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November 16, 2009

Mirabile Dictu!!!!

After months of assuring us that guilt by association is just about the most reprehensible political ploy on the planet, a desperation tactic employed only by pathetic, bottom feeding losers.... the Left discovers 2nd degree guilt by association! Which naturally makes them... ummm.... yeah.

I'm trying to follow the logic here, so bear with me. I think it's supposed to be something along the lines of, "Did you know that Sarah Palin is a raaaaaaaaacist??? You *do* know that her biographer once associated with this guy, who is a miserable, Persun of Cholor-Hating Tool from the South."

But I repeat myself.

Let's unpack the meme. Since two of my oldest and dearest friends are liberal Democrats, following this line of reasoning it seems eminently sensible to infer that I am also a smelly-hippy-loving commie pinko traitor. But then I'm married to an active duty Marine Rethug who has suffered through repeated deployments. So it's pretty clear that I'm a dangerously deranged Reich-Wingnut with latent PTSD-by-proxy who could - at any moment! - go postal on every freaking one of you.

This conclusion is only strengthened by the fact that I hail from a long line of Wingnuts. The Wingnut paterfamilias informs me I'm eligible for membership in the DAR, which is a dead giveaway that I'm a racist by association (and probably also have a KKK ancestor or twelve in the woodpile).

As if all this weren't confusicating enough, I linked to Stacy once or twice. Which naturally means I tacitly endorse everything he's ever written. On the otter heiny, I hear tell that Attila is a Revanchist Feminazi with distinct counterculture leanings, which probably means I'm also a closet bisexual Left Coastie degenerate. Linking to Cynthia Yockey makes that pretty much an open and shut case: I admit it. I'm a lesbian. She linked to Hillbuzz, which makes me 2nd degree gay by association (who knew it was catching?).

We won't even get into those uneducated Bayou Sluts, Mistress Mandy, Sly's Wardrobe Mistress or the Dark Lord herself.

Or that violent Southern redneck who keeps quoting Aristotle. Or that Papist snake handling Jeebus phreak dude. Or those male chauvinist, 2nd Amendment whacko, terrorists in training.

The thing is... how do I know I can trust my instincts? I look at the people I guiltily associate with and wonder: "By not denouncing them, am I secretly co-signing their freaking raison d'etres?" It's not enough to look at what I've written for the past six years. No, we have to dig deep: wade in the muck of every person I've ever had more than a passing acquaintance with. I'm knee deep in guilt by association.

Some days it all gets so confusing. I just don't know what I think anymore. So go ahead: pick your guilt. It's all good.

Posted by Cassandra at November 16, 2009 08:02 PM

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Comments

I once killed and plucked a chicken.

Expect naked PETA protesters on your blogstep any day now.

Posted by: airforcewife at November 16, 2009 09:09 PM

I had family that fought on both sides in the "Late Unpleasantness" (Civil War). Is there any hope for me?

Posted by: Leslie at November 16, 2009 09:14 PM

Obviously you are a paranoid schizophrenic consumed with deep unexplored yearnings to worship The Won, which the Southern half of you buries in a miasma of festering self-loathing :p

Posted by: Cassandra at November 16, 2009 09:19 PM

And AFWife bounces kittens.

Posted by: Cassandra at November 16, 2009 09:19 PM

I am descended from Southern planters, New England revolutionaries, British planters in the Far East, French Huguenots, Scottish rebels, so am obviously a MENACE. Our family here was split during the Civil War, like so many. My friends span the political spectrum (ditto for religious views from Opus Dei to fundiest of Protestant evangelicals, to Orthodox Jewish). I love both dogs and cats. My spouse and I for years would tell each other not to vote because "we'll just nullify each other's vote." Then each would try and sneak out of the house to vote anyway, without the other knowing...I have divided loyalties and associate with whomever I !@#$ed well please. Because I have 3 loyalties that trump all others: God, country, family.

