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August 30, 2008

Will Palin Cost McCain Gay Polar Bear Vote?

Somewhere in the wee hours of the morning a distressing thought floated to the forefront of the Editorial Staff's pea sized brain. Naturlich we promptly sprang from betwixt the marital sheets, positively a-tingle with curiosity. "What would the sachems of political discourse have to say about this historic choice?", we wondered? We were happy to see the lamestream media continuing the thoughtful, impartial and incisive reporting which characterized their coverage of Hillary Clinton:

"Children with Down syndrome require an awful lot of attention. The role of vice president, it seems to me, would take up an awful lot of her time, and it raises the issue of how much time will she have to dedicate to her newborn child?"

But though the press can barely contain their excitement over the historic nature of this pick, they appear mindful of their duty to explore compelling issues like Gov. Palin's child care arrangements while not neglecting the question on everyone's mind today: can a mere woman ever hope to wrap her mind around complex and highly nuanced foreign policy issues?

Fortunately, the media's well known sense of fair play prompted admonishments that it is unsporting to pick on girls, especially ones who are so clearly out of their depth:

TODD: She's going to have an expectations bar that's really low, and, you know, there's going to be questions that are given to her in such a way, that, to see, just on a basic qualification test, how well she knows certain world events. So she's going to have a very low bar to pass..

Imagine our surprise (considering the gravity and thoroughness with which Gov. Palin is being vetted by the media), however, when this morning's news turned up nary a word regarding what may well turn out to be a fatal miscalculation by the McCain campaign. Amidst the grave questions raised by the VP pick (What was McCain thinking when he recklessly and unilaterally selected a running mate without the prior approval of Germany and France? How could he choose a running mate who conspicuously lacks the internecine Capitol Hill connections considered essential in establishing genuine "Washington outsider" bona fides? Is this yet another sign that McCain's POW experiences left him mentally unstable and unfit to lead?) we found ourselves stunned to see the media ignoring the most disturbing aspect of the McCain pick. The choice of Palin represents a stinging slap in the face to a key McCain constituency: gay Ursine-Americans and lovers of Knut, the adorably psychotic baby polar bear. We would have thought that Palin would be more sympathetic to Knut, another compelling public figure who bears many startling similarities to the now-embattled VP pick. Like Palin, Knut has his share of skeletons in the closet:

Berlin Zoo is having to frantically deny reports that Cuddly Knut, its adorable yet controversial polar bear cub, was indirectly responsible for the death of its panda Yan Yan.

The Editorial Staff have been following the trials and tribulations of this cuddly denizen of the Arctic for some time:

Mein Gott im Himmell! one day the arrogant Bu$Hitler will rue his crimes against the Multiverse. Dennis Kucinich has sworn it!

Sadly, the viciously specie-ist and human centric policies of the current occupants of the Oval Office continue unabated. Is there no end to the tortures visited upon our unsuspecting fur-brothers? Of all the horrors in an increasingly irritating world, no one could have imagined a fate so cruel, so exquisitely agonizing that it would reduce the strongest among us to a quivering mass of jelly. We are, of course, speaking of the nightmare of Suri Cruise...

The young ursine has been the target of death threats for his prescient and principled opposition to European Islamofascists. Thus, we found ourselves deeply disturbed to learn that, not content with being a bad mother, animal hater and strident foe of a woman's exclusive right to determine the reproductive destiny of both partners in a sexual relationship, Gov. Palin has come out against same sex marriage rights for polar bears.

In light of this unsettling news, we have no choice but to reconsider our support for John McCain. In a civilized society, some things just will not stand.

Posted by Cassandra at August 30, 2008 10:28 AM

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Comments

Palin's pick is an insult to women!

Do men really think that women are so stupid that they just want a woman in office, rather than a qualified woman in office?

Posted by: Rita at August 30, 2008 12:42 PM

Ummm...maybe you perceive it to be an insult but I am delighted with the choice.

Do you think that just because you have the right fiddly bits you can speak for all of us?

Posted by: Semper Fi Wife at August 30, 2008 12:48 PM

Exactly, Rita.

She won't get my vote - that's for darned sure.

Posted by: Knut, the Adorably Psychotic Polar Bear at August 30, 2008 12:54 PM

Semper Fi Wife:

Did you ever stop to think how the fluffy white polar bear community would react to this disastrous choice????

DID YOU????

I though not.

Posted by: Knut, the Adorably Psychotic Polar Bear at August 30, 2008 12:55 PM

As Mark Steyn so ably said (somebody get that man a job writing speeches for McCain/Palin), how much good does it do us to elect people with so many years of foreign policy "experience" they had time to get not only the War on Terror, but the Cold War, wrong?

Palin didn't spend the last 10-15 years publishing multiple autobiographies. Instead, she was lowering taxes, successfully battling corruption, and declining to abort a handicapped child. What's the experience of Obama or Biden worth to me if they never make a judgment I can support?

Posted by: Texan99 at August 30, 2008 12:59 PM

Texan99, well said indeed.

I would almost bet that Palin has spent as much time with our troops in Iraq as the Obamessiah.

This isn't about pandering. I'm a woman finally on board the Straight Talk Express because of the balance of the ticket, not because Palin is a woman. I'm thrilled that a woman of such courage can be a leader in high office, don't get me wrong. But it is her conservative principles which are more enticing to me as a voter.

I'd rather have a Woman in Chief than a Weenie in Chief, just sayin'.

Posted by: Conservative Belle at August 30, 2008 01:10 PM

I love the Palin/Chuck Norris comparisons :p

Posted by: Cass at August 30, 2008 01:19 PM

Amen, Conservative Bella!!!

Posted by: Semper Fi Wife at August 30, 2008 01:19 PM

Palin didn't spend the last 10-15 years publishing multiple autobiographies.

EXACTLY. WHAT IS SHE HIDING???

Posted by: Knut, the Adorably Psychotic Polar Bear at August 30, 2008 01:20 PM

Hey!! Is that a dust bunny?

Alert the media!!! I think it's polar bear fur!!

Posted by: Embedded under Sarah Palin's bed at August 30, 2008 01:26 PM

Ah ha, I might be the first real person to comment on this posting! However, it's long been suspected that other real persons have commented here on rare occasions, perhaps!

Regardless, Knut the Naughty should amble back into his cave and pray that Gov. P keeps intact her long standing freeze on hunting naughty Polar Bear babies!

BTW: I was going to shorten my comment by using the phrase "P. Bear" but reconsidered knowing the limited education and lack of human understanding of sock puppets and polar bear offspring!

Posted by: DougW at August 30, 2008 01:38 PM

I can't say whether I will support Palin until I see her take off her glasses and let down her hair.

Posted by: The Shallow Man Vote at August 30, 2008 01:44 PM

I might be the first real person to comment on this posting!

Prove it. People who only use first names and last initials are miiiiiighty suspect around these here parts, pard...

Posted by: BillT at August 30, 2008 02:32 PM

Alas - and I so aspired to be one of the usual suspects. :)

Posted by: socialism_is_error at August 30, 2008 02:37 PM

Would you like to see you dossier SIE?

My employer would like you to entertain a proposition... It involves drugs, community organizing, terrorists, politics, forwarding the Socialists agenda... Wait, that's checked off...

Never mind.

Posted by: Keyser Söze's solicitor at August 30, 2008 02:54 PM

I don't know that I'd want to embed under her bed. Having had 5 kids, under her bed might be a dangerous place to be. Especially since I'm sure there is some celebratin' going on...

Posted by: HomefrontS. at August 30, 2008 03:48 PM

I wonder if Palin has a polar bear mounted in her study? I love the photo of Palin firing the M-16, not that one should make a connection between the two.

She has a bigger "gun" than most of the men howling against her. Worse, she could teach them a thing or two about how to use it.

What we are witnessing is the condescending attitude of mysogynists who feel threatened by talent and, worse, female talent.

Go Sarah! The data supports your success.

Posted by: vet66 at August 30, 2008 03:59 PM

Proof: Ok, I concede that there might be one other real person commenting on this here post, along with several sock puppets, and foreign mob agents!

Uff da, this isn't why I served those many long nights during the Cold War, protected only by the knowledge that perhaps the other side was as untrained as we were. But, our hearts were pure and totally innocent because Phenix City had been shutdown.

As to today's poster: PBUH.

Posted by: DougW at August 30, 2008 04:01 PM

Btw, Cass, "Knut" is what will happen to you if you get yourself in the care of government's big brother and mother matron program of social justice and harmony.

You know they'll know what is best for you.

EXACTLY. WHAT IS SHE HIDING???

A hidden marmoset weaponization program that will conquer the world.

Ah ha, I might be the first real person to comment on this posting! However, it's long been suspected that other real persons have commented here on rare occasions, perhaps!

Naw, what you know as Bill, Cass, Sly, and Ymar are just mental compositions of a mass/group mind from the 26th century.

What we are witnessing is the condescending attitude of mysogynists who feel threatened by talent and, worse, female talent.

Hey, weren't Republicans supposed to be the source of that. How did it get on the side of the Democrats? Oh wait, sorry, forgot to check which century I woke up in. It was that coma thing, ya know.

Posted by: Ymarsakar at August 30, 2008 04:54 PM

Go Sara - that's it in a nutshell. She's got it all as far as I'm concerned.

Posted by: nan at August 30, 2008 10:18 PM

It all started following the birth of three polar bear cubs at Nuremberg Zoo to two female bears.

When one of the mothers rejected her two cubs, zoo officials agreed to let nature take its course - as in the wild - and sat back.


The mother killed and ate her offspring because they were too weak to survive.


"We wanted to avoid the repeat of the stupid Knutmania and not rear the animal by hand," says Helmet Magdefrau, the deputy director of Nuremberg Zoo.


It didn't last. A public outcry over the zoo's "bear infanticide" policy was followed by a U-turn, with a keeper being sent in to rescue Flocke from mother Vera, who was hurling her about by the scruff of the neck and looking as if she was about to eat the cub, too.

DAmN, now that's pro-choice!

Posted by: Ymarsakar at August 30, 2008 11:09 PM

Palin needs to take her double hockey sticks and slapshot a few media misogynists' heads together. Of course we are speaking of MoDowd and Crowd.

This is a humongous snark for me, having a mentally handicapped child, but yes, they do require attention, but no more than the rest of us thumbsuckers who need the Democratic Party to do our thinking for us...

I wonder if Knut can be trained to talk across the species and find out the truth about Polar Ice. I can just see him now, frantically signing and tapping away...

Posted by: Cricket at August 31, 2008 02:06 PM

I voted for Bush twice and stood up for him twice. If I could support a puppet for that long, I guess I'll get used to the Barbie Doll.

Posted by: rosemary at August 31, 2008 07:18 PM

That's not exactly an indictment against Bush or the VP pick, Rose.

Posted by: Ymarsakar at August 31, 2008 08:17 PM

> Naw, what you know as Bill, Cass, Sly, and Ymar are just mental compositions of a mass/group mind from the 26th century.

C'mon. We all know they come from San Dimas in the 27th Century.

Posted by: Obloodyhell at September 1, 2008 07:34 PM

> mysogynists who feel threatened by talent and, worse, female talent.

I'll have you know I'm a misogynist who LOVES female talents.

Hubba Hubba!!!

.

Posted by: Obloodyhell at September 1, 2008 07:35 PM

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