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October 06, 2009

No Justice, no Peace:

No wonder men breeze into work looking like freshly sprung daisies while women crawl in on their knees.

Oppressors :p

Posted by Cassandra at October 6, 2009 12:34 PM

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No wonder men breeze into work looking like freshly sprung daisies while women crawl in on their knees.

What's with this sudden spate of women dropping cookie sheets on their feet?

Posted by: BillT at October 6, 2009 01:18 PM

I'd like to know where these people got their estimated times for these things....
16 minutes to shop? Really? Obviously these people haven't been anywhere near a commissary on the first of the month -- or a remote Exchange during the semi-annual *Thing a Thong Thale*.
4 minutes to exercise?
8 minutes to vaccuum, make beds and clean up the house?
5 minutes to cook dinner? Hamburger doesn't thaw in the microwave in less than 5 minutes!

Posted by: DL Sly at October 6, 2009 01:21 PM

5 minutes to cook dinner?

Sure -- five individual servings of Minute Rice...

Posted by: BillT at October 6, 2009 01:34 PM

Blowing an unvoiced linguolabial trill your way, my lady.

Man! I just love Wikipedia.

Posted by: Russ at October 6, 2009 02:12 PM

OK, that got a big laugh :)

Posted by: Cassandra at October 6, 2009 02:45 PM

lingolabial what? Whatever it is I do believe I have been doing it incorrectly if it takes less than 15 seconds.

I think I torqued my linguo just saying it.

Posted by: vet66 at October 6, 2009 06:51 PM

Raspberries, vet66, raspberries....

Don't feel bad. I had to google it, myself...

Posted by: Miss Ladybug at October 6, 2009 07:27 PM

This includes a shower (10 minutes ), drying/styling her hair (9 minutes), putting on moisturiser/make-up (8 mins), getting dressed/sorting accessories' (7 mins), having breakfast (6 mins) and exercising - yoga, pilates, jogging (4 mins).

How in the world does it take twice as long to put on moisturiser/make-up than to exercise? And who on god's green earth showers and gets made-up BEFORE exercising? Isn't that just counterproductive?

And "getting dressed/sorting accessories"... yeah, I'm gonna call fail on that. Getting dressed, 2-3 minutes tops. And what is this "sorting accessories" bit? And who the helk stacks the dishwasher in the morning? That's after-dinner stuff. Vacuuming in the morning as well... who are these freaks?

I am out the door 15-20 minutes after waking up in the morning, and I shower each morning. I DO skip breakfast, so that's not really a fair comparison, but still... prioritize people!

Posted by: MikeD at October 7, 2009 09:14 AM

How in the world does it take twice as long to put on moisturiser/make-up than to exercise?

I wouldn't know.

And I'm going to sit waaaaaaaaay over here, now...

Posted by: Pithecanthropus deBille at October 7, 2009 09:44 AM

I think it's the "make up" part that takes so long.

And those times strike me as underestimated if anything.

It takes me about an hour to get ready when I drive in to work. I don't think men really appreciate what a pain in the a** it is, being female and looking the way men want women to look.

Unless your hair is straight, you can't just cut it all off in a mannish cut that would only require combing and a quick fluff to look good. I happen to look really, really good in a pixy-ish short cut but my husband prefers softer, longer hair so I attempt to indulge him.

For a long time I wore it up. Even then, it took about 10-15 minutes to get it looking right if I washed my hair between blow drying my bangs out, coiling or braiding the back before pinning it up, checking for wisps and subduing them with hairspray, etc.

And don't even get me started on makeup. Before you carefully apply 20 million products to give you that "dewy, natural" look, you have to exfoliate ("always be exfoliating" :p), apply 1000057 miraculous anti-aging compounds that will instantaneously transform you from a dumpy hausfrau into Giselle Bundchen on steroids, curl your eyelashes, whiten your teeth, choose just the right earrings - making sure they don't clash with the bangle on your arm or the necklace you haven't taken off in 3 days b/c you can't see the clasp even WITH your reading glasses...

Dear God. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. But the reward is when your tired spouse comes home and you catch him looking at you and he says, "You fixed yourself up today. You look so pretty."

It's a pain. And I don't bother if I'm going to be around other women or by myself (contrary to what so many men seem to think). I couldn't care less what other women at the grocery store think of me.

But I'll do it for a man every time because it makes them feel good. Men like looking at pretty women and when the woman in their life takes pains to maintain her looks, that makes them happy.

Also you get treated better at work. People treat women better when they're attractive. Not fair, but there it is. Women are competitive too. We are just judged by different (and sometimes idiotic) standards but if you're serious, you show up dressed for the game.

