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August 27, 2009

Help the CDC Sell Circumcisions!

In line with our recent string of bizarrely Johnson-themed posts (scary, what an upcoming deployment does to the female mind...), we had an amusing thought with regard to the CDC's campaign to separate American men from their foreskins.

Opening sally:

"KEEP YOUR LAWS OFF MY ROD!"

What???

You expected something substantive from me? It's nearly Friday.
Don't be a weiner. Do your wurst.

Update: Oh for Pete's sake, people. Get your minds out of the gutter :p

weiner.jpg

Posted by Cassandra at August 27, 2009 12:35 PM

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Comments

"Foreskinned is forewarned".

Posted by: smitty at August 27, 2009 01:08 PM

"Ohhhhh, *snip*!"

[cringing]

Posted by: Cassandra at August 27, 2009 01:38 PM

I'm laughing so hard I got nothing.

Posted by: airforcewife at August 27, 2009 01:47 PM

Do my wurst? Great, thanks!
No no, wait, don't do my wurst!

Posted by: tomg51 at August 27, 2009 01:47 PM

OH! OH! I got one!

"Circ de Soleil"

For those living in Florida or California, of course.

Posted by: airforcewife at August 27, 2009 01:48 PM

Would I be bedridden for days? and days? again and again? OK then.

Posted by: tomg51 at August 27, 2009 02:07 PM

"Just do it." (Nike)

"Less is more".

"Yes! Yes We Can! (make you do it)"

""Let's make things better. " Phillips

Posted by: Cassandra at August 27, 2009 02:07 PM

OK, I don't read well. - a slogan!


"Get bedridden for days!"

Posted by: tomg51 at August 27, 2009 02:08 PM

"The fastest way to spend money" (Western Union)

Posted by: Cassandra at August 27, 2009 02:11 PM

With Obamacare, it's prick-skin season all year!

Posted by: DL Sly at August 27, 2009 02:25 PM

With Obamacare it's euthanasia.

Posted by: Mark at August 27, 2009 02:50 PM

Once we get through with our laws on Tab A you won't have to worry about anything being on your Slot B.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at August 27, 2009 02:51 PM

Don't be a weiner. Do your wurst.

Once you'd issued that challenge, you knew it wouldn't be long...

Posted by: BillT at August 27, 2009 03:06 PM

Unfortunately, this only works for me because I was born at the Presidio:

Don't just leave your heart in San Francisco!

Posted by: Joel at August 27, 2009 03:33 PM

Quite obviously there are no exposing your wiener laws where this guy comes from.

Posted by: RIslander at August 27, 2009 05:23 PM

(still being locked in a serious mind set)
Surely you have no problem with the health benefits of circumcision, Cassie? Lowered AIDS infection rates, lowered transmission of STDS, etc, etc?

SOrry, we now return yout to your scheduled near Friday fun fest.

Posted by: ry at August 27, 2009 06:58 PM

I have no "problem" with benefits. It's risks I generally have a problem with, and I think weighing the risks and benefits is a choice that ought to be up to the parents, Ry.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 27, 2009 07:08 PM

Quite obviously there are no exposing your wiener laws where this guy comes from.

Someone in my family gave me that magnet for Christmas one year :p

Sausage is a much more handsome beast, I must say.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 27, 2009 07:13 PM

Once you'd issued that challenge, you knew it wouldn't be long...

Well, I've thought of a million good ones, but it's hard not to step over the line.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 27, 2009 07:15 PM

Thanks to the efficiencies that have resulted from our Federal Health Care Single Payer monopoly, you can now walk right into any participating Great Clips and trade that turtle-neck in for a crew-neck.

Is this a great country or what!?

Posted by: bthun_toes_the_line at August 27, 2009 07:21 PM

*groan*

The first person to bring up "SuperCuts" dies a horrible, horrible death :p

Posted by: Cassandra at August 27, 2009 07:23 PM

Our new DIY Circumcision Czar, on loan from the United Kingdom, is now offering DIY Pay Per View seminars.

Please have your Individual Taxpayer Identification Number and major credit card ready when you call.

Posted by: bthun_toes_the_line at August 27, 2009 07:25 PM

Shite! Teddy clipped my nuts!

Posted by: Mark at August 27, 2009 07:31 PM

Hi it's Vince with Slap Chop...

Posted by: Vince at August 27, 2009 07:40 PM

Leave the hoodie on his woodie!

Circumcision is a dead end

Not circumcised? Lucky stiff!

Posted by: Hugh7 at August 27, 2009 09:29 PM

I'll pass on the pork rinds if Obama's health care plan goes through...