Posted by: retriever at November 16, 2009 11:25 PM

Well, don't you know, one of my ancestors fought in the Revolution and spent the winter with Washington at Valley Forge. And, frankly, I would join the DAR if it were not such a hassle. But, if you and Attila were to join, too, it would be worth it.

I wonder why "guilt by association" only travels toward the right and never toward the left. So, Obama's associations with Wright, Pfleger, Rezko, Khalidi, Jarrett, Ayres and Dohrn -- does this man have even one friend who is NOT a terrorist or a crook? -- all supply no information about the content of Obama's character. What a remarkable phenomenon that is.

Posted by: Cynthia Yockey, A Conservative Lesbian at November 16, 2009 11:48 PM

...those male chauvinist, 2nd Amendment whacko, terrorists in training.

"Terrorists-in-training" is hyphenated. And I'll have you know I'm *fully* trained, thenkew veddy moch.

BTW, I'm deeply wounded you didn't include us drugged-out, PTSD-ridden, baby-burning, agrarian-reformer-murdering, alcoholic has-beens in your screed. I may have to Rambo-up and vanish into the mountain fastness to snipe endangered meadow picas in order to feel better about myself...

Posted by: BillT at November 17, 2009 12:22 AM

Maybe we should all join, Cynthia! :)

Liven the old place up!

Bill, I was going to give you and your zipper a special link but didn't have time to figure out how to do that. I was kind of rushed and the phone rang twice while I was writing this so it's kind of disjointed.

Posted by: Cassandra at November 17, 2009 05:33 AM

Now I suddenly wish I had a blog to find out my sins. This is FUN!

The closest I can come to "skeletons" (other than my associations here) are that I worked for Army Intel so I must have been listening in on people's phone conversations with their mothers in order to steal their secret banana bread recipes. Except I served during the Clinton years, so that can't be true either. I dunno.

Posted by: MikeD at November 17, 2009 09:35 AM

Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Depends. Are you a Republican or a Democrat?

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at November 17, 2009 10:35 AM

I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.

Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!!

Posted by: Cassandra at November 17, 2009 10:47 AM

I keep hoping to be redeemed by my associations. Most of them are better people than me. :)

Posted by: Grim at November 17, 2009 11:56 AM

I think that you and your readers should offer yourselves to the "Social Scientists" for study. Just to watch their heads explode when they try to pigeon-hole you all into their theories.

Posted by: Russ at November 17, 2009 12:13 PM

I'll have you know I've been thrown out of some very fine establishments, and have been spotted consorting with sordid company.

Guilt is no fun if you don't do the deed yourself. :)

Posted by: Allen at November 17, 2009 12:14 PM

Expect naked PETA protesters on your blogstep any day now.

Personally, I've never understood that. If killing animals causes attractive women to take off their clothes publicly, why would I stop?

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at November 17, 2009 12:40 PM

Leslie, I have a situation that's worse than that... among my immediate family, I have both Auburn *and* Alabama fans!

Posted by: Cousin Dave at November 17, 2009 01:05 PM

This post needs a theme song.
0>;~}

Posted by: DL Sly at November 17, 2009 01:42 PM

Well as long as we're going down that low-down road, how about we just skip top the end where we completely surrender any lingering sense of self worth and just wallow in depair accompanied by a little Randy Newman?

Yeah baby, I've been drinking,
and I shouldn't come by I know
But I found myself in trouble darling,
and I had nowhere else to go

Got some whiskey from a bar man,
got some cocaine from a friend
I just had to keep on moving,
till I was back in your arms again

Well I'm guilty, yeah I'm guilty,
I'll be guilty for the rest of my life
How come I never do,
what I'm supposed to do
How come nothing that I try to do
ever turns out right

Well you know how it is with me baby,
you know I just can't stand myself
It takes a whole lot of medicine,
for me to pretend to be somebody else

-Guilty

Posted by: spd rdr at November 17, 2009 01:59 PM

Exactly! I kept arguing against those who wanted to label President Obama because of who he had an association with, or the actions of other individuals that he had no control over.
Ah vindication.

