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April 21, 2009

The Federal Deficit for Dummies: Inumeracy Edition

yip_deficit.jpg White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs condescends to explain the relative size of Obama's proposed spending cuts to the federal deficit:

LOVEN: "Ohhhhhhhhhh..... look."


LOVEN: "Hmmmmmm..... DEFICIT".

TAPPER: "OHHHHH!!! DE-FI-CIT. Yep yep yep yep yep. Uh-huh uh-huh."

LOVEN: "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Deficit not.... funny. Nope nope nope. Deficit...GI-NOR-MOUS."

TAPPER: "Yep yep yep yepyep. HU-MONG-GOUS."

yipyip1.jpg TOGETHER: "Yep yep yep yep yep. Uh-huh uh-huh."

LOVEN (spying movement at the front of the White House briefing room): "Ohhhhhhhhhh......"

TAPPER: "What what whatwhatwhat what what???"

LOVEN: "Press Secretary"
LOVEN: "Helllloooo. Why spending cuts so.... small?

Deficit... GINORMOUS... yep yep yep. "Spending cuts...... miniscule. Yep yep yep...tiny.

TAPPER: Yep yep yep. Small. Cuts... not add up.

gibbs.jpg GIBBS (flabbergasted): "You two numbskulls aren't from around here, are you? I don't know what planet you bozos came from, but where I grew up $100 million is a lot of money....

Only in Washington, D.C. is $100 million not a lot of money. Jeez, what a stupid question. $100 million is a lot of money, I'm telling you! It is. At least it is where I'm from. It is where I grew up. And I think it is for hundreds of millions of Americans.

Can you two even count? Because I love to watch it add up: 1 million, 2 million, 3 million.... after a while it's easy to forget you're playing with other people's money.

Hundreds of millions, by the way, is a LOT of people. More than two. It's a really BIG number.

You two nitwits DO understand the concept of "big", don't you? It's not too complicated for you? You're outnumbered, which means your so-called "opinions" don't count. Hundreds of millions is big enough that I feel perfectly justified in heaping scorn on your ignorant and ill-informed question.... losers."

Next? Someone? Anyone??? Jeez. Throw me a bone here, people....

LOVEN: Ummmmmm....whatever.

Point is... cuts not big part of deficit..

TAPPER: NOPE NOPENOPENOPENOPE. Few weeks ago, you call $8 billion dollars... $8 billion in earmarks ... small....$100 million ..."a lot"... but $8 billion .... small?

LOVEN: Yep yepyepyepyepyep. Uh-huh.

GIBBS: Jennifer, you ignorant slut.

It all adds up. Just as the president said...If you think we're going to get rid of $1.3 trillion deficit by eliminating one thing, I'd be -- and the administration would be - innumerably happy for you geniuses to let us know what that is.

You morons. [deep breath]

All right. OK. Let's walk through this slowly so that even you two can understand.

The president has laid out LOTS of cuts. Some are LARGE. Some are small. A million here, two million there. Sooner or later it's like dealing with real money.

But we are cutting back. For instance, we've installed super saver flourescent light bulbs in every room of the White House. And President Obama is making personal sacrifices. The next time he wants a pizza, the President will have one of his people call Domino's.

We have COUPONS, you know: 4 personal pan pizzas for $19.95 and if you order for two or more, you get a 2 liter bottle of Coke Zero thrown in for free!

No more sending jets to halfway St. across the country just because he has the munchies. Nossir, the President is leading the way. He recognizes the need for sacrifice.

And we've set up a special White House Task Force. Did you know that using DiGiorno instead of carry out, you can save mega bucks! As any economist will tell you, every bit helps you know.

REPORTERS: Ohhhhhhhhhhh. [looking at each other] OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

GIBBS: Jennifer, you can believe the president when he promises to cut the deficit in half in four years because he quadripled it in just three months. This is math - complicated stuff, you know. It's scientific. And we're certain we can count on the efforts of good folks like Chris Matthews, who will remain solidly in the tank for this administration.

But frankly, I have to say that you two are not helping. It's not exactly rocket science we're talking here:

- The president is making cuts. LOTS AND LOTS OF CUTS.
- Some of those cuts are - now stay with me, because this is complicated - LARGE.
- Some of cuts will be ... small.
- But they all add up. Just don't ask me how.

