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November 04, 2008

Andrew Sullivan Suicide Watch

You've got to hand it to the guy. He doesn't phone it in. Every day, rain or shine, he shows up and continues to set the standard for unremitting malice and pointless displays of vulgarity in an Atlantic Online blogger.

Face it: some people just have the gift:

We have been given no actual records of the last pregnancy, or any reccords [sic] at all, although we are told by the elusive Dr. Catherine Baldwin-Johnson that labor was at 35 weeks - not as premature as previously believed (if you research the average weight of full term DS babies, you find, by the way, that Trig was not underweight).

Andrew, in addition to being an expert on so many other women's issues, just happens to be one of the nation's leading authorities on neo-natal medicine in his spare time. Or is it obstetrics? His impressive command of medical terminology sometimes leaves us stunned into temporary insensibility. The "average" weight of a full term normal infant is... what? 7 and a half pounds? The "average" weight of a 35 week infant is 5.25 pounds.

Both my children (full term, delivered at 39-40 weeks) were over 10 and a half pounds, though I gained the "average" amount of weight: 26 pounds. According to "Andrew Math", I must have carried my sons for well over 50 weeks.

Of course we all know this is impossible. The only logical explanation is that some other family member must have been the actual mother. Since I don't have a daughter, it may have been my younger brother. Or perhaps it was my pet beagle - she was sporting kind of a puppy belly around that time, if the family photos can be relied upon.

Puppy chow my ass.

Perhaps he can get my private medical records released. After all, the public has a right to know. But lest you be one of those Undecided Voters out there still puzzling over critical issues swing voters tend to agonize over (such as whether it's possible for a teenaged girl to be pregnant for over two years, dating from a family photo clearly dated 2006 to the birth of a child delivered in 2008) have no fear.

Andrew is on the case!!!! And he's not going to give up until he "vets" this "dangerously unqualified" nominee by going through over her ob/gyn records with a fine-toothed comb. With any luck, he'll get the VaginaCam going before the polls close down, but he's not making any promises:

There is no time for any reporters to ask any questions, of course, or any time for the questions raised by the pregnancy to be aired in the press. I doubt Baldwin-Johnson will respond to further queries.

Yeah, me too. I know that whenever I see a married woman with a Down's Syndrome baby, the first completely natural and normal question to pop into my mind is, "Damnitall, who really fathered that kid? I DEMAND TO SEE THE MEDICAL RECORDS!" And for those of you who may be tempted to start spouting some namby-pamby blather about "privacy" or a "woman's right to control her own reproductive destiny", you can just forget that naive nonsense. Rights are only rights when they fulfill the correct ends, and anyway it serves the Palin family right for parading their so-called "family values" in front of enlightened, tolerant Blue Staters: the only folks truly capable of keeping complex Constitutional rights like freedom of speech out of the hands of ignorant fools who are insufficiently evolved to use them properly. Live by the sword, die by the sword.

Stay classy, Andrew. And you've got to love this:

We need documentation to verify the last pregnancy:

Why, Andrew? What, specifically related to the job description of the Vice President of the United States, is there to "verify"? Please do explain. We're all ears.

I take it that, since you seem so keen on delving into the gynecological history of a married woman, this means that if a gay man should ever be nominated for the Vice Presidency, we have your good leave to go dumpster diving through his sexual history on the slightest pretext, up to and including the strong possibility that some whack job on the Right (every party has one) will have the bad taste to spread a nasty but completely unsubstantiated rumor about his private life?

Glad to have that settled.

... the amniocentesis results with Sarah Palin's name on them, for example, would be readily available and easy to disseminate...

And the point of this would be to establish what information that we don't already know?

... and would help raise awareness of Down Syndrome.

...for all the folks who read Andrew's site, but remain tragically uninformed of Trig's medical condition.

What I want to know is, what is Sully going to write about if John McCain loses the election today? I worry.

I really do.

Posted by Cassandra at November 4, 2008 08:36 AM

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The man is an ass. And honestly Cass, were it not for you bringing his asshattery to our attention, I'd never spare the man a second thought.

But nice skewering... as usual. :)

Posted by: MikeD at November 4, 2008 01:21 PM

Andrew Sullivan: Largest Mangina in the Blogsphere. And that's saying something.

