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January 02, 2010

The Official 2010 Villainous Company Banned Bloggers List

Inspired by the same spirit that animates this old post, the Editorial Staff has decided it is high time we came out with an Official List of Banned Bloggers.

Banning seems to be all the rage in the Blatherosphere these days. And by our own calculation, we do not do nearly enough banning around this place. Nossir - not by a long shot. What is the use of being a moralistic windbag having all this lovely "free speech" if we cannot harsh the collective mellows of our fellow bloggers – especially those who wield said freedoms with insufficient regard for the self evident self-evidentness of our "opinions" (hereinafter, "The Truth" or "The Facts"). I think we can all agree that while everyone is entitled to their own truth, some truths are way more shiny than others.

Fortunately for us, it is well established on both sides of the Blatherosphere that frankly silly or incandescently outrage-making opinions are highly useful. For instance, the Transitive Property of Internet Idiocy allows us to impute the utterances of one blogger to every other blogger of his acquaintance, to anyone who shares the same political persuasion or who dares to agree with him. This is entirely justified because, unlike Them, We are always fair and reasonable. Thinking people realize that "They" (yes, every durned one of them!) all think alike. "We" would never do anything like that, though. We think for Ourselves. You see, unlike some folks we could name (you know the type – smug, morally superior, blind to their own faults) we're just better than they are. We’re tolerant and open minded folk: above the sort of wildly exaggerated, broad brush generalizations They employ with profligate abandon in lieu of, oh, I don't know, logic, actual arguments, or other irrelevant/boring fare.

So, without further ado, the Official Villainous Company Banned Bloggers List for 2010:

1. Clifton B. Very handsome young man. Seems smart, too. Under ordinary circumstances we would be tempted to have an extremely favorable impression of him.

But FERCRYINOUTLOUDBUDDY! You speak as though one man's opinion were actually... you know, worth something in and of itself irrespective of the vastly more significant sociopolitical metacontext to be deconstructed from rehashing ancient grievances that occurred between people who are not us, mostly before we were out of diapers.

Young folks these days. They get the oddest notions into their heads.

It ought to be obvious to anyone with half a brain that that image is deeply racist. A few months ago, I hired a housecleaning company to do the heavy housework around Casa Cassandranita. A few times I have been tempted to feel "guilty" for purchasing services I don't have time to provide for myself with the money I earned doing the job that leaves me no time to keep my house as clean as I kept it when I didn't have a paying job taking care of our home was my job.

Some people would be tempted to see a "win-win" situation here, but they would be deeply wrong (not to mention patronizing and racist). The problem is that the nice ladies who clean my house so ably and with such dispatch are Hispanic. You know… melanin-having folk. Which makes it demeaning when they clean my house for money (as opposed to when I cleaned my house so that my husband would not pout and withhold his man favors would have sex with me four times a week).

This makes total sense when you stop and think about it.

Though obviously skin color makes absolutely no difference in any way that ought to be important to us as human beings, we're not really supposed to pretend it simply doesn't matter either (IYKWIM...AITYD). I can't help but sense that my unearned race and gender privileges have resulted in an unjust degree of income inequality that tragically prevents the cleaning ladies and I from having the honest, beautiful and mutually beneficial dialogue we would no doubt enjoy if we were still fighting over herds of Wild Chorizo on the Llano Estacado like civilized folk did in the olden days.

I just cannot figure out where the human race went wrong. In a truly just world, people who have more money than time would not be allowed to freely exchange their earnings for the services of people with more time than money. Even though that's exactly how I got myself and my children through college: by cleaning the houses, mowing the lawns, and watching the children of folks who had more money and less free time than I did. Come to think of it, they should never have been allowed to pay me for doing work I was happy to do. In retrospect, I feel exploited.

At any rate, the gentleman is banned until he learns to demonstrate a more convincing level of outrage. I certainly hope he has learned his lesson.

2. Patterico. We are not sure how he manages to maintain street cred as a Crypto Lefty Racist Accuser type whilst simultaneously sporting a righteous Crypto Reich Wingnut Racist Appeaser persona, but one thing is certain.

Any blogger who has been accused of so many mutually exclusive offenses by so many important bloggers is Not To Be Trusted.

Banned, sucka. And don't go bringing your tricksy ways around here neither. We see how you are. Oh yes, we see.

3. Tigerhawk. The man just drinks way too much coffee.

The body is a temple, dude. Seriously.

4. Michelle Malkin, excessive success. Disparities like this are inherently suspicious unless of course it's Barack Obama who is successful, in which case we can attribute the success to raging against the machine, hard work, and intelligence.

