June 10, 2010
Is the Moon Full Tonight?
Oh well, Babs can always go back to writing novels:
Have you ever wished you could be a United States Senator? Whine and dine in tony Georgetown eateries, filibuster dangerously extremist nominees who, if confirmed, would turn the clock back on 30 years of important civil rights victories for women and minorities? Sponsor bills to abandon our allies in Iraq when the political wind shifts?
Well, most of us will never get that chance, my friends. But we just might get the chance to be world-famous authors like Barbara Boxer, who sounds like she's been spending a tad too much time on Nerve.com.Her skirt was very short, and Josh found himself mesmerized by her perfectly shaped, silken legs with kneecaps that reminded him of golden apples — he couldn't remember having been captivated by knees before — and her lustrous thighs. He tore his eyes away from Bianca's legs with the utmost difficulty
The world has lost a great talent. We mourn.... and yet we feel safer knowing that Babs Boxer yields to no man (no! nor woman either!) in her determination to protect our troops from Gaia-raping corporations and their noxious fossil-fueled effluvia.
Posted by Cassandra at June 10, 2010 02:45 PM
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Knees like apples . . . ?
Posted by: Texan99 at June 10, 2010 03:19 PM
That's golden apples to you, Missy...
Posted by: Cass at June 10, 2010 03:20 PM
But then who could forget this gem?
A ton of finely tuned muscle, hide glistening, the crest of his mane risen in full sexual display, and his neck curved in an exaggerated arch that reminded Greg of a horse he'd seen in an old tapestry in some castle in Europe Jane had dragged him to. The stallion approached, nostrils flared, hooves lifting with delicate precision, the wranglers hanging on grimly. ... The stallion rubbed his nose against the mare's neck and nuzzled her withers. She promptly bit him on the shoulder and, when he attempted to mount, instantly became a plunging devil of teeth and hooves. ... Greg clutched the rails with white knuckles, wondering, as these two fierce animals were coerced into the majestic coupling by at least six people, how foals ever got born in the wild.
Posted by: Cass at June 10, 2010 03:21 PM
silken legs with kneecaps that reminded him of golden apples
Hello? Knees? Golden apples? What kind of a man...?
Oh nevermind. The senator plainly needs an oinker-at-large(-er, -est) to assist her with her rewrite, and I'm more than willing to assist. To wit:
Her skirt was very short, and Josh found himself mesmerized by the hockey game on the TV behind her — he couldn't remember having been captivated by a hockey game before — and her lustrous thighs. He tore his eyes away from the hockey game because Bianca's legs were blocking the screen and the announcer could only be heard with the utmost difficulty over Bianca's hellish screams.
Posted by: spd rdr at June 10, 2010 03:27 PM
In an ever changing world it is a vast comfort to know that after all these years, Boxer's prose can still thoroughly creep me out :p
Yours is much funnier (unless of course we're talking about unintentionally funny...)
Posted by: Cass at June 10, 2010 03:32 PM
Just when I thought it could never get worse for us here in CA, he's back.
I honestly don't know whether to laugh or fling myself into a volcano.
As bad as you think it can get, in some cases Boxer is not the worst.
Posted by: Allen at June 10, 2010 03:57 PM
There are certain people whom is best to *never* think about in connection with sex, and Barbara Boxer is one of them. Any erotic writing done by such people should be legally required to be issued only under a pen name. If this provision hasn't already been incorporated into the Geneva Convention, that omission needs to be fixed promptly.
Posted by: david foster at June 10, 2010 04:02 PM
"Any erotic writing done by such people should be legally required to be issued only under a pen name. If this provision hasn't already been incorporated into the Geneva Convention, that omission needs to be fixed promptly." David Foster
Remember last year with all the hullabaloo about "waterboarding" as torture? Confidentially, it is patently untrue that waterboarding of Khalid Sheik Mohammed yielded incalculable data on Al-Qaeda plans and terrorist plots against Los Angeles. It was actually 'personal' readings of Babs Boxer's erotic writings which led interrogators to the critical disclosures.
Posted by: ziobuck at June 10, 2010 04:21 PM
ziobuck...the treatment only works with full effectiveness, though, if the subject has been made acquainted with Boxer's appearance and personality.
Posted by: david foster at June 10, 2010 04:28 PM
My kneecaps looked like golden apples after they hit Hubert's instrument panel the fifth time I got shot down, but the swelling went down after a few days...
Posted by: BillT at June 10, 2010 04:37 PM
There are certain people whom is best to *never* think about in connection with sex, and Barbara Boxer is one of them.
You bet your sweet patootie, buster! Babs can't hold a candle to me - why spd still fantasizes about that photo of me in a schoolgirl outfit on that treadmill!
Personally I think it was the knee socks that did it.
Posted by: Helen Thomas at June 10, 2010 04:39 PM
"...spd found himself mesmerized by her perfectly shaped, silken legs with kneecaps that reminded him of golden squash..."
Posted by: BillT at June 10, 2010 04:52 PM
"...spd found himself mesmerized by her perfectly shaped, silken legs with kneecaps that reminded him of golden retrievers..."
Posted by: BillT at June 10, 2010 04:53 PM
"....spd is so going to kill both of us..."
Posted by: Helen Thomas at June 10, 2010 04:54 PM
I would go for flinging myself into a volcano if I lived in California. The people of that state are so.....boned.
