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May 08, 2008

The Song Ain't Still The Same, Game

In my inbox:

Some of the artists of the 1960s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.

Herman's Hermits --- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

Ringo Starr --- I Get By With a Little Help from Depends

The Bee Gees --- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?

Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash

Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now

Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom

Marvin Gaye --- Heard It through the Grape Nuts

Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair

Leo Sayer --- You Make Me Feel Like Napping

The Temptations --- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone

Abba--- Denture Queen

Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times on The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

Helen Reddy --- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore

Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To

Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again

Now this sounds like a game to the Princess. She came up with a few of my own to start you off:

Papa's Got A Brand New Dose of Viagra - James Brown

I Knew A Place...once - Petula Clark

All Day (And Several Times At Night) - The Kinks

Have at it, peoples. To help you out, here's a great link to old song titles.

Posted by Cassandra at May 8, 2008 07:41 AM

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Beach Boys 'I Can Hear Music...now that my hearing aid works.'

Posted by: Cricket at May 8, 2008 11:30 AM

Cut and pastefrom my email to Cass.

Sammy Hagar's "I Can't Drive 35"
Barry McGuire's "Eve of Reconstruction"
The Stone's "Stray Key Blues"
The Beatles' "Lucy's in the Ward with Dialysis"
Robert Palmer's "Bad Case of Paying You (Doctor Doctor)"
Ramones' "Rock and Roll Hard Stool"
The Who's "My Regeneration"
The Beatles' "Baby You Can Wipe My Chin"

Even dumber:

Isley Bros. "Twist and Scream"

Melanie: "I Got a Brand New Pair of Rollerskates (You Got a Brand New Knee)

Merle Haggard " I'm Proud to be an Okie From Miami"

Joe Cocker "Feelin' All-Bran"

Jimi Hendrix "Botoxy Lady"

Eagles "Peaceful Easy Wheelin'"

Elton John "Saturday Night's All Right For Sleeping"

Supreme's "Stop! In the Name of Kaopectate"

Please send help.

Posted by: spd rdr at May 8, 2008 12:34 PM

Easy To Be Hard … with the Little Blue Pill, Three Dog Night

Call Me … on my cell phone because I shut off the land line, Aretha Franklin (1970)

I'm In Luv (Wit A Stripper) … and she just got arrested so now I have to go on national TV and say I’m an alcoholic and am going into rehab, T-Pain and Mike Jones (2006)

Posted by: Ministry of Talking Truth To Power at May 8, 2008 12:42 PM

Saccharin Shack - Jimmy Gilmer & The Fireballs

Meatless, Beatless, Little, & Flouncy - The Who

Runny After Midnight - Patsy Cline

I Can't Aim - Jim Croce

Jesus I Need A Pill - Carrie Underwood

Posted by: JHD at May 8, 2008 12:55 PM

John Lennon "Instant CarNap"

The Stones "Staph Infection (I Can't Get No)"

Billy Joe Cyrus "My Achy-Breaky Back"

Dire Straits "Sultans of Sit"

Aerosmith Walk This Way (I Wish I Could)

REM "It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I"ve Got Gas).

Posted by: spd rdr at May 8, 2008 01:41 PM

Journey "Don't Stop Relieving"

Beastie Boys "You've Got to Fight for Your Right to Potty!"

Duran Duran "Hungry Like A Waif"

Nirvana "Smells Like Witch Hazel"

AC/DC "Highway to Shoneys"

Pink Floyd "Another Stiff in the Hall"

Posted by: spd rdr at May 8, 2008 02:09 PM

Meat Loaf "Paradise by the Headboard Light"

Pat Benetar "Hit Me With Your Flu Shot"

Guns N' Roses "Sweet Jell-O' Mine"

Lynyrd Skynyrd "What Was My Name?"

Posted by: spd rdr at May 8, 2008 02:18 PM

Someone has a little time on his hands....


Jim Croce: Time is in a Bottle of Geritol

Steely Dan: Are you Reeling From the Years?

Posted by: Cricket at May 8, 2008 02:28 PM

Three Dog Night: One Is The Loneliest Number...

Boz Scaggs: Lido Shuffles

I need help too.

Posted by: Cricket at May 8, 2008 02:34 PM

-Iron Butterfly- In-a-Cad-il-lac-crusin’-Ponte-Vedra

-Steppenwolf- Born to be senile

–Billy Paul- Me & Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Jones, we got a… we got a… ?

Darn it! I forget the rest, $#@%^^~!

Posted by: bthun at May 8, 2008 03:23 PM

-Little Feat- Oh Hot-toddie

Hank Williams- Your Cheatin' Pinochle

-Chicago- Does anyone really know what year it is?

Toby Keith - As Good As I Once Was (sorta sums it up right well)

Posted by: bthun at May 8, 2008 03:31 PM

The Doors "Break On Through (The Childproof Cap)"

Joe Walsh "Life's Been Good To Me So Fa fa fa...(thud)



Jimi Hendrix "Purple Hair"

BJ Thomas "Can't Stop From Falling On My Head"

Metallica "Enter Pan-Man"

Capt. & Tennille "Screws Will keep Us Together"


The Beatles "I Want to Hold Your Cane"

Bee Gees "How Deep Is Your Scar"


Posted by: spd rdr at May 8, 2008 03:36 PM

Hate is such a *strong* word, my friend ...

