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August 10, 2009

A Few Words From Nan Pelosi on Health Care

6a00d83451b46269e20120a4dc775f970b-800wi.jpg Good morning, you lying, racist bastards.

Today I would like to talk to you about the single largest problem facing America. No, it's not the illegal and immoral occupations of Iraq and Afghanistan. Now that America finally has a leader we can trust, 'broken Armies' and unconstitutional acts of unprovoked aggression seem *so* 5 minutes ago.

And it's not the economy either. Or even unemployment that is rapidly approaching double digits. Thankfully, the ominous GDP growth of the BusHitler years has been corrected. Nowadays, our healthy economic decline assures us that America is moving in the right direction. With unemployment levels rivalling those of the French, we can - for the first time - stand in proud solidarity with more enlightened nations. There is much we can learn from the international community. Why, just look at their compassionate and effective solutions for soaring unemployment and Elder Care!

Let's face it, people: real Americans (you know, the smart, patriotic ones who agree with us) have always wanted to be more like the EU. Certainly, if not for the tiresome constraints of representative government, Congress could have passed health care reform at any time during the last 100 years. All we needed to do was present the American people with a plan that improved on their current health care options. But ensmartening voters proved unexpectedly difficult. Their inexplicable refusal to accept that spending more money reduces costs was a real head scratcher.

Fortunately, we have found a solution to this annoying "democracy" business.

We'll just redefine "We the People" to include only real Americans. You can tell real Americans because they don't dress too well. They stay out of affairs which are none of their concern, like poking their noses into the way we spend their tax dollars.

Now that Democrats are in the majority, we can afford to ignore both the facts and what - under the previous administration - we would have called patriotic dissent. We can even afford to ignore what we said just a few years ago! Elections have consequences, you know.

When Republicans controlled both the House and Senate, we called the majority vote system anti-democratic. We talked a lot about "inclusiveness" and respecting the rights of the minority party. Now, of course, we know better. The will of the people (otherwise known as "a mandate") must not be opposed by a bunch of petty, partisan losers. When we were the minority party, we justified our failure to present alternatives to Republican bills by claiming that the system was "rigged". After all, any system in which each state receives 2 votes regardless of the number of voters can't possibly be legitimate, can it? Certainly not if we disagree with it.

Now of course, we're in the driver's seat and things look quite different. Isn't it amazing how a gaping flaw in our government was miraculously remedied by the election of a black man to the Oval Office? Social justice is like that, though: the historic nature of Obama's victory means we can ram health care reform through Congress without a single Republican vote.... without reading it, even. And best of all, it's perfectly legal when we do it!

Such priceless political opportunism must not be wasted.

But before we foist an unread bill of historic proportions on the American people, we must conduct a inclusive and robust debate in which only our side is heard. The failure of every single previous attempt to nationalize health care proves the need to exclude unAmerican liars from our national dialogue.

Of course, when I say the facts be heard, I mean "our facts must be heard". And no one can hear our facts when there's too much free speech going on. Too much information confuses people.

Health care is complex; far too complex for ordinary citizens understand. If we can't even be bothered to read this bill, what makes folks think they have a snowball's chance in hell of understanding juicy phrases like 'the notorious Medicare Part D "doughnut hole"'?

Mmmmm.... doughnuts.

This month, despite disruptions from organized agitators who think the Constitution protects political speech, members of Congress will bravely venture forth and listen to anyone who agrees with our plan. So long as we control the debate, we are confident our principles of affordable, quality health care will not be challenged.

With "real" Americans strongly supporting health insurance reform, with Congress reaching consensus on a plan, and with a president who ran and won on unspecified promises of change on our side, we can afford to ignore the views of radical, right wing extremists:

While opinions on health-care reform break sharply along partisan lines, with most Democrats in favor and most Republicans opposed, independent voters strongly oppose the health-care reform measures pending in Congress by a whopping 70 percent to 27 percent, according to a recent Pew Research poll.

So don't let anyone try to tell you the Democratic Party is not in favor of debate.