Posted by: Noramn at November 17, 2009 02:25 PM

Heh. I qualify for SAR and SCV on my mother's side of the tree. On my father's side, we're illegal immigrants.

Good golly, my wife is a lapsed Democrat precinct captain.

Where will the madness end?

Posted by: Male chauvinist, 2nd Amendment whacko, trained terrorist at November 17, 2009 02:55 PM

I eat meat. I eat plant life. Therefore Gaia hates me. I am also eligible for membership in not only the DAR but DUP.

I cook from scratch and do not shop at Whole Foods. I homeschool my children. I live in the south and must say my mea culpas daily.

Oh. The Engineer is a carpenter. He cuts wood apart and nails it back together.

Posted by: Cricket at November 17, 2009 03:01 PM

I'd never heard that song before, mr rdr. Always liked Randy Newman, though.

Posted by: Cassandra at November 17, 2009 03:05 PM

Let's see. [shakes family tree] Indentured Scots-Irish who were tossed out of Scotland and Northern Ireland both (took some work, that), relatives on both sides of the War of the Northern Aggression, a few LDS, relatives on the Borscht Belt theater circuit back in the day, Catholics, Jews, Southern Baptists and others.

Also: am friends with military people and Mennonites, eat meat and veggies, own a cat (or is owned by) and support keeping abortions legal but believe that they are the worst form of birth control available and also support abstaining outside of marriage. Guess I'm truly doomed!

Posted by: LittleRed1 at November 17, 2009 04:07 PM

Well to start out with, I hang out here with all of you, and that's not even the confusing part ...

Posted by: lumpy at November 17, 2009 11:41 PM

Guilty? I didn't do nuthin! And if the phone don't ring, then you know it was me. I was framed!


Framed


I was walkin' down the street
Mindin' my own affair
When two policemen grabbed me, unaware
They said "Your name Herbie?" I said "Why sure"
"You're just the boy we've been lookin´ for"

Framed, I was framed
I never do nothin' wrong
But I always get framed
Framed

They put me in a line up and let them bright lights shine
There were ten poor souls like me standin' in that line
I knew I was the victim of some evil plan
When a stool pidgeon walked in and says "That´s the man"

Framed, I was framed
I never do nothin' wrong
But I always get framed
Framed

The prosecutor turned and started prosecutin´ me
Man, that cat gave me the third degree
He says "Where were you on the night of June 29?"
I said "I was home in bed" and he said "Judge this man is lyin' "

Framed, I was framed
I never do nothin' wrong
But I always get framed
Framed

I deny the charges of robbin' a liquor store
I deny the charges of carryin' a forty-four
I deny the charges of vagrancy, too
But when the judge came down,
Poured whiskey on my head,
Turned me around to the jury and said convict this man he's
drunk What could I do?

Framed, I was framed
I never do nothin' wrong
But I always get framed
Framed

I was framed
I was framed
I was framed

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at November 18, 2009 12:09 AM

OK... what's DUP?

Anyway on the Civil War thing, I've got you all trumped. The Alabamans in my family fought for the Union. The Arkansans for the Confederacy, and the Tennessean for both, first the Confederacy and then the Union.

DAR, on my Mom's Mom's side, three of them. Ancestors of those stubborn Union Alabama men. One ancestor, though no evidence he fought during the Revolution, was one of the ones slated for death, but not executed after the battle at Alamance.

You guys just don't know how lucky you are that I'm here!!

Posted by: Donna B. at November 18, 2009 12:26 AM

OK... what's DUP?

Not much, Mizz Donna. What dup with you?

Posted by: BillT at November 18, 2009 12:48 AM

I think you all are far out freakin' crazy! :-0

Posted by: AuntieD at November 29, 2009 12:24 AM

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