Posted by: vanderleun at November 4, 2008 01:37 PM

Live by the sword, die by the sword.

A good death, Cass.

Shouldn't Andy here be talking about AIDs or something that the gay community is threatened by, Cass? Why does Andy think Sarah Palin's womb is more of a danger to him than that, eh?

Posted by: Ymarsakar at November 4, 2008 01:48 PM

... the amniocentesis results with Sarah Palin's name on them, for example, would be readily available and easy to disseminate...

1) There are plenty of ways to pretty well know you are having a DS child without an amnio. Trust me, I know. We went through them when a blood screen came back abnormal. (Luckily, the U/S came back normal).

2) The extreme number of people that would have to be bribed to cover something like a faked pregnancy would create a money trail so wide Sully could still find it even with his head so far up his own a$$.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at November 4, 2008 02:01 PM

I haven't figured out where this pathological hatred of Palin comes from Ymar, but it really is pathetic. I hope that I never hate anyone that much that I become willing to stoop to such tactics.

Maybe he was always willing to do such things. If so, then I misjudged him. If not, it just shows the folly of going down the rabbit hole of extreme partisanship. When you start to believe your own side is so "right" and the other side is so "evil" that anything you do is justified on the most flimsy of pretexts, you have lost your humanity.

Andrew crossed that line a long, long time ago and every day it requires less and less provocation to get him to go for the jugular. Even children aren't safe from his malice.

I know a lot of people won't link to him, but I do so as an object lesson in what can happen if you go down that "everything is black-and-white" path. We are given the facility for critical reasoning for a purpose. To abandon it...

I can't imagine what useful purpose that serves.

Posted by: Cassandra at November 4, 2008 02:05 PM

*knock* *knock*

Delivery for Mr. Sullivan -- one gallon of Midol Drip© and a case of Vagisil®.

Sign here, please...

Posted by: BillT at November 4, 2008 02:21 PM

I haven't figured out where this pathological hatred of Palin comes from Ymar

From my reading of the comments from Scalzi's blog (you can assume that these are mostly the political or non-political average day joes and janes of the Democrat Fallen world) they oppose Palin and McCain because those two oppose Obama. These people in the comments wanted to back Obama and saw Obama as theirs so psychologically speaking they feel a need to defend Obama. However, it isn't just Obama they are defending but their own identities as well. Many of these folks confessed admiration or liking for John McCain but suddenly when McCain "campaigned" (meaning let some of his real views out) as a Republican candidate against Obama, SUDDENLY McCain is now an "alien" that they cannot support. John McCain was honorable in the 2000 elections but now...

Their definition of "honor" consists of "whom so ever supports me, my ideology, or my leaders who I have faith in". People are "honorable" if they are on your side. Not exactly a true perception of the world, Cass. No amount of intelligence will fix that perception problem, either, for intelligence is not perception.

So they start off on this line, as Obama supporters who build up their identity of themselves and of the America they think they want to live in utilizing political promises. (very brittle foundation but they don't ask me) As for hate of Palin, this can take some of many forms. After we have a common foundation then we can look at where people differentiate.

For example, take this numerous archetypes of Palin hating. You have Andrew Sullivan, people who believe Palin is a heartbeat away from the President and therefore not qualified to be VP while Obama is qualified for P because Biden is qualified for the VP, those that believe Palin is a religious nut, those that believe McCain chose Palin to assuage the base because Palin has a vagina and will stoke up gun nuts like Rethugs, and those people who believe in some combination of the aforementioned.

Each of these different archetypes tend to have causes like say feminists hating Palin because Palin is off the plantation. This threatens the identity of feminists. Others attack Palin as inexperienced because their identities are bound up in Barack's identity as being "experienced" cause he runs a well organized "campaign". These are all their identities and letting a threat, like Palin, challenge their identities is the same as committing personality suicide. We can't have people killing themselves, Cass, now can we. So they defend themselves by lashing back, an age old survival instinct. Such things have started mass murderers, ethnic cleansings, support for concentration camps that gas Jews, and numerous other eternal clan warfares and blood & guts letting in human history but we're getting past the point.

