeless quagmire that Iraq as become. He’d demand to know if he used his close ties with the Bin Laden family to carry out the 9/11 terrorist attacks, and if not, why he simply allowed them to happen while he read a book to a goat. Most importantly, he’d present Senate Democrats and Al Zarqawi his plans for an immediate withdrawl from Iraq, in typewritten play manuscript with detailed stage directions and sound effects cues. But rather than cooperate fully with Democrats like a moderate Republican would, the extremist Shrub has done nothing but defend himself since the day he stole the office.
It’s a wonder that progressive statesmen like Harry Reid, Howard Dean, and Ted Kennedy have been able to maintain their stolid composure all these years.
Fortunately, Serendipity soon slammed down on her driveway with a reassuring slap! Immediate action was needed! Some visible gesture that would seize the attention of the International Community and demonstrate our deep and abiding commitment to ending Global Warming via random and completely senseless displays of sagging human flesh:
Hundreds of naked people formed a “living sculpture” on Switzerland’s Aletsch glacier Saturday, hoping to raise awareness about climate change.
After all, what better way to protest glacial melting than to photograph hundreds of butt-naked hominids as they tramp up a mountain and drape their steaming carcasses over the rapidly receding ice sheet?
The event, which followed Tunick’s previous shoots in London, Mexico City and Amsterdam, was designed to minimize any impact on the environment, Greenpeace said.
There was not a minute to lose! The depredations of the Bush administration's phallocentric and specie-ist environmental policies were becoming only too clear: female mice turned into raging sex machines, the genocidal slaughter of over 70,000 peace-loving salmon by that power-mad fool, Dick Cheney, innocent Americans attacked by marauding bands of feral goats, and worst of all - the imminent demise of precious specimens like the Gentle Dumbo Octopus and the Blobfish.
Thanks to the shrill demands of the 110th Congress for a change in course, we finally have a military policy in Iraq that is working. Now it's time to listen to the sage counsel of Hillary Clinton and honor the sacrifices of our brave, murdering troops by changing course again: (via Frodo)
New military tactics in Iraq are working but the best way to honor U.S. soldiers is "by beginning to bring them home," Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton told war veterans Monday.Clinton, seeking the Democratic nomination for president, praised the work that soldiers have done in Iraq but described the government there as "on vacation," leaving American troops in the middle of a sectarian war.
Exactly. After over 3000 Americans have died, each one another Grim Milestone on the road to Miserable Failure, what better tribute can we pay to their devotion than to withdraw our armed forces NOW, when Ms. Clinton admits the Iraqis are not ready to take charge, and turn our attention to vitally important matters like the fate of the endangered Blobfish?
Trust me on this one. Our children will thank us.
Posted by Cassandra at August 21, 2007 08:14 AM
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Comments
Did anyone think to tell the naked people that their body heat was contributing to the melting of the glacier?
BTW, that blob fish looks suspiciously like a certain senator from the Bay State who also lives immersed in fluids.
Posted by: spd rdr at August 21, 2007 11:48 AM
Look buster - there's no need to be insulting.
Posted by: Blobfish at August 21, 2007 11:53 AM
"It said most Swiss glaciers will disappear by 2080 if global warming continues at its current pace."
Stop the presses! We might lose them by 2080!! Holy frozen tundra, Batman!!! What have we humans done to the planet. Clearly we are a scourge with the power to effect total and instantaneous change on a planet that's been spinning around the universe for a billion or so years. Surely we are responsible for this, for nothing else can explain why "the extent of ice in North America has changed dramatically since the height of the last glacial advance 20,000 years ago."
I blame Homo Erectus man, what with his burning everything he could ignite....
Posted by: Snarkammando at August 21, 2007 12:31 PM
A truly Byzantine scheme to maneuver us into coming face-to-face with the dreaded pygmy marmoset.