Posted by: Cassandra at October 7, 2009 10:05 AM

I got out of bed about 6:25 this morning. Left the house about 30 minutes later. Let the dogs out, got dressed, applied makeup, touched up the hair with my flatiron, made sure to grab my lunch (put together last night) from the fridge after I put the dogs out (so I wouldn't forget it - I don't want to have to eat elementary cafeteria food...). I was signing in to sub this morning an hour after I got up.

Who vacuums daily? I likely SHOULD, considering there are 5 animals in our house, but who has the time? I ate breakfast in the car (protein bar & water), and I spend an hour most days on the exercise (much less, and I wouldn't be losing the weight like I have been). That's how much time I spent on it yesterday evening before I ate dinner. I will saw I usually shower the night before, too (I prefer to not have to take the time for that in the morning since that means I get to sleep a little longer).

Posted by: Miss Ladybug at October 7, 2009 10:10 AM

and I spend an hour most days on the exercise (much less, and I wouldn't be losing the weight like I have been)

There, that's what I meant. Sorry for being unclear. Look, I know the article was doing averages, but even the most lax fitness expert will tell you that you must spend at LEAST 20 minutes of aerobic exercise or you accomplish nothing. An hour is more realistic. And that was what was throwing me. That someone could take two hours to put on make-up would be astonishing. Even for a night on the town, that seems excessive.

Who vacuums daily? No one I know, and those who vacuum the most, do it in the afternoon or weekends.

But I'll do it for a man every time because it makes them feel good. Men like looking at pretty women and when the woman in their life takes pains to maintain her looks, that makes them happy.

No doubt 100% true, and we love you for it. It was more of the morning routine thing that gets me. If I am going to work, I dress differently and groom differently than if I am taking my wife somewhere nice.

And I do need to make one more confession, I am terribly lazy. I shave when my beard begins to bother me, because I hate shaving (and luckily my wife does not mind a beard). I am also cheap, so I shave my own head rather than give some hair cuttery place (very few actual BARBERS around anymore) $25. Generally I shave the head when I shave the beard. So I will go from 1/2" of each to nothing on a monthly basis. And nothing speeds up the time it takes to get out of the house more than no-maintenance facial and head hair.

Posted by: MikeD at October 7, 2009 11:42 AM

Look, I know the article was doing averages, but even the most lax fitness expert will tell you that you must spend at LEAST 20 minutes of aerobic exercise or you accomplish nothing.

That's one of the problems with point estimates.

If you have 10 people and only one of them spends an hour and the other don't excersize at all, you "average" 6 minutes of excersize. If all 10 spend 10 minutes on make-up then you "average" 10 minutes and "on-average" you spend more time putting on make-up than on excersizing even though no one actually does that.

People tend to assume that data is spread evenly around the "average" but it is quite possible (and actually quite common) for 60,70,80, or even 90% of your data to be on one side of the "Average". That's one reason highly skewed data (like incomes) typically report median values. And while *better* it's not always representative either. But showing the true distribution is highly combersome and people (authors and readers alike) are too lazy to bother.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at October 7, 2009 12:35 PM

Since you womyn are so liberated and all (power to the womyn-peeps), answer me this:

what's with all the make-up and high-heels? do you really NEED all that?

why do you let the phallocentrists ("the earth revolves around my penis") get away with doing so few chores?

Chryssie Hynde said "It's not my job to know how you feel; I'd like to know: 'why should I'" - so why do you worry about all that stuff?

Womyn - throw off your shackles and garters and panty-hose and aprons and foundation garments and make-up and ...and ... and ...

Posted by: I Call BS at October 7, 2009 12:40 PM

... and

You can leave your hat on.

Yes yes yes.

Posted by: Drive-by Randy Newman at October 7, 2009 01:00 PM

what's with all the make-up and high-heels? do you really NEED all that?

Not a woman (or a womyn) last time I checked, but I'll take a stab (nice phallic reference - ed.) at it.

I don't NEED a fast car, I don't NEED an iPod, I don't NEED to shave or cut my hair, I don't NEED a lot of things, yet I do them, have them, etc. Because *I* want them and, for now at least, have the freedom to do so.

why do you let the phallocentrists ("the earth revolves around my penis") get away with doing so few chores?

Most of the studies I've seen tend to leave out the typically male type chores. You don't see things like cutting the grass, trimming the trees, changing the oil in the car, fixing the toilet, replacing ceiling fans, pumping gas in the freezing rain, shoveling snow off the driveway...

Womyn - throw off your shackles and garters and panty-hose and aprons and foundation garments and make-up and ...and ... and ...