In the end, the point is that there is no one motivation for Sarah Palin Hate Syndrome. The symptoms are the same and the causes are similar, but the method of transmission is different. Some viruses spread through the air, some through food, some through animals, some through contact with blood, others through contact with specific parts of the body, etc. Democrat propaganda, Leftist propaganda, is designed to get the virus out through any means available in order to infect the American body politic and make them susceptible to future invasions and diseases.

It doesn't matter what makes a person hate Palin so much as they do it.

I know a lot of people won't link to him, but I do so as an object lesson in what can happen if you go down that "everything is black-and-white" path. We are given the facility for critical reasoning for a purpose. To abandon it...

Ace seems to think that cause Andy is dying of AIDs and he knows it, he is just going to take as many people down with him as possible like the murderer sprees in Virginia Tech and Columbine.

Some people just like to watch the world burn, especially if they know their time is limited. So they play the Great Game and hope for some excitement by fighting in a Cause. It helps to distract them from thinking about themselves and their own personal deficiencies.

Posted by: Ymarsakar at November 4, 2008 02:38 PM

Don't you mean the Biggest Pr*ck?

BillT, not vagisil. gynelotrimin.

*running very very fast*

Posted by: Cricket at November 4, 2008 03:12 PM

I don't really give a d*mn about Palin's medical records.

I want to know what Obama is hiding.

Posted by: Cricket at November 4, 2008 03:18 PM

"Delivery for Mr. Sullivan -- one gallon of Midol Drip© and a case of Vagisil®."
I think that I just hurt myself laughing...

Posted by: bthun at November 4, 2008 03:39 PM

Louis Farrakhan, Bill Ayers and Barack Obama all voted at the same precint today, in Chicago. Someone at 'Tigerhawk' thinks that they carpooled. :D

'Way back in my kidhood, when Barry G. ran for the Presidency, the whisper campaign was that "in you guts, you know he's nuts".

Barry survived a landslide defeat by LBJ, and came out with his life and honor intact. Today, he is revered by some Republicans as a hero of the modern day party. I have read a lot about Barry, and you can't help coming away from it thinking he was one Hell of a swell man. He was, though, just a little nuts sometimes, too.

So as bizarre and demented as Andrew Sullivan is/was/ will be (into the future, too!), you can't help but think that somewhere in there is still a....nah, he is just nuts!

And still, his newfound hero Obama is opposed to gay marriage. Go figger.

My online moniker is Don Brouhaha, and I approved this message.

Posted by: Don Brouhaha, smugger than ever at November 4, 2008 03:46 PM

Goodbye, Andrew. You are about to become permanently passe. By this time next year no one will have heard of you...except in Provincetown.

Ta ta.

Posted by: spd rdr at November 4, 2008 04:42 PM

One of the NCOs in my old outfit told me, "The Democrats said that if I voted for Goldwater, I'd be drafted and sent to Vietnam. I voted for Goldwater, and, sure enough, I got drafted and sent to Vietnam."

Posted by: BillT at November 4, 2008 05:11 PM

BillT, not vagisil. gynelotrimin.

Mea culpa.

More than I needed -- or even wanted -- to know, but...

Posted by: BillT at November 4, 2008 05:13 PM

Well I hope that is not true (that he is dying of AIDS).

AIDS is a horrible disease.

I don't like to think of anyone having it and I don't even like to joke about it. I don't like when conservatives joke about it. I realize there are some conservatives who view homosexuality as an immoral lifestyle choice.

My point of view is that I wasn't put on this earth to overlook other people's sexual decisions.

As long as they don't start up in my living room, peace be with them. The idea that someone would contract a horrible disease like that from having sex with someone they love is horrifying to me. I recall what it was like to be single and to worry about getting pregnant because I was having sex outside of wedlock, but in a committed relationship. There are folks who would have condemned me for that, too. But not to death.

So, my heart goes out to people like Andrew. I'm not sure we can fully imagine how it feels to be him.

It doesn't excuse all of his excesses. It doesn't make it right for him to attack Sarah Palin, nor her children so viciously. But God help me if I ever lose the ability to feel compassion for the pain of another human being.

That said, Sullivan is still (as I believe the Bard memorably said) an ass in the world.

Posted by: Cassandra at November 4, 2008 05:22 PM

By the way, I wasn't implying that you were joking about it.

