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July 20, 2009

More Things We Can No Longer Talk About

Excuuuuuuuse me while I whip this out:

The Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions (HELP) Committee’s health care legislation will give the Health and Human Services secretary the authority to develop “standards of measuring gender” -- as opposed to using the traditional "male" and "female" categories -- in a database of all who apply or participate in government-run or government-supported health care plans. HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius is required by the proposed law -- The Affordable Health Choices Act,which was voted out of committee on July 15 -- to create a database within one year of the law’s enactment that will include detailed information about those who sign up for government-run or supported health care programs, including their race, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, language and disabilities. The proposed law states that the database can use the Office of Management and Budget “standards for race and ethnicity measures.” But for the collection of “gender” data, instead of using the categories “male” and “female," the legislation calls for “developing standards for the measurement of gender.”

There's a joke in there, somewhere.

Posted by Cassandra at July 20, 2009 12:15 PM

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The joke is a government entity/committee with the acronymn 'H.E.L.P.' It is also scary, as in 'We're from the government and we're here to help.'

In cyberspace, no one can hear you scream.

Posted by: Cricket at July 20, 2009 01:27 PM

This current administration has reached the level of bad farce faster than James Carville can work up a simulated rage.

Posted by: BillT at July 20, 2009 01:48 PM

I'll start your spreadsheet: I'm half lesbian and half prick.

Posted by: twolaneflash at July 20, 2009 02:09 PM

I wonder where *None of Your F*$^ing Business* will fit into their standards? Guess I'll find out when the census comes out.

Posted by: DL Sly at July 20, 2009 02:37 PM

Well, it's about time someone was able to measure my "huge tracks of land".

Posted by: Princess Lucky at July 20, 2009 02:40 PM

I knew this was coming! This is why I began preparing long ago by purchasing a ginormous codpiece.

Posted by: a former european at July 20, 2009 02:56 PM

My dear afe.

We are all in constant awe of your ginormous codpiece :)

Posted by: Cassandra at July 20, 2009 03:01 PM

Why do I have the notion that this is little more than a gub'ment maneuver to impose a Wet-wipe surcharge on all toiletries and add another Cabinet level bureaucracy on the taxpayers back?


Oh Beegeebus! It just hit me. 10 year hence, PSA's with an emoting folk singer, singing a mournful tune in the background, will flood the airwaves reminding the unwashed to have their adolescent offspring spayed/neutered, uless otherwise exempted.

*Considers paraphrasing a William Wallace line from Braveheart, thinks better of it, returns attention to task list while still able*

Posted by: bthun at July 20, 2009 05:50 PM

Considers paraphrasing a William Wallace line from Braveheart...

"It's fine Scottish weather we're having. The rain is falling straight down and kind of to the side like."

That the one?

Posted by: BillT at July 20, 2009 07:23 PM

Mmmmmnnnope, not that one...

Posted by: bthun at July 20, 2009 08:44 PM

There's no reason for the government to 'develop standards' for this. We've been doing this for years. Any man can tell you that there are real men, and then there are... others who happen to be male.

The standards are readily available in any Louis L'amour novel. Really, it couldn't be clearer -- the things are like textbooks for judging (or achieving) manhood.

Posted by: Grim at July 20, 2009 09:28 PM

Maybe they're trying to figure out how they get to keep screwing us, whether we're supposed to get bent over and "squeal like a piggy" or they hafta hold us down on a pinball machine.

Posted by: Mattexian at July 20, 2009 11:10 PM

Measurement of gender. Yep. Ginormous codpiece is definitely measurable.

I had a really truly awful snark about that and I just wanna say that I FINISHED THE PAPER and submitted same.

I get two whole weeks off. This means gardening, sewing, knitting, filling out MORE government forms, cooking, and generally fussing over the family.

Posted by: Cricket at July 21, 2009 02:35 AM

This means gardening, sewing, knitting, filling out MORE government forms, cooking, and generally fussing over the family.

Under the guidelines Sibelius will no doubt be *encouraged* to produce, the above would indicate a 74% probability that you are female...

Posted by: BillT at July 21, 2009 08:07 AM

"Under the guidelines Sibelius will no doubt be *encouraged* to produce, the above would indicate a 74% probability that you are female..."
And the indirect economic gain realized from such activity amounts to... Approximately 38% of household adjusted gross income (AGI). That taken together with Excess Itemized Deductions results in taxes being owed to HIS IWONness in the amount of $47,678.29, plus penalties in the amount of $635,929.46.

Please make remittance to HIS IWONness in the form of unmarked Euro notes, no larger than €100, no later than 31Aug09. A Buddhists monk will await your arrival at the Clinton-Gore Temple.

Thank you for your support, citizen.

Posted by: Al Urching Belongtous at July 21, 2009 10:55 AM

I will add some plastique too, just in case he wants to charge something.


Posted by: Cricket at July 21, 2009 12:15 PM

today my friend saw a beautiful woman enter a bathroom... he thought it funny that snice gender is a choice, today he will be a lesbian trapped in a mans body and go to the can and see if he can pick her up (as a lesbian of course).

of course 40 years ago, one could never construct such a sentence and be considered normal(ized)

Posted by: artfldgr at July 21, 2009 04:38 PM

The guberment needs to develop standards for the measurement of gender because none of them have any balls and "none of the above" isn't one of the choices.

Posted by: Oh Hell at July 22, 2009 01:08 AM

“standards of measuring gender”

"Measuring" implies numbers. Clearly there needs to be a sliding scale: for example, Person X is "73% M, 27% F".

In the next iteration, it will be "20% M, 10% N, 70% F".

Naturally, this will require a cadre of new bookkeepers, to make sure (for the sake of Equality) that a company's employees are such that the sum of all their "M"s are the same as the sum of all their "F"s.

"... in some cases, “questioning.” I think the word she's searching for is "undecided".

"How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world,
That has such people in't!" (Miranda, in "The Tempest")

Unfortunately, in our case, the mankind that claims to lead us is not that beauteous.

That age-old question to a child, "What do you want to be when you grow up" will expect the answer "boy" or "girl".

Posted by: ZZMike at July 24, 2009 03:41 PM

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