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March 08, 2008


When Baby becomes the ultimate designer accessory: Mom and Dad have plenty of time and energy for their careers, but not enough to miss precious shuteye on account of those pesky night feedings, or to potty train Junior.

Why not just buy a rag doll? Or a pet?

Or better yet, admit you don't have the time or the energy to be real parents to that human being you just brought into the world?

Posted by Cassandra at March 8, 2008 12:25 PM

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Consultants who specialize in lactation or sleep fill a void left by parenting books and pediatricians. Books can't offer personalized advice, and pediatricians don't have time to sit with parents in the wee hours of the night and help them decide whether to let their baby cry.

As the nic states, I've been there four times. Where do I sign up to be a lactation consultant?
"Danny Boy" or "He'll Have to Go" by Jim Reeves.
Works everytime.

Posted by: daddyquatro at March 9, 2008 01:47 AM

you mean you didn't get the memo on how you can have it all?

this is just a market response to the disposable income availability. It isn't new though. Rich people have always had nannys and wet nurses. It's just pushing that part down to the masses, while giving an illusion that you are hands on enough to actually take care of it.

The issue I have is the idea that you can share responsibility for your actions with a professional. That is an underlying idea of having a consultant. Meanwhile the apparent stakes are so high that if junior doesn't start his potty training the right way, he'll be scarred FOREVER.

Bleh, the kid is yours, and yeah if you slip up, it's your fault. Just like for your parents and the thousands of generations before that. Yeah, aunt Rosalee's ideas about potty training are garbage, becasue she never had to deal with boys. It's OK, you will figure it out. You will also learn to let go the fact that #1 son ALWAYS gets his hands wet before using the liquid soap, thus getting water everywhere. At 14, I don't think anything will change that. So, you make hime clean up after himself, and let it go...

I think the biggest thing that everyone fears, is being told they will have to sacrifice something. Yeah, you can't go see "Live Free Or Die Hard" with a little baby. So, either you get a sitter, OR YOU DON'T GO. Shushing your screaming 6mo old the whole movie, while her hearing is probably irreparably damaged by the movie, is garundamteed to get you lots of nasty comments after the movie.

Slogging into work after sitting up all night with a colicky child, is going to get you a couple of "oh man, I've been there..." but it doesn't make you special. It's what humans do...

Posted by: SwissArmyD at March 9, 2008 06:03 PM

> When I was born there was one book, [by] Dr. Spock. That is what everybody went to. Now, there's the Internet and multiple books," said Annika Brindley, a sleep consultant. "When you start second-guessing and getting confused by what you're feeling and what everybody else is saying, you end up lacking in confidence."

Yeah, 'cause actually considering the options and being forced to make a choice -- ooooh -- scary -- "Honey, where's the instruction manual for this thing?" "I don't know, Dear, did you leave it next to the bassinet when you took it out?"

Pansy-assed weeny Democrats.

Proof of what I've been saying all along ---

Too much tiger food, not enough tigers.

> "Danny Boy" or "He'll Have to Go" by Jim Reeves.
Works everytime.

No personal experience to justify this but several friends have indicated that a car ride does it spectacularly well.

> Bleh, the kid is yours, and yeah if you slip up, it's your fault.

As David Gerrold put it (probably quoting Robert Heinlein):
So let me tell you this [about parenting]: No matter what you do, you'll screw it up. Your kids will blame you, just like you blamed your parents. The only way to measure your success as a parent will be the speed with which they forgive you.
- David Gerrold, 'A Rage for Revenge' -

Posted by: obloodyhell at March 10, 2008 01:48 AM

I love the comments here! Completely on the mark! If I can do it w/o consulting books, hiring people, etc - AND manage (while on the edge of losing my sanity at times) to raise a daughter pretty well AND handle an 8 state territory - THEY CAN TOO!

By the way - did anyone notice one of the other headlines in the WaPo? "The Cost of a Baby"? You know what my cost is??

PRICELESS! I wouldn't trade the frustrations, sleepless nights, angst over what I am doing wrong/right, losing my temper, dealing with talking back, etc etc . . because the smiles, funny jokes, fly by kisses, creativity, and just plain her are so worth it.

If you want to be a parent - GROW UP and take responsibility. Don't farm it out.

Ok - rant done!


Posted by: Nina at March 10, 2008 09:22 AM

Way too much decadence in our society, Cass. Some decadence is nice, since I don't particularly wish to take a c**p in an outhouse a hundred yards from my house. However, too much decadence is like too much coffee, Vitamin A, and oxygen. It's very dangerous.

Posted by: Ymarsakar at March 11, 2008 03:14 AM