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January 16, 2009

Rear View Window Caption Contest

200px-Barney-20040908.jpg

Sorry guys. Today I don't have any words.

Maybe it is a day to lighten up a bit. I will miss you, sir.

Fair winds and following seas.

Posted by Cassandra at January 16, 2009 06:32 PM

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Comments

"It was *me*. Not Cheney."

Posted by: BillT at January 17, 2009 02:00 AM

"I will miss Helen Thomas."

Posted by: Cricket at January 17, 2009 09:36 AM

I will miss President Bush! I am already heartily sick of the Obama administration.

Posted by: MathMom at January 17, 2009 10:29 AM

oh...this is a caption contest.

Posted by: MathMom at January 17, 2009 10:30 AM

"I'm changing my name from Barney to "Joe Sully." Now where is Helen Thomas' leg...

Posted by: vet66 at January 17, 2009 11:03 AM

Good morning, ladies, gentlemen, and tasty newspersons.

I stand (and sit, but only on command) before you today as humbled a first dog as any that has been afforded the opportunity to pee on the rug in the Oval Office. Many great four legged companions have preceeded me in this high honor, and I would be remiss not to acknowledge their legacies. Fala,for example, that tireless champion of FDR's plan to give every dog, no matter his breed or need, unlimited access to tasty government-funded bones. Through those long, long nights of LBJ's indecision and, um, indecision, "Beagle," "Little Beagle," and "Him" and "Her" (also beagles), despite their unimaginitive names, provided the President with succor and hair while he dithered the nation's future before he finally returned to the more productive pastime of throwing tennis balls. And we should never forget "Checkers," who, for what its worth, it the mutt that made Nixon. "Socks," the Clinton cat is, of course, a cat, and therefore likely to eat songbirds and completely untrustworthy as species to protect anything beyond it's own food bowl. But I digress.

These last 56 dog years have taken a toll on me, this nation, and my master. As we strove simultaneously to improve this country's defenses against murderous tyrannts and terrorists, there have been times where I had to make hard choices. Should I bite the leg of those who threaten my master and those he loves, or bite the hand that feeds me? I'm a frigggin dog, ferchrissakes, and I trust that you will understand that the hand that feeds me will always get the nod, even if the New York Times disagrees. Frankly, I'd rip their balls off in a heartbeat for the things that they've said over the years about my master. But I can't read, and I've got only a ground's eye view of my master, which is something that they'll never understand.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am short of stature, short on words, short on hair, and a bit short of patience. But let me ask you this one simple question: Did I do what you asked me to do?

I hope that you will, eventually, decide that I did. And a bone...that would be tasty.


Posted by: spd rdr at January 17, 2009 05:23 PM

Barney spotted Helen Thomas and made a vow. To never, ever again try to bite her again. He'd been sick for three weeks when he tried it the first time. As much as he wanted to stick around to watch the press corps go to the dogs, he was glad he wouldn't be around to see that level of groveling, whining and begging since obedience school.

Posted by: Cricket at January 17, 2009 06:14 PM

To his horror, George Bush suddenly realized that "The Shaggy D.A." wasn't just a movie...

Posted by: Lyana at January 17, 2009 06:15 PM

"Barking...one..two...three. Is this mike on? We beging bombing cats in five minutes."

Posted by: Fenway The Dog at January 17, 2009 06:27 PM

What happened to Mrs. Beasley?

Posted by: joyce at January 17, 2009 09:12 PM

Barack Obama reveals his choice for the new ambassador to Scotland.

Posted by: Trish at January 17, 2009 09:20 PM

"Buddy got runover in Chapaqua; was it the cats, or Carville?"

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at January 17, 2009 09:43 PM

Ok everyone, here's a TINS for you...