Also, WTF???

I was born in the Philippines. Why is she hogging all the pretty? I sense a lucrative government redistribution program lurking in the wings....

5. Attila and Cassy Fiano. For impersonating Miss Cleo.

Also for being wenches. When the world finally ends in fire and ice, it will be revealed that women were to blame and poor, strong, smart helpless (though clearly morally and intellectually superior) menfolk were utterly powerless to avert the fall of mankind. The poor dears - one weeps just thinking about it. However, this is as close as the right gets to religious dogma these days and frankly we're scared not to go along. Banned, biyotches!

6. Glenn Reynolds, for being so mean to that nice Mr. Sullivan fellow. And also for being the Intellectual Godfather to the New American Torture Regime.

You know, there are times when I think Keith Olbermann might still be sane if Glenn hadn't had him carted off to an airless cell in Gitmo. Ever since the frilly panties of fascism were pulled over his shrieking head, old Keith just hasn't been the calm, even handed pundit we once knew and loved.

7. Dan Riehl, because laughing at "Snowbama" means that we are racist. Also, there is something deeply indecent about shaved ice.

8. Elise, for overthinking. Damnitall, woman.

Stop being so fair. It makes us suspect you of deep moral failings, not to mention insufficient outrage and conviction.

9. The Armorer and Jane Novak: Blogging Without an Ego.

You people disgust me :p

Posted by Cassandra at January 2, 2010 02:13 PM

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Comments

Heh, heh, heh. Slipped under the radar again.

Posted by: Grim at January 2, 2010 09:53 PM

I can't ban you, Grim.

I tried. I really did. But you have way too many knives, and I'm escared of knives. Also I would miss arguing with you too much.

Posted by: Cassandra at January 2, 2010 10:19 PM

Not to mention the bawdy tunes.
0>;~}

Posted by: DL Sly at January 2, 2010 10:31 PM

Someday, I too hope to be banned.

Posted by: d3ft punk at January 2, 2010 10:41 PM

Hey, there is a lot of Outrage out there! I am being offended as fast as I can... :p

Posted by: Cassandra at January 2, 2010 10:53 PM

I am being offended as fast as I can...

Dagnabbitt. I *knew* I should've started to ramp it up back in August...

Posted by: BillT at January 3, 2010 12:20 AM

Ah, Cassandra and moi. Alone at last.

Posted by: vanderleun at January 3, 2010 12:22 AM

P.S. Little Miss Atilla sent me so that I could return that thing she borrowed from you the last time. She says it has doubled her electric bill.

Posted by: vanderleun at January 3, 2010 12:23 AM

Obviously, I've done something terribly wrong, not to be banned.

Posted by: Robert Stacy McCain at January 3, 2010 12:36 AM

Yes, you have. Your sin is spelling RAAAAACIST with five A's instead of the required six. Miss Atilla is tossing you for that as well.

And we don't approve of the stealth ponytail either.

Posted by: vanderleun at January 3, 2010 12:41 AM

Whew... :P

Posted by: Patrick at January 3, 2010 01:35 AM

Damn. I hate being too small and unimportant to ban. Suppose I threaten you with grandbaby pictures? Ooh, ooh, I've got it, I'll send you puppy pictures until you give up and ban me too!

Posted by: Peter at January 3, 2010 02:34 AM

I knew that marmoset was just no f****** good. He must be the one swinging the ban hammer.

Posted by: Joe at January 3, 2010 04:03 AM

I thought he was a raccoon. That's probably the real reason I'm banned . . .

Posted by: Joy McCann at January 3, 2010 04:57 AM

I thought he was a raccoon.

Nope. Pictured above is Callithrix geoffroyi, aka Geoffroy's marmoset or geoffroy's tufted-ear marmoset, and he's a she.

The gender would have been more obvious if Cassie hadn't snipped the wrench and bits of U-joint sink-trap out of the original picture...

Posted by: BillT at January 3, 2010 07:29 AM

Excellent timing on your post. JAWA has another link that deserves more than just a ban.


http://mypetjawa.mu.nu/archives/200249.php

Posted by: Sadie at January 3, 2010 08:27 AM

Add VC to the banned list. I only come here to admire the lipstick girl. The problem is too much humor at this site. Makes you wanna hang around, and that's bad.

Posted by: Gary Ogletree at January 3, 2010 09:16 AM

That's torn it, Gary.