Posted by: socialism_is_error at August 21, 2007 12:53 PM
Zhis is zee sekunt tiyme zhou haf spoken uff goat tra'uma....iz der zumzink zhou vant to get off zhour chest? Come. Zit. Lay down on zis verry komfortable kouch. Let'z ztart vit zhour chyldehoot.....
Posted by: Fred Freud at August 21, 2007 12:55 PM
I wondered if anyone would see the marmoset!
I am still laughing about the goat trauma thing :) My son drew an ongoing comic strip in middle school about this classmate who was butted in an inconvenient place by a goat during a field trip. I still have it in my file cabinet - it is the funniest thing I ever saw. It had this whole Film Noir thing going on, with the goat dressed in a trench coat and fedora, leaning against a lamppost and smoking a cigarette, waiting for the unsuspecting kid. So when I saw this the other day, I had to send it to him.
Posted by: Cassandra at August 21, 2007 01:11 PM
"The Post reported that Cheney personally contacted the Interior Department official in charge of the program to push for more irrigation water be delivered from the river to drought-striken farmers and ranchers."
Because, you know, those farmers and ranchers didn't need the water for the crops or livestock that go to market to feed humans. That one incident must surely be responsible for the ever-shortening fishing seasons that Oregon and Washington have been dealing with all these years.
Posted by: Sly2017 at August 21, 2007 01:18 PM
Actually, it was with some trepidation that I opened the link.
What with the universally recognized unpredictability of Your Highness plus the existence of goat-related fatwas.
"Naah! She *wouldn't*."
"Whew!" ;}
Posted by: socialism_is_error at August 21, 2007 01:19 PM
OHMYGAIA!!! Do those naked men know what that does to me?
Posted by: Gaia at August 21, 2007 01:21 PM
But the naked womyn have no effect?
Gaia, are you available as a subject-matter expert for the gay-marriage hearings?
Posted by: socialism_is_error at August 21, 2007 01:31 PM
Hundreds of naked people ... hoping to raise awareness about climate change.
Only awareness it raised in me was of the number of lemmings willing to climb a glacier for a nekkid photo op.
Oh, to have been the Designated Guardian of the Garments -- with a gallon of napalm and a match...
Posted by: BillT at August 21, 2007 01:38 PM
I'd rather ship in some of France's "dis-affected youth".
My impression is that the nude are probably the sort most in need of an education in the true nature of radical Islam.
The glacier would then be covered with an insulating layer of stones.
And the survivors would be educated.
And we could legally hang the perpetrators.
Clear wins, from every perspective.
Posted by: socialism_is_error at August 21, 2007 01:47 PM
Oh, to have been the Designated Guardian of the Garments -- with a gallon of napalm and a match...
That's why you don't have the key to the armory, Bill. We know how you dispose of missiles and Simtex.
Posted by: Ymarsakar at August 21, 2007 02:34 PM
Hmmm...raise awareness and Homo Erectus in the same thread. I see a trend here. The gay-marriage thing really bugs Gaia because Gaia exists to feed, clothe and shelter mankynd.
Posted by: MeanMeanSnarkyOne at August 21, 2007 03:41 PM
We know how you dispose of missiles and Simtex.
Semtex™. The Czechs (of all people) get fussy about the spelling.
And since you know how I dispose of them, I'd take it as a personal favor if you'd sorta-kinda *not* e-mail anybody in, sayyy, Tora-Bora or Miranshah for a couple of days.
Oh, all right -- "Pretty please?"
Posted by: BillT at August 21, 2007 04:13 PM
Semtex™. The Czechs (of all people) get fussy about the spelling.
That is the last time I'll count on CNN transcripts for how to spell the name of explosives.
I'd take it as a personal favor if you'd sorta-kinda *not* e-mail anybody in, sayyy, Tora-Bora or Miranshah for a couple of days.
They probably wouldn't even notice. Too busy watching Apaches smoke their comrades in Iraq, or mortar rounds exploding in front of jihad cameramen.
