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February 19, 2010

The Condor Grip of Death

They say that Mitt Romney is a baaaaaaaaad mothah...
Shut yo mouf!
You bein' bad!

Sky Blu says Romney drew first blood. Well, he said Romney grabbed him after angrily telling him to move his seat up.

"He grabs my shoulder .. and I just react BOOM get off me!" Blu told the video camera. "He put a condor grip on me. What am I supposed to do?"

"That's like a Vulcan grip,"
offered his bandmate Redfoo.

"Like a Vulcan grip," Blu concurred. "I'm not your prey. I'm not a salmon going upstream. You're not going to grip me up."

Blu, clad in his underwear while telling the story in a hotel room, went on to say that during the maelstrom Romney's wife screamed, he (Blu) threw in a few cuss words and that the cops didn't buy his version of the incident.

"The man assaulted me. I was protecting myself," he said.

You know, my man Mitt always did strike me as a seething hunk of testosterone just waiting to go off on someone with the Condor Grip of Death.

If politics gets any more surreal, I'm going to have to pre-medicate before I open a newspaper.

Posted by Cassandra at February 19, 2010 09:31 PM

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'I'm not your prey. I'm not a salmon going upstream.' Poetry.

Sheer poetry. I want that for my ringtone.

I am LMFAO as I read this.

Mitt. What a guy.

Posted by: Cricket at February 19, 2010 09:49 PM

Pre-medicate? I recommend Bourbon and branch in a 16 oz. tumbler (obviously). Oh yeah, hold the branch... =8^}

'Tis a shame there was not time for a Vulcan mind-meld. Mitt coulda been down wid his bad self in '12.

Posted by: bthun at February 19, 2010 10:45 PM

How are we supposed to take Sky Blu whining in his underwear. I liked Romney before, really like him now. Did a good job at CPAC. I am now wondering about handsome, seething hunks in conservative clothing from Massachusetts.

Posted by: Jill Farrar at February 19, 2010 11:31 PM

Stupid rapper. There is no such thing as a Vulcan Death Grip. Everybody knows that. Except the Romulans.

You think that stupid rapper is actually a Romulan spy. That would explain a lot.

Posted by: Basil at February 20, 2010 12:16 AM

Hey, at least they tell a good story.

Posted by: Valerie at February 20, 2010 10:39 AM

A bit off topic, but I was clicking around this AM, and stumbled on to something that absolutely left me at a loss for expressing myself within the bounds of gentlemanly and human decorum.

I wanted to grab a baseball bat....but then I thought of the headlines..."Palin Supporter Goes On Rampage; Thinks He Is George Brett"


What a foulmouthed, worthless POS who wrote such crap. As I said in comments, she would be the first to hide behind a soldier and cry like a baby

Posted by: kbob in katy at February 20, 2010 11:25 AM

I'm glad they shut off the camera otherwise we would have been treated to him talking to his hand.

Medical marijuana is a bad idea.

Posted by: vet66 at February 20, 2010 11:27 AM

And my local newspaper is reporting that Liev Schreiber spit in Scarlet Johanssen's face. Tempers definitely are fraying!

Posted by: Texan99 at February 20, 2010 12:42 PM

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but what shocked me the most in this story was that Mitt and Ann Romney were flying economy.

And I mean shocked in a good way.

Posted by: airforcewife at February 20, 2010 01:43 PM

"Medical marijuana is a bad idea."
I don't know about that Vet66... A little pot, a TV, and a closet full of Screamin' Yellow Zonkers is a pretty small price to pay if it will keep the doper class off the street and otherwise occupied.

As far as being shocked that a wealthy couple would be flying economy. It may be due to the circle of chea... er, thrifty folk to which I've been exposed, but most of the well to do folks that I've known have been right frugal throughout their lives.

I suspect that the startling wrinkle in this case is that Mitt is of the political class. A class of creature who has rarely, if ever, been known for being thrifty.

Posted by: bthun at February 20, 2010 03:16 PM

Whereas "rappers" are not at all known for conspicuous excesses of lifestyle - cars, dental work, Ko-vas-see-ay, Dom P, and of course the ever present Four Oh to make their points.

Mitt's lucky he wasn't on a train. Unless you go thru pax screening there now.

Posted by: kbob in katy at February 20, 2010 03:41 PM

Maybe, but then maybe Rastamon was the lucky fellow in that he escaped with a neck pinch. Mitt's pinch-fu was good enough to get Rastamon squealing.

I can hardly wait for the obligatory busta rhyme that will no doubt ensue.

Ok, while I'm grinning, I'll mention that the other day I came across a link to a video on, Youtube I think it was, of an old man and a young 'tough' on a bus.

During a conversation between the two, the young'un took offense. So the old man, I suppose wanting to avoid trouble, got up and moved to the far end of the bus. Even after the move, the jo-mamas did not cease. The young'un got up, mouth still engaged, and followed the old man to pushed the issue, much to his regret.

'Twas in one of those cities by the bay, Oakland IIRC.

Funny video but it contains a good deal of foul language, as one should expect, given the setting and circumstance.

Posted by: bthun at February 20, 2010 05:29 PM

Everybody and their pimp claims self-defense as a justification for fighting. That's why the police are naturally suspicious of all such charges and will need to find some evidence as to how the altercation started and ended.

I'm not a salmon going upstream. You're not going to grip me up.

his ego got hurt. Number 1 motivation to start a fight. It's not like the police don't know this from statistics.

Posted by: Ymarsakar at February 20, 2010 07:54 PM

bthun, kinda makes me think Son of Sam had a good idea or three. Things like that don't happen much in Texas. Know why?

An armed society is a polite society.

Posted by: kbob in katy at February 20, 2010 11:05 PM

"An armed society is a polite society."

That's why you don't see retarded gansta style insults in violent places.

