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June 16, 2010

Naughty She Devils!

Beware the mysteries of the Orient. Money quote:

"She called my name and seduced me, so I had sex with her"

Posted by Cassandra at June 16, 2010 08:44 AM

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Well, now, be fair. How often have you refused the request of a talking cow?

Posted by: Grim at June 16, 2010 09:59 AM

I've refused their requests exactly as many times as I've accepted their requests. That would be none. And honestly, if I saw a talking cow, I'd be looking for the speaker and receiver, not thinking "Wow! A talking cow!"

Posted by: MikeD at June 16, 2010 10:11 AM

Good morning to you too, Blogmistress!

Posted by: Cousin Dave at June 16, 2010 10:13 AM

Sure, blame the man!

Posted by: spd rdr at June 16, 2010 10:14 AM

This just goes to show, Mike, that you haven't learned the key lesson of talking animal jokes.

A man is driving in the country one day when his car's engine suddenly shuts down. He coasts to the side of the road, pops the hood, and gets out to investigate. Not being a real expert with engines, however, he has little success in determining the cause.

A voice from behind him says, "I think it's the alternator."

The man looks around, but there's no one there -- just an old horse, that has sauntered over to watch him.

He goes back to work, and he hears the voice say again: "I told you, it's the alternator."

He looks around, and sure enough there's just the horse. Feeling a little silly, he asks the horse, "Did you say that?"

"Of course I did!" the animal replied.

Startled, the man takes off running. After a while, he comes to a farmhouse, and he goes up and knocks on the door.

The farmer comes out and he begins to tell his story. But just as he gets to the unseen voice, the farmer says, "Did you look around and see an old brown horse?"

"Yes!" the man answers.

"Don't listen to him," the farmer replies. "He doesn't know a thing about engines."

Posted by: Grim at June 16, 2010 10:20 AM

Good morning, gentlemen. And now, a bit of bovine verse to go with your morning coffee:

On far off hills
And distant rills,
Sounds a distant moo.
A purple spot
I think I caught,
Yes! I see it, too!

In Bovine majesty she stands,
Her purple tail she swings,
The amethyst cow,
To my heart somehow,
Perfect joy she brings.

And yet the thought of being
Of that race of royal hue,
Though glowing like the violet sweet,
It really would not do.

Posted by: How Now? (click my name) at June 16, 2010 10:25 AM

That is udderly disgusting!

*glances towards the Break Glass in Emergency case wherein the 10' pole and several related jokes reside... decides instead to return to his choirs*

Posted by: bthun at June 16, 2010 10:46 AM

Hey, no bull -- being caught by the seductive wiles of a talking cow could leave you on the horns of a dilemma, with nowhere to hide and having to hoof your way home.

How long will it take before we milk this thread dry?

Posted by: BillT at June 16, 2010 11:03 AM

About thirty-one minutes ago, I think. :)

Posted by: Grim at June 16, 2010 11:34 AM

I've had my coffee already, "How Now?'". Though your verse was indeed poetic, after reading it and Cass's article, I was reminded of this old standard..... THE PURPLE COW by: Gelett Burgess (1866-1951)

I NEVER saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one.

Where is PETA when ya need 'em??? The cow was ritualistically drowned cuz some pervert imagine the cow was a beautiful woman? Well, I've always wondered about the origin of MAD COW disease.

Posted by: ziobuck at June 16, 2010 11:34 AM

She was absolutely Bovine; I mean Divine.

Posted by: Boquisucio at June 16, 2010 11:40 AM

I am amused by the caption on the photo at the article.

Posted by: Grim at June 16, 2010 11:40 AM

How long will it take before we milk this thread dry?

Good point - time to moooooooooove on. We could keep this up until the cows come home.

So take the bull by the horns, people. The time for rumination is through.

Posted by: How Now? (click my name) at June 16, 2010 11:43 AM

I was reminded of this old standard..... THE PURPLE COW

Or this one, from my misspent yoot in close proximity to farms:

A little birdie in the sky
Dropped some whitewash in my eye.
I'm a big boy and I don't cry
But I'm sure glad that cows can't fly.

Posted by: BillT at June 16, 2010 12:02 PM

"So take the bull by the horns, people. The time for rumination is through."
Unhand my horns!

Cud we chew on this a while longer?

Yanno, I was a pen pal of the little heifer in question. She was Prime Choice and quite rare, but definitely not a floater.

Posted by: Ferdinand at June 16, 2010 12:53 PM

By the way, does this mean we're off the menu now?

Posted by: Cousin Dave at June 16, 2010 02:14 PM

Posted by: Peanut Gallery at June 16, 2010 03:05 PM

The feller was ritually cleansed, while the object of his affections was "drowned in the sea to rid the village of bad luck." They might have been better off if the cow had been hosed off and they drowned the guy. Now they'll have to follow him around all the time.

Posted by: Texan99 at June 16, 2010 03:37 PM

Yeah, he probably doesn't marinate as well either.

Posted by: Cousin Dave at June 16, 2010 04:44 PM

After last weeks ritual sacrifice of Lilith, a seductive cow from the seedy side of the village, village chief Embang Ida Bagus Legawa admitted to irate and naked PETA protesters that he is regretful for his decision on Lilith and concerned about the ritual cleansing of Gusti Ngurah Alit. Chief EIBL fears the rituals did not work as hoped.

Today, village elders found this song on Gusti's Ipod and a browser cookie from the Calf's Gone Wild adult web site.

PETA stepped in to assist the village goats in obtaining TRO's for all village men over 12.

This is Ron Burgundy reporting from the stockyards in Fort Worth.

Posted by: Ron Burgundy at June 16, 2010 07:50 PM