Posted by: vet66 at August 27, 2009 09:32 PM

There are BIG problems with benefits - they're slight, irrelevant (AIDS - you'd be mad not to use a condom anyway) or bogus (STDs). So it ought to be up to the owner.

Posted by: Hugh7 at August 27, 2009 09:36 PM

Leave the hoodie on his woodie!

Hugh, that is messed up :p

I nearly spit my drink all over the computer - the least you could have done was warn me!

Posted by: Cassandra at August 27, 2009 09:55 PM

A guy was sitting on the hospital steps with his date, while (unbeknownst to them) a circumcision was being performed inside. After removing the foreskin, the doctor examined it, then tossed it out the window. (OK, work with me here, people) Said foreskin landed between the aforementioned couple with a little "splat!", so the girl (being curious) picked it up. She asked the guy what it was, so he looked it over and told her "taste it; if you like it, I'll give you a whole one".
(Ba-dum-bum...)

Posted by: camojack at August 28, 2009 01:19 AM

A doctor is performing a circumcision while a new intern observes for the first time...

After the doctor completes the procedure he places the liberated flesh into a small container, seals the container and tells a nurse to take it to his office.

The intern asks the doctor for what is the flesh in the container destined? The doctor says he has a side business, a craft actually, where he sews the flesh from these procedures into small coin purses.

The intern is repulsed, but asks why on earth anyone would purchase such an item? The doctor replies, "they are unique in that if you rub them a bit, they expand into overnight bags".

Posted by: American Tourister at August 28, 2009 06:53 AM

There were five houses of religion in a small town: The Presbyterian church, the Baptist church, the Methodist church, the Catholic church and the Jewish synagogue. Each had been overrun by pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
In the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow, and there were twice as many there the next week.
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creations, so, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
The Catholic church believed that they had the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas, Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and Easter.
Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue...
but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called 'circumcision'.
They haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.
0>;~}

Posted by: DL Sly at August 28, 2009 11:56 AM

lol, sly...

Posted by: Miss Ladybug at August 28, 2009 01:36 PM

This is serious. There could be a severe shortage of moyls.


Joel: "I was born at the Presidio:" You're one up on me. I was born in the Sunset district. (Actually, St Joseph's Hospital, but that was only for the process. My heart is in the Sunset. My liver, though, is in New Orleans. &c.)

Enough foolishness.....

Cass: "I have no "problem" with benefits. It's risks I generally have a problem with..."

That, and Orwell's Maxim: What is encouraged today will be mandatory tomorrow.


Posted by: ZZMike at August 28, 2009 07:07 PM

Should a gentleman offer a lady a Tiparillo?

Posted by: wheels at August 28, 2009 07:09 PM

Perfect :)

Posted by: Cassandra at August 28, 2009 07:19 PM

There's no charge for the circumcision.

They only take tips.

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at August 28, 2009 07:51 PM

So moyls work for tips only?

Posted by: Sly's Wardrobe Mistress at August 29, 2009 04:31 AM

::snerk:: and weird flashback to a conversation with my son

The Marine!Goth: How come I'm not cut?
Me: Errrrr - unnecessary surgery? Your dad didn't appreciate having it done? OUCH!!!? Seemed like a good idea at the time?
The MG: Ok, just curious.
Me (thinking: You called me up at 3 am to ask me this?????) Strange conversations in a foxhole?
MG: YEP!

Posted by: Karla (threadbndr) at August 31, 2009 03:39 PM

You've gotta love boys :p

I didn't even think about it with my first even though I was Total 70s Mom - wanted natural childbirth and LeBoyer (which of course they didn't have at my hospital). I think if I could have gotten the Patchouli incense and a Doula I would have :p

Actually I wanted to have the baby at home with just a midwife but the spouse did NOT care for that idea AT ALL. And as it turned out that was probably a good thing. My oldest was 10 1/2 pounds of little linebacker and I was in labor a really, really long time. Did get the natural childbirth part due to a very experienced doctor but I was glad he was there.

With my 2nd I was inclined not to have the procedure done but the pediatrician talked me into it. And part of why I did it was that I didn't want my sons to be different, but I also was convinced by the argument they gave me after I asked all my questions.

Posted by: Cassandra at August 31, 2009 03:46 PM

Uh, can we stop talking about *sharp knives* in close proximity to *the junk*, please? Accidents can and do happen, and the whole line of conversation gives me the willies...

That being said, I'm glad to say I shall remain unmodified for some time to come, until perhaps the Last Trump. At which point, God can do whatever He wills with me. But Man had better not interfere.

Posted by: Gregory at September 1, 2009 05:42 AM

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