I guess I was just thinking. That's all.

Posted by: Cassandra at November 4, 2008 05:23 PM

You are a kind soul, Cass. Leave all the gory stuff to people like Bill; he'll get it done one way or another.

Posted by: Ymarsakar at November 4, 2008 05:27 PM

I guess I was just thinking. That's all.

Nothing wrong with thinking, Cass. It's why the zombies keep coming back here after having encountered your death dealing snarkery so many times.

Posted by: Ymarsakar at November 4, 2008 05:28 PM


would you believe that its been empirically validated that the incompetent are truly overcondifent of the skills they imagine they have?

Among the Inept, Researchers Discover, Ignorance Is Bliss

[note how the changes in our educational system seem to be tailor made to dovetail perfectly with creating a population as described in that article]

I dont now what he would right about if mccain loses... all i know is that it will be something about how dissatisfied he is about whatever it is he decided to focus on.

i have truly come to the conclusion that most like him are incapable of being happy. they are happy being miserable and unapreciative to amplify that misery.

I think that this mostly is reflected in their choice of solution for the problems. for instance, rather than raise eveyrones taxes, use your superior intelligence to create products and a company like paul newman did. their solution is always misery.

they believe that they are trading masters, and that the new master will be nicer than the old master. however, they are so confident in their abilities, as the article above puts together, that they feel that they are so competent, while they are inept, that they believe that there is oppresion holding them down and not their own inability doing so.

Posted by: Artfldgr at November 4, 2008 08:54 PM

It's hard to lose a good fight.

But bruises teach, and I'd rather lose a good fight and a couple of teeth than ever to show my ass to my opponent.

I'm calling this race. America wins.

And the sun will come up tomorrow.

Posted by: spd rdr at November 4, 2008 09:20 PM

It will indeed, my friend :)

No matter what.

Posted by: Cassandra at November 4, 2008 10:12 PM

well, uh, Sullivan sounds like he has a rash.
I hear gynelotrimin is good for that.

Or Benadryl.

Or Nystatin.

Posted by: Cricket at November 4, 2008 11:36 PM

Spd, I really really needed to hear that, especially now. We don't dare send our son to school tomorrow; the schools were closed here

When we got the news, he asked "Will people try to hurt Obama?" He didn't want him to win, but he didn't want him to get hurt. We told him we didn't know, but now that he was, to all appearances, elected, we would pray for him just like we prayed for President Bush.

Posted by: Cricket at November 4, 2008 11:39 PM

He didn't want him to win, but he didn't want him to get hurt.

Nobody deserves to be hurt just because of his or her beliefs.

You raised him well, Lady C.

But we already *knew* that, didden we?

Posted by: BillT at November 5, 2008 12:21 AM

Sun's up over here, and it hasn't stopped moving...

Posted by: BillT at November 5, 2008 12:22 AM

Thanks..he is a sweetie. His older brother was stunned, and then said: "Well, I guess we have a new President. When do the Republicans start pushing the voter fraud issues and the concealment of his records?"

Posted by: Cricket at November 5, 2008 12:27 AM

Thanks for the update, Bill. Good to know.

Posted by: Ymarsakar at November 5, 2008 02:08 AM

There is something about an Andrew Sullivan thread that is similar to a car wreck. You don't want to look, but you sometimes can't help yourself. I finally got to reading this today, a few days late.

My good friend in Anchorage just rolls her eyes about this whole line of questioning. Why? Because on the day that Trig was born, the newspaper had a photo on the front page of the grandparents, who had been caring for the kids while Palin was in Texas, arriving bright and early at the hospital with the kids to see their new baby brother. Yes, including Bristol, the "mother" of the baby she must have delivered like 30 minutes before.

I have wondered now and then if Andrew has begun to show the signs of AIDS dementia, because for a man who used to have cogent arguments, he's just gone way round the bend. But a Wiki article about the condition states [b]ehavioral changes may include apathy, lethargy and diminished emotional responses and spontaneity. Hmmmmm... apathy...lethargy...diminished emotional responses...nah. We could only be so lucky.

Perhaps the problem with Andrew is that he needs his drugs adjusted. More likely he is just an @$$#ole.

Posted by: MathMom at November 6, 2008 08:17 AM