I am going to have to sic the raccoon on you and McCain. You won't like him when he's angry... :p

Posted by: Cassandra at January 3, 2010 09:47 AM

Who? the raccoon or the McCain?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I was PNG'd at a site because someone inferred that as a soldier I would like to take people out, line them up and open fire. I denied it and replied that I did not think that tactics used by the National Socialist party of Germany (1933-1945) would solve the problem. One person was offended that I compared his idea to those of that political ilk, and *poof* I was gone. In retrospect, I should have compared and contrasted to the cultural revolution of the PRC in the 1960's.

No big loss, although I did miss out on a couple of great parties. LOL

I was offered an opportunity to grovel and beg my way back in, but I'd rather they stew in their own ignorance.

Posted by: kbob in Katy at January 3, 2010 11:08 AM

Damn, why can't I get someone to ban me? I need the hits!

Posted by: Cousin Dave at January 3, 2010 12:13 PM

As suggestion for your profile image: Sharon Stone it. There, do I qualify for banning too?

Posted by: LibertarianAdvocate at January 3, 2010 12:17 PM

Yeah, that's right! Ban them! BAN THEM ALL! They will come crawling back, humbled and begging for crumbs from your truthiness tables.

I have a statistics assignment. It demands all of ten minutes of searching on the blathosphere and offering an Opinion.

I hope I don't get kicked out of class for it.

Posted by: Cricket at January 3, 2010 01:17 PM

My goodness, that's a rather eclectic list you've got there Cassandra. Some, but not all, of those folks are right tolerable. But it's a person's prerogative to ban who (or is it whom?) they choose. For example I've got at least one nephew I won't let in my house unless he's accompanied by his mother/my sister, and even then only after I've had at least two gin and tonics to help me endure the experience, and a couple of cousins of whom I do not think highly. But to each his, or her, own.

Posted by: Mike Myers at January 3, 2010 01:19 PM

kbob in katy, you need to hang out at the Castle. There are some righteous comment parties. I know, it isn't the same thing as Getting Together in Persyn, but they are pretty darn good, nonetheless.

Posted by: Cricket at January 3, 2010 01:20 PM

Mike, I am not allowed by my religion to imbibe adult beverages. If I were, I would make Ted Kennedy look like a teetotaler. I have lots of excuses to drink, but instead, I can only settle for Le Mon d'Aid, a simper and sometimes, an attack of the vapors.

For the major stuff, I sic the Engineer on 'em.

Posted by: Cricket at January 3, 2010 01:25 PM

Some, but not all, of those folks are right tolerable.

Actually I think they're all tolerable (and more than tolerable). But with all the outrage and banning going around these days I really thought I ought to be denouncing more of my fellow bloggers. It's depressing to realize that one is not pulling one's weight.

Posted by: Cassandra at January 3, 2010 01:55 PM

To the music:

Ban them all,
Ban them all,
Ban the long and the short and the tall,
There'll be no promotion,
This side of the ocean,
So drink up me lads, ban them all!

Posted by: Rex at January 3, 2010 02:03 PM

I'm bummed. No banning? What's up with that?

Posted by: William Teach at January 3, 2010 02:06 PM

Ze denouncements of certain blogairs only shows ze bourgeois lack of nuance. Awl blogairs of ze reich wheign shood be denounced, tout de suite, and zhen placed upon the DHS terrorists watch, or not, list <applies Victor Borge's phonetic punctuation for ! > *pulls silk kerchief from sleeve and wipes screen dry*

Posted by: Ze duc de Nouncer, Royal Vassal to the Blog Inquisitor at January 3, 2010 02:14 PM

Way too long and trying to be too clever by half to be funny. Trim the fat and you've got something going there.

Posted by: chaos at January 3, 2010 02:56 PM

I didn't get banned? And I have a list of Self-Proclaimed Right Wing Extremist™ Blogs of which I am a part. Doesn't that deserve me some hate and bannage?

Posted by: John Hitchcock at January 3, 2010 03:10 PM

Ah. Thank God.

I was so hoping someone like you would come along and show me how it's really done :p

Posted by: Cassandra at January 3, 2010 03:11 PM

I have been banned from a Fiat sportscar website run by PNW crypto-fascist lefties... does that count?

Posted by: GeneralMalaise at January 3, 2010 04:20 PM

I actually got temporarily banned from on Progressive site for invoking "Kumbaya" in the name of our post-partisan President.

Posted by: Neo at January 3, 2010 04:58 PM

I do not think that I have ever been banned (or at least not so I noticed).

But I have been strongly encouraged to perform anatomically improbable acts with myself :p

Posted by: Cassandra at January 3, 2010 05:11 PM

Now you know I was just kidding....
geeez

Posted by: DL Sly at January 3, 2010 05:45 PM

And, really, they were more like *guidelines*.
0>;~}

Posted by: DL Sly at January 3, 2010 05:56 PM

You can't ban me because I do not comment here. You have way to much style and charm for me to post here. So there. Take that.