The dogs they had a meeting.
And they come from near and far.
Some came on bicycles,
And some of them came by car.
Y'know, before they could enter,
Or even take a look,
They had to take their asshole off,
And hang it on a hook.
But before they even got seated,
Every mother, pup, and sire,
An old dog hollered from the back,
"Run for your life. It's a FIRE!"
The crowd of dogs began to panic,
And nobody stopped to look.
They grabbed the nearest asshole,
Off the very nearest hook.
And this is why, even today,
A dog will drop a nice juicy bone,
And go to smell another dog's @$$,
To see if it's not his own.

Posted by: Sly's Wardrobe Mistress at January 18, 2009 04:03 AM

Good morning, ladies, gentlemen, and tasty newspersons.

That was classic :)

Posted by: Cass at January 18, 2009 10:37 AM

And you were expecting something else from me?

Look, guys and gals, I have HUGE problems with the Presidency of George W. Bush, but by and large my disagreements relate to his blind acceptances of profligate spending proposals offered by his fellow Republicans, many of which he endorsed, and many of which became law as a result of his silence.

I agree to this day,however, that the military actions taken by President Bush in the defense of this nation were not only correct, but absolutely necessary. And I don't give a rat's ass whether anybody's feelings were hurt in the process. The hard price for being a international murderous jerk should be the immediate end to your international murderous jerkitude (to use a rare legal term). Anytime the jerks of this earth want to call an end to the murder of people who don't think like they do, well it can't come too soon for me.
But because I am, as an American, a member of this unique personal identity, on not beholding to any liege, king or dictator, nor to any race, religion, caste, or class, nor to any national origin save my own, I have the unrestricted freedom to critize the actions of my represntatives on the one hand, and yet still be incensed at their actions on the other. I can, like you, fervantly hope and pray for the success of our new chief exective, and yet still oppose any of those measures that I do not believe are in the the best interests of our nation, or my own.

In other words, I am a citizen of a free nation, the likes of which has never suceeded in the history of humankind. And I'm optimistic that despite any challenge, the citizens of this nation will prevail against any and all who would trample their God-given liberty to abide within the context of the Golden Rule, and then fully expect the same from others.

Beer.

Posted by: spd rdr at January 19, 2009 06:29 PM

...abide within the context of the Golden Rule, and then fully expect the same from others.

Fine. I'm in *Iraq* and you taunt me with beer.

Golden Rule my Aunt Petunia.

Ummmm -- actually, her name was Eleanor...

Posted by: BillT at January 19, 2009 06:54 PM

Jeezus, Bill, you can't drink beer in church either. Um......

Well...actually you can. But at least you need to try to keep the beer can low behind the hymnal and then mouth along with whatever hymn the rest of the bunch is singing at the time.

I can guratntee that this is only any an interim plan, and sooner or later you'll get nailed. But then you'll be able to correct all this bad behavior through confession, but at a price. I reccommend that you do double whatever the pennance the priest hands out, and then pray for the rest of your life that God has a sense of humor - or, at least, his Son has soft-spot for morons.

Not that it ever happened to me. But I did hear about it once. Poor kid.

Posted by: spd rdr at January 19, 2009 08:38 PM

...and then pray for the rest of your life that God has a sense of humor.

Heh. I'm living proof that He *does*.

Posted by: BillT at January 19, 2009 11:04 PM

And you were expecting something else from me?

How many years have I known you now, mr rdr?

The day when I know what to expect from you will very likely be the one I keel over in shock :p

Posted by: Cassandra at January 19, 2009 11:23 PM

Where's that ass Gregory, I want a piece of him!

Posted by: Dmills at January 20, 2009 01:17 AM

I can't wait for today to be over, partly because I go on vacation tomorrow, but mostly I am sick to death of the media's seemingly endless fawning tributes to Obama. Granted, it is a historic occasion (first African -American president), but this Obama overload is insane bordering on a personality cult.

One wonders when the media and liberals (oops I repeat myself) are going to realize that Obama seems to be taking a course where he will continue most of the hated policies of his predecessor on Iraq, taxes etc?