Posted by: Princess Leia, Orange Danish Bikini, Extra Icing at May 8, 2008 03:48 PM

The Mammas & the Pappas - Viagra Dreamin
The Beatles - When I'm 84
Steppenwolf - Too old to be wild
The Cowsills - What happened to my Hair

Posted by: Schnauzer at May 8, 2008 04:13 PM

Four Seasons "December 1963 (Oh What A Mistake)"

America "A Hearse With No Name"

Steam "Na Na Hey Hey Push Him Outside"

Must. Stop. Self.

Posted by: spd rdr at May 8, 2008 04:31 PM

somebody should grow his hair (if he still has hair) and move to hollywood to be a rock lyricist instead of doing whatever he does ... the legal thing

Posted by: Ministry of Music at May 8, 2008 05:06 PM

Don't cha love how he just ignores me when I tease him?

It's a sign of affection. Oooh... I just know it is :p

Posted by: Cassandra at May 8, 2008 05:17 PM

I came up with one earlier:

"Someone Saved My Wife Tonight" - Elton John

Posted by: Cassandra at May 8, 2008 05:19 PM

More Elton John hits:

"Don't Go Taking My Heart (The Transplant Song, with Creaky Knee)"

"Clock it, Man" (I Think It's Going to Be a Long, Long Time)"

OK. I am so going to the bad place for that one.

Posted by: Cassandra at May 8, 2008 05:35 PM

Randy Newman "You Can Leave Your Teeth In"

AC/DC "You Shook Me All Nap Long"

Van Halen "Might As Well Slump"

Kenny Loggins "X-Ray To The Danger Zone"

The Foundations "Build Me Up, Butt & Cups"

I am not ignoring you. I am planning your murder.

Beatles "The Long and Winding Feeding Tube"

Brian Hyland "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Hospital Gown"

Posted by: spd rdr at May 8, 2008 05:41 PM

Simon & Garfunkle "Bridge Over Troubled Molars"

Lew Rawls "You'll Never Find Another Spleen Like Mine"

A Righteous Bros. double shot:
"Unchained Malady" and
"You've Lost All Sense Of Feelin'"

Please kill me.

Posted by: spd rdr at May 8, 2008 06:06 PM

One wonders whom the creative genius is charging for all this wit.

Posted by: Ministry of Billable Hours at May 8, 2008 06:24 PM

OK, I thought of a few...

T. Rex -- Get It On, Off My Lawn
Wild Cherry -- Turn That Funky Music Down, Boy
Glen Campbell -- Like a Gallstone Cowboy
Sly & the Family Stone -- Thank You for Lettin' Me Pee Myself Again.
The Hollies -- Long Cool Woman in a Back Brace

Posted by: Sean Gleeson at May 8, 2008 08:15 PM

Queen: Another One Bites The Dust

Weird Al Yankovic parody: Another One Rides the Medicare Bus

I just got through watching 'The Golden Compass.'
Aside from the usual idiot drivel of 'saving the children and their demons from Nicole 'Man Coulter' Kidman, that is two hours of my life I will never get back.

And Dennis Craig, dishily dangerous as he was in Casino Royale, was not featured nearly enough.
I am going to Pout.

Posted by: Cricket at May 8, 2008 11:14 PM

How was Sam Elliot? I had considered seeing the film just because he was in it.

Posted by: Grim at May 8, 2008 11:18 PM

Sam Elliot is always worth a watch. He was perfect. You might find it worth the rental fee. I just won't be buying it.

This morning was the weekly run to the local library to get tomes for research and reading.

I am a sucker for children's books and rarely venture into the adult section unless it is P.G. Wodehouse or Dorothy Sayers. Angie Sage is a new author with a series to rival Harry Potter. The Septimus Heap series is quite promising.

However, the eldest CLU has a report to do for World History and if he doesn't get his butt in gear I will take away all privileges. He is to write a short essay (five pages) on four creation myths and compare them to Christian Creation...similarities and differences. Not a BIG deal, but to hear him tell it, I am ruining his life.

Oh well.

Posted by: Cricket at May 9, 2008 12:58 PM

He has chosen Hopi, Norse (gotta get my Vikings in there somehow), Chinese and Egyptian creation legends.

Believe it or not, the scholarly stuff is so overwritten (especially when doing something simple) that you can lose some good stuff if you don't know what you are looking for.

He started off with the basic outline of Genesis, and then we used our scripture of the Pearl Of Great Price to flesh out the outline a bit.

He will outline the basics of each culture's legend and then go from there.

He is also writing a research paper on the effects of noise, having gotten into a royal snit over loud music being played at a church dance.

We had to get a decibel reader for that one.

The things I go through for this kid!

Posted by: Cricket at May 9, 2008 01:04 PM