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October 21, 2009

Sports Wit and Wisdom

In my Inbox, via OBH:

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run
over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen
of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius
is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh :
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long
it takes."

7.Bill Peterson,a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up
alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why
would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to
prison for three years, not Princeton ".

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, when asked why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so
when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan regime
of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care."

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what
he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

Posted by Cassandra at October 21, 2009 02:49 PM

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Yogi Berra could single-handedly out-malaprop them all, and with both hands tied behind his back...

Posted by: BillT at October 21, 2009 03:15 PM

I haven't laughed so much since my sister had to teach bonehead English to the (redacted) State football team.
I think that is why she quit Higher Education after she got her Master's. I overheard her tell our mother this: "I am readly to brain the lot of them! My kid sister (that is yours truly) can and does construct a better sentence!"

Posted by: Cricket at October 21, 2009 03:55 PM

Bill Peterson also famously refered to Auburn running back Tucker Fredrickson as that F@*ker Tedrickson on the radio....

Posted by: Kc at October 21, 2009 05:59 PM

Numbers four and twelve are particularly priceless.

Posted by: Grim at October 21, 2009 10:48 PM

Priceless. Made my day.

Posted by: WeddingGuy at October 22, 2009 07:13 AM