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April 24, 2008

Men of America - Beware!!!!

Who knows what Evil lurks in the hearts of men?

Apparently, bthun does. Disturbing story of the day:

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

[snip!] (yes, we know, that was tacky)

Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. The 27 men have since been released.

"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Oleko said.

"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it'," he said.

Some Kinshasa residents accuse a separatist sect from nearby Bas-Congo province of being behind the witchcraft in revenge for a recent government crackdown on its [Editorial note: we swear to God we did not make this up...] members.

"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny," said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.

We are speechless.

Just speechless.

Posted by Cassandra at April 24, 2008 06:20 PM

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speechless is bad...dickless worse.

Posted by: thud at April 24, 2008 07:09 PM

Hmmm. I know some people whom I'd like to sic those sorcerers on ...

Posted by: WhoStruckJohn at April 24, 2008 09:01 PM

Sorry, I know I should have more compassion for my fellow man, but I'm laughing just as much tonight as I did when I first read this story.

Hold on to your wallets, I'm sure our friends the Donks will want to throw some of the US treasury at this via a Smiling Bob aid package or some such.

And there came to pass a great disturbance in the force, as if a million George Costanza's had cried out in torment and shame that the water was too cold! Bwaaaahahahaha!

Posted by: bthun at April 24, 2008 09:43 PM

So that's what happened to me!

Fortunately, I get all this email telling me how I can reverse the damage...

Posted by: camojack at April 25, 2008 01:13 AM

In a Hierarchy ruled by Sorcerers they tend to believe that man will rise to his level of incompetence

In the medical profession we just call them men with tiny Johnsons and unhappy wives... or more commonly known as falling under the Peter Principle.

Not that there is anything wrong with that....or I have any experience with it.

Posted by: Dr. Harden Stuhl at April 25, 2008 02:13 AM

I think we ought to send all those emails to Ghana.

Laughter. It'll kill ya or cure ya.

Posted by: Cricket at April 25, 2008 05:06 AM

I have so many things running through my head about wands and winkies, staffs and stiffs that I will just have to get some cinnamon toast and hot chocolate to sort it all out.


Posted by: Cricket at April 25, 2008 05:08 AM

Have those guys stopped to think that maybe what happened was simply the result of the lake water in which they were swimming was really, really cold, rather than sorcery?

Posted by: a former european at April 25, 2008 08:14 PM

We are speechless.

Just speechless.

This is what the rest of the world is like without meta-culture and civilization.

Posted by: Ymarsakar at April 26, 2008 03:08 AM

People might want to think about setting up a Sorcery Department to reply to all those scam emails.

Posted by: Ymarsakar at April 26, 2008 03:10 AM

Hey, if the gummint in Maine can tell pedophiles by the fact that they are looking "strangely" at children, then it's not that far to go to using the Evil Eye on someone's penis!!

When you are dealing with a semi-literate bunch of illogical nimrods (in the modern, not historical meaning of "nimrod"), you get illogical, pretty illiterate "nuances" of reality. Quelle Suprise?

Posted by: obloodyhell at April 28, 2008 11:45 AM

That is just wrong. Like eating kittens. Without pepper.

Posted by: KJ at April 28, 2008 12:48 PM