If women want to walk around completely nude, you won't get too much of an argument from me. :©)

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at October 7, 2009 01:12 PM

Women need feminists for fashion advice the way fish need a bicycle. Or something like that.

Posted by: MikeD at October 7, 2009 01:38 PM

Today, I am wearing flats with my skirt and t-shirt to sub. Yesterday, I wore a pair of slacks and a light sweater with my new (after going through my closet and getting rid of the shoes I'll never wear again) heeled wingtip oxfords (needed a pair of shoes to wear with pants that would be okay for potentially being on my feet all day). Minimal makeup both days. I'm working with kids, not going for a night on the town, and I'm not someplace I expect I might meet someone I REALLY want to impress with my appearance - I'll be headed straight home after school. I can't recall the last time I wore a pair of pantyhose - SO glad I can get away without them nowadays...

My sisters don't do pantyhose, either, but they both have multiple pairs of those 4+ inch platform heels where the heel isn't much bigger around than my little pinky. I won't wear those - I don't want to break an ankle...

Now, off the pick up the kiddos from the cafeteria and take them out for recess. Decent group of kids today, thank goodness.

Posted by: Miss Ladybug at October 7, 2009 01:56 PM

Today, I'm wearing blue jeans and a red flannel union suit. Also, a wide-brimmed cowboy hat, boots, a belt, and occasionally a shirt over the union suit in the cooler parts of the day.

Which, actually, is what I wore yesterday. I did shave yesterday, though. I think.

Now, when I was in Iraq, I shaved every day. No blue jeans, either: every day I wore 5.11 shirts and pants, with combat boots.

Still wore a cowboy hat, though.

Posted by: Grim at October 7, 2009 02:18 PM

I'm wearing nothing but a Watergate tattoo, a slippery slick smile, and a burning desire to drive a black 2009 BMW 750i with oyster leather interior covered (on the passenger and rear seats) by Halle Berry, Gisselle Bundtcake and each of their three identical sisters, a heads-up display showing the scores for every NFL game at least three days (with, yo! a voice activated speed dial to Vegas, baby!) at 240 miles an hour through the plate glass windows of United Nations while the Ramones are blasting "LET'S GO!!!" at nine billion decibles through a $4,000 optional sound system.

If you are gonna dream, folks, dream in color.

Posted by: spd rdr - unplugged at October 7, 2009 04:48 PM

Dreaming in color isn't the problem. The problem is waking up.

Posted by: Grim at October 7, 2009 04:59 PM

If you've got those girls in your car and you have any interest whatsoever in NFL scores, you're doing it wrong.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at October 7, 2009 05:13 PM

[shaking head in bewilderment]

Posted by: Cassandra at October 7, 2009 05:18 PM

Dreaming in color isn't the problem. The problem is waking up.

Waking up is easy, my friend. It either happens, or it doesn't. It is the easiest thing in the world.

Yet every morning we billions bang away at the snooze button in an efffort to forestall the very consciousness that, in waking moments, we hold precious and sacrosanct above all and employ for and against all other living creatures, and indeed, the universe itself, as if it was a divine right.

I have never understood the difference between clowns and kings except for the nose one wears in public.

No offense, Grim. Just letting go.

Posted by: spd rdr - high roller at October 7, 2009 06:47 PM

No offense taken, spd.

...Of Kings and clowns in a merry plight
And the clock gone wrong, and the world gone right
That the mummers tell on Christmas night,
And Christmas day in the morning.

Posted by: Grim at October 7, 2009 06:51 PM

"Well Brain, what are we going to do tomorrow?"

"The same thing we do everyday, Pinky. Try and take over the world!"
Yeah, but I still hit the snooze button from 6:10 until 6:40.

On the whole, I'd rather be driving a McClaren F1 across Nevada. All those chicks in the Beemer are just a distraction. :)

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at October 7, 2009 09:50 PM

I love to drive, Don.

I have been thinking I would like to drive across the country. There are so many places I'd like to see again.

I have a lot of friends on the west coast. Maybe I will.

Posted by: Cassandra at October 7, 2009 11:37 PM

Spd, wasn't that how "The Gumball Rally" started? Though I have to agree with Yu-Ain Gonnano that you just might be doing it wrong if you even thought NFL.

Posted by: Russ at October 8, 2009 01:06 AM

...in Iraq...I wore 5.11 shirts and pants, with combat boots.
Still wore a cowboy hat, though.

Yup, same -- 'cept I wear a Pakistani bush hat. I can roll the brim to approximate a Stetson, though.

Posted by: Pithecanthropus deBille at October 8, 2009 02:59 AM

I wore jammies yesterday, and then my favorite jeans and t-shirt.

