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February 13, 2009

How Not to Get Laid On Valentine's Day

Nothing brings on that deer-in-the-headlights look faster than the approach of Valentine's Day (they don't call it "VDay" for nothing). One false step and the well-meaning lover can find himself in that circle of Hell most often heralded by the heaving of large, juicy sighs and the fateful words, "I'm just not in the mood."

In our ongoing attempts to be Helpful, the Editorial Staff have assembled this handy list of Things Not to Give Her for Valentine's Day. We may not be able to tell you how to please the woman in your life.

But we can certainly tell you how not to to please her. Ten things *not* likely to make her heart go pitter-patter....

fishie.bmp1. Rub a dub dub...

I Rub My Fishie is a waterproof, personal massager that will turn your bath or shower into happy hour! This discreet massager can accompany you anywhere, from the office to the pool. Its quiet and discreet yet super-strong motor feeds the incredible vibrations in its big eyes and tail.

2. Remember when she told you she's really into sexy lingerie? This is not what she meant.

3. Finally! Her own remote control!

4. For the girl who has everything....

5. Nothing says "You're always on my mind" like a thoughtful and practical gift.. Such a time saver, too.

f-cup-cookie-box.jpg 6. Because marriage should never mean the end of personal growth. (CWCID)

7. Way to go, Prince Charming.

8. Any gift with the word "fart" in the name. Trust me on this one.

9. Because after a few decades of marriage, nothing screams spontanaity like the words "a moisture-proof playscape for sex".

10. Honesty may not always be the best policy:

Truly, Bittersweets® are the perfect gift for you OR for someone you love, especially if that special someone is one who doesn't want to hurt your feelings but just doesn't feel that way about you but still wants to be friends so they can torment you with stories about their crushes on someone who doesn't appreciate them like you do, can't love them like you can, and actually takes pleasure in corralling a herd of fawning "just friends" behind themselves as they indulge in one self-destructive relationship after another, with no hope of ever finding true love, despite an army of souls eager to lavish it upon them.

A list for him coming up.

1. The words "madras" and "patchwork" should never appear in the same sentence.

2. Because men *so* enjoy talking about their feelings...

3. Control issues? What control issues???.

4. Nothing says "thoughtful" like personalized stationery:

Failure to Succeed Notecard Pack

EVERY SUCCESSFUL PERSON has experienced failures - but repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success. That's why our Failure to Succeed™ collection has something for everyone. Whether you're a champion who's learned from past defeats, or a chump with little hope of success, these products will help make a better winner, or loser, out of you.

5. When there's no such thing as 'too much togetherness':

Four-Legged Love The typical Valentine's Day usually includes a romantic dinner, sentimental cards and sweet treats. However, this year many pet lovers are taking part in a new tradition that involves the four-legged loves of their lives.

So begins a press release that had me and my dog squirming in our seats. An our fears weren’t allayed by the “statistics” cited in the release: 43% of men prefer to spend Valentine’s Day with their pet, and 30% of the women who said the same say it’s because their pet is more in tune with their feelings than anyone else.

6. Confidence makes us all feel like winners...


7. When there's no such thing as too much togetherness, II:

His and Hers Fishing Gear

Why It's a Terrible Gift:

Look. I know it's hard to swallow, but he needs his hobbies so that he can get away from you once in a while. It may sound totally cute and romantic to give a gift that says, "I want to be a part of everything you do, even though I will hate every minute of it," but I guarantee you he's hearing, "I want to breathe down your neck every minute of every day, even when you're trying to relax. Also, I'll probably go fishing-- you know, that thing you do in a river-- and find a way to complain that the water is wet."

8. I'm sorry, but this is deeply disturbing.

9. "Don't be cruel".

Homemade "Coupon" Booklet

Why It's a Terrible Gift:

Okay, woman to woman, let's just be honest: You're not going to honor that coupon for a homemade dinner if he pulls it out of his pocket during an argument over the equitable division of household chores. And face it, that's exactly when he'll want to use it. In fact, I've never met a guy who actually got to use one of these coupons. When things are good, he'll just be able to ask for dinner, a massage, or some romance, so he'll only use a coupon when that's the last thing you're in the mood for-- and you're not going to accept it.