And don't give me that "Waaah!!!! The deficit is ginormous! We're heaping debt on our grandchildren! We're headed down the path to socialism!" rubbish. That's a lot of hysterical nonsense, and frankly it makes you sound a bit unhinged. What do you care, anyway? It's not "your" debt. Your taxes are going down. You aren't personally affected.

It will be future generations - those greedy, selfish little buggers who are mooching off you even as we speak - always borrowing the car and leaving you with an empty tank and going over on their cell phone minutes - who will pull us out of this hole we've dug for them. Serves 'em right, the little b**tards.

TAPPER: Noise. Secretary make.... noise.

LOVEN: 3.69 trillion... $100 million... Not add up, no matter what planet you from.


yip_book.jpg TAPPER: Not make sense. Need book. Book book book book.

Earth book.

REPORTERS, TOGETHER: Ohhhhhhhhhh. Ohhhhhhhh!!!


LOVEN: Make joke. $3.69 trillion... small. $100 million... large. Ha! Joke joke joke joke jokejokejoke. Funny, funny funny.

TOGETHER: happy happy happy happy boing boing boing boing ....

crushing_head.jpg GIBBS: Jennifer, right now I am crushing your head. Do you understand that?

What that means is that my awesome Nonsequitur-Fu just turned both your cerebral cortexes into a mass of quivering jelly.

TAPPER and LOVEN: Yep yep yep yepyep. Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh.

Posted by Cassandra at April 21, 2009 06:09 AM

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LOL! Ouch!


Posted by: bthun at April 21, 2009 09:21 AM

Glad I gave up coffee! It saved my screen!

Posted by: MathMom at April 21, 2009 09:22 AM

Sounds like a typical exchange between Nancy Pelosi and Nancy Pelosi, but with more erudition and coherence.

Posted by: Rocky "Gingko" Biloba at April 21, 2009 09:53 AM

Yep yepyepyep yep yep.

Uh huh!

Posted by: Cassandra at April 21, 2009 10:11 AM

I feel a tingle running up my leg! I love it when Gibbs talks dirty...Little is big, big is little. The new math, don't you know.

Note to Gibbs; size matters!


Posted by: vet66 at April 21, 2009 10:31 AM

One part in 36,900. Or is it one part in 37,000? Math is important!

I am reminded of Baghdad Bob.

A cube, 33*33*33 + a cube, 10*10*10 + a cube, 4*4*4 = 37001 units.

Yes, the One is important.

Posted by: htom at April 21, 2009 11:28 AM

I shouldn't do arithmetic before I've finished my second cup of coffee. 36,900 or 36,001. 33^3+9^3+6^3+3^3=36,909

Posted by: htom at April 21, 2009 11:37 AM

Follow up to CNN's disgraceful coverage of tea partys. They tried to portray as Right Wing Extremist complaining about paying their taxes. Imus straightened the record out this morning. He told His Guest Howard Kurtz exactly what people were protesting. He was in rare form this morning.

Imus ask Howard Kurtz this morning do you have a communist card?

Imus Guest Howard Kurtz, CNN reliable sources, can’t produce his communist card :)


Imus gets Howard to admit that he knows exactly what the tax day tea partys were about, and they were not people protesting paying their taxes, like Paul Begala claimed. Howard Kurtz can’t spin CNN coverage so doesn’t bother but tries to deflect to Bush administration, you know wash rinse repeat :)

Posted by: Ree at April 21, 2009 11:38 AM


Blog cleaning supplies were luckily close by.

Posted by: Cricket at April 21, 2009 04:30 PM

The use of Euler circles set the tone...all color coordinated and truthy.


Posted by: Cricket at April 21, 2009 04:32 PM

"Hundreds of millions, by the way, is a LOT of people. More than two. It's a really BIG number."

0.0007, however, is a really SMALL number.

Cricket: "The use of Euler circles set the tone..."

With that, and htom's foray into number theory, the tone of this blog is being significantly enhanced.

Now then, consider the odd primes .....

Posted by: ZZMike at April 22, 2009 11:40 AM