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February 03, 2008

Men In Tights XLII

There are many things the Princess does not understand about the Male of the Species.

Chief amongst these arcane mysteries is a deeply disturbing gender-linked tradition called "football". She knows, from decades of reading womens' magazines, that it is tremendously important to the delicate, flower-like male psyche that men be allowed to indulge this primal need; that not interrupting or infringing upon this important ritual is (quite literally - no sarcasm here) vital to the continued existence of freedom, democracy, and the American Way of Life, not to mention the perpetuation of the human race.

She also realizes the importance of keeping a constant supply of beer and munchies flowing to replenish the priceless man-essence consumed by yelling, pounding various household objects, and throwing small domestic animals at the TV screen.

What she never quite understood, however, was why men enjoy football so much? Football, to women, looks quite a bit different than it does to men:

Football is a sport for men only, preferably of the muscle-bound variety, who wear tight spandex pants and play with an awkwardly-shaped ball. The object of the game is to score, whatever the hell that means, and one of best ways to score is by making passes. With positions called tight end and wide receiver; and team names such as Packers, Rams, Giants, Cowboys, Raiders, and Oilers, we simply cannot continue to overlook the gayness of this beloved American sport.

Oh, and one cannot possibly forget the almighty Saints, a moniker whose concept didn’t succeed at keeping the gays out of Catholicism either. The ruse is most definitely over, boys.

Now onto the exhibits. Let us get started with an easy one. What in the holy hell is this?



Football... a manly sport, for manly men, to help them get reconnect with The Man Within.

On the otter heiny, this is inexcusable:

CWCID, dri at Ace o'Spaces

Soooo...... who do you like for tonight's game, guys????

Posted by Cassandra at February 3, 2008 09:03 AM

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Oh, my. I've only watched 1:30 of the video and I feel like I need a shower. Ack!!!!

Posted by: FbL at February 3, 2008 11:48 AM

Not sure which video you're referring to - the 1st or the second? If the second, I completely agree :p

I loved the first one, however. I always thought the Wayans brothers were brilliant comedians.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 3, 2008 12:14 PM

It was the second. *shudder*

Posted by: FbL at February 3, 2008 01:13 PM

Heh :p

It's right up there with Apache, isn't it?

Posted by: Cassandra at February 3, 2008 01:14 PM

It is now time for primal scream therapy. I will let you know how it goes.

Posted by: Cricket at February 3, 2008 01:20 PM

The video is gaggy. I didn't even know it was time for the superbowl, or who was playing, nor do I care. I'll watch a few minutes of baseball if a pitcher is really throwing well. I watch the fights if I can get anything decent w/o paying an arm and a leg for PPV. I would rather go hunting with my dog, another inscrutable male preoccupation.

Posted by: Mark at February 3, 2008 03:01 PM

How old is that second video?? It's sooo cheesy.

Posted by: Miss Ladybug at February 3, 2008 08:18 PM

Football is played from the heart. Who has more heart is unpredictable on any given day. Today the worse team won when there were scads of money and props and prestige on the line simply because on this day the Giants had more heart.

There is no activity on Earth (other than perhaps loving) which is more fun than playing football. I am now far too old to drive my shoulder into another male on the field -- but I miss it and I enjoy watching it.

Posted by: levi from queens at February 4, 2008 12:38 AM

Levi, believe it or not, I understand. I just enjoy making fun of you guys :p

I grew up playing football with the neighborhood boys. I was pretty good at it, too; unlike baseball, which I never liked b/c I could hit fairly well, but I was never going to be anywhere near as good as the boys b/c they were all on Little League and they practiced all the time.

I can even understand (I think) the hitting part because I played Powderpuff football in HS and it seems pretty pointless when you're used to tackling people. Kind of takes all the fun out of it.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 4, 2008 01:14 AM

I was rooting for the underdog...and they came through.