10. Don't. Just don't...

Of course, if all else fails nothing says "sensitive" like a well chosen greeting card:



Posted by Cassandra at February 13, 2009 07:46 AM

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Thanks for the pointers M'lady...

At times I've wondered why Walkin' Boss was not as enthused with her gifts as I had thought she would be... It's all so confusing.

But then I think I've admitted that my understanding of women, even after over a half a century of study, might be a bit sketchy. =8^}

Posted by: bthun at February 13, 2009 09:06 AM


My father is the wisest man I know. When I was a young lad of 15 or so, my daddy pulled me aside and told me the way of things.

"Son," says he, "there are exactly two things a man needs to know to understand women."

I look up at him, wonder in my eyes. "What's that dad?"

"Well, there's the problem," he says, "no man has a clue what either one of them are."

Posted by: MikeD at February 13, 2009 09:42 AM

So.... what y'all are telling me is that you've already bought half the things on this list??? :p

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 09:53 AM

No comment! =8^}

Posted by: bthun at February 13, 2009 10:08 AM

The Unit has pre-emptively dug himself out of the doghouse for this year :p

I don't expect anything for Valentine's Day. Really. But I also suspect that if he just stopped getting me little tokens, I'd probably miss it a lot. It means a lot to me that he cares enough to do it.

I don't care so much what it is. But it is nice that he does things like that b/c I hate feeling like I "have" to do anything.

Women! Sheesh.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 10:17 AM

Glad my "Shower Head of the Month" gift didn't show up on the list! I think this month it is "Jeffery." We will discuss my brilliant choice in the hot tub at Sunset with champagne and chocolate.

I think there is a special order shower head for democratic women named "The ONE" advertised for it's "Stimulus" powers!

Posted by: vet66 at February 13, 2009 10:22 AM

Two boats on a lake. In one, a man is fishing alone. In the other, a man is fishing with his wife. They are withing hailing distance, and the loner yells, "How do you get your wife to go fishing with you?" The other guy yells back, "How do you get yours to stay home?"

Posted by: BillMax at February 13, 2009 10:28 AM

OMG. I needed a good laugh today :)

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 10:33 AM

I will admit that I've purchased several gifts in the form of firearms for Walkin' Boss over three decades. And I'm pleased to report that she seems as if she liked them as much as any jewelery that I've ever bought for her, country girl that she is.

And with gentle instruction and paying a retired USMC Gunny to give her NRA instruction, in addition to range time and time afield, along with a good deal of practice, she's turned into quite the marksman.. er, markswoman... er shot. And she loves to shoot.

Lucky fellow am I, eh what?

Of course you can imagine the care I use when selecting gifts for her nowadays.

Then again, I know the words to this tune by heart, just in case... =;^}

Posted by: bthun at February 13, 2009 10:44 AM

And I'm pleased to report that she seems as if she liked them as much as any jewelery that I've ever bought for her, country girl that she is.

I actually prefer practical gifts, bthun. I know I've said this before but one of the gifts my husband got me one year that really made me feel like he cared was a mini Cuisinart chopper!

I doubt that thing cost him more than $25, but the reason I liked it was:

1. I could use it as opposed to sticking it in a drawer for special occasions, and

2. I hadn't asked for it. He noticed how much I HATE chopping vegetables and grating cheese, and took time to think of a gift that would make my life easier.

And it does! Often while I'm cooking dinner, I stop and remember him when I'm using it. Doesn't sound very romantic, does it? But to me, it was b/c it was thoughtful and perceptive.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 10:54 AM

I think one thing that often confuses guys about the whole holiday/gift thing is that *they* think they're just buying a gift.

HA!!!! :)

But to us, things like that are viewed symbolically (IOW, we read things into it sometimes). Guys get mad about that stuff, but often we're not wrong to do so. A holiday - as a lot of guys have observed - is a p*** poor time to make up for ignoring your wife or husband - one day and a box of candy isn't going to magically erase 364 days when you were inconsiderate. If you treat her well most of the time, she will place far less weight on any given occasion or gift b/c she's basically happy with the way things are going.

I don't think relationships are much different than other things in life - often it's the small, everyday habits that determine whether you succeed or fail.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 11:15 AM

I think most guys who love their wives are all over thoughtful... within the limits of our attention spans.