Posted by: Sanmon at January 3, 2010 06:36 PM

Well, now I have something to strive for. The best I've been able to do is get banned by Wash Monthly.

Posted by: Mike K at January 3, 2010 06:48 PM

Banned from a Fiat sports car website!? And you do not realize how fortunate you are?

Imagine 40 hours of labor on a 124 for the simple thrill of driving it a couple of days.

You climb into the driver's seat. You turn the key. The twin cams sing, and you pull away. You drive to the mountains and start carving a two lane road, wind in your hair. Thunder clouds appear over the mountain. The bottom drops and rain pelts down on you. You stop, raise the top, turn on the headlights and the windshield wiper. The next thing you know, the 124 goes up in an electrical fire, along with your bank account.
There, that's the FIAT experience in a nutshell.
Don't ask me how I know...

"I do not think that I have ever been banned (or at least not so I noticed).

But I have been strongly encouraged to perform anatomically improbable acts with myself :p

Posted by Cassandra at January 3, 2010 05:11 PM

Now you know I was just kidding....
geeez

Posted by DL Sly at January 3, 2010 05:45 PM

And, really, they were more like *guidelines*.
0>;~}

Posted by DL Sly at January 3, 2010 05:56 PM"

*All OINKs stand down, I repeat, stand down from your duty stations! Setting lock down and DEFCON 2 on the gate...*

Posted by: bt_El-Portero-de-Cerdo_hun at January 3, 2010 07:03 PM

You can't ban me because I do not comment here. You have way to much style and charm for me to post here. So there. Take that.

Oh my goodness. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me for a long time.... err... I think :)

Posted by: Cassandra at January 3, 2010 07:32 PM

I will ban someone as soon as I get a blog.

There. Will that satisfy honor?

The Assignment is not Going Well. I keep sneaking over here to see whatcha all're up to.

Phreaks.

Posted by: Cricket at January 3, 2010 07:34 PM

Yes dear, but we are *your* phreaks.

Posted by: Cassandra at January 3, 2010 07:41 PM

And what about me, pray tell? I argue! I'm obnoxious and disliked (especially when I sing), I rip the tags of mattresses with a sniggering sneer, and I have been known to speak disrespectfully of sin*. PLUS I have a blog where I do all of these things. Brazenly. Yet here I am, surrounded by a complete lack of Cassandra-banning. I shall form the Reverse Polish Un-Banned Society for me and the rest of the bloggers who never got picked for dodgeball, EITHER.


*The Thirteen Clocks, James Thurber

Posted by: bad cat robot at January 3, 2010 08:02 PM

Would it help if I Denounced you? :p

Posted by: Princess Leia in a Hostess Snowball Bikini at January 3, 2010 08:25 PM

(looking up from perfectly good sulk) Maybe. Depends on what I get Denounced for. I'm picky!

Posted by: bad cat robot at January 3, 2010 08:32 PM

I'd ban people but I only have 1 reader and that's my mom. I can't ban her. She knows where I live.

Posted by: HomefrontSix at January 3, 2010 08:52 PM

"The next thing you know, the 124 goes up in an electrical fire, along with your bank account.
There, that's the FIAT experience in a nutshell.
Don't ask me how I know..."

Ouch... Spiders are (in your case, were) cool... My X is cherry and well-sorted out. I have a feeling something got a little wet and just needs to dry out a little. Needs a tune-up anyway.

Posted by: GeneralMalaise at January 3, 2010 09:25 PM

#82, womyn! #82! How *dare* you accuse me of no ego?

Posted by: John "There is no level to which I will not stoop" Donovan at January 3, 2010 09:41 PM

> He must be the one swinging the ban hammer.

Ban Hammer? Wasn't he an 80s rock musician of minor note?

Posted by: OBloodyhell at January 3, 2010 10:45 PM

> How *dare* you accuse me of no ego?

Actually, it's amazingly easy:

You have no ego.

I have no ego.

No, wait. ONE 'g'?

Sorry, I thought you meant you had no Eggo.


*Never Mind*

Posted by: Emily "Waffles" Latella at January 3, 2010 10:47 PM

Hey! Leggo!

Posted by: Brrrrrak at January 3, 2010 11:47 PM

Me too, please!

Posted by: Blago Bloggo at January 4, 2010 12:12 AM

Ban Hammer? Wasn't he an 80s rock musician of minor note?