Took all of five minutes to get dressed. I can't wear makeup every day due to allergies, so makeup stops at skin care. Hair care...shampoo, blow dry and then put it in the French braid, bun or combs.

I look like a schoolmarm. Glasses and all. Cracks up the CLUs and the Young Man.

Posted by: Cricket at October 8, 2009 08:21 AM

Oh sure.... FINE!!!!

Leave *me* to uphold the honor of the millions of American women who have made their husbands late for decades, forcing them to pace back and forth whilst we periodically give off the misleading "appearance of readiness" that isn't really readiness (bonus movie reference). Fortunately, I'm more than equal to the task:

"You look so ready that I get ready
and I get up and stand by the door, and I stand there for 10 minutes
until I realize you aren't ready.

So, I sit back down.
Then, I think you're ready again.
But I realize you just gave off
an illusion of being ready that I
interpreted as not being an illusion.

I'll be in the car."

Heh :)

Posted by: Cassandra at October 8, 2009 08:31 AM

The Lovely Bride is not one for much makeup. She doesn't consider lipstick to be make-up ("an essential nutrient" says she). For a "big night out" (say... the opera), she'd put on mascara, and that's about it. I think I might have seen her in eyeshadow once or twice. But that's pretty much it.

And with her, the big time sink in her getting ready is to get her started (i.e. getting dressed and shoes on). If I get her started, we're out the door pretty shortly thereafter, but the holdup is getting her to accept that "we're leaving in five minutes" is not a suggestion.

Posted by: MikeD at October 8, 2009 10:28 AM

Cass:

The wife does that constantly. :)

Spd:

I realize that my comment wasn't clear. I didn't mean that waking up was a difficulty. I meant it was the problem. ;)

Bill:

As a dedicated wearer of hats, I have to ask -- how is a Pakistani bush hat different from the usual sort? I had a Tilley bush hat that I took with me when I went outside the wire, so I could wear it when I didn't need the helmet.

Posted by: Grim at October 8, 2009 10:40 AM

...but the holdup is getting her to accept that "we're leaving in five minutes" is not a suggestion.

The spousal unit has the patience of a saint.

I usually ask, "What time do you want to walk out the door?"

I aim to be ready 15 minutes prior, but never am. But I am pretty much always ready by the time he wanted to leave, even if that means putting on mascara or lip gloss in the car.

Posted by: Cassandra at October 8, 2009 11:07 AM

Agreed, Grim. But I can't help but notice that the problem with waking up today always seems to stem from the fact that I woke up the day yesterday.

Speaking of the Gumball Rally, I was just watching clips from the original(?) 1976 version on YouTube the other night with the speakers cranked way up, baptising the neighbors with the power and the glory of a 427 AC-Cobra getting chased down the LA river canal by a ridiculously over-amped Z-28 Camaro navigated by a set of huge teeth masquerading as Gary Busey. Now, I'll admit that the sight of my homegirl Susan Flannery side by side with the deliciously-named Joanne Nail in the the cockpit of a 74 Porsche Targa breaking all the rules has done much to keep my young over the ensuing decades, but sound-wise, the Targa's exhaust note left me unsatisfied. The thing sounded like a demented hairdryer.

Posted by: spd rdr at October 8, 2009 11:21 AM

I've always wanted a 427 Ace. And now that they are going for a half - mil and up, it's further away than ever. :)

Where did I go wrong?

Signed
Old, broken down and busted in Ohio

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at October 8, 2009 06:46 PM

Don,

I feel your pain... But take heart man! There is a reasonable facsimile for the working stiff. It is called the Mk3 Roadster.

Kit plus running gear from a crate or a scrapped SN-95 Mustang, preferably a 2003-2004 Cobra will set you back < $40k +/-.

I'm partial to the Type 65 Coupe, aka Daytona Coupe.

There's another reputable AC Cobra replica manufacturer called Superformance. Both Factory Five and Superformance make outstanding replicas.

A $40k Lexus IS or a $40k sports car? Life is short...

Posted by: bthun at October 8, 2009 07:58 PM

I've seen some nice kits for making an AC Cobra, but even $40K stretched out over several years is out ...of ...my ....reach. With one son about to enter college (2 years) and another 3 years behind, I see my resources allocated until I reach my "golden years".

Maybe I can find a Yugo in a junkyard and restore it? {:^D

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at October 8, 2009 09:11 PM

Here ya go, Don.
*snnicker*
0>;~}

Posted by: DL Sly at October 9, 2009 10:31 AM

...how is a Pakistani bush hat different from the usual sort?

The crown is shallower and softer -- it'll collapse flat so you can tuck it into the pouch with your SAPI plate.

Posted by: BillT at October 9, 2009 12:16 PM

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