It's usually the perceptive part that eludes me (see Figure 1).

But hey, I'm just an average guy... momma...

Posted by: bthun at February 13, 2009 11:22 AM

I think most guys who love their wives are all over thoughtful... within the limits of our attention spans.

You know bthun, that is one of the smarter things I've ever heard you say, and you say a lot of smart things.

Couldn't agree more.

I also think this is part of where men/women go wrong, because women tend to be hypersensitive to anything they perceive as thoughtlessness and that is often perceived as being "emotional" by the man.

But the thing is, our radar is pretty darned good.

Not perfect, mind you. But good. We get 'tasked' with managing the relationship, and that can be annoying at times b/c no woman wants to feel like a man's mother rather than his lover. Takes all the fun out of it.

Sometimes we screw up. But sometimes what happens too is that a guy won't admit when something is wrong, but his behavior changes and she notices b/c contrary to what men always say about themselves, they are incredibly thoughtful and kind when they love a woman. I don't think I've ever had a boyfriend or S.O. who wasn't that way. Often men are more giving in some ways than women are.

So if that changes, we notice b/c we are invested in the relationship. But unfortunately whatever the woman does then is almost always perceived as 'controlling' or clingy or blaming them and that only makes the poor guy feel less like being thoughtful. I've seen this happen so many times with couples.

I guess that's one reason (besides my being female) that I always talk about relationships so much - it's always struck me how sad it is that men and women aren't better at making themselves understood to each other. It can be done - I think it just takes effort and persistence. When you see a happy couple, there is nothing better.

But there are few things worse than two people who are making each other miserable.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 11:41 AM

#6 on the gift list also covers the "sweets" part of a Valentines Gift, but uniquely so and with side benefits of the expansion not being in the hips. How multi-purpose...and...well....sweet.
Not that I have need of those F-n' cookies. :-o)!!!

Posted by: Cat...somewhere slummin in the Rocky Mtns. at February 13, 2009 11:55 AM

I think that was one of the ones that made me laugh hardest :p

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 12:02 PM

Ooh, yeah baby...that fish is one to swim upstream for...NOT.

Posted by: Cricket at February 13, 2009 01:03 PM

Kind of creepy, no? :)

When personal devices start looking like something your toddler takes a bath with, it's time to worry.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 01:13 PM

I am in agreement with you about practical gifts. The Engineer did the same with my kitchen stuff. He knew how much I hated the inexpensive knives we got for a wedding gift and surprised me with Gracious Permission to get three Wusthoff knives. Not only do I cook more, I do it without worrying about injuring myself. I have a food processor, but I also like to do a lot of the prep myself and having decent equipment just seems to make life easier; in addition to thinking about my husband whenever I use them.

Posted by: Cricket at February 13, 2009 01:18 PM

This is why men are cool :p

The Unit has been taking me shopping on the weekends to buy these big cabinets for our basement that I need to assemble. It is so nice not to have to wrestle these huge boxes in and out of the car and down the stairs to the house, and when I get the (*&^ things assembled it is wonderful to have someone to help me get the durned things into the basement (it's too cold down there for me to assemble them there).

Sometimes that's the best present in the world - just having someone to help out with things. Not trying to whine so much as say that it's appreciate - I got really sick of doing everything myself last year, so having him home is really wonderful. Plus he's good at a lot of things I totally suck at :p

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 01:25 PM

Not only do I cook more...

HEY!!!! Is *that* what all that "thoughtfulness" was about??? :)


Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 01:27 PM

I want a gun, too.

He just hasn't had time to shop for one. But I asked him for one a few months ago and I rarely ask for anything.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 01:28 PM

Ok, you TOTALLY have to provide pictures of and a post on any firearm you get. Nothing better that a little gun pron.

Posted by: MikeD at February 13, 2009 01:34 PM

OK. That would be fun. I know next to nothing about guns so when I get it, I'll have to go take shooting lessons.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 01:36 PM

Just occurred to me that I might want to clarify. When I say gun pron, I'm not suggesting that you post pictures of said firearm with anything untowards (or non-work safe). I just meant I wanna see the gun, nothing more.