Yup. Mahk Hammer's li'l bro'...

Posted by: BillT at January 4, 2010 12:13 AM

Yes, you are my phreaks. Heh. This year got off to a bad start; details will follow once we clear that bug splat off the radar.

However, I enjoy wit when I am down in the dumps.
The Assignment has been finished, and so far, I am really enjoying statistics. It is actually fun.

Posted by: Cricket at January 4, 2010 11:00 AM

BCR, I would like you to send a link to me. I need to start following your adventures when you dis sin. By showing disrespect to sin, you are, in effect, implying that Morality is a Guilty Pleasure.

Posted by: Cricket at January 4, 2010 11:05 AM

I went and bookmarked you myself.

I even commented. So there.

Posted by: Cricket at January 4, 2010 11:13 AM

I promise to pull out no less than six naps from my hair the next time I am suppose to be outraged. Will that get me off the list?

Signed,
Soon to be less nappy
Clifton B.

Posted by: Clifton B at January 4, 2010 01:52 PM

I promise to pull out no less than six naps from my hair the next time I am suppose to be outraged. Will that get me off the list?

Please do not depilitate yourself on my account, sir! Enjoyed your post very much.

Posted by: Cassandra at January 4, 2010 02:25 PM

I couldn't be more honored, Cassandra. And I can assure you there's no basis for your suspicions about my deep moral failings. None whatsoever. All my morals are terribly shallow.

Posted by: Elise at January 4, 2010 03:40 PM

That made me laugh out loud :p

Posted by: Cassandra at January 4, 2010 03:46 PM

The Assignment has been finished, and so far, I am really enjoying statistics.

I enjoyed Probability and Stats for the same reason I enjoyed law - it makes you think differently. Forces you to turn the universe upside down and look at it from a different angle.

Posted by: Cassandra at January 4, 2010 06:29 PM

Probability was OK. It's just one of those prereqs you can't leave up to chance.

Sadistics, on the other hand, was much more fun to teach.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at January 4, 2010 06:48 PM

kbob in katy, you need to hang out at the Castle. There are some righteous comment parties. I know, it isn't the same thing as Getting Together in Persyn, but they are pretty darn good, nonetheless.

Posted by: Cricket at January 3, 2010 01:20 PM

Well...*smiling*...that sounds lak a rat hospitible in-vie-tation. An' evry wunse in a while, conversers git together and bend an elbow or two....

Which castle though? There are so many in Westphalia, you know.

Posted by: kbob in katy at January 4, 2010 07:29 PM

Almost posted something that would have warranted getting whacked.....but thought about it and chose to not offend our hostess, who I have nothing but respect for.

*whew* I am glad I engaged brain before posting!!!

Posted by: kbob in katy at January 4, 2010 07:33 PM

kbob, google 'Castle Argghhh!' and click on the-donovan dot com, home of Jonah's two military guys. You will meet our intrepid 27" zippered flyboy, the Armorer and other Castle Denizens.

I have been hanging out there for..oh...about..uh...lessee...almost five years.
I don't always comment, because things are mostly technical with regard to the arcana of the profession of arms, such as 'guess the Whatziss' and other things.

The Young Man (formerly known as the Eldest Child Labor Unit) is routinely permitted to read and learn from above mentioned blog.

He gets a top-notch education in learning about weapons, how to write techno-jargon and a smattering of pop culture along with the finer points of philosophical thought.

He is also permitted to read VC. I am rather liberal than most parents with regard to certain blogs because the content is not conducive to destructive behavior as much as it is to constructive thought.

He will be reading Grim's Hall next.

Western Civ will never tank as long as there is good writing on the web, and people like Cass, the Armorer and Grim to read from, as well as the banned bloggers.

Posted by: Cricket at January 4, 2010 09:39 PM

Charles at LGF banned me. Daily Kos banned me. The Huff banned me. Actually, I'm quite bannable. So there, ban me if you must, but I beg for one chance to piss you off before you do. May I?

Posted by: templar knight at January 5, 2010 10:27 AM

LGF and DK and HuffPo?

Bwahahahaha...

Sorry. I am supposed to be ummmm...sympathetic.

*snicker*

Posted by: Cricket at January 5, 2010 12:44 PM

All youse folks is PUNKZ!

Andrew Sullivan, who has no comments, banned my trackbacks!

Posted by: vanderleun at January 6, 2010 09:37 PM

"Glenn Reynolds...also for being the Intellectual Godfather to the New American Torture Regime."

What else can we expect from The Puppy Blender? :-D

Posted by: pst314 at January 8, 2010 04:06 PM

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