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April 30, 2010

Distributor Cap Statements

Wonderful post from DTP. I'm not going to even try to excerpt it because it needs to be read in its entirety.

With the spousal unit's return imminent, I've begun to allow myself to think about what it will be like to have him here all the time.

Part of me is scared witless. I've been through enough reintegrations to know - or suspect - that this won't be easy. Some of the worst times in our marriage have occurred after we've been apart for a long time. During a long separation, all the thousand small accommodations one makes to ward off unpredictable outbursts of axe murder slowly come unraveled. Because you've both changed, things that used to be settled all have to be re-negotiated.

It takes real effort to get back to that place where things just hum along; where you're able to understand your spouse's quirks (and where, more importantly, you learn not to be annoying yourself). Living alone, there's no one to annoy and the way you do things seems eminently reasonable. Superior, even.

Add several months of leave during which he'll be home every single day, a retirement, the search for a new career, the strong possibility that we'll be putting our home up for sale and moving I-have-no-idea-where, and you have a veritable stress cocktail.

But if this deployment has taught me anything (and oddly enough, each one does have something to offer in this regard), it has taught me how lucky I have been all these years. I've always been an independent sort. Perhaps too independent.

I need a fair amount of space. And living for 3 decades with someone who ups and leaves for 12 months at a time, you acquire a certain self sufficiency. It's hard to give up the illusion of being in control; to move back into the passenger seat and let someone else drive for a while.

At the same time, I give Dennis enormous credit for being wise enough to see into his bride's heart. We ladies really don't expect you guys to have all the answers.

Sometimes it's just comforting to know that you're there and that whatever the problem du jour is, you'll help us figure it out.

Posted by Cassandra at April 30, 2010 07:15 AM

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Comments

Dennis is pretty wild sometimes. He lives rather close to me and I actually thought about getting him to go out for a drink or something, but I think we are a little too different to get along. And I happen to be a pretty good car mechanic, though probably not quite as good as spd rdr, so there's that difference too.

The biggest adjustment I think you and the Unit will have is when he actually retires. I would humbly suggest that you two plan on a traveling together, maybe an extended "second" honeymoon (YOU take a leave of absence from work), see the kids and the grandkids together, go to your favorite places and figure out what you two crazy kids want to do for the next 5-10 years. Have fun together. You've both sacrificed plenty for this Old Republic the last 30 years, you deserve to have some fun for a few months.

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at April 30, 2010 10:51 AM

Don:

I have rented a beach house for two weeks (God help me - writing that check really traumatized my Scots side, but why the hell else are we both working so hard?) this summer. I do need some time off from work - I am just tired and kind of discouraged lately.

re: auto repairs. I had to laugh - the Unit is not a car person. He has less experience with fixing cars than I do (not that I know that much about them, mind you). But I used to change the oil/sparks/adjust the timing with my Dad when I was younger so at one time I sorta knew my way around an engine.

He is very good about taking our cars to the shop though. I don't expect him to do it (a la, "It's a man thing") but he does it a lot of the time anyway because men are cool that way.

I don't really care all that much whether a man is good at fixing things. My husband has never really had the time so I just call a repair person. What I do depend on him for is a sounding board.

Guys think so differently (and see the world differently) than women do. I miss being able to bounce things off his enormous pulsating brain. I know it must frustrate him when I ask his opinion and end up doing what I was going to do in the first place, or something other than what he recommended. And I do that a lot. But then I have changed my mind after talking to him many times too.

A lot of times I just want to look at a problem a different way to make sure I haven't missed anything. I have to think there's a reason men and women are so different (other than making us want to strangle each other, that is).

Posted by: Cassandra at April 30, 2010 12:07 PM

Much "let's get reacquainted sex" usually helps. IMHO.

Posted by: I Call BS at April 30, 2010 12:21 PM

Collect up the axes, hatchets, tomahawks and drop them in the river.

Best wishes for more happiness.

Posted by: Curtis at May 1, 2010 09:52 PM

Collect up the axes, hatchets, tomahawks and drop them in the river.

Sound advice, Curtis :)

Posted by: Cassandra at May 1, 2010 10:23 PM

"Sometimes it's just comforting to know that you're there and that whatever the problem du jour is, you'll help us figure it out."

That (supposed to be) part of the marriage "contract"...y'know?

Posted by: camojack at May 3, 2010 03:35 AM

Yeah, but when you marry a military guy it's a part you can't take for granted :p

Posted by: Cassandra at May 3, 2010 07:24 AM

Taking things for granted can be problematic anyway...

Posted by: camojack at May 4, 2010 01:41 AM

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