I realize that as originally stated, that COULD have sounded like a request for some kind of guns and lingerie request (which was not the intent). Especially with dirty minds like Cricket's around. ;)

Posted by: MikeD at February 13, 2009 01:37 PM

"Plus he's good at a lot of things I totally suck at :p"

Oh, not touchin' that one......at least not in public.

Posted by: M.Lou Winsky at February 13, 2009 01:43 PM


Don't hurt yourself. I would offer that a well-placed cartridge belt or bandolier covers quite a bit of geography.

A calendar or magnetic photo of said accoutrement would make an excellent birthday present for a husband who has everything.

Gives new meaning to B5's "Ranger UP" line of clothing.

Posted by: vet66 at February 13, 2009 01:52 PM

Now vet, I'm no prude. I can certainly appreciate an attractive woman wearing nothing more than something in a high caliber. But I have great respect for our lovely and talented hostess, and did not want her to think I was requesting to ogle her. Plus, the Unit IS a US Marine. I certainly would not want to anger him. :)

Posted by: MikeD at February 13, 2009 01:59 PM

*shaking head*

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 02:11 PM

FWIW, I didn't think that, Mike.

I'm pretty slow to assume that sort of thing :p

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 02:13 PM

St. Valentine's Day is an occasion upon which every man should, at the very least, consider, and reject, suicide.

Posted by: spd rdr at February 13, 2009 02:22 PM

At least I was nice.

Quod erat demonstrandum.

Posted by: spd rdr at February 13, 2009 02:51 PM


I thought men *liked* thongs? There was even a matching set! (I didn't scroll all the way down when I first looked at it).

Men are never happy.

Posted by: In the dog house now... at February 13, 2009 03:00 PM

"Men are never happy."
Hmmm, I wonder if that new miracle drug that was reported on The Onion Network yesterday has anything to do with it?

Posted by: bt_what-me-worry_hun at February 13, 2009 03:30 PM

No. Just stupidity on my part.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 03:37 PM

And I thought my wingtips were smokin' as I tap-danced around making any comment on the thong and the short of it... =8^\

Posted by: bt_what-me-worry_hun at February 13, 2009 03:43 PM

No need. It's gone now.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 03:47 PM


You want a Glock. You need a Glock. In places where polite company doesn't go, you want to have that Glock.
My cousin, who is a cop with a city police force (and owns a bunch of guns, too) told me about the transition of their force to autos (Glock 9 mm) years ago, and the Glock is incredibly, inheirantly safe. Plus it's a good , fairly light weight piece for the smaller female hand.

And Happy Valentines Day (massacre). :)

I, personally would prefer a stainless steel 0.45 ACP auto, but that's because I'm me. That, or a 0.358 Magnum revolver with a 6-inch barrel (like the old S&W Model 198-don't know what the new model is now). Or a Browning High-Power, or....

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at February 13, 2009 04:28 PM

Happy Valentine's Day, Don.

Thank you for the recommendation. I appreciate it :)

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 04:45 PM

Agree with Don on the Glock's being a good choice for ladies... and gentlemen.

Walkin' Boss has a 17 and a 26. And a Taurus Model 85 stainless with a trigger action. All good choices. Walkin' Boss is around 5'2" 120 #'s which makes the 26 and 85 easy to carry, conceal, control and shoot accurately.

Me, I think I prefer my S&W Model 19 in .357 most of all the hand pieces.

Now before anyone gets the idea that I'm in a militia or something, I think I'll cease to discuss the inventory. Although I may have yapped too much already and induced that darn black Crown Vic to pay another visit.

Posted by: bthun at February 13, 2009 05:28 PM

Make that trigger job to smooth the action.

Is it beer-thirty yet?

Posted by: bthun at February 13, 2009 05:29 PM

I think it's been beer thirty for some time now.

Still no beer, though.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 05:36 PM

"I think it's been beer thirty for some time now. "

Bring yourself and the unit on over... I gots beer! Along with fair weather, a huge deck out back and an outdoor grill scorching some salmon steaks. There's cornmeal, green pepper and onion, aka hush puppies about to take a hot peanut oil bath and a huge bowl of home-assembled coleslaw waiting.

