« Marines: "Not Surprising... Just Impressive" | Main | Foolishness... »

December 16, 2008

Heh....

Army Christmas Operations Order: 12-24-08

Subject: Christmas

1. An official visit by MG Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 2008. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit.

a. Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative actions will be obtained through normal channels. Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the Office of the Surgeon General, Veterinary Services.

b. Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 2008. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, cotton,light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage w/ear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1900 hours, 24 December 2008.

c. Personnel will utilize standard field ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. Artificially sweetened plums are authorized for those in their unit weight control program. Specifications for this item will be provided by the servicing dining facility.

d. Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit safety Officers will submit stocking hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 2008, ATTN: DCSLOG, for approval.

e. At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw open the window sashes. DCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 2008, will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are tornopen nor window sashes thrown open prior to start of official clatter.

f. Prior to 2400, 24 December 2008, all personnel will be assigned “Wondering Eye” stations. After shutters are thrown open and sashes are torn, these stations will be manned.

g. The ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of MG Claus’ driver who, IAW current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF 56 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking and be able to shout “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen”.

2. MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19 December 2008, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-in.

3. Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.” This shout will be given on termination of General Claus’ visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division chiefs.

/x// CHRISTOPHER K. RINGLE
Colonel, USA
OIC, Special Services

Distribution:
Everybody Who Still Believes


CWCID: OBH

Posted by Cassandra at December 16, 2008 11:34 AM

Trackback Pings

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.villainouscompany.com/mt/mt-tb.cgi/2597

Comments

Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the Office of the Surgeon General, Veterinary Services.

Veterinarians fall under the Medical Services Corps, and are responsible for inspecting meat shipments to insure they are somewhat fit for human consumption.

If you want a permit for stirring mice, you need to contact the Food Service folks...

Posted by: BillT at December 16, 2008 03:28 PM

Are you cracking wise on my little buddies? :p

Next to an elephant, I have always been inordinately fond of mice. I do not know why.

But I think if you are going to have an infestation problem it is probably better to have mice than elephants ....

Posted by: Cassandra at December 16, 2008 03:36 PM

...and it's easier to stir mice than elephants.

Plus you can fit more of them in the pot.

Posted by: BillT at December 16, 2008 04:38 PM

This was just too funny! So, I "stole" it and posted it on my blog, too. Gotta love those mice; but I like mine shaken, not stirred.

Posted by: Lela at December 16, 2008 04:53 PM

Cute. Although somehow I've gotten the feeling that I'm persona non grata hereabouts anymore...

Posted by: camojack at December 17, 2008 01:23 AM

I hope that's just a joke, Camo. I look for your comments first thing every morning when I get up.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 17, 2008 01:35 AM

But I think if you are going to have an infestation problem it is probably better to have mice than elephants ....

I once had a mice infestation problem and it wasn't fun. (Not to drop mouse poop on a nice Christmas thread, but never, ever set out poison for mice. They like to go into laundry hampers to die cozily and comfortably, which makes for an unpleasant surprise when you decide you want to do a load of towels.)

Still, they didn't break my furniture or leave splats the size of Ohio in my living room, so yes, avoid elephant infestations at any cost.

Posted by: Donna V. at December 17, 2008 09:55 PM

P.S. The mouse infestation occurred at 10th and East Capitol in NE Washington DC. There was a big rat infestation just down the street ;-)

Posted by: Donna V. at December 17, 2008 10:05 PM

Love it! Thanks! Posted a link to it in my blog. Chuckled especially about the equipment, after my kid in ROTC's description of scary logistics class covering what happens to people who lose or don't take good care of Army equipment...

Posted by: retriever at December 17, 2008 11:02 PM

I hope that's just a joke, Camo. I look for your comments first thing every morning when I get up.
Posted by: Cassandra at December 17, 2008 01:35 AM

Sorry. Rough night at the Military-Industrial Complex™ last night.

Perhaps you've seen the news about the alleged sabotage incident(s) pertaining to the V22 program? On top of that, one of my co-workers has been giving me attitude...I just called him on it a little while ago, in fact.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to my next day off: Christmas Eve.
(I've been working 7 days/week of late...)

Posted by: camojack at December 18, 2008 01:06 AM

I hadn't seen it, but then I haven't read a newspaper in weeks. It's awful - I just throw them away every day. No time.

I hope you get some rest soon, Camo. I'm sorry you had a bad day yesterday.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 18, 2008 01:41 AM

I hadn't seen it, but then I haven't read a newspaper in weeks. It's awful - I just throw them away every day. No time.
I hope you get some rest soon, Camo. I'm sorry you had a bad day yesterday.
Posted by: Cassandra at December 18, 2008 01:41 AM

Thanks, darlin'. My bad days are as nothing compared to my brothers-in-arms who are still in harm's way. Ordinarily I wouldn't complain; hopefully it was a rare and fleeting event.

If you get a chance, I posted some pictures (and a link to more) from my Thanksgiving Week vacation to Costa Rica at my blog...

Posted by: camojack at December 18, 2008 06:50 AM

You should at least recycle them, Cass. You can't let the newspaper just cut down our forests and let them get away with that, can you? Think of Mother Gaia here.

Posted by: Ymarsakar at December 18, 2008 03:05 PM

Post a comment

To reduce comment spam, comments on older posts are put into moderation 5 days after the last activity. Comments with more than one link also go into moderation. If you don't see your comment after posting it, try refreshing the screen. If you still don't see it, your comment is probably in the moderation queue.




Remember Me?

(you may use HTML tags for style)