April 29, 2009
"The Peasants Are Revolting" Caption Contest
Asked about fiscal discipline and entitlements reform, Obama seemed to be repressing a smile as he jabbed critics of his spending plans.
"Those of you who are watching certain news channels on which I'm not very popular, and "you see folks waving tea bags around, Obama said, “let me just remind them that I am happy to have a serious conversation about how we are going to cut our health care costs down over the long term, how we are going to stabilize Social Security.”
“But,” Obama continued, “let's not play games and pretend that the reason [for the deficit] is because of the Recovery Act."
Because if there's one thing our new Commander in Thief can't abide, it's game-playing. Translation for the irony impaired:
"Pipe down, Peasants. I won."
And at any rate, the Congressional Budget Office has clearly shown us that nothing about the Recovery Act could possibly cause the slightest concern to any reasonable human being. Why, the projected increases to the federal deficit resulting from the Recovery Act alone are just trivial:
* $185 billion over the remaining months of fiscal year 2009
* $399 billion in 2010
* $134 billion in 2011
But as some wag once remarked, a picture is worth a thousand shell games. The federal deficit in 2000 constant dollars, from 1900 to 2010:
The deficit will increase by $787 billion over the 2009-2019 period.
Here is the deficit as a % of GDP for the same period. Considering the queues of po' folk lined up outside soup kitchens everywhere positively a-quiver at the thought of cramming their mouths with distressful bread, it's clear that emergency measures were warranted. Frankly, we're just thankful to be rescued from the wasteful spending and failed policies we inherited from that "other guy":
Yep. The sheer misery quotient makes it downright understandable for the feds to go all Grapes of Wrath on our collective tuckii. Really, we ought to just thank our lucky stars we have someone smart who can explain this mess to us in language we can understand.
And now that you've calmed us down, we realize that shameless partisan griping is just unconscionable.
Posted by Cassandra at April 29, 2009 01:45 PM
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On last week's Country Music themed episode of American Political Idol, Barack Obama wowed the crowd with an original song "We could have a serious conversation if you cousin humping bitterly clinging rednecks would stop watching FoxNews".
Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at April 29, 2009 03:43 PM
Forget about the deficit, it's the National Debt of $56 Trillion. that keeps me awake at night.
Posted by: Boquisucio at April 29, 2009 03:44 PM
...to go all Grapes of Wrath on our collective tuckii.
Thot pluralizing a Yiddish noun would result in "tuchim"...
Posted by: BillT at April 29, 2009 04:32 PM
Do my readers know their butt lore, or what?
Posted by: Cassandra at April 29, 2009 04:35 PM
"...Michelle, you should have seen me - I was awesome. I stretched out my hand over those deranged wingnuts and unleashed my powerful mojo upon them like this: 'HEAL!!!'"
Posted by: Cassandra at April 29, 2009 04:39 PM
Staying with the musical theme...
A 50 foot tall projection of Barack Obama stands over the crowd of Tea Party protestors threatening "And you... and you... and you...You're gonna love meeeeeeeee!"
Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at April 29, 2009 04:40 PM
Is it just me or do those graphs look like the scope readout on our last colonscopy;
Ascending, Transverse, Descending...
Posted by: vet66 at April 29, 2009 05:11 PM
"I find your lack of faith in the Stimulus disturbing. Now feel the power of this fully operational Deficit! Ha! Your children and grandchildren are broke!"
"You have to be THIS TALL to disagree with me!"
Posted by: Don Brouhaha at April 29, 2009 05:11 PM
BillT; Is it just me...
Whaddya mean, *our*, white man?
Posted by: BillT at April 29, 2009 06:09 PM
Posted by: Cassandra at April 29, 2009 06:33 PM
I've seen Three Card Monte played with a greater sense of honesty.
Posted by: spd rdr at April 29, 2009 06:37 PM
TAKE MY HAND AND SWEAR ETERNAL LOYALTY TO ZOD!
Uh, oops, sorry about that, teleprompter error, won't happen again...
Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at April 29, 2009 06:44 PM
Thankya. thankya verah much.
Now I've sumthin for all you right-of-Khrushchev people in the audience...
Posted by: Barak Elvis at April 29, 2009 06:45 PM
Brothers and sisters, I ask you to welcome a new senior staff member to my administration.
A man I immediately recognized as being cut from the same bolt of cloth as was I.
A man unequaled in the art of communications and fund-raising, so it is with great pleasure and much anticipation that I present to you, my new chief of communications and website campaign contributions coordinator.
Bob, say hello to my followers.