Posted by: bthun at February 13, 2009 05:51 PM

That makes my tummy growl. Thanks, you big food tease.

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at February 13, 2009 06:29 PM

Come on over Don! We've a little jumbo shrimp cocktail appetizer going too.
Jumbo shrimp... congressional ethics... fiscal responsibility... Oh never mind...

Anyway, empty nesting is more fun than I would have ever thought. Well, actually, it's about what I'd thought it would be. FUN! Yeeeehaaaa! =8^}

Posted by: bthun at February 13, 2009 06:42 PM

Thanks, you big food tease.

[trying to get the mental image of bthun dancing around the grill with a mound of peppers and coleslaw on his head - a la Justice Roberts - out of her mind]

He is, isn't he? :)
Sounds like a little piece of heaven, bthun.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 13, 2009 06:52 PM


Well I waited and ya'll didn't show. So Walkin' Boss and I ate.

That danged Carmen Miranda tossed salad wouldn't stay on top of the camo, Redman ballcap! Not to mention that I really did not want to agitate Chief Justice Roberts cousin, the Dread Pirate Roberts. I'm not sure that pirates appreciate that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and all that.

But I did try to shake a leg when this tune came on. Alas, Walkin' Boss don't dance and I don't rock-n-roll. =8^}

Posted by: bthun at February 13, 2009 07:49 PM

Wow - from inappropriate VD gifts to guns to gun pr0n, to pr0n, to food pr0n, to food.

Y'all have been busy.

As for us, we don't "do" Valentine's Day. I can't stand manufactured holidays. We get the kids little goodies and let them enjoy the day. I prefer to focus on the other 364 days of the year.

And I have a Beretta. But I need shooting lessons.

Posted by: Sly's Wardrobe Mistress at February 13, 2009 10:46 PM

Heh...Of course! The other reason was to teach the CLUs knife skills.

Thanks to him, he has allowed me to equip my kitchen to the point where cooking is fun again.
I don't have the latest and greatest, but I do have good, reliable appliances and tools that I will be able to pass to the CLUs.

A case in point: I have finally mastered pizza crust. It has taken a couple of years to tweak the ingredients and the Methode, but I now have a crust recipe that is consistent and good enough that there are rarely leftovers, and what little there is is immediately eaten for breakfast. This means total freedom from takeout and frozen pizza. I have yet to try it on the grill.

I know that sounds contradictory, but I like the freedom of being chained to my EZ bake oven.

Posted by: Cricket at February 14, 2009 12:22 AM

Actually, that self-cleaning lingerie holds a certain amount of attraction for me.

I think I've done one too many loads of laundry. . .

Posted by: Trish at February 14, 2009 12:46 AM

...the “statistics” cited in the release: 43% of men prefer to spend Valentine’s Day with their pet, and 30% of the women who said the same say it’s because their pet is more in tune with their feelings than anyone else.

Were the respondents married or single?

Posted by: BillT at February 14, 2009 03:53 AM

Dang it Lurlene! Go make me a chicken pot pie!

-- Love stylings from Cletus

Posted by: a former european at February 14, 2009 06:48 AM

Happy Valentine's Day!

Check out Black 5. He has a pink assault rifle of some sort that puts the "ba da bing" in "Bling!!

The sniper rifle is to die for!

Posted by: vet66 at February 14, 2009 09:49 AM

I reached Nirvana when MathMan got me a cordless drill for Valentine's Day. I had been wanting one for a very long time, and wore it out. And my very best surprise gift (Mother's Day, not Valentine's Day) was my Craftsman 12 in. Compound Miter Saw.

The guys at his office are very envious. They told him, I want power tools, he should get me every power tool he wants. :)

Posted by: MathMom at February 14, 2009 10:00 AM

Oh boy.

Posted by: TigerHawk at February 14, 2009 11:51 AM


Don't miss timeframe 1:45 to 1:55.

*doing best BillT. imitation*
Sex and relationships....sex and relationships!

Well, whad'ya 'spect from a Valentine's post?