What a trifecta. It is proof positive that the people of California are so much more intelligent than us poor rubes in flyover country.
Posted by: Don Brouhaha, somewhere in flyover country at June 10, 2010 11:14 PM
Here's hoping "Babs" gets voted out in November...
Posted by: camojack at June 11, 2010 01:18 AM
I should have waited until I finished my coffee before I read this one....
Posted by: crazy mike at June 11, 2010 05:16 AM
The people of that state are so.....boned.
Don, Don, Don!
Are you forgetting Rep. Maxine Waters of Los Angeles? And, is there such a thing as a four-fecta? Quadfecta? Bueller? Bueller? Anyone?
Posted by: MathMom at June 11, 2010 08:04 AM
Bill T beat me to it, but I have to disclose that I also have knees that remind people of apples, although perhaps not golden apples. Sometimes, when the swelling gets really bad, they remind people of cantaloupes.
Posted by: MathMom at June 11, 2010 08:07 AM
Well at least your knees don't remind anyone of Golden Retrievers, MathMom!
That just destroyed me for some reason.
Posted by: Helen Thomas at June 11, 2010 08:12 AM
That was rich, to be sure. As was spd's rewrite with the hockey game. Belly laughs today!
Posted by: MathMom at June 11, 2010 08:15 AM
I am blessed to have such smart readers and commenters. Not quite sure how that happened but every day I am reminded anew how very fortunate I am to be in your company... even if it's a villainous one.
Posted by: Cassandra at June 11, 2010 08:23 AM
The golden retrievers about killed me, too.
Posted by: Texan99 at June 11, 2010 12:41 PM
"...even if it's a villainous one"
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Posted by: DL Sly at June 11, 2010 12:48 PM
If I can get the Senator to stick her hand into dry ice and then tell her its CO2, will her head explode?
Posted by: tomg51 at June 11, 2010 01:06 PM
After reading through another thread while refilling my tanks, I was daydreaming of sex under seas and wondering where I last left my mask, snorkel, and flippers, and then I started reading this thread.
Yikes! Babs Boxer!
Talk about lufting ones sail!
Oh wait, that was sex under siege...
Ahhh, never mind.
I think I'll dive into some jellyfish now.
Posted by: Mike Nelson in Sea Hunt at June 11, 2010 02:20 PM
Posted by: Cassandra at June 11, 2010 02:32 PM
After his nostrils have finished their pathetic attempt at flaring he must apologize and say "Thank you, Senator!"
Be still my heart!
Posted by: vet66 at June 11, 2010 02:40 PM
Dang--I never knocked knees with any "golden apples". My education in life is incomplete.
But even though Baghdad Babs "Call Me Senator" Boxer writes great sex scenes--well, I'm still going to vote against her in November.
Posted by: Mike Myers at June 11, 2010 05:22 PM
Who knew dry ice bombs were WMDs?
Posted by: Mr. Wizard at June 11, 2010 06:51 PM
Someone left out Henry Waxman, the human earwig.
Posted by: Mark at June 11, 2010 06:54 PM
She has to deal with CO2 instead of something within her purview that IS dangerous, namely the FDA.
The silly twit should have been all over this issue, which affects an individual's ability to independently gather very, very pertinent information about serious health care issues.
Genetic tests are used by people facing cancer treatment to shape their selection of, for example, a chemotherapy. Genetic variations among people are such that some therapies simply work better for some people than others. It's a new approach, and some patients desperately need this information.
FDA has no business treating these tests as if they were medicines.
Posted by: valerie at June 12, 2010 10:55 AM
Valerie -- Wow to your link. So if I take my own blood pressure, am I practicing medicine without a license? There's a real danger that I'll draw conclusions from the results that are relevant to my medical treatment. Someone needs to protect me from myself.
Posted by: Texan99 at June 12, 2010 04:38 PM
Just sign a waiver absolving yourself from any liability should you harm yourself Tex.
You might want to insert a requirement into the waiver such that to you agree to first take yourself to binding arbitration in the event of a dispute.
Come to think of it, the possibilities for T's & C's in such a waiver are almost limitless.
On the other hand, and in the current climate of Gub'ment intervention on behalf of the too <Insert_appropriate_descriptor_here> to fail, if you can not be made whole (sheesh, I hope the NAACP does not run this through their babel fish) in arbitration, you can always petition the courts to form a class action with your other selves in your suit to seek redress for the wrongs systematically done to yourself, over time and without appropriate due diligence, oversight and/or care for any possible unforeseen outcomes on your part.
*decides this would be a good time to take an extended break from gazebo con/destruction and watch the movie Brazil one mo time...*
Posted by: bt-channeling_Gerry_Spence-hun at June 12, 2010 05:32 PM
Since I cannot respond adequately to myself in damages, I'm entitled to a TRO against myself. And to legal fees.
Posted by: Texan99 at June 13, 2010 11:26 PM
Which leads up to your need to petition the Gub'ment to step in and make this unbearable situation right! =8^}
Posted by: bt-channeling_Gerry_Spence-hun at June 14, 2010 12:10 AM
Better yet, claim multiple-personality disorder and initiate a class-action suit against yourself.
Posted by: BillT at June 14, 2010 03:34 AM