Posted by: Ymarsakar at August 21, 2007 07:09 PM
Hmmm... Looks more like Ziggy-fish..
Posted by: lordsomber at August 21, 2007 07:24 PM
I was thinking it looked like a Kilroy Fish, but Ziggy works too...
Posted by: camojack at August 22, 2007 03:41 AM
Too busy watching Apaches smoke their comrades in Iraq, or mortar rounds exploding in front of jihad cameramen.
A li'l bit ago, they were too busy scrambling out of three Mk 66 impact areas.
I think their cable was collateral damage. Apologies to Larry -- looks like another unaccompanied TDY is in the offing. Wear something orange...
Posted by: BillT at August 22, 2007 06:09 AM
Ya'll say that ewe ain't got picture or sound on Al JAhZeeeRahh? And tha cable box on top your set goat an Althumbs El flubis mortor Al Disentergratus entrails seepin' all over it? You got a wet-n-dry vac over thar?
Awright... soon as I finish reparin' tha feed to KH11-2*10^32, yea-ah, tha one that watches you thru yur shotgu... er skylight while yer on the throne, yea-ah, it's up thar all the time. Well soon as I finish tha little job here at el Presidentas' I'll jump a MAC and be on over thar... now he-ah?
Ya'll got beer and pig knuckles over thar right?
Posted by: Larry at August 22, 2007 07:32 AM
You'll need a license to buy it, but there's beer.
As far as pig's knucks go -- ummmmm -- ever tried curried minced goat?
Don't forget the orange vest. The big one...
Posted by: BillT at August 22, 2007 07:42 AM
And TUMS, or you'll wind up with Goat Trauma.
Posted by: BillT at August 22, 2007 07:45 AM
I *wags finger at screen* ain't got no noledg 'bout no goat tramer.
Billy was with me... whal actually he wuz with mah sister tha hole time.
Now Hill better follow thru on that promise for an sclusive cable maint contract wit me fer DC or we might just no sumpin' bout a goat tramer over in Hope after all.
*heads off to the pickup mumblin'* Nekid people on a glaizer, danged stoopidcicles fer poler bares ifin ya ask me.
Posted by: Larry at August 22, 2007 09:32 AM
As far as pig's knucks go -- ummmmm -- ever tried curried minced goat?
You cannot EAT GOat when it has been pumped full of the seed of ALLAH!@ F*& infidel.
Posted by: Ymarsakar at August 22, 2007 06:15 PM
You cannot EAT GOat when it has been pumped full of the seed of ALLAH!@ F*& infidel.
How did this comment get jumped from the Feminine Fantasies post?
Hah! Ymar finally learned how to doctor pixels!
Posted by: BillT at August 23, 2007 12:58 AM
This is oogie. How did we get from nekkid men on ice to goats? And I read their story, I educated myself and thawing a glacier by self induced hypothermia is creepy and stupid.
I guess that is the moonbat version of 'fun.'
Posted by: Cricket at August 23, 2007 08:42 AM
How did this comment get jumped from the Feminine Fantasies post?
This subject is consistent with Goat Trauma, not Feminine Fantasies.
Posted by: Ymarsakar at August 23, 2007 02:14 PM
This subject is consistent with Goat Trauma, not Feminine Fantasies.
Ummmm -- even if you wore the orange vest...?
Posted by: BillT at August 23, 2007 04:08 PM
I guess that is the moonbat version of 'fun.'
Ending global warming by using the heat of their bodies? Perhaps. Although it could just as well be diving into the water of that picture and sleeping there forever. Peace and tranquility will be yours, my fellow followers of the Church of Ryback. All it requires is to dive right in.
Posted by: Ymarsakar at August 23, 2007 06:33 PM
How did we get from nekkid men on ice to goats?
Perhaps goats were once descended from other nekkid animals.
Posted by: Ymarsakar at August 23, 2007 06:47 PM