Posted by: DL Sly at February 14, 2009 11:52 AM

My poor husband was brainwashed at some point to believe that no gift to a woman should ever involve electronics or a power cord. I think that's misguided, and I always appreciate a power tool, although a cordless drill does make me pant like a puppy, so I guess it's more the tool than the cord per se.
Anyway, he's still uncomfortable buying those things for anniversaries or Valentine's Day, no matter what I say. Instead, he began a much-appreciated tradition some years back of cooking a wonderful lamb and beet borsch, a nice dark red soup. I appreciate it all the more because it's a serious pain in the butt to prepare, and he's not really a soup kind of guy, whereas soups are my favorite dish and this soup is weapons-grade. Now that's romance.

Posted by: Texan99 at February 14, 2009 12:01 PM

A Glock is what I gave my wife.

That said, I would probably suggest a Smith and Wesson hammerless revolver -- I hear good things about the titanium frame models, which are very lightweight. You could probably get away with a .32 H&R Magnum, if the .38 Special was too much for your taste.

Posted by: Grim at February 14, 2009 05:10 PM

The .38 special Tarus model 850SS2 is the current version of the one I bought for Walkin' Boss. It's a stainless, 2" barreled, DAO, IOW double-action only, 5 shot revolver.

It's a well made and dependable little piece, though not an airweight S&W. But a right nice little package for the lady folk at a nice price... and this coming from a big S&W fan.

S&W has a mighty fine selection of small framed revolvers, ideal for concealed carry. S&W are a tad more pricey than Tarus, but they are S&W's, which is an argument ender for some...

Now the Glock's, or any other semiautomatic will have less perceived recoil than a revolver of similar balistics. Walkin Boss has a 17 dating back to the mid eights and a more recent 26. She loves both. And my perception is that they are better now -after firing who knows how many rounds, than they they were when they were new. They are extremely easy to clean too.

The best thing to do before buying any pistol/revolver, is to find a gun shop with a firing range and demo several different types to find those most suitable for your, ahh... sensibilities. Or if you have a friend with a lot of variations of handguns, ask them to take you shooting.

As is often said, owning a mongo caliber with one-shot stopping power is one thing, but if it's too big/heavy/uncomfortable to carry, it will do you little good when you most need it.

Posted by: bthun at February 14, 2009 06:19 PM

The CLU just came rampaging up the stairs asking if I was here...he knows me too well. Of course, his antique nug is in need of some serious TLC, so off to the Armorer!

Posted by: Cricket at February 14, 2009 08:19 PM


F-Cup cookies?

Well, given the way that , not really surprised


Posted by: Obloodyhell at February 14, 2009 10:10 PM

Hey, what's wrong with those Bermuda shorts? I have a pair similar to that I bought in 1993 when the franchise Jay Jacobs went out of business. Most comfortable damn things I ever got. But, then, I'm Californian.

Posted by: ry at February 15, 2009 12:53 AM

I agree, Texan :)

Oddly enough, I like tools, too. I have always wanted a cordless drill with all the attachments. We have one or two little ones but I saw a big one last week with the whole enchilada - hole saw bits, ceramic bits, you name it.

Nothing drives me batty faster than being in the middle of some project and finding I don't have the right tool. I am very good at improvising but it would be so much nicer to have the right tool right there when I need it.

One of the things I did when the unit was in Iraq was to buy myself a small plastic toolbox for the upstairs. I keep my favorite things in there so I don't have to trudge downstairs and go foraging inside the unit's toolbox.

I have always liked the old fashioned push drills, too. Sometimes I really don't want to go looking for the cordless, put the *&^^% battery in it and find all the bits. I have an old Sears Craftsman push drill with the bits in the handle that I've used since the seventies. Over the years and frequent moves some of the bits have gotten lost. I really need to find another one.

I've always wanted a miter saw too.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 15, 2009 06:12 AM

Grim, you and bthun have given me a lot to think about!

Thanks so much for the advice. I really don't even know where to start.

My son chose a Glock for his off duty weapon. That was what most of the cops in his old dept. carried when they weren't working. I really like bthun's idea of finding a gun shop with a firing range.

He's right - if I don't like something I won't use it. I think part of what has kept us from going out to get a gun is that we have a grandson now. It won't just be buying a gun - I need a way to keep it handy, but safe from curious little boys.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 15, 2009 06:16 AM

"I need a way to keep it handy, but safe from curious little boys."
When mine were little, I used the onion approach... layers of misdirection, security, locks and safes, to insure that the little ones never came into contact with with a firearm.