Those places, if you go out of your way and start conducting threat displays without the firepower to back it up, you'll get blown away. As simple as that. And if they don't have bullets, they'll take the Obunga and Black Panther approach: night sticks and two by fours.

These rappers try to imitate a lifestyle that they would be destroyed by. Then again, that's what the money is for.

Posted by: Ymarsakar at February 21, 2010 08:55 AM

This is essentially the same as "piss my pants" professor Gates' reaction to police.

People that know they can't handle themselves in physical altercations, but nonetheless believe they are 'protected' by the rules of society, think they can go aggressive and invade the space of anybody that they feel threatened by, and that this will then "warn the threatening people off".

Well, the problem is, not knowing where boundaries are and what reality implies, means stepping "up your game" transforms into invading my space. It is now no longer a warning, but an actual attack that must be retaliated against. And if you do that with the wrong people, they'll be the ones that put it on you, while you're still standing around cursing "motherFer" until suddenly you die.

That'd be a sight to see, indeed. A classic video was sent by America's Most Wanted, and it was a great depiction of this scenario. It happens all the time. That's why you can hear black people who know what violent neighborhoods are say this all the time, "in those places, you need to keep your pride in check because they don't fight for appearances, but to kill".

Only the prima donas like Gates think their words translate to reality.

Posted by: Ymarsakar at February 21, 2010 09:01 AM

Don't get me started on the neighbors. The ones who go all attitudinal because (I kid you not, this is a direct quote from the young woman) 'We're over 21 and we have the right to do what we want.' This same chickyboo who had a party at her aunt's house (when the aunt wasn't there). Kicker is, we didn't call the cops on them; the other neighbors did.

Oh, and the young lady's mother was beaming with pride when she told me that even though the police and sheriff had been called on her kids and their party animal ways, they 'hadn't been arrested.' This is a little over a year after they had moved in, and the sheriffs have been out there at least four, five times.

They are white. Oh, and the young lady's mother was upset with me because I said that being over 21 doesn't give one the right to do what they want without consequences. The daughter was so upset she called her mother to tell me what a mean-spirited rude older woman I was. I kid you not, peoples. This same mother also told me she couldn't have her kids living with her because they didn't respect her rules, so they had to go live with her younger sister, who is barely older
than they are. She runs a tight ship, but they
are tight on rent money, so I give them another year before they move. Does anyone see the irony in this or am I just evil?

The entitlement mentality is that chronological age confers the right to do whatever one wants. It does not, sadly enough, confer the wisdom that goes with it.

Now, what I find interesting about this, is knowing the religious background Brother Mitt has been raised in and seeks to have in his own home,
I don't think he did his Kung Fu Grippe of Deathe until the rapper threw the first punch. That happened after Romney 'disrespected him' by asking him to raise his seat.

Posted by: Cricket at February 21, 2010 11:37 AM

Miz Cricket, as was once put to me after doing something COLOSSALLY Stupid - bordering on GALACTCALLY Stupid:

Knowledge is being aware that fire can burn; Wisdom is remembering the blister and the pain.

Seems that your "naybers" have no wisdom. But it will come. It might takes some time in lock up, or some serious pain, but it comes to all people eventually. Sometimes, it is with that last gasping breath where they realize they were not as smart as they thought.

Seen that one happen too....

Have a tip top Sunday!


(PS - I have not advised bride of future plans that BHO and Co. have for me. I guess I am not too brave, eh?)

Posted by: kbob in katy at February 21, 2010 12:04 PM

Condors don't got grip. They don't *need* grip -- they're scavengers.

Sky-Baby would have *really* felt dissed if Mitt had reacted as threatened condors do -- they go into projectile vomit mode...

Posted by: BillT at February 21, 2010 12:11 PM

Heh, sky baby.

Posted by: Ymarsakar at February 21, 2010 01:54 PM

BillT - I'd pay good money to see the look on the guy's face. Of course, it would also confirm the (stupid) suspicions some folks have about the LDS . . .

Posted by: LittleRed1 at February 21, 2010 02:50 PM

It wasn't a Vulcan condor grip! It was a special Mormon death-grip! They learn it in their secret meetings in the catacombs under the Salt Lake City Temple.

I truly love the bit about the salmon. The whole incident was worth it just for the freshness of the expression.

Posted by: Texan99 at February 21, 2010 03:54 PM

Bwahahahaha...Oh...lawsy me I have to clean the monitor. I am going to relate that to the Engineer.

*goes off laughing at projectile vomiting condors and sekrit cult grips of death*

Posted by: Cricket at February 21, 2010 04:08 PM

"It wasn't a Vulcan condor grip! It was a special Mormon death-grip!"

"*goes off laughing at projectile vomiting condors and sekrit cult grips of death*"
*Looks around cosmos, no spirits in area so will share sekrit cult 411*

Which is, Vulcan condor grip and Mormon death-grip similar to Masonic All-seeing Eye in Palm of Hand Debilitating grip, Illuminati MagliteĀ® as bludgeon grip, and Bilderburg Exclusive Ground Beef Press and Financial/Government Institutions grip.

Unique powers of each discipline taught in specialized dojo based on individual mojo.

But previous are, in no way similar to Rastamon Passing Bong While Croaking 'ERE' With Effete grip, Michael Jackson Wishing by Clutching General Area That He Had a Package grip, or HopenChange Got You -Thanks to Suckers- B By Sparse Ones grip.

As you think, so shall you become.

Bruce Lee

Unless you a doper...

Posted by: Bruce Lee's ghost at February 21, 2010 07:45 PM

Sky Blu should be honored he was initiated so easily. Next time I think Romney will keep his Mitts to himself.

Posted by: Cricket-who-plays-Zuma-too-much at February 21, 2010 10:11 PM