We welcome your comments... so long you're not a Republican (they got us into this mess) or an Independent (a bunch of idiots duped by clever demagoguery). Real Americans understand the need for health care reform.

After all, that's the definition of a real American, isn't it? Those who agree with us.

Posted by Cassandra at August 10, 2009 08:28 AM

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One of the reasons the Democrats are not all that interested in debating the subject is that they really don't know very much about it. Their idea of a "true expert" on the subject happens to be Tom Daschle. He, along with two others, authored a book called "Critical: What We Can Do About the Health-Care Crisis." Their basic theme is, don't tell the public too much - that is, after all, what killed Hillary Care. Sound something like what is going on now?

There are many, many good ideas on how to lower the cost of health care, but they seem to have gotten lost in the argument to low health insurance premiums. I am so tired of the use of the misnomer "health care reform." Health care needs no reform - the rising costs of health care needs reform! If you want to know what caused health care costs to skyrocket in the first place, look to Medicare and Medicaid, and throw in ridiculous jury awards - they helped to make John Edwards a very rich man. For some reason, though, you can't get the Dems to discuss tort reform.

I grew up in an area where there were the rich and the people who worked for the rich. When I say rich, I mean really rich. Everybody went to the same doctors, and guess what, when you went to the doctor, you opened your wallet and paid the doctor. No lady with a self inflated ego sitting behind a counter involved, Mom just handed the doctor whatever it cost for services rendered. Now, the difference between the rich and poor was - the poor paid one price and the rich paid another. Everybody knew it, and there weren't any complaints from anybody. By the way, there is absolutely no correlation between the cost of medical care and the quality of care given/received. Those days will never return, but it's nice remembering them.

To be honest, figuring that there was life after the military, while still in, I got an MS in Health Care Administration;I have been researching the subject for years; you can bring up facts and figures to prove that Obama Care will not work, and it means absolutely nothing to these people. The mantra is - we need change, and we need it now! That said, bring out their SEIU thugs - oh, and by the way, accuse the side that has just been beaten up and demonized of being the thugs.

Welcome to 1984, folks.

Posted by: RIslander at August 10, 2009 11:35 AM

Talk about escalation. Seems like just yesterday we were mildly amused at pie throwers, with a fondness for whipped cream, hurling these missles at Ann Coulter and a few others. Now they are encouraging SEIU thugs to hurl fists with the backing of the full force and majesty of the U.S. Government.

I am counting on the common sense of most Americans, formerly known as the 'silent majority' and hope for the best. What's the worst that could happen? When I am 78 I report to the recently renovated Post Office building now housing the "Death Council", take a number and wait for my turn to plead my case? The nightmare scenario is that when my number is called my Grand Inquisitor is the soup nazi from Seinfeld with a stamp in each hand; one says "No Pill for you!" The other says; "Blue pill for you!"

September will be a nailbiter one way or the other.

Posted by: vet66 at August 10, 2009 11:41 AM

You hit this one out of the park, Cassandra.

Posted by: Elise at August 10, 2009 11:52 AM

For some reason, though, you can't get the Dems to discuss tort reform.

For that matter, you can't even get them to discuss why they insisted that DoD purchase five 737s and three Gulfstream Vs to augment the fleet of 24 jetliners reserved for -- mostly -- legislative travel.


DoD only wanted funds to buy *one* additional 737 and purchase two 737s and one G-V that are presently being leased. The House tacked on the additional funds, and now it's the Senate's turn...

Posted by: BillT at August 10, 2009 12:20 PM

...uhhhhh, yes, that *is* the same Congress that raked the auto CEOs over the coals for travelling to Foggy Bottom on corporate aircraft.

Funny you should ask.

Posted by: BillT at August 10, 2009 12:23 PM

Yep, just the sort of people I want in charge of my healthcare.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at August 10, 2009 12:39 PM

Now, retired military are entitled to fly on those suckers - what do you think the chances are that will ever happen?

