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May 02, 2009

Important Breaking News....

More evidence that we're losing the culture war:

A Polish politician has criticised his local zoo for acquiring a "gay" elephant named Ninio who prefers male companions and will probably not procreate, local media reported.

"We didn't pay 37 million zlotys ($15 million) for the largest elephant house in Europe to have a gay elephant live there," Michal Grzes, a conservative councillor in the city of Poznan in western Poland, was quoted as saying.

The Editorial Staff completely understands Mr. Grzes' ire. Grrr... We just hate it when this kind of thing happens.

Now if it were us, we'd be asking for our zlotys back.

Oh well. Perhaps little Ninio's just been watching too much cable TV:

The head of the Poznan zoo said 10-year-old Ninio may be too young to decide whether he prefers males or females as elephants only reach sexual maturity at 14.

When we can't even depend upon our baby animals to procreate upon demand, one really has to wonder if our entire culture hasn't gone to the d...

Oh, nevermind.

Super-important update!!!!

We are not sure how we forgot about the salient example of panda p0rn. Mea culpa. Mea culpa maxima:

...keepers are relying on more than pornography and dangling apples to improve the sexual skills of the panda.

...Pandas with a bit more experience may also be called in to help their more innocent companions. One official said: “We arrange lovemaking between two excellent pandas in front of inexperienced pandas which have never had sex. It does work.

We swear to God we are not making this up.

Posted by Cassandra at May 2, 2009 10:45 PM

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So they're trying to breed an endangered species, and a guy objects to buying a *fifteen million dollar* animal that won't be useful for that, and it's news?


Everything I can find says that they start reproducing at 12 to 14, but 15 mill is a LOT to spend on an animal they're pretty sure won't be of use!

Posted by: Foxfier at May 2, 2009 11:25 PM

Ah but if you amortize the purchase price, $2.5 million zlotnys a year begins to look positively affordable...

Posted by: Cassandra at May 3, 2009 12:02 AM

"The food here is horrible-- but such large servings!"

Posted by: Foxfier at May 3, 2009 12:07 AM

$2.5 million zlotnys a year begins to look positively affordable...

Well, sure, because it's a more volatile currency than the zloty.

Posted by: Cecil B. deBille, Lyricist at May 3, 2009 04:46 AM


So how does the Polish political weasel know that Ninio is light on his digitigrades? I mean did Ninio publicly trash that Prejean [sic?] lass or accept a diner invitation from Keith Olberman or something?

The elephant in question is still an adolescent? Maybe he's just hanging with the guys to learn how a male elephant is supposed to behave.

Posted by: Marlin Perkins at May 3, 2009 10:33 AM

two words: artificial insemination.

Surely, they could have just bought sperm to inseminate into the female elephants - who needs a man anyway?


Posted by: Beth Donovan at May 3, 2009 11:53 AM

Well, sure, because it's a more volatile currency than the zloty.

Posted by: The Dark Lord's Missing N Finally Shows Up at May 3, 2009 12:12 PM

Heh. You'd better run, Beth! :)

Posted by: The Dark Lord's Missing N Finally Shows Up at May 3, 2009 12:12 PM

Hand me the remote.

Posted by: Babar at May 3, 2009 12:39 PM

The pol isn't the one who decided the elephant was gay-- that's what the keepers are saying (other than the one who says he won't figure it out until he's 14, the high end of the reproductive age) in part because he's so violent to female elephants that he's had to be moved several times.

If you're going to use AI, it doesn't make sense to keep the bull; you get the other zoos to send you units, and then you can have a much more diverse breeding stock.
(My mom is a certified AI tech for cattle; she and dad have been using it to make for easier birth in the small and/or young cows. We order through select sires-- check out all the information they've got!)

here's a page on AI for elephants

Personally, I don't know why they're bothering to buy bulls, either-- doing AI is expensive and fails a lot, but for the savings of not having to feed an elephant, you can afford a LOT of expense!

Posted by: Foxfier at May 3, 2009 02:02 PM

K, I'm getting WAY too into researching this...but the Toledo Zoo disagrees with the zoo keeper about the reproducing age of African Elephants:
Although males (bulls) reach sexual maturity around age 10, they often do not breed until they are about 30 when they become large and strong enough to compete successfully with other large bulls for the attention of females.

Same link also says the females are ready about age 9 to 12.

Toledo Zoo has a relatively successful elephant breeding program that also had the first successful surgical AI on an elephant. (calf stillborn)

The confusion might be linked to delayed sexual maturity for animals that aren't fed right.

Posted by: Foxfier at May 3, 2009 02:20 PM

Sheesh, people *read* the article. The zlotys were for the elephant House of the Rising Sun, not ol' Ninio hissef.

And has anyone considered the fact that maybe the elephant chicks are just hags?

I mean, c'mon, we now all ya'll like a ruggedly handsome fella, but who wants a grey-skinned, wrinkly fat hag with a tail like a tufted rat?

Sounds like Ninio isn't interested in elephantine cougars...

Or not. I'm just havin' fun and runnin' away. Gotta catch SWWBO, ennyway.

Posted by: Porky Porkerton of Argghhh! at May 3, 2009 03:09 PM

I see how you are... blame the womyn!

After you get married, they just sit around all day expecting to be fed peanuts :p

Ungrateful hussies.

Posted by: Cassandra at May 3, 2009 03:29 PM

All they've gotta do is get a couple of cases of Tuborg inside him before closing time...

Posted by: BillT at May 3, 2009 04:50 PM

No, no BillT! That's dangerous!

Posted by: Foxfier at May 3, 2009 06:08 PM

Well, no wonder. Have you ever *tasted* Indian rice beer?

Posted by: BillT at May 3, 2009 06:44 PM

"All they've gotta do is get a couple of cases of Tuborg inside him before closing time..."
Don't forget to set the thermostat to 110°F and the adjust dim, red lighting... for ahhh, atmosphere.

Posted by: Toomai ISO9000 certified Mahout and matchmaker at May 3, 2009 07:20 PM

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