Posted by: Frodo at January 20, 2009 07:17 AM

Yeah, Frodo, I know what you mean. I too am suffering from Obama fatigue. I fully expected to be awakened this morning by a celestial orchestra blasting the opening bars of Also sprach Zarathustra. Please let this end.

Posted by: spd rdr at January 20, 2009 07:29 AM

I also wonder if these media type realize that they are creating unreal expectations for the Obama presidency. As spd rdr notes, people will expect the moment he takes charge the clouds will clear, celestial choirs to sing and peace and prosperity will reign through out the world.

Instead, we will see more of the same ... Iraq will continue to wind down, Afghanistan will continue to get hotter. The conflict between Israel and its neighbors will continue; Pakistan will come dangerously close to civil war or conflict with India (both?) ... the Russians will continue to become more assertive in Eastern Europe and the former Asian USSR republics, China will continue its military build up and Western European nations will continue to resent us (once the Obama mania cools down) for being rich, powerful and not doing exactly what they want us to do ... which has been the case since shortly after WWII. Obama, like Bush seems to want to spend our way out of the recession w/o regard to our ever increasing national deficit and China's reluctance to buy any more of our debt .... boy do I need this vacation to stop thinking about all this!

Posted by: Frodo at January 20, 2009 12:14 PM

As outgoing FIRST DOG, I want to thank you ladies and gentlemen for not judging me by the color of my fur, or by the nature of my breed, but by my cute personality and the wag of my tail. I'm glad you've understood my bark was worse than my bite, and pray my successor will also refuse to rollover for the media like my master and I.

Posted by: ziobuck at January 20, 2009 12:46 PM

Um, is this thing on?

'K.

You, there in the cheap seats.

Now that we're leaving, and teh staff isn't going to remove all the "O" keys from the keyboards, I'm gonna do the one thing I've been itching to do ever since you feline-descended excuses for a pathetic 4th estate started trashing my best buddy George...

Piddle on your widdle shoes.

And I do mean widdle shoes. They aren't the shoes of giants, they could be filled by pre-schoolers.

Oh, wait - that's redundant.

Posted by: John of Argghhh! at January 20, 2009 12:47 PM

Congratulations, Mr. President. I wish you only success as Chief Executive and Commander in Chief.

As jaded as I might become, I will always be amazed by the orderly and peaceful transfer of power of our nation's highest office. I do so love this America, and, no matter what, I always will.

Posted by: spd rdr at January 20, 2009 01:02 PM

*checking watch*

Okay, the inauguration's gotta be over by now -- sooooo, what time did the rainbow unicorns descend to pay off your mortgages, fill your cars' tanks with premium unleaded and fart gold dust all over your kitchens?

Posted by: BillT at January 20, 2009 01:48 PM

Feh. Just re-read that and it sounds like it's aimed at VC readers instead of the public in general.

[Find all]: your

[Substitute]: everybody's

[Enter]

*pastel popup poink*

"Gee, are you really, really sure you want to do that?"

[Yes] [No]

*left-click yes*

"You're really, really, *really* sure?"

*'nother left-click yes*

"Gee, Vista is sorry, but Vista has made a fatal application error and will now retire to the repair section of the hard drive to sulk."

*BSOD*

Posted by: BillT at January 20, 2009 03:37 PM

Creating unreal expectations and then apologizing all over themselves when 'it did not come to pass, according to the faith the media had in the Obama.' Then we will really hear the bashing of Bush for his legacy.

I betcha.

Posted by: Cricket at January 20, 2009 05:28 PM

As I noted in today's Day-After-The-Imposition-of-Hope-and-Change, no gold-farting unicorns at Castle Argghhh! yet.

Posted by: John of Argghhh! at January 21, 2009 11:10 AM

For those of you old enough to get the joke:

"I am in charge here!"

Posted by: Obloodyhell at January 21, 2009 11:55 AM

I'm surprised somebody as young as you has *heard* it.

Posted by: BillT at January 21, 2009 03:11 PM

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