Posted by: RIslander at August 10, 2009 12:51 PM

Cass -

Girl you is scarin' me. Are you a fomrer resident of the Bay Area? Has SanFranNan hired you as her head speechifier?

OMG (or in 'spanyol ADM). I am frightened. Please return to reality soon.....

Posted by: Kbob in Katy at August 10, 2009 01:00 PM

Heh :)

No. It's just that after a week not reading any newspapers or really being able to keep up with what was going on in the blogosphere, when I did finally reconnect I felt like my head was going to explode.

I can't get over these folks and the gibberish they are spouting. You either learn to laugh at them, or you punch a hole in the nearest wall.

I vote for laughing at them.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 10, 2009 01:03 PM

LMAO with ya!

A toast to the Royal Princess of Snarkdom!

Posted by: Kbob in Katy at August 10, 2009 01:05 PM

Now, retired military are entitled to fly on those suckers -

Not on *those* suckers, bro. They're in the *Executive* Fleet.

Us retireded pezzunts get to travel Space-A on cranky C-130s limping from Point A to Point B by way of Lajes -- although I *did* talk my way onto a C-17-load of Marines last year by offering my services as the Adult Supervision for the flight...

Posted by: BillT at August 10, 2009 01:23 PM

Yup. I know.

Sooooooo *dead*....

Posted by: BillT at August 10, 2009 01:24 PM

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

-December 1921

Posted by: Drive-by Henry Louis Mencken at August 10, 2009 02:31 PM

"POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When we wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive.” --Ambrose "Ray of Sunshine" Bierce

Posted by: BillT at August 10, 2009 03:43 PM

I screwed up and punched a whole in the wall.

Now, the laughter begins. Heh.

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at August 10, 2009 08:00 PM

So true, BillT. I live near an AFB that does heavy duty research, and those exec jets are in and out all the time. If I want to fly (never have), I have to drive over a hundred miles to a naval air station and sit around waiting for Space A on something going someplace sometime. If I really want to sit around watching other people getting on an airplane, I'll go to the local civilian airport and watch them do it. Actually, the only real difference from when I was still in uniform is that now I have vocal cords.

Posted by: RIslander at August 11, 2009 08:17 AM

Is that a picture of a younger Pelosi the hot one to the left of the current picture. Wow she was not always a [Ed note: deleted] in a pantsuit. [Ed note: entire sentence deleted] we have to wait till after. [Ed. note: rest of comment deleted for excessive stupidity. My patience is not endless.]

Personal insults are not needed to make your point. If you don't like Pelosi that's your business. Leave it at home.

Posted by: Ibahim at August 14, 2009 03:42 PM


Not sure what your issue is, but I'm not interested in having nasty personal comments here about anyone on either side of the political aisle.

If you're a conservative and thought this sort of thing would be welcome here, you're mistaken. And if you're a liberal trying to provoke a response, that ain't happening either.

I'm going to do something I rarely do and edit out the offensive insults to Ms. Pelosi. I don't care for her politics, but nothing she's done rates the things you just typed.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 14, 2009 03:46 PM

I love Nancy Pelosi. I'm very proud of her. And I'm thankful and grateful for the work she has done on health care. I was looking for her site to tell her so when I stumbled on your site.

I'm so sorry for your anger which I think is misplaced.

America has been blessed with a great woman. Let's recognize it.

Posted by: cathryn at March 24, 2010 08:23 PM

I love Nancy Pelosi. I'm very proud of her. And I'm thankful and grateful for the work she has done on health care. I was looking for her site to tell her so when I stumbled on your site.

Okay, Mizz Cassie -- now *why* did you go an' p*ss Google off like that?

Posted by: BillT at March 25, 2010 05:50 AM

You realize, of course, that your InnerTube Googlegacy is now --

#1 on searches from Dubai for "blonde lady ginormous boobs" and #2 on searches for "offering Nan Pelosi all my love"...

Yeah, whap, yeah, dead, yaddayadda...

Posted by: BillT at March 25, 2010 05:56 AM