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April 22, 2008

'Ass of Life' Poetry Slam

The Editorial Staff is thinking that it is too long since we have had a poetry slam around this place.

The subject, today's news:

So round, so perfect
To attain the Ass of Life
This is the change that I seek....

Posted by Cassandra at April 22, 2008 10:06 AM

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Oh my rosy-cheeked ass of life

Will you say

Did you once again mistake the water of life

for the bidet?

pppphhit! ppphhhhiit!

Posted by: bthun at April 22, 2008 10:19 AM



Posted by: Jimmie at April 22, 2008 11:00 AM

It's remarkable
How much my outlook improves
When you walk away

Posted by: spd rdr at April 22, 2008 12:02 PM

You are just jealous because you do not have the Ass of Life, mr rdr :p

Posted by: Cassandra at April 22, 2008 12:37 PM

They praise me, and make an ass of me.
Now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass;
So that by my foes, sir,
I profit in the knowledge of myself,
and by my friends I am abused.

Posted by: J-Lo's Butt at April 22, 2008 12:43 PM

That was beautiful, Butt.

Posted by: bthun at April 22, 2008 01:02 PM

Behold, ye mortals
The Ass of Life
Sumptuous curves
So round and ripe
It’s no mere portal
Known for it’s rife
Watch as it swerves
As smooth as tripe
Ass of life, I say
Cornucopian crack
Giving and giving
And ne’er taking back
So kneel down and pray
To dual fleshy sack
In gratitude living
For posterior rack

Posted by: ozymandiaz at April 22, 2008 01:36 PM

Thulsa Doom: There was a time, boy, that I searched for the Riddle of Steel. Shall I tell you what it is? Its the least I can do.

Conan: No! I search for the Ass of Life!

Thulsa Doom: Such a pity. Contemplate this on the Tree of Woe.

Posted by: a former european at April 22, 2008 02:17 PM

Her ass is
So tight
Only dogs can hear it
When she farts

Posted by: Devil in search of trouble at April 22, 2008 02:22 PM

There once was an Ass of Life,
For whom politics was great strife,
But on Hillary's daughter,
To comment I won't bother,
Lest I face the wrath of my wife.

Eh, best I can do.

Posted by: MikeD at April 22, 2008 02:59 PM

I hate to see her go,
but I love to watch her leave,
as I am consumed by the ass of life.

Posted by: Allen at April 22, 2008 03:03 PM

We are still in awe of Ozymandias

Posted by: The Golden Globes at April 22, 2008 03:08 PM

Common as life is
We'll never need ask why
We worship the moons

Posted by: spd rdr at April 22, 2008 03:33 PM

On my first day in court I wish to report,
O! witness my sad tale so true.
I was meandring along when my life just went wrong
So listen up - don't let this be you.

Beware of the Rosy Crack of Dawn.
That girl kin hardly seem to keep her britches on.
While I know I've done wrong, the temptation is strong
Mayhap the judge will let me out in two...

Posted by: The Crack of Dawn at April 22, 2008 03:47 PM

Just as long as you don't start howling at the moons :p

Posted by: Big, Bad Wolf at April 22, 2008 04:07 PM

SCENE II. PhiaGayBarville

But, soft! what light through yonder form-fit slacks breaks?
It is the southern hemisphere, and Ass of Life is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious Hill moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my tookus, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!
She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?
Her cheeks discourses; I will answer them.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me they speak:
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat their supple softness,
To twinkle in their spheres till they return
What if those dimples were there, they in their hip-huggers?
The brightness of her cheeks would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her cheeks in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See, how she leans her cheeks upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch those cheeks!

Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?
Instead I shout, I grabbed her ass.

Posted by: Willy Reduxspear at April 22, 2008 04:09 PM

You realize that I am merely submitting to your request here.

Chelsea inspires the gays
That in her ass, life plays:
What progress!
This ingress
Is nearer where it may!

Posted by: Grim at April 22, 2008 06:20 PM

The ass of life is like a mooned maid
Whose dusky cheek doth blush
At reference to her fulsome tush
In its appearance, lush.

Odes and sonnets are written of it.
Men weep when it jiggles past.
"Oh that I could but touch it once..
but it sashays off too fast."

Posted by: Cricket at April 22, 2008 06:38 PM

'smooth as tripe?' Tripe isn't smooth. It is honeycombed.

Posted by: Everyone's a Cricket...uh..critic at April 22, 2008 06:42 PM

It would seem there are many who have a thong in their ass of life . . .

Posted by: Bruce Jones at April 22, 2008 07:17 PM

Exclamatory shrieks herald
A loss of profound note.
Incredulous me
Says this cannot be
But you swear the scales so quote.
Lost! You retort,
The ten pound tire you aquired
On that Parisian junket.
Nay, I *sort*,
Look behind you...
You'll find it.

Posted by: DL Sly at April 23, 2008 01:25 AM

In this long campaign,
Many lies make things ugly.
Not the ass of life.

Posted by: wheels at April 23, 2008 02:43 AM

"tripe is honeycombed." Does this mean the ass of life has *gasp...shock...* CELLULITE?

Don't you mean 'heiny combed?'

Posted by: Critic at 10 am at April 23, 2008 09:48 AM

An ode to the arse,
The Blog Princess said parse,
Be it *burrito*-smooth or saggy.

Swinging on her trapeze,
In a thong o' pastry wid cheese,
Snarking, "Off with their head! That's too tacky!"

Though the snarktillery rained,
Her favor cunningly restrained,
Leaving heads amid the disco ball spinning,

And while our mouth it did foam,
Trying to rhyme "heiny-comb",
The Princess bided her time, evilly grinning.

Now this thread has grown old,
And my tale has been told,
All pandering prose proffered in jest.

'Tis time to move on,
For we've fired a neuron,
And it's time for a Caption Contest!


Posted by: DL Sly at April 24, 2008 03:54 AM

Mea culpa maxima!

Not only am I making way too many typos this week, I am - apparently - losing my mind too :p

Posted by: Cassandra at April 24, 2008 01:46 PM

That's ok, I'll help ya find it.


Posted by: DL Sly at April 24, 2008 01:59 PM