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February 10, 2010

Robert Frost's Bratty Little Sister

Whose job is this? I think I know.
My aching back is screaming, though;
As abs not flexed for many a year
Are tortured by the mounting snow.

The frozen tundra's almost clear
As through the drifting flakes I peer
I'm tempted to postpone the rest
To step inside, and have a beer.

My mighty shovel does its best
To carve neat swaths at my behest
But buried decks and frozen stairs
Begin to seem a hopeless quest.

The snow is lovely, silent, deep.
It drifts in mountains, chill and steep
My weiner dog's ass deep in snow
I wish he'd hurry up and go.
I wish he'd hurry up and go.

Update: OK. I blame Don for this. Not perfect but I was in a hurry:

To the tune of The Immigrant's Song:

AIEEEEEE! AIEEEEE!
Trapped in the land of the ice and snow,
Where the Hell’s the sun? Global warming blows!
Torture. Of. The. Damned…. shovel stuck to my hand,
Fist aloft, I scream in pain: “AlGore, I am coming!

Shoveling on with knees both bent,
How long before I reach the driveway’s end?

AIEEEEEE! AIEEEEE!
Trapped in this drift made of ice and snow,
This is no damned fun! I can’t feel my toes…..
How tall these mounds of white! My neighbors can’t ignore
The pristine path, the de-iced stoop. Oh yes. I’m your Wintry Overlord.

On I sweep with flashing spade!
But I can feel my spirits start to fade.

So now you'd better stop and rest your aching sinews,
Your feeble effort won’t suffice.
Give up. You are losing.


Led Zeppelin's Immigrant Song by Viking Kittens

Matooch | MySpace Video

Posted by Cassandra at February 10, 2010 10:12 AM

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Comments

Love it, Cassandra!

Posted by: Elise at February 10, 2010 11:41 AM

Brilliant!

Posted by: levi from queens at February 10, 2010 12:27 PM

The immortal (die! die! die!) Alanis Morrisette Lyric generator has something to say about this:

"Why (all the snow?)"

By Alanis Morrisette and Don Brouhaha

Wiener dogs, drifts, snowstorms
Why God, Why?
Drifts, cold temperatures, the snow
Why Robert Hansen, Why?

What have I done to deserve this white horror?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of the snow
Like a Robert Frost character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

Lots of ice, wiener dogs, blizzards
Why God, Why?
The snow, blizzards, snowstorms
Why Al Gore, Why?

What have I done to deserve this white disaster that is my life?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of the snow
Like a Robert Frost character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this white misery?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of the snow
Like a Robert Frost character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

Why Jim Cantore, Why?
Why Michael Mann, Why?
Why Al Gore, Why?
Why Robert Hansen, Why?

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at February 10, 2010 01:05 PM

Now I know
The hell of snow
And a dog that won't go.

Chuck Norris' stare
will not suffice
to free my world
Of snow and ice.

Warm sun and balmy days
I lift mine eyes to the rays
With hope.
I can cope.


Embrace the suck. The Groundhog said six more weeks.

Tell Algore to start shoveling weiss instead of Scheiss.

I am in thrall to bacon making.

Posted by: Cricket at February 10, 2010 01:12 PM

Oh, and brilliant poem. Eight syllables in each line and perfect meter, not to mention a terrific read.

Posted by: Cricket at February 10, 2010 01:15 PM

And a dog that won't go...

Oh, he'll go! Just not *outside* :p
Too funny, Cricket!

Posted by: Cassandra at February 10, 2010 02:00 PM

I see what you did there. :D

At least your dog is small. Mine is the size of a medium sized human being ( ~ 125 lb).

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at February 10, 2010 03:40 PM

Yeah, it's hardly noticeable on those occasions when he disgraces himself. Poor skinny little guy - he doesn't even eat much any more.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 10, 2010 04:27 PM

Apparently I picked an excellent time to visit the Big Island. Had to "get out of Dodge" a day early to avoid being trapped, though. I know; poor me...

Posted by: camojack at February 11, 2010 06:51 PM

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