Posted by: Barak press your face to the screen Obama at April 29, 2009 11:15 PM
"The Good News is, that my ascentio -- uhhh -- election *was* the moment that the rise of the oceans began to slow. The Bad News is, in six months, the *red ink* will be this deep..."
Posted by: BillT at April 30, 2009 02:13 AM
...and next I would like to bless the media, for whom just a few months ago would pillory my predesessor for not rushing to defend his critics from desparaging comments, but for whom now allows me to directly insult my critics as having fabricated and illigitimate concerns without nary a word of disapproval.
Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at April 30, 2009 09:18 AM
This comes as no surprise to those of us who have lived in Illinois. Illinois government's function is to take money from taxpayers and funnel it to friends and supporters of the political class. The concept that the expenditures should benefit the taxpayers and not the political class is a foreign one here. Taxpayers who dare actually question their leaders and attempt to make them respond are generally either ignored or harassed into bankruptcy, silence or both. Peasant revolts are frowned upon in Illinois and are generally put down mercilessly.
President Obama's political career in Illinois was one of accomodating powerful interests, not challenging or changing them. Now that he has the power, it's no surprise that he intends to use it in the same fashion that he helped it be used up to this point.
Posted by: RonF at April 30, 2009 10:50 AM
***Crooning to adoring fans***
"To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way."
Posted by: O-mywayorthehighway-B at April 30, 2009 11:52 AM
After spending 10 minutes expounding on his policy that the US needs to talk with foreign dictators, even those who openly seek our destruction, Mr Obama points out for the crowd the one group he says he will not talk to: Fox News.
Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at April 30, 2009 01:27 PM
-“But,” Obama continued, “let's not play games and pretend that the reason [for the deficit] is because of the Recovery Act."-
For years, we kept hearing "Bush lied! (exclamation point mandatory)" and although no examples that ever held water were given, we understood that lying was a Bad Thing. I guess that changed on 1/20/09, since O-man lies every time he opens his mouth and never gets called on it.
Posted by: alanstorm at April 30, 2009 03:43 PM
"Listen to me: I am like unto Moses. As I raise my hand, so will the economy rise. Pay no attention to the deficit figures."
Posted by: Cricket at April 30, 2009 04:58 PM
Ok, it's been a really craptastic week so it's possible that my mind is going. But can I ask where the post that was above this one went? There *was* a post above this one, right? I"m not just imagining things?
Posted by: HomefrontSix at April 30, 2009 10:17 PM
I deleted it, HF6. Sorry.
Long week for me too.
Posted by: Cassandra at April 30, 2009 10:18 PM
No, that's ok. Just as long as it *was* there...
Otherwise, I'm going to have to start dipping into the good stuff.
Posted by: HomefrontSix at April 30, 2009 10:48 PM
Or, you could just go ahead and dip into the good stuff in celebration that you've not lost *all* your marbles.....
Posted by: DL Sly at May 1, 2009 02:55 AM
Hey! Doffing your shirt for a table-dance doesn't qualify as losing marbles.
Failure to take hi-res pictures of same *does*...
Posted by: BillT at May 1, 2009 09:25 AM
Posted by: Cassandra at May 1, 2009 09:28 AM
I wasn't the one with the camera.
Sly ~ the good stuff is for the weekend.
Posted by: HomefrontSix at May 1, 2009 03:05 PM
Well, that explains why there's never any around come Weekend Wookie Time.
Posted by: DL Sly at May 1, 2009 03:38 PM
Pass the bottle.
Posted by: Cassandra at May 1, 2009 03:46 PM
I just happen to have this on hand....
*hands Princess ice cold bottle of pre-mixed pomegranate martinis*
Posted by: DL Sly at May 1, 2009 03:52 PM
"Look at how the power of O compels the forces of capitalism! I raise my hand, the economy also rises. I lower my hand, it sinks. If I wave it around, markets worldwide fluctuate. I am O. Fear me."
Posted by: Cricket at May 2, 2009 10:05 AM
Kinda sheds a whole new light on The Story of O, dunnitt?
Posted by: Cecil B. deBille, Lyricist at May 2, 2009 11:07 AM
Anything to sicken the plot and acheive that twisted, happy ending.
Posted by: Cricket at May 2, 2009 12:41 PM
One more for the road:
"At the seismic research lab, the machines began to record highs and lows resembling seismic activity. Turns out it was a false alarm. Obama was just giving a speech on the economy, using his hands to illustrate his key points."
Posted by: Cricket at May 2, 2009 06:25 PM