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January 21, 2009

Raise Your Banana And Repeat After Me....

bob.jpgOooh, snap! You didn't think the Conservative Bloggers Who Support the Gay Judge Roberts would take the recent dissing of Our Adorably Gay Chief Justice lying down, did you?

After all, did we not stand firmly behind the Big, Hairy Heartthrob of Originalism just as *soon* as his ... err... proclivities manifested themselves???

It's been a long, hard road, hasn't it? Our boy has been neglected, rejected, and disrespected by a bunch of panty-waist Senators who aren't fit to straighten the seams on his silky Hanes ultrasheers.

What's a girl to do? The path to greatness is strewn with the envy of lesser men... and we all know what kind of envy we're talking about, don't we? But even when the going got tough, the Conservative Bloggers Who Support the Gay Judge Roberts held firm.

Because you know we came out for Roberts early. When some folks thought he showed a tad bit too much interest in the Presidential China pattern, we didn’t bat an eyelash.

Of course, that gay 4 year-old of his was another matter entirely. Our tolerant enlightenment only stretches so far, you know:

The Roberts kids are no strangers to controversy. Jack Roberts, a confirmed bachelor who enjoys dancing and thinks girls are "yucky", has the I.Q. of a four year-old boy and a rap sheet a mile long. In 2003, Jack was reprimanded by a superior court judge for vandalizing the walls of a private residence with Crayola crayons. Last summer, he stole several indigenous amphibians from a natural wetland, a crime against nature for which he has yet to be held accountable. His childlike demeanor and bizarre behavior have frustrated reporters for weeks. When pressed for details on his father's opinions concerning Roe V. Wade, it's not unusual for Jack to burst into giggles and spin around in circles until he falls down.

If Jack Roberts seems to revel in media attention, then his sister, Jane, shuns it. Living a life shrouded in mystery, Jane was rumored to be dating Tom Cruise - but it's widely suspected that the girl with the pageboy haircut "plays for the other team", if you know what I mean. While John Edwards has yet to officially acknowledge her as a lesbian, Jane is rarely seen without another woman at her side. Her dowdy style of dress and lack of frequent abortions have raised more than a few eyebrows. And like brother Jack, her mental instability is a thing of record. Prone to sudden emotional outburts and crying fits over trivialities, Jane is often seen talking to small plastic replicas of human babies, and her addiction to paste has been the talk of the tabloids for years.

Yep. Lotta collateral damage out there on Capitol Hill these days. Casualties of war, my friends.

Casualties of war. That is why The CBWSTGJR stand ready to man the ramparts (Lord almighty, we hope we never get that backwards) of decency against an ever mounting tide of... of...

Well, you get the idea.

Posted by Cassandra at January 21, 2009 01:51 PM

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Comments

Ok, is he gay or just a transvestite?

Only Barney Frank knows for sure. :)

"...long, hard road.." "..Conservative bloggers holding firm.."

The ennui! The ennui! The entendres! Help us!

Oh, and FIRST!!

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at January 21, 2009 03:49 PM

I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed that whole thing :p

Glad you guys brought it up.

Posted by: Triple Entendra with a twist of lemon at January 21, 2009 03:52 PM

Too freakin' funny. I have to ask though, where is their mother? Why does their four year old get a stern rebuke from a Judge and mine only gets a time out? Where did I go wrong in not having access to the nanny state to correct my children?

*sobs uncontrollably*

Posted by: Cricket at January 21, 2009 04:04 PM

I went and re-read. OhMYGAIA!

Posted by: C'r'q't at January 21, 2009 07:34 PM

Arrgggg!

Prevaricators in acetate training panties, also known as panty-waist Senators, have a care not to speak ill of cousin John G.

Thou I be as anchored as stuck and scuppered whilst afflicted by the scurvy necessitating R&R, at least until the rum runs out, I still be ready to light a fuse, swash a buckle, or haul a keel as needed in defense of our Chief Esquire and cousin.

Aye, yet something of more a immediate need troubles the mind… Ahhh! The mention of Barney Frank it twas that calls forth a worrying haint of a task undone… Avast a careening, indeed bottom maintenance on Revenge tis the worry!

So until the rum or the Reaper wins, I bid a fond adieu to all along with my ever present pledge, As you wish”.

Posted by: Dread Pirate Roberts at January 22, 2009 11:05 AM

> man the ramparts (Lord almighty, we hope we never get that backwards)

LOL. Bad pun! Bad! Bad!

Posted by: Obloodyhell at January 22, 2009 10:33 PM

Thank you :)

I was very proud of that... I think.

Posted by: Cassandra at January 23, 2009 04:42 AM

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