If you're not interested in a half a ton of fire proof, steel cased, walk in vault, anchored to the concrete, basement floor, you might consider one of the products offered by this outfit. This one is cost effective and handy. While this one is a might larger.

Posted by: bthun at February 15, 2009 09:23 AM

Just to complete the thought on security... Especially since I picked up so many useful tips for... ahhh... never mind... =8^}

At one time I found a fellow that made very nice little vaults, custom tailored to specific vehicles which would bolt under the passenger seat of the vehicle.

I bought several from him years ago for the Expedition, my pickup and one of our little sports cars.

If you decide that you would like that info too, I'll see if I can dig it up.

Posted by: bthun at February 15, 2009 09:30 AM

I would be interested in that info, bthun.

Posted by: DL Sly at February 15, 2009 11:47 AM

If you're looking for a gun shop with a firing range, try Clark Brothers' in Bealton, VA. It's not too far from where you are. You can shoot for free on their outdoor range if you buy targets and ammo from them. You will need to bring the handguns, though, as they don't allow test fires unless you are going to buy; and you can't buy a handgun across state lines. (I believe you live on the Maryland side, if I recall correctly).

Your husband probably has friends who could loan you a few pieces for the occasion. If not, I think I probably have a few in the area who could help you out.

What I am curious about, to be honest, is why you decided to ask for a gun at all. The last time I recall discussing it with you, you had expressed a sense that they weren't for you. I had accepted that answer -- not everyone is cut out for killing another, even to defend oneself or someone one loves. That's something you have to decide for yourself. Yet it sounds like you have had a change of heart.

Posted by: Grim at February 15, 2009 02:56 PM

*doing best BillT. imitation*

And I appreciate the thought, but you've gotta work on the baritone a bit more. But the 27-inch zipper on the thong was a nice touch...

Posted by: BillT at February 16, 2009 03:28 AM

I asked for an AR-15, I will probably have to buy my own. Sigh...

Posted by: Leslie at February 16, 2009 12:43 PM

What I am curious about, to be honest, is why you decided to ask for a gun at all.

I'm not planning on killing anyone, if that's what you mean :p

I rather doubt most people who own guns are, though arguably one ought to be prepared to do so if one is going to own a gun. That said, the number of gun owners who end up killing anyone isn't, I think, large enough to suggest that's a prime motivator in the decision.

It's a combination of things I'm not ready to go into here, Grim. Will respond when I have more time but wanted to let you know I saw the question.

Thanks for the safe info, bthun. Will check it out.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 16, 2009 01:16 PM

You are welcome M'lady.

And if your around Atlanta visiting your dear ones, there are a few firearms retailers in the north metro area that have ranges and provide rentals.

There was once a mighty fine place called Ed's Guns, Tackle and Trains that would bend over backwards to assist a new to the sport prospect. But Ed passed a few years back and I think the place has changed hands. I believe that the place is now called Nick's Guns. It's located (or Ed's was located) in the I-75/575 area. But I have no personal experience with the new establishment or their new management. Even so, there are a few other good shops in the area with ranges that will allow you to fire a few pieces if they have the impression that you are seriously shopping for a piece. Just don't let on that you are from the People's Republic of Maryland. =;^}

Then again I'd bet that your LEO son can steer ya right on making a good choice. Just try before you buy to make sure that your choice fits you like the proverbial glove.

Posted by: bthun at February 16, 2009 01:39 PM

Planning on killing someone? I should expect that you weren't.

I won't pry into private matters -- I certainly have mine as well. It can be difficult to judge just what they are, for those who share as much as we do online. Yet they do exist, and should exist.

Posted by: Grim at February 16, 2009 03:25 PM

You are not prying Grim. You are an old and cherished friend, and as such I have no reservations about sharing my reasoning w/you.

Just busy and think this is better addressed privately. I'll email you when I have a chance to catch my breath :)

Posted by: Cassandra at February 16, 2009 05:26 PM

FWIW, didn't mean *you* were old (you're younger than I am). Just that we've been friends a long time :p

Posted by: Cassandra at February 16, 2009 05:27 PM