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April 08, 2008

Thwan Thong Trilogy

The Editorial Staff returned from a brief (pun fully intended) sabbatical to find her Inbox infested with the following salvo from the perpetually perky Homefront Six:

Diamond thong shown to throng:

Danielle Luminita, a brunette model from Romania, was carried down the runway on the shoulders of two male models wearing only the diamond thong.

"It is very comfortable, it's not heavy or scratchy or anything," Luminita told Reuters backstage.

To which we can only reply, "Holy misplaced modifier, Batman!" In our ongoing high-minded attempt to raise the conversational tone of the Blogosphere, we made a brief (albeit doomed) attempt to ignore the lobbing of snark in our general direction. However, our efforts were not greeted with reciprocal restraint:

And, no, Cassie, I didn’t ask if she was wearing a thong.

Hmmpf. “All we can say is that we're hoping Bill will run out of ammunition soon...” How droll…

Fortunately, those who have the audacity to hope will never be without a thong in their hearts. According to lingerie divas in the know, Le Worm Fashionique may have turned for the humble thong. What's next? Diamond Bloomers?

In 2003, about a third of all women’s knickers sold were G-strings, reaching a staggering £100m.

By last year, sales fell to only 12% of the knicker market, which still accounted for some £44m of turn-over.

....Showing how fashion lurches between extremes, large knickers are now poised to take over the world and cover even larger swathes of female flesh.

Bridget Jones’s big pants or boy shorts are seen to be kinder in emphasising the figure. So big pant sales are pulling up, while thongs are coming down (which they’ve probably being doing for years at WAG parties).

It’s one of those paradoxes of life that thongs and big pants are equally effective in eradicating VLP.

This is the visible panty line lurking beneath clothing that some women regard with a horror akin to catching the bubonic plague.

This is a winning reason, says fashion writer Lowri Turner, in spite of the discomfort felt when first worn.

“They are also sexy and – this is a very big AND – they can also make your bottom look smaller. The rule for sexy knickers really is less is more.”

Yet, unlike the thong, big pants hug and hold the posterior in a way which the minimalist clothing could never do.

And as we get older, we need all the extra support we can get. Emotional, spiritual and physical; but above all, physical.

Well, there you have it ladies. VC: your one-stop shopping destination for thong-related news; not to mention those all important bra safety alerts.

Just be careful out there.

Posted by Cassandra at April 8, 2008 07:35 AM

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Thongs are coming down?


Posted by: Cricket at April 8, 2008 09:09 AM

Down with thongs! Up with minis!

[insert *impeccable* Don Pardo impression:] Stay tuned for the next episode in Cassie's "Profiles in Fashion Courage: The Gownless Evening Strap."

Film at eleven...

Posted by: BillT at April 8, 2008 10:29 AM

...equally effective in eradicating VLP.

It's VPL. As in, "Verifiable Panty Line."

Tsk. If you're gonna persist in using military acronyms, at least *spell* them correctly.


Sorry 'bout that, Mizz Sly, but I haven't snarked you since Pakistan and I had to work *something* in...

Posted by: BillT at April 8, 2008 10:37 AM

visible panty line?

Posted by: John Gevalt at April 8, 2008 02:30 PM

Really Bill? You have to work to get it in???

Posted by: Perpetually Perky at April 8, 2008 09:00 PM

Really Bill? You have to work to get it in???

I *was* sort of hoping no one would bruit that about -- I've got *enough* females sneaking into the office when I'm working after dark...

Posted by: BillT at April 9, 2008 04:37 AM

> Thwan Thong Trilogy

Shouldn't that be "Thrilogy"? :o)


Posted by: obloodyhell at April 10, 2008 03:32 PM

A Thrill-ogy? or as opposed to o?

Posted by: Ymarsakar at April 11, 2008 04:56 PM