Posted by: camojack at February 4, 2008 01:44 AM

"I was rooting for the underdog"
Same here. Not since the days of Y.A. Tittle have I wanted the Giants to win anything... And those days were well before Atlanta had a winning pro football franchise... Wait one... ahhh, make that a pro football franchise.

Posted by: bthun at February 4, 2008 08:23 AM

Even this old Packer fan was (grudgingly) rooting for the Giants. They deserved this one.

But only this one.

Posted by: Laurie in Wis at February 4, 2008 09:32 AM

They did indeed.

I had a good feeling about this one. I was downstairs working most of the time, but I wasn't surprised when I came upstairs at the end of the game to see they had won.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 4, 2008 09:44 AM

Eli's coming better hide your heart girls, parade downtown manhattan tomorrow.


Retired Army Wife

Posted by: laree at February 4, 2008 10:17 AM

I was rooting for the Giants, and so was my dad. When I asked him about it, he said "I don't like cheaters..."

Posted by: Miss Ladybug at February 4, 2008 11:44 AM

Ram it???? AHHHH .... bad enough I have a hang over and already in deep pain for my beloved Patriots, then I had to see that?

One of those cases where all it would have taken to prevent the train wreck would be if just one person said "this isn't a good idea".

Posted by: Frodo at February 4, 2008 12:11 PM

I really was not pulling for either team (I'm a die-hard Steeler's fan). I generally like watching Brady play, because (normally) he just makes it look so effortless, and he's got a lot of composure even in the face of a collapsing pocket. But I was kind of pulling for Eli because I think he's underrated as a result of being Peyton's brother. If Peyton had never been born, people would have been saying "good young quarterback, he needs some work but shows a lot of potential." Instead, I'd been hearing things like "he's a flop because Peyton was much better at this point in his career," or the more common "he just doesn't measure up to Peyton." While it's true he's NOT as good as Peyton (even now) the fact is, he's a damn fine quarterback, and as he proved last night, he's got the skills and composure to win the big game. Plenty of other great quarterbacks can't say that (Dan Marino).

Posted by: MikeD at February 4, 2008 12:14 PM

I was fortunate enough to be in Laughlin NV. and able to bet on the game. I made a bundle!
The Game was fantastic! The best SB ever IMO.

Posted by: unkawill at February 4, 2008 09:54 PM

Outstanding, unkawill! That's the icing on the cake.

Posted by: Sly2017 at February 5, 2008 12:04 AM

I don't really get it, either. I played for years, and it was great fun. Watching a sport, to me, just usually isn't the same; I read a book while it's on, and can usually tell you the score, but ... maybe I just miss the fun of playing. The only sports I really enjoy watching (that I've done) are fencing (because I can slow it down) and America's Cup racing (because I can't afford to be a world traveler.)

Posted by: htom at February 5, 2008 01:00 AM

I think that is what I don't get about men and sports.

I like to *play* sports. It is just watching them for hours on end that I don't get, so much; though I do enjoy football season, and I like to watch a baseball game if I'm in a bar or something. It is hard for me to focus my whole attention on it because I never played the sport myself (baseball). I used to be able to watch gymnastics meets b/c I had competed so I could relate to what was going on.

But now the sport has changed so much that I find myself far less interested.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 5, 2008 07:58 AM

Heh... Frodo, the seventies were responsible for a lot of extremely misguided ideas. Fortunately I have forgotten a lot of them :p

Posted by: Cassandra at February 5, 2008 08:01 AM

As counsel for the Gay Judge Roberts, I want you to know that your photo is perilously close to copyright infringement.


Posted by: KJ at February 5, 2008 11:11 AM

I will admit, watching baseball on TV is challenging for those of us with ADHD ... so I will multitask during games (or work in the yard and listen to it on the radio) and catch what I missed on reply ... but watching Football is perfect for a Sunday afternoon activity in the winter ... night games should be banned.

Posted by: Frodo at February 5, 2008 12:39 PM

You're evil, Cass.

Posted by: Ymarsakar at February 5, 2008 12:52 PM