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October 30, 2008

Another One Bites .... Oh, Nevermind

I suppose the "You Can No More Win a War Than You Can Win an EarthQuake" t-shirt he had on last time I saw him should have been my first clue:

After all, this is America. It isn’t like anything bad is going to happen here, at least once we end injustice, poverty and racism. That socialism thing? Come on. There aren’t any commies any more. Even when there were, Che was cool-looking. So Obama hung around with people who said they like terrorism, God Damn Amerika, all that. Hello, freedom of speech? Is there something wrong with saying stuff? It’s not like Obama is some kind of Manchurian candidate who is going to let the Mongol hordes in. Or the Muslim ones. And don’t start up with the “Hussein” thing again. He’s no scary Muslim … not that there’s anything wrong with that. He’s a regular old Christian. Just ask Rev. Wright.

Sure, he has a nice easy smile, but he also looks very determined, strong-jawed yet thoughtful, as if he’s very seriously pondering, “Why do they hate us?” Don’t laugh, that’s not funny. There is absolutely nothing in the record to indicate that President Obama wouldn’t slap the cuffs on any jihadis when the evidence is there that they plan to attack America, or already have, and that the Obama Justice Department won’t throw the book at them in a major way. He’s personally going to invade Pakistan, or not, depending. And he’s got some stern words for a lot of dictators he intends to deliver face-to-face, mano a mano. Nuke-happy mullahs, watch out: There’s a new community resource officer in town, and you’re about to be read your Miranda rights.

Unfortunately, America is still a fetid swamp of frothing racism, as the New York Times, the AP and even many credible media outlets have taken pains to point out. So maybe it is time for America to take the next step. Some people might say, yeah, OK, Obama’s black, but he’s not experienced enough. Community organizer, state senator, showed up on the national scene five minutes ago, no executive experience. I think you have to ask yourself, does that really matter? The issue, when you’re trying to end racism, isn’t whether he’s up to running the country and the world or not, or whether all his friends are left-wing wackjobs, or whether his ideas make any sense, or even whether he actually believes anything he says. It’s whether he’s black or not, and that’s pretty well been established. OK, biracial, same difference. What do you think the last 40 years of affirmative action have been all about? Anyway, Obama has a stodgy old white geezer in the jump seat to make sure he doesn’t do anything too radical or, I dunno, too young or too black, I guess. At least I think that’s why he picked Old Hairplugs.

So I was thinking, maybe it’s time to do what all the other guys are doing. Colin Powell, Ken Adelman, Douglas Kmiec, Christopher Hitchens … OK, he’s just going back where he came from … Charles Fried, Francis Fukuyama, Chuck Hagel, Bruce Bartlett kind of, Bill Weld, Lincoln Chafee, Scott McClellan, Christopher Buckley … damn, there’s a lot of them. Looking at that very long list of august names, considering where we stand at this important portal in history, I think the question anyone at all progressively minded should be asking is … hey Condi, why don’t you grow a set?

There's plenty more where that came from, sheeples. Drink... drink deeply.

Posted by Cassandra at October 30, 2008 11:13 PM

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Posted by: Miss Ladybug at October 31, 2008 12:33 AM

Looks like satire t'me...

Posted by: camojack at October 31, 2008 03:55 AM

Crittenden matches Swift at his best, sometimes.

*That* was a classic.

Posted by: BillT at October 31, 2008 04:22 AM

It was masterfully done, wasn't it? :)

I laughed, I cried...

Seriously, I would kill to have written that. Higher praise I cannot give.

Posted by: The Ghotht of Thamfir at October 31, 2008 07:06 AM


Like, ah I like, ahhhh... Ahhh, like, ahhhhhh

Vote or die dewdes!

But like, ahhh, who are all these people in this like ahhh, script this dewdes talking about?

Posted by: Sean Pennhead at October 31, 2008 07:26 AM

And another one down!

Bilge rats! Harumph!

Posted by: Thurston Howell III at October 31, 2008 08:27 AM

It does seem that a lot of people really are willing to cut off their nose to spite their face.

But I guess we really shouldn't be surprised. McCain's entire image of "Maverick" has been built around him turning his back on Conservatives. It shouldn't really, then, come as a surprise when conservatives turn their back on him.

Jules is right, the reasons given don't really matter: one excuse is just as good as another when you need one.

If Obama wins, I just hope they are correct that a true opponent is better than a false ally. I really, really, doubt it, but, I guess, one must HOPE.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at October 31, 2008 03:02 PM

You took me for everything that I had,

Heh. Truer words have not yet been spoken.

Posted by: Queen-ish at October 31, 2008 04:39 PM

Less subtle, but deliciously snarky, is Iowahawk's entry in the ever-widening conservative butterfly amusement sweepstakes:

As a Conservative, I Must Say I Do Quite Like the Cut of this Obama Fellow's Jib

Posted by: Obloodyhell